Hi Onew

It's been a while. The last post I made was way back 2013 when it was your birthday. It's not like I stopped loving you. It's just that I just became so busy living in my real world. I'm not saying you're not in my real world, well, yeah, maybe, not as of the moment. Haha. Well, let me tell you what, I just suddenly had the urge to write to you again here. Although I know you won't see it anyway. This is just me letting out these words I wish I could tell you - all because of a chance to see you again: SHINee World in Manila (hopefully)

I don't know if I can fully disclose this, for some others might be able to read this. But anyways, I'll tell you as much as I could. 

Work is getting exhausting - and lately I realized that I want to do something else. So I took an exam to take my master's degree - which I hopefully pass so I could get my desired degree to be able to teach. Congratulate me, cause this is the first time I ever did make a decision without considering you. As a backgrounder: I took communication in college because of you. I landed on my first job as a production assistant in a television network cos I thought it's aligned to what you do. I am now working as a researcher on a media company because again - i thought it's aligned to what you do, and I may be able to work with you in the future. But taking my masters to be a professor? That's no way in ligned with you - which was weird for me to do considering that I've been making decisions for the past adult years of my life thinking you're one important factor, too. 

It's just that I realized although I really love you, I must also do things based on what I believe I can do best. I'm taking my master's, not for you, but for myself. It's so refreshing and liberating. It doesn't sound normal, but that's just me. 

So I thought maybe I could quit work soon and focus on studying. Or maybe I can have a less commitment-required work somewhere, cos I think it would be hard to juggle media work and studying. So let me tell you this.

I am not going to force myself and align my path to you anymore. Starting today, I am going to decide on things based on what I feel, without considering much if the decision will affect on getting to you in the future. I'm done messing up with my future and I'm going to focus now on doing things that I like. If you happened to be my friend, or someone who knows me, I know you would love for me to do this too. However, know that the feelings still stay the same (although I don't think you care about it anyway lol). You're still the cutest part of my life. My safe haven. My resting nest. The one I always go back to when I feel like I want to be the same childish girl who loved you to bits. Still, there's no other man but you. I've just gone more mature now, doing things that would benefit me in the future. 

And I hope you do the same, all the time, too. Do what you want. Enjoy your life and live to the fullest. 

I can't wait to see you!

I know SHINee World PH will happen in Manila soon. I can feel it. I know you'll come. 

Till then...