It's been one month, and this is the first time after the issue has erupted that I'll talk about you again - on this letter. 

First, I'm hoping you're doing fine. I don't expect you to feel great, and I'm not expecting you to be well. What's important right now is you're fine. Probably stressed and feeling down, but still doing fine. Second, I want to assure you all of these will end one day. They rough road will be done soon, you're going to be okay, and everyone's going to move on. Third, don't let it break you. I hope you stay strong, and though it may be too difficult to be positive at times like this, I hope you still keep a positive mindset. You probably blamed yourself a lot of times - but should be enough of that. Help yourself get up, help yourself end the storm. 

It was painful for me all these time, too. I wanted to be by your side. I cried myself to sleep a couple of nights after. There were days I couldn't focus on my work as you would randomly cross my mind. I wanted to stay strong for you, but eventually, I thought of leaving. It was not healthy for me. Thinking and worrying about you add so much stress in my daily life. I feel worse. There were other challenges and stressful events I had to face, too: Quitting my job, enrolling for another sem for my graduate studies, getting sick, and more. I figured it would be hard for me to deal with what you're going through as well. I was not that strong eventually. I'm too weak to be one of your emotional supports. 

So many times I thought of leaving. I would tell myself 8 years are enough. iI've had enough, and maybe I should just stop here. Maybe I can't go with you anymore to the future. Maybe this is where it ends. I don't want to get hurt more than I am. I don't want to think about you anymore. 

But I don't know if it's just me, or you really have the power to virtually pull me back. I'm certain that staying is not my choice anymore, but rather a need for me to do. I want to leave, but I can't. I think about all the things I should dislike about you but I go down to the main reason why I stayed until now: I love you. I remember telling myself I'm not gonna leave until there's no more love left. I will love you until I can't love you anymore. I will love you until the love itself goes away. This is why, maybe, although you make me sad and in pain these days, I still want to stay - not because anything, but just plainly because I love you. I'm not trying to make you feel worse by telling you how you make me feel sad. It's just that - damn, I just can't leave. 

So I hope that gives you more reason to fight and go on. I hope you think of all those people who had all the reason to leave, but chose to stay because they love you. Instead of blaming yourself and feeling depressed, I want you to feel motivated from these people. I hope you gain strength from them - from us. 

And yeah, I hope you understand that from time to time, there might be instances when I really want to leave. But don't worry. I'm 100% sure your magnet stays intact.

- your fan