Chapter 2
Can i keep you?
i lay down on my bed, the pills are taking affect. i dont feel my body, i know im blinking and breathing but i dont feel that. which it kinda scares me, thats why i hate taking this pills. i hear a knock on the door, i dont answer or maybe i did because the door opens and Luhan comes in. he walks around the room, i just look at him like i was a detective
"are you feeling better?" i nod or thats what i think i did "i didnt know you were sick" he stands beside me "im not" he nods he didnt want to argue with me, pity? maybe "what do you want Luhan?" i feel my tongue numb am i pronouncing the words right? "you want money?" he shakes his head "how much money do you want Luhan? dont be shy i can get you any amount of money"
"i dont want that"
"then what do you want Luhan?"
"i...i dont know"
"a house? clothes? a trip?" he looks at me with hurt eyes, the other thing that happens when im with this pills is that i dont have control. i cant feel anything inside but outside i can still be able to move things even when i think im not. my brain works even when i think it doesnt. so right now i want to stop myself from talking, but i cant.
"what do you want Luhan? say it!" i begin to yell but he keeps on looking at me, continue to look hurt. those eyes break my heart, im sorry Luhan for not being able to stop "i..." "you what? come say it! "i yell louder, i hear someone running up the stairs. it was probably Suho wondering why im yelling.
"can i keep you Lay?" Suho opens the doors and Luhan leaves. i dont know if thats a good thing, or not "is everything okay?" i sigh "i...i dont think so" i look down and i tear falls on my hand. i didnt even cry when my parents die, why iam crying for Luhan?
~
Suho is driving the car, i sit on the back. i know his helping me because he wants to be on my good side, if i wasnt on my pills i wouldnt be here. so i guess is good. as we enter the country side, the more i see the houses the more they become smaller.
i was lucky enough to be born on a rich house. my dad was the president of my grandfather company. my mom came from a rich family too. i was going to be the next on line, the one who would take the company. i dont want to, so my cousin Kris is the exclusive executive of the company.
"are you sure you want to do this?"
"yes, is the only way he would stay away" next to me theres brief case full of money, a money that soon would be Luhans. i keep looking at the houses into i see him. there was three boys older than Luhan. they keep throwing eggs at him, but Luhan not even ones did he stop them. Suho stops the car, and i dont waste time to run towards him, even when i hear Suho say 'stop Lay'
"hey!" i grab a rock from the floor and i throw it. it didnt hit anyone but the boys stop, they look at me but decide to leave "are you okay Luhan?" i say ones i get where he was "im fine" he begins to clean himself, but the sweet smell from before he still has it.
"what are you doing here?" he smiles at me like nothing happen "i came to give you this" i make a sign to Suho he nods and comes with the brief case "is money, for saving my life. twice" Luhan continues to clean himself "is a good amount of money, but if you want more i can give me more" Suho gives me the brief case and i give it to Luhan.
but he didnt take it, he keeps looking at me trying to find something. maybe something i lost and his the only one that can find it "tell me Lay, do you remember me?" "what?"
"do you remember me?"
"should i?" he nods "yes, i long time ago. you...." "me what?" Luhan lets a tear roll down his perfect round cheek "can i make you remember me?" "why? what happens after i remember you?" he shrugs "i dont know... i want you to remember me first" "if i wouldnt be able to remember you, what are you going to do?" he chuckles alittle, not because he finds the question alittle funny. but because he has thought about it
"i would leave, forever"
"fine....Luhan, make me remember"
~
me and Luhan walk together towards school. i dont know how his going to make me remember, but i hope ones i do. his answers or the things his looking for he finds it "Lay!!" me and Luhan turn around as we see Chen running towards us, always with the energy "here" he gives me a piece of paper with just a title on it "whats this?" "our song, the one thats going to make us big!"
"you only have the title" "you have to see the big picture Lay" he taps my forehead like if i was little kid and i got the answer wrong "whatever" Chen laughs "glad to have you back" i smirk and me and Luhan continue to walk.
i walk to my first class but Luhan was still following me "your not going to class?" "oh Suho wrote me a note an excuse, so now im in your class. just for alittle while" i nod, maybe my classes wouldnt be boring now. i sit on my use desk and Luhan sits next to me "if you need me to take notes for you, i can" "no i didnt take my pill so dont worry"
"what? why?"
"if i do i wouldnt be able to concentrate" the teacher enters the room and starts to write on the board. she didnt even mind Luhan here, maybe Luhan already talk to her. i open my notebook and i grab my favorite pen. i begin to write the first three letters but i suddenly i stop "is something wrong?" Luhan whispers to me "i remember"
"eh?"
