“_______ “ Yoseob began again.

“You remember the Orange day? Hehehehe yeah our orange day “ he said sadly while laughing fakely.

“We bumped into each other in the hairstyling store down  the street…. You asked me what I would do in a hairstyling shop and I told you my story. I told you that my hairstyle asked me…no begged me if it may be possible that she could skip that days appointment because her boyfriend just asked her to be his wife and that she wanted to spend the day with him. Of course I agreed. Later on the management called to tell me that I needed to go later to our designer because of my new hair color I needed a different stage outfit. I immediately called my hairstylist and asked her what color I should have got and I told her that I would dye my hair myself. She told me a name and I wrote it down. After I explained to you,  you offered me help. You wanted to help me dye my hair. We searched both for the color. The problem….the name was just made out of numbers…we found the numbers but we found 3 of them all with different endings. The employee told us that the endings would symbolize different shades. We played Kai Bai Bo to choose the color because I couldn’t reach my hairstylist.

Hahahaha…just to think about it makes me laugh!

When you dyed my hair I told you what hair color I feared the most….it was orange…

You dyed my hair in the kitchen. There was no mirror in the kitchen. I wondered why you kept quiet and smiled really hardcore…… When you dried my hair you couldn’t hold your laugher anymore…

I ran into the bathroom and screamed.

ORANGEEEEEEEEE!!! MY HAIR IS ORANGE!!!!! I kept screaming that hahahahaha now I think about it…it was great fun :D

But I was totally unhappy with my new hair color that I wore a big head.  I finally reached my hairstylist to ask her which hair color I should have bought… she told me the same number…this time with a different ending. I asked her which color the number was. She said caramel brown. When I told you, you just laughed harder. I was such in a mess but you cheered me up. You gave me courage to walk with that color around….and of course you made fun of me: how on earth I couldn’t live with that hair color but with my clothes in our MV’s. I had no answer.

You were so nice to me and we had great fun. You called that day orange day just to piss me off.

It’s my fav. Memory with you you because it shows me you laughing and really happy.” Yoseob touched his hair smiling sweetly.

“Now I am really proud of this color! But…. “ He stopped.

“At that time…. Were you already unhappy? When did it happen? Could I’ve helped you make feel better? Could I have saved you? Please answer me _______ … I really need to know” He now held you picture in front of him with your face to his.

“WHY?! WHY?!” He screamed and jumped up and down not knowing what to do with himself.

 I patted his back and made the shhhh sound.

“ I found my fav. memory of us two” Dongwoon said.

He took the picture away from Yoseob who sat on the ground leaned against the fence we all stood before.

“Because of my lyrics in our new song and my innocent looks, the other members kept making fun of me, that I would turn into a and would never be able to be badass.

One day you came by looking for Junhyung. I told you that he left for vocal/rapping practice. I was at my laptop. You wanted to look what I was doing on it. I refused to show you. You assert that I would watch . After a little fight you finally had my laptop and you were starring with wide eyes to the screen. I was watching badass rapping videos and read some guides how to be badass. I told you the story why I wanted to learn how to be real badass.  You didn’t laugh or anything. You grabbed me and we went to a video store. You took some movies you thought were full of badass guys. We spend the night watching those movies. It was sooo hilarious watching those movies! We took notes and in the end we compared them to each other and tried to act some possible real life scence in which I could act badass. “ He paused , ending his smile.

“It’s such a nice memory for me because you took me serious and wel…I don’t know… it’s just my fav. Memory…” he smiled slightly.

“And a couple of days later I told you that some of my dates said that I became really badass and even the others said that I would have got more badass and manly.” He quit smiling again, now looking with a very dark expression.

“You shouldn’t have left us.

 You shouldn’t have hurt us like this.

You should be still alive.

With us….together.

Like a family.”

Now he sat down besides Yoseob. But he didn’t cry. He just looked into nothing.

There was this unbearable feeling .

“I guess you all helped us” Gikwang said. He sat down next to Dongwoon and your picture.

“You know that I am normally THE dancer. But not for classic…. I’ll keep it short guys. I’m sorry but thinking of _______ makes me want to kill myself….

My girlfriend gave me an invitation to a ball. My only problem was that I could not dance the classic dances. You showed me them. We practiced for more than 1 week. I only realize now ..how much time I took away from you. You said that you really enjoyed our practice hours…indeed we laughed much and shared storys but…were you really happy? Were you? Why didn’t you talked to me about…well doesn’t matter…it’s already to late.” He said sour and began to punch the stone ground with his fists.

I looked over to the other 2 members.

Dujun looked at me.

“_______, you designed my Tattoo. And I love you for that” he simply said.

We all looked confused at him.

“Yes I have a Tattoo.” He pulled his wet jeans up and showed us his ankle. On it was a S and a W but the W was in the S. It was surrounded by ivy.

I was shocked. Not just by the fact that Dujun has a tattoo no.… aswell that you made it..and you didn’t tell me . I wondered if I knew at least 4% of you.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked him.

“She asked me to keep it to myself.” He said avoiding my eyes. I laid down, shutting my eyes and enjoyed the rain on my body.

Because of you I fell in love with rain.

Because of you I hate rain.

Hyungseung  walked up and down.

“I don’t know if I can talk about this. This is not a happy memory of _______…but I love and hate that memory at the same time ….I am scared of what will happen with me if I tell you…but I need to ” he said honestly.

He took some deep breathes.

“Y-you you-…..you know my dad died some w-week-ks ago….

When…I-I was at this funeral house thinggg…I met _______… She stayed by my side the whole night… She t-told me ab-b-bout herself.

Omg…I can’t belive this…….” He made a long break.

“She told me about ups and downs. She told me about her down. It was 3 years ago…she was very very unhappy. She said she doesn’t remember the reason why she was sad…but I now think she lied to me. She told me that she-

That she wanted to kill herself at that time. B-but she told me how she got to the “better track”...that’s how she named the recovery time… thanks to her I managed to stay strong…until she-“ he cried out loud.

“FIRST MY DAD…NOW YOU! YOU TOLD ME…YOU WOULD ALWAYS HELP ME IN SAD TIMES! YOU TOLD ME TