A/N: I know this is late... but mom got sick and my grandpa just died... Ji hyo's relationship with her dad is my tribute to the old man. I never really knew him much, growing far away from relatives who were overseas. But I do remember that gramps was funny, smart and he likes reading books like me. He likes sport and won't give me the remote to watch cartoons. I don't sulk for long when he does anyway because he makes it fun... and I always look forward to their visits. He also told me there was a Santa and would put money in the socks he insists we put up. I remember happiness when they were around. We never saw each other again for 4 years. He didn't even see his oldest grandkid after I became an architect and I do remember thinking before I have to visit because at their age, it's likely I'm the only grandkid they'd see with the degree since everyone else was just too young. I was too late because I was too busy. Anyways sorry for the longggg A/N. Just wanted to say this because I was scheduled to visit them for reunion and I already have the tickets so imagine my sadness when he died three weeks before we are supposed to visit. I couldn't even rebook because it's so expensive so I can't be in the funeral. I will just visit next week as per the original schedule of our family reunion. Here's the song I listened to while writing... it would appear at the last portion but I didn't really put the whole lyrics, just the parts that fits the story.

Song Here - Johnny Reid's Thank you

The crowd grew, pushing the RM teachers to the side. Reluctantly with fast beating hearts and a dark shade of red in their faces, they put up again the walls and separated from each other. No one even bothered to utter an excuse for the sudden contact. With a small, embarrassed laugh the PE teacher starts to walk again just pausing enough to see if the other is following. “Sorry if I lost you Ji hyo. Did I walk too fast?”

“Not really oppa… just that, this market really have ridiculous crowd.”

The two drifted into a silent walk. The crowd around them was not only thick but also noisy. It gave them the perfect excuse to avoid any talks.

Jong kook refused to lose sight of Ji hyo after the incident, opting to walk beside her. After a while it proved impossible to navigate the narrow space side by side without people bumping and annoyingly trying to separate them. So with a sigh, he turned to face the other teacher and asked unsurely, “Ji hyo? Uh, I just want to ask… if maybe I can hold your hand? I’d hate it if we get separated again unless you have a better idea. This is just insane you’d think there are celebrities here or a concert--”

“It’s okay.” Ji hyo answers shyly but Jong kook didn’t seem to hear her and kept on talking. “I know you can take care of yourself but I don’t want us lost (forever, please, stay)… so it might be better if you--” Jong kook stares, then looks down at his hand that Ji hyo is now holding.

“I said it’s fine. Now hurry up. At this rate, all the fresh ones would be gone already” Ji hyo pulls and Jong kook automatically lets himself follow as he stares at her. They walked hand in hand until they’re again side by side and pressed tightly together. It was almost a wonder how they could even walk. And it was amazing how it felt so natural, how she fits in his side, like they were two separate piece of a puzzle.

To Jong kook the whole event felt like it took forever and wished it was true. For even if everything seemed to be in slow motion, it was also over too quickly. He couldn’t even remember how they bought everything. All he knows was that all items were ticked off the list.

As they neared the car, they realized that they did forget one thing. As if burned, Ji hyo and Jong kook dropped each other’s hand. And when they did, both felt a pang of disappointment they didn’t dare vocalize.

Ji hyo and Jong kook arrived in time at the school dorms. Just enough for the ingredients to be prepared then quickly tossed into already boiling pots. The chef and the scholar helpers took everything and told the teachers to rest. Ji hyo shrugged but accepted, opting to look for her Pa and return the keys of his car.

Jong kook was about to go when the chef called him. “Mr. Kim?”

“Uh, yes chef?” he asked timidly, unsure of how to act because the cook was giving off threatening vibes. He is holding the largest butcher’s knife Jong kook has ever seen. Chef is pounding at a mountain of meat that looked like it was grinded using the best meat grinder machine ever because those bits are impossibly small. Yet the chef still kept on making thwacking noises, hacking at the poor meat viciously.

Jong kook looked around quietly and saw no one else. Just him and the chef with a giant butcher knife that looked sharp enough to slice through bone. The teacher swallows hard and beads of cold sweat soaked his already wet collar.

“You know when I was in the culinary Academy I worked a lot with knives. I am the best in Korea and had gained the title Iron Chef when I was 30. I can use anything as a knife and kill -- *Thwack! *Thwack! -- Anything-- *Thwack! Thwack!* -- I can even slice paper thin meat if I want to.”