"i remember, the way you used to look at me" i look at Luhan "those sad eyes that tell me a million stories, stories that i wasnt there" "Lay...what?" i begin to write on another piece of paper "i remember that day" i begin to tap on my desk as i picture how the sound of the drums should sound. and thats when Luhan hit me, he gets up and i stop writing.
the whole class even the teacher stops writing and look at our direction "your a jerk Lay" Luhan leaves the room with sad eyes. and thats when it hit me, he thought i was talking about 'us'.
~
it was lunch time and Luhan wasnt follow me, i enter the cafeteria and i see him sitting with Chen and Kai. thats good right? i didnt want him to be mad at me, more when i dont even know what we were. i sit across from them and i begin to eat my food.
"oh here Chen, not really good lyrics but we can work on them later" i grab the piece of paper than i had in my pocket since first period "cool" Chen opens the paper and begins to read it "hey Lay, did you took your pills?" Kai ask not sure if he should be asking this question "no"
"why?"
"if i take them cant concentrate"
"well you should take it this lyrics " i hit Chen playfully and we begin to laugh, we are the only ones.
"Lay, i dont know if i should be asking this but can you tell us alittle bit more about...."
"about my sickness?" Chen erase the smile, Kai and Luhan just stare at me. i know they didnt want to call it sickness, cause it sounds likes im going to die "i...didnt want it" "i know, dont worry" i interrupt him
"well my mom told me that she started to notice at the age of five, but she thought it was just normal" i can hear someone playing the violin for my sad story but of course i was only imagine it "then by the age seven is when it hit my mom that i was not a normal kid. more and more i would space out, i had to do the same thing every day"
"if i didnt, well you guys saw it"
"what about people?" Luhan ask
"people? well.. i can meet new people but the people left behind when i was seven i wouldnt..."
"you wouldnt remember them" Luhan gets up and runs away, my legs get up and chase him. i hate to see Luhan eyes like that, even when i dont know him. but his different in away. if i fight i might be able to remember him.
"Luhan!" i catch up to him, i make him turn around and look at me. his eyes are ready to cry "you wouldnt be able to remember me Lay" "are you giving up?" he tries to smile but he fails "yes" he grabs my hand, and this smells like a goodbye.
~
im stuck on the same string. im spacing out, just replaying those sad eyes. maybe this is good, maybe this way we are stopping each other from getting hurt. so a smile should be on my face right now. but theres none.
"what are you doing here?" i look up and see Kai standing by the door "practicing" "you dont look like it, is the pill isnt it?" i nod "or Luhan" Kai sighs and sits next to me "you want to talk about it?" "i dont, but i probably will" i chuckle, Kai takes the guitar away from me and he plays the only two notes he knows "he wants me to remember him"
Kai turns to look at me "do you?" i shake my head, he puts the guitar down "is that why he run away at lunch time?" i nod "he realize that i cant remember him,so he let me go" "you dont seem happy" i smile "i just wanted him to be happy. he knows the old Lay the kid Lay, not this Lay. i just wanted him to have the old one" "well people meet each other everywhere, why dont you do that?"
"what do you mean?"
"well, you could of met on the park, or on the mall"
"so your saying that i should just role play?"
"yeah"
i get up "wow Kai your really smart" i go to the door but Kai calls for me "you might need this" he gives me a piece of paper with a phone number" i chuckle and i say thank you.
~
i see Luhan sitting on a bench waiting for me. i walk towards him and he sees me, i wonder if this is how we met. i wonder if those sparking eyes where sparking too on that day. i wonder if it was cold, or a hot day. if it was day or night. did i used to hate him at first? or did i fall for him. i wonder if he smile at me, or was he crying.
was he happy he met me, or did he hate it the fact that he met my eyes. i stand infront of him, and we keep looking at each other. did i kiss him when we met? was i a rebel? did i wanted it to taste his lips like i want to taste them right now? did i made fun of his accent or did i smile everytime i used to hear it.
"did we met like this?" i ask him, he shakes his head. erasing some questions and making up new ones "then i wouldnt give up into i get it right" "eh?" did i hug you when i met you Luhan? did you ever saw me cry? did i saw you cry? "i would get it right, dont give up on me" did i play the guitar infront of you? did i tell you about my parents? did you talked about yours?
"why?" we keep looking at each other, his nose starts to turn red and i smile. how many smiles do you Luhan? did we ever talked about being friends forever? or something more?
"because, ones i remember im going to kiss you"
where you my first love?
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