I was in Yixing’s street, I was on my way to his house.

I hadn’t been here in so long. Would it be right to visit him?

He was my friend, wasn’t he?

Despite my hesitations and the long mental list I had of reasons I shouldn’t, I knocked on the plain wooden door.

“Oh! Lu Han!” He exclaimed, surprised. “Are you alright?” He asked upon closer inspection of my sure-to-be-reddened face.

“Oh,” I panted as I tried to make a reasonable excuse. “I kind of." Pant. "Ran here.” I chuckled.

Yixing laughed. “I can see that! Why on Earth would you do that?!”

"I-I-" I stuttered, stumped. Why had I run there?! "I don't know, I panicked."

"Okay, well, come inside." Yixing stepped aside and I entered the small yet comfortable house.

I collapsed onto the couch and took the glass of icy water Yixing offered with a breathless "Thanks!" before chugging down all of it in one gulp.

Yixing laughed as he filled it up again and sat beside me on the couch, watching the film that was on the TV, a comedy I actually really enjoyed.

We sat in silence as I regained my regular pattern of breathing and took sips of the water. Every now and then the quiet would be disturbed by a chuckle or giggle from the both us at the film.

I revelled in the fact that the silence wasn't awkward between us, we were as we had been - the best of friends, if Yixing wanted to know what happened to me, I'd tell him. I didn't have any reservations about that now.

Sure enough, about half an hour after my intrusion and during a commercial break, Yixing turned to me with a curious expression.

"So, what brings you here?" He tilted his head in question.

"Okay, well, you remember that dinner with Zitao and Kris? And how I said there was a guy I was interested in?"

Yixing nodded in reply and it all came gushing out of me, everything - including about Minseok and Jongdae - and it felt good, as though alleviating a burden on my shoulders.

The last thing I expected at the end of my long story was a smack on the head, but that's exactly what I got from Yixing.

"OW!" I cried, massaging the spot on my head where he'd hit. "Dude, what the hell?!"

"You're an idiot." Yixing simply said.

"But don't you understand? It's hard for me to just-"

"Why? Why is it so hard? You like him, he TOLD you he likes you, he practically fell into your hands and you." Smack. "Didn't." Smack. "Catch." Smack. "Him." Smack.

"Okay you need to stop, now." I warned, breathing heavily through my nostrils to let off some of the anger that was filling my mind and colouring my vision.

Yixing withdrew his hand quickly but looked unremorseful as he shrugged. "You can't say you didn't deserve it."

I had to agree with him there, I had missed an opportunity with Sehun. An opportunity that I might never receive again.

"You're right," I sighed. "But I'd rather be sure that I can trust him before I make any rash decisions. Plus, I've had quite a bit to drink tonight so I wouldn't exactly trust my judgement. And besides, it's not the end of the world if I don't end up with Sehun - plenty of fish in the sea and such."

Yixing heaved a massive sigh. "I see you've already prepared your thesis on this and can't be moved on the matter," he gave me a stern look. "But you need to learn to trust people and to be open to them. You have to know it's okay to be frightened of rejection and vulnerable - that's probably how Sehun felt - but sometimes those feelings pay off and when they do, it's the best thing in the world." He looked down and fidgeted with his hands before murmuring, "it was like that with us, Luhan."

Yixing was right, of course. But he didn't understand, did he? It's always been hard for me to trust and become attached to other people. I can count the amount of people I've shown my vulnerable side to using one hand.

It was the way life had taught me to be. Any time I showed vulnerability, life pounced on me and tore me to shreds. I remember the last time I saw the sickly and heart-broken face of my mother as she put me on a boat headed for Korea. I remember telling people soon after I got here that I didn't know where my parents were and being labelled and ridiculed for years afterwards. I remember my fourth grade teacher constantly singling me out because I was foreign and seemingly had no parents.

Everyone I'd trust, except a small few, had betrayed that trust.

But how could Yixing understand? He didn't know. He didn't know my father died when I was 6 and my mother was dying when she sent me away. Only Kris and his parents knew. No one else.

I ran my hands through my hair in frustration before standing up. "I'd better be off, Yixing. Thanks for letting me come over so unexpectedly."

He looked up at me from where he sat on the couch with a skeptical look on his face. "Really, Luhan? You're going to try to get home now? At this hour?! What, on foot?" I glanced at my watch. 12:47AM. Oh. I looked back at him. His look was expectant, he knew I hadn't thought it through.

"Uh, no, I guess I'm staying here for the night?" I shrugged.

"Yeah, sit back down." He chuckled, revelling in my embarrassment.

The film finished at 1 and Yixing got some blankets and pillows for me on the couch.

I thanked him and wished him goodnight as he left down the corridor to his own bedroom with a wave of his hand in my direction, dismissing my thanks.

A crushing tiredness weighed on me but I struggled to sleep. My mind kept replaying the night. It kept asking a question I didn't want to answer: what about the next time I saw Sehun?

Oh man, Sehun.

How would I ever face him again?

Surely he'd hate me by now for turning him down so bluntly. Like Yixing said, he'd been vulnerable and I'd crushed him.

What was I to do, though? Can't my own sense of safety and security come before the feelings of a guy I met only a couple of months ago?

I hastened to hush the voice in my head (or was it my heart?) that told me the feelings were mutual.

---

Wow, what a hiatus. Hope you all don't hate me, I was just super busy with uni!

This chapter kicks off right where the previous one ended so maybe have a quick re-read of that if you're lost :3

Thanks for sticking with this story and I promise more updates, I'm addicted to this Luhan character!

xx