“A-amazing sir!” he squeaks and winces when a particularly painful thwack resonated in the room. He stares mesmerized as the small particles of meat got reduced further into grain like consistency. He also wonders how it was possible that the chef doesn’t feel pain with the amount of force and vibration he’s producing with the butcher knife…

“I just need to ask a very important question Mr. Kim.” Chef moves on from pounding meat into sharpening the already very sharp knife. Jong kook is seriously considering bolting out but he knows that the knife would reach him before he could even turn. “Answer me honestly. Do you -- *schlik, clink, schlik* -- like -- thwack, thwack -- Ji hyo?”

A heart is a traitor to all our brain’s efforts to hide emotions. Jong kook didn’t even let a second pass before automatically answering a surprised “Yes!” Because yes, he’s a goner. He’s fallen so hard he didn’t even realize when or how or why. He fell, still falling without breaks, without a moment to pause. He just found himself liking her and it was already too late because it grew and now he loves her as crazy and as impossible as it sounds. And even if he knows it will hurt like nothing he could ever imagine, he couldn’t and wouldn’t stop.

At that moment he just knew the truth. That despite the scary sharp knife that could end him in a blink he couldn’t deny it anymore. This crazy feeling hammering and surging through every fiber of his being may not be love but if that is true, then love must not exist. For what else could he call whatever he’s feeling? It was an emotion so enormous, so complex and yet so simple that the word love feels inadequate to use.

He swallows again, eyes impossibly huge at the admission and realization. The chef is grinning, seemingly satisfied with Jong kook’s answer.

“Good boy. Just don’t make her cry. And close your mouth, it’s disgusting.” A final loud thwack landed on the abused chopping wood block. The chef starts to leave, murmuring something before passing by Jong kook completely. “Read my book. It’s called 101 Knife Techniques and Modern Butchering Methods and Practices.” Chef flashed Jong kook a devilish look and grins even bigger. “So you’d know what to expect if I see my favorite girl broken hearted. Finally, got someone to give a shovel talk. You’re the first Kim Jong Kook and I’d hate to start butchering people so you better wish I won’t have to do another shovel talk for the sake of your continuing existence.”

Then he was gone and Jong kook collapses into the floor, his knees as useless as a jelly as he relearns how to breathe.

With a sad smile he nods even if the chef won’t ever see it. Softly he murmurs as he closed his eyes as if in pain, “I won’t make her cry… because I don’t deserve her. There won’t be an us, never an us…” And he knows deep inside it was not the chef’s words that made Jong kook crumble but the realization that he will never deserve Ji hyo.

He’ll never have her and he might never love again as much as he loved her. But it’s okay to be doomed forever than to see Ji hyo dragged into his life. She’d have a good future with a deserving man. People will know her name and her good heart. Students would tell their children one day about this amazing woman and teacher… and Jong kook will not endanger that with his filthy past.

Jong kook squares his shoulders and fights the warmth in the corner of his eyes. At least this time, he thinks, he won’t run away from her again. And if he could only watch in pain so be it but he will stay until he’s not allowed to anymore.

---/:::::/---

“Dear, you look happy.”

“Huh?” Ji hyo replies intelligently at her Pa. She was on his office sprawled like a child on his Persian carpets while grading papers. She looks up at the man quizzically. With a chuckle her father humors Ji hyo and elaborates, “you’re humming and hey, don’t hide that beautiful smile from me.”

“Paaa…” she whines playfully, stacking the finished paper on the sides. “I did tell you I will be happy here. You’re the one who didn’t like me to work here.”

“Dear, Papa is sometimes wrong and I’m glad that I am because I like seeing you happy. Though I’m really curious. May I know why Ji hyo?”

The female teacher crunches her brows in confusion at the heavily insinuated question. She thought it was already obvious to her all-knowing father. “I have a brilliant set of kids and I adore them. I have a dorm family… though I miss Kyung soo a lot and I even got you here Pa. I love it here.”

The older Cheon Smiles fondly. Ji hyo drove down on her papers and continued grading. His little daughter has truly grown up and everyday he’s thankful that some things just never change. Sprawled on the floor without a care reminds him of Ji hyo when she was still very young surrounded with papers and crayons. He transfers to the couch beside Ji hyo, ruffling her hair like he always does.

