TOP:

Seunghyun stood motionless in a sea of moving people. It was as though he was acting in a scene of a movie, how they whizzed past him. Three days had passed since Bom told him the news and he hadn’t been the same since. Desperate to go to you, she advised to give you space for a little while before confronting you—for both your sanity and his. So he did as he was told, but the desperation only increased with each passing millisecond.

Were you sleeping well? Eating? All these questions raced through his mind and when they didn’t, it was your face that did. Your laugh would haunt him at night as he laid in the stillness of the room. It was as though a gaping hole had been placed in his chest. You were strong, he had not one doubt of that, but was he? Seunghyun couldn’t even bring himself to think of what would happen if you would go away. The thought of breaking up was far more bearable than the one of you ceasing to exist.

He walked now towards his car, smiling absentmindedly to himself when he remembered telling you how he’d finally gotten his license. It was the accomplishment of the century, you laughed. The teasing went on for hours and somehow the two of you ended on the bed, his fingers finding various sensitive spots to tickle. It was the most beautiful scene he’d ever witnessed, your throat bubbling with laughter as tears escaped your eyes. He found himself compelled to laugh with you as he continued his torture. It was by far his favorite memory.

But even though it was a positive thought, he couldn’t help but tear up. For days his eyes remained swollen from the crying, his heart unable to find any peace.

Somehow he’d ended up in your apartment building, unable to take the distance anymore. He needed to be with you, now, especially more than ever. And as he stood before your door, he silently hoped you would hear him out, he hoped you would trust him.

Nausea built up in your throat as soon as you opened the door. Unable to pull a façade on such a surprising moment, your eyes glassed over with tears. “Seunghyun…what are you doing here?”

He didn’t want to anger you, but he couldn’t find a reasonable way to bring up the topic. Calling out your name, he reached for you with shaky hands, his tears flowing freely now. “You were never going to tell me? Swe-sweetheart…” he grew breathless, pulling you into his arms, desperately wanting to pull you into him so he could keep you safe forever. No longer strong, you choked back a sob, burying your face into his shoulder, your fingers gripping his back.

“I’m so scared, Seunghyun.” He pushed you back a few inches, his palm cupping your wet cheek as you both wept he smiled still, soft lips pressing against your forehead. “We’re going to fight this together.”

GD:

Standing in the middle of his once lush apartment, Jiyong watched his blood drip onto the once white, pristine floor. Remnants of décor now laid in a shattered mess around the apartment. He’s destroyed nearly everything in sight, including his knuckles.

Cancer.

But how? You were young and beautiful and perfect. How could anyone with those qualities ever get anything like cancer? He didn’t understand. He was angry and distraught. He’d thrown up all over the bathroom when he ended the call with Teddy. And in a surge of rage he destroyed everything in sight. Gaho made a run for it as soon as he watched the $3000 vase crash just inches away from him, leaving Jiyong alone in his misery.

He felt sick to his stomach once more, tears burning in his eyes as he thought of you gone. It was far too much to bear. What about your future together? What about the promises?

Despite it all, your smile was the only thing that came to mind and the memory of it caused his heart to clench. Unable to hold it anymore, he fell to his knees, sobbing into his hands. He couldn’t take it. He wouldn’t. All he could think about was how much he loved you. He’d been so cruel to you in the final moments. He’d made you believe that he would be okay without you…but he was so very wrong.

Days turned into weeks. Unable to find you or get a hold of you, Jiyong lost himself in the studio, obsessing over songs that sang of your love. Eating became a thing of the past for him, just like sleep. He wouldn’t go home and instead chose to stay confined to his work. He couldn’t understand how you’d left without a trace. He didn’t understand. Jiyong wanted to hold you and kiss you and let you know that you’d live. He wanted you to believe it and help you get through it.

But this was an imperfect world. And even still, all he could picture was your smile, still your smile.

A faint vibration in his pocket informed him of a message. Lazily, he dug into the crevices and gripped the device, sliding his thumb-pad on the screen to read the message. His vision blurred, his throat felt as though it caught on fire. Rising from the chair, he stumbled back as a wave of heat coursed through him. Staggering into the singing booth, he locked himself inside and let out an agonized cry, his fists colliding repeatedly on the window, continuing even still when he managed to crack it.

He couldn’t breathe. No matter how hard Jiyong beat on his chest he couldn’t catch his breath. Blood splattered from the broken skin on his knuckles. The artist gripped his hair, pulling tightly as he shook his head with clenched eyes. There was so much pain. It was unfathomable. He couldn’t think straight the only proper thing he could was to feel. And he felt far too much right now.

Your smile. Your smile. Your goddamned smile.

[SMS]: She’s gone…

Taeyang:

In less than a heartbeat Youngbae was banging on your door, your name being heard through choked sobs as the only barrier vibrated. You felt your heart stop and you turned to your friend in horror. This wasn’t right. He wasn’t supposed to be here. Shaking your head in a silent plead, begging to take full responsibility for the situation. She in turn shook her head in disagreement. “You know damn well you did wrong. He was probably outside and heard us. You have to face this with him.”

