Following Jongin, I entered Jongdae's trashed kitchen where the drinks were being kept.

“What’s your weapon of choice?” Jongin asked as he picked up a fresh plastic cup for me.

I shrugged. “Make me something, anything.”

He chuckled. “Quite daring! Nice!” He then proceeded to combine no less than seven drinks – I couldn’t even keep track of how much alcohol was in the thing – before lifting the cup with a grin.

“Here you go!” He handed the beverage over, a look of anticipation on his face.

He was right, it was daring of me. I wasn't usually like this, I would never have accepted the cup if I had been myself, if I were thinking straight. I didn't know what it was - the atmosphere of the party, the unknown amount of alcohol already in my system or… or something else - I just felt myself let loose for once, I was able to lower my defenses, even if it was just a tad.

I raised an eyebrow to which Jongin nodded encouragingly before sipping from the cup to be pleasantly surprised. “It’s pretty good!”

“Really?!” His enthusiasm was very evident.

I nodded, offering him a sip, which he took.

“Wow! I’m such a pro!” He seemed so pleased with himself, I had to laugh as I took back the cup. Pouring himself a drink, Jongin questioned me. “So, you and Sehun are pretty close?”

“Uh, I guess so.” I shrugged. “Why?”

"You can tell, you know.” I nodded slowly at this comment, unsure of what to say in reply to that. Would an ‘okay’ suffice?? Who knew? “Do you like Sehun?" Jongin asked as he glanced at me sideways.

I gulped. "Why? Has he said anything about me?"

"He's said plenty." Jongin chuckled. "I'm just curious, though - do you like him?"

"Well, he-" I said the first thing that came to mind. "He's not my type." I was, however, turning a bit pink in the cheeks at the thought that Sehun had spoken about me. What would he even say??

"Oh?" Jongin didn't seem convinced. "What, you don't like tall, smart and handsome guys?"

"It's not that, it's just…” I heaved a sigh. “It's complicated.”

“How?”

I was taken aback by Jongin’s bluntness. I certainly hadn’t expected such a reaction, not from someone I’d just met. “Uh, well… It’s the age thing, mostly.”

“What, he’s a few years older than you?”

I chuckled. “No, he’s younger.”

“Younger?!” Now it was Jongin’s turn to be surprised. “You’re older than me?! You have such a-“

“Baby face? Yeah, I know.” I began to head back to Sehun and the others.

“Woah.” Jongin shook his head as though to clear it and grabbed my shoulder, pulling me back. “Wait!”

I didn’t really want to continue this conversation and hated when people touched me, especially so roughly, and yet there I was, in front of a curious Jongin once again.

“Why does it matter that he’s younger?”

I blushed. “It’s lame, it doesn’t matter.” Jongin’s eyebrow rose and he gave me a look for me to continue. If not, he’d get it out of me some other way. I was learning Jongin could be that kind of person. “He’s my tutor and it’s kinda- I just feel a bit- ugh.” I sighed. “I told you it was lame.”

“So what?!” Jongin seemed genuinely perplexed.

“It’s just a little embarrassing, given the circumstances.” I shrugged.

Jongin stood there, blinking. “You’re really stupid.”

“Thanks.” I rolled my eyes as I turned and, undisturbed this time, made my way back to the living room where Sehun and his friends were all laughing at something that had been said.

The rest of the night, I got to know Jongin, Junmyeon, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun who were very outgoing and funny. Despite not feeling exactly in the party mood, I was still able to enjoy myself.

I had just been speaking to Kyungsoo when Sehun approached us.

“Sorry, Kyungsoo-hyung. Is it okay if I speak to Lu Han in private?”

“Oh, sure, Sehun-ah.”

“In private? What is it, Sehun?”

He shook his head. “Not here, outside.”

I followed him out into Jongdae’s front yard where some kids were smoking off to the side. It wasn’t an ideal place, but it was relatively quiet.

Sehun turned and faced me, fiddling with his fingers as he bit his lip, as though about to speak yet unsure of what to say, so I took it as a sign to take the initiative myself.

“So, your friends are really awesome – I’d never have imagined Jongin to be the kind of person you’d hang out with, though.”

Sehun chuckled, his brown eyes bright and glittering from the streetlights. “Yeah, people are always surprised to find out we’re best friends.” His expression sobered up somewhat. “That’s not why I wanted to speak to you alone, though, obviously.” He heaved a sigh. “Lu Han, I like you, I mean, I really, really like you and I… I hope you like me too, I just-“ He seemed to cut himself off, shaking his head. “Ugh, I’m rambling now, but yeah; I like you.”

Well then.

As I fumbled about my brain for an excuse of a response, I just happened to glimpse through the window to where I had a marvelous view of Jongdae and Minseok locking lips, uncharacteristically show-offy for Minseok, and suddenly, despite all the things I’d been meaning to say, I found I couldn’t. I’d been struck speechless and had to get out. I had to leave.

As I turned to flee, Sehun caught hold of my wrist. “Lu Ha-”

“WHAT?” I snapped, trying to break free of the clichéd and crude grip, despising the degradingly impolite connotations behind it. It was like a slap in the face; who the hell did this kid think he was?!

“What’s wrong?” He asked. One glance at his widened and confused eyes and my heart dropped out of guilt. I didn’t want to talk or listen, though. I was sure I couldn’t. He caught hold of my other wrist, holding me in place, forcing me to be stilled. Startled by my reaction, Sehun must have jumped to conclusions, grasping for some sort of reason for my odd behaviour. “Can’t you just be you? Don’t hide beneath this façade of... of perfection. I want to know all of who you are, your imperfections and all.”

“I... I can’t... I can’t just let you in like that.” I wanted to. I wanted to so bad. I knew better, though. Xiao Lu was weak and vulnerable – too vulnerable. Lu Han was responsible for making sure he was never hurt. Never again.

Sehun gently placed a hand over my heart. “I’m gonna break through.” He whispered.“ I’m gonna break through the walls in here.”

“I see someone is yet to learn the purposes of walls.” I sneered in reply, throwing his hand off my chest. Tearing my wrist from his grip, I turned and stormed off.

I myself didn’t understand what I was doing. One minute I wanted so bad to let Sehun in, the next I was stomping away from him. It was difficult to comprehend what I wanted from him, I just wanted him to be perfect – to me and for me – but the two were beginning to seem to be separate ideals, never to be found in the one person.

I ran from that reality, though, I ran so fast, I lost track of all my thoughts. Nothing mattered in that moment but the beating of my own heart, it’s fast-paced and loud song echoing throughout my entire body. My feet went where they wanted, I had lost all sense of direction, I just ran.

Finally stopping to catch my breath, a whack of nostalgia to the face nearly tore it from my lungs again.

I was in Yixing’s street.

----

Oh my GOD, it's been AGES! /slaps self repeatedly. Sorry all, but my chronic laziness just got the better of me for several months there... 

Hope everyone had a fabulous Easter/long weekend recently and that this chapter's not too weird! (idk i got a weird vibe from it and Lu Han's sudden out-of-character behaviour towards the end but bear with it!!! hehe)

Oh and sorry for that awful cliff-hanger :P Votes, comments and subscribers are, as always, so very much appreciated! <3