“Papa, I’m too old for this.” she complains as she swats playfully at the hands attacking her already disastrous hair.

“Eh, you’d always be my darling baby. What are you listening to anyway?” instead of an answer, Ji hyo rises from the floor and slithers like an overgrown cat beside her Pa. She places an ear bud in his ear then slumps comfortably against the chairman.

Cheon Sanggu gasps audibly. He closes his eyes like Ji hyo then drapes an arm around her daughter. He wipes away the moisture in the corner of his eye and loses himself in the melody and voice in his ears.

“That was beautiful. Quite a journey…”

“I know Pa. Makes me feel so young… warm too.”

“It reminds me of her Ji hyo.” he says patting his daughter gently. It will always hurt to think of Ji hyo’s mom and the two rarely talks about it. Ji hyo had been too young when they lost her and Ji hyo’s memories are just fragments, bits and pieces of the wonderful woman who gave birth to her while for Sanggu, she was everything that matters. She was the reason to live with a purpose. She was life and if Ji hyo wasn’t around, he knows he would’ve just stopped.

“Where’d you learn it?” he asks Ji hyo. Finally understanding why she was happy. Because her daughter chose to remember her mother beautifully. Even if her memories of her mother were just fragments, Ji hyo chose to make her parents proud and be happy doing it.

“Jong kook put those songs in my phone the other day. I remember mama in those.”

“She did like singing when she was alive.”

“Was she any good?”

“Not so much… but her singing makes me happy, makes me laugh. I don’t care if others call her music, noise. No singer could beat her in my top list dearest.”

Ji hyo smiles at her father. She hums along the song and sings in broken English at some parts. The older Cheon laughs as he wipes away a tear in his face. He pulls his daughter closer for a half hug and tickles her side like he always used to. Ji hyo giggles but continues singing, howling the lyrics like a hyena while snorting giggles. All the while Ji hyo enjoyed seeing her workaholic father laugh hard as she turned the sad song into a ridiculous one.

If I only had two words left to say to you,

With my last breath I’d confess the truth to you,

You’ve never left my side even when I fell behind,

Thank you… thank you,

For sharing all your love and all your dreams…

When I close my eyes I say a prayer for one more day with you,

And when I wake, I embrace, the one who pulls me through

Thank you… thank you…

“Pa?” Ji hyo stopped screaming her lungs out singing and looked at her father seriously. “I know… you miss mom. I also do… I miss what we could have been, what we could have done together and as family. And you miss what you had and what you could have been… but Pa…” Ji hyo sighed and the older Cheon could feel the tears coming back again.

“Pa, who was the better singer?” she whispers, her lips curving into a mischievous grin. The Chairman loses it and laughs so hard. He ruffles Ji hyo’s hair again.

“You got your mother’s voice Ji hyo-yah and my very healthy lungs.”

Thank you…

“That’s why I want you to find a good man. Who would call your singing his favorite song. Or a woman if that is your preference.” Sanggu laughs as Ji hyo crinkles her nose in disgust. “Yah, My darling, I’m serious. The person you fall in love with needs to be perfect. You deserve the best Ji hyo-yah.”

“That would be unfair Pa because everyone has flaws. What if I don’t find the perfect man?”

“Then you just have to find someone who will love and cherish you more than your Appa and Omma could ever do no matter what flaws he has. Even if he has a past.” he says, thinking of a young man from the past that he hopes would never hurt his daughter again. Never let it be said that Sanggu did not protect his daughter from that person. It’s one reason he never told Ji hyo where to find her friend.

Ji hyo stares as if lost in thought then shrugs absently. “You just made the standards harder Pa.” Her reply made the Chairman copy Ji hyo. Shrugging absently, he replies softly, “because my dear daughter, our world, who you are and with who I am… I’m afraid only someone who truly loves you like I and your mom does would choose to stay. Because sometimes people love each other… but not all of them choose to be together.”

Ji hyo lowers her gaze. Without a warning her mind flashed to the memories of the boy who left. The boy she thought likes her so much and called her his best friend and his princess. The one who held her hand and told her that she wasn’t alone. The child Ji hyo thought she’d grew up with, play with, go to school with…

Was it really so hard to stay?
 

I already ranted so long... just a quick thank you for reading! And I know I don't reply much at your comments but I really appreciate all of them guys. And I read them a lot. like many many times to inspire myself. It helps to know someone likes what I do. So Thank you to all of you!