Taking her coat, he gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze and headed for the door. You felt your stomach churn in unwanted anticipation. She took one last look at you and smiled, opening the door soon after, letting a frazzled Youngbae in. He looked at your friend in surprise whose only response was a clearing of before walking out and shutting the door behind her. It wasn’t long before he walked towards you with the look of hell present on his features.

The BIGBANG singer cupped both of your cheeks; tears emerging from his eyes as your lips trembled, hoping to somehow remain in control of your emotions. “Baby…pl-please,” he spoke in a pained whisper. You couldn’t stand looking at him in this state—weak and crumbling. You were a book left in the rain and he continued to pour onto you. “It’s not serious, right? You’re going to be okay, right?”

And instantly you crumbled. The tears grew stronger and in the back of your mind you wondered just how many tears your body could conjure up. Youngbae cried with you, he kept in rhythm as he pulled you to him, his fingers pressing into your back—you welcomed the feeling. At least you could still feel this. Even if it was pain you were feeling you would rather feel it with him. Anything as long as it was with him.

“My beautiful lady,” he breathed against your hair. “I won’t leave you, not ever. If you go away then I think I would too.” You tried to pull away, not enjoying what he was saying but he was having none of that tonight. Instead he pulled away enough to press his lips against yours. The kiss was salty and though your lips quivered the entire time, Youngbae cupped your cheek once more, his thumb your skin.

For a long moment the two of you remained still, his forehead pressing against you. He was your pillar and you couldn’t fathom ever leaving him in this present realm. He began to whisper inaudibly, reaping as though it were some sort of mantra until it grew a bit louder, his words suddenly a violent contrast to the once deafening silence.

“Please don’t leave me here alone. Please, please, please.”

Daesung:

The first place Daesung would’ve preferred to go was to you—to wherever you were hiding away from the world. But he couldn’t. Instead, he sat in an empty church, his fingers gripping the wooden seat before him, knuckles turning white from the pressure of it all. He was angry and he wanted answers from the only deity who could write this into your destiny. Now Daesung had always been a religious man, but now? He wanted to know why. He needed to know what he was being punished for. All his life had he followed in the steps of his Lord, always trusting in the paths set before him.

But this path? It was filled with thorns and an eternity of agony and it was one he could not go through. How could you be suffering such turmoil? It wasn’t fair! And his Lord was supposed to be fair. He was supposed to be wise. What lesson was there to learn in causing this?

Though he did his best to remain calm, he could stop the anger from carving against his bones. Was it a test? But why? Why create this test?

It hurt too much. His mind was dizzy with thoughts and all he wanted to do was hold your hand and kiss you. He wanted you to know that you would be alright. You would beat this thing and the two of you could continue on with your lives together—in love and happy. But could he really promise that? He was just a man and right now, he was a man who was losing his religion. Because when it came down to it, the love you two shared was far too great not to be celestial. It was far too uplifting not to be considered holy.

Having enough of this miserable existentialism, he walked out, his feet feeling heavier with each passing step. it all, he mentally cursed. He choked back a sob repeating it again, suddenly feeling rebellious. This world is black, he assessed despite his natural self.

What more could he say? What more could he attempt to do? He was pulled into this dream and it was filled with fog and desolation.

Daesung was never the same after that day. And after he learned you’d left to leave this world in peace, he stopped believing in miracles.

Seungri:

He walked through the shadows in the night, a half-empty bottle of whiskey loosely dangling from his fingers. He was a mad man the way he called out your name into the night’s crisp air. Please come back to me, he would cry. His hair a disheveled mess, he stumbled about, uncaring of the spectators.

Did they want a ing show? He would give them one. In one clumsy, swift movement he threw the bottle against the window of a fancy boutique, ironically a boutique filled with beautiful, intricate wedding dresses. He gripped his head as his head continued to pound. Whether it was the alcohol or the boutique’s alarm, he didn’t bother deciphering the root.

This is so wrong. It’s so wrong. He cried out, this level of heart break unlike something he’d ever experienced before.

Where were you right now? And more importantly why didn’t you trust him? Why?

The sudden sound of his name suddenly stirred him from the self-destruction he was inflicting. And when he opened his eyes he had to shut them once more to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating from the alcohol. You were standing before him. And despite your paleness and your swollen eyes you were still the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Without another moment to spare, he stumbled towards you, falling to his knees and pressing his head against your stomach.

“Baby, please. Please. Please don’t leave me here alone. I can’t take it. You can’t leave me like this.” You wanted to die right then and there, the way he looked at you as if you would vanish into thin air at any moment. How fickle fate was, to place him on your path as you walked home, shedding you own tears and wallowing in your own agony.

“Seunghyun…I told you—,” he stopped you, drunkenly rising to his feet in a huff of anger. “No! You didn’t! You didn’t ing tell me why you left. I had to find that out from someone else,” he sobbed. “Why would you keep this from me? Why would you go away when I need to be with you now more than ever?”

“Because I don’t want you to watch me die!” Your cold words left him silent. He never wanted to hear those words again. He would rather had snapped a pencil in his ear and grow deaf forever. “Don’t. Stay that. Don’t,” he whispered. Pulling you into an embrace he cried into your neck. “I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep you here with me. Whatever it takes. Just please, please don’t leave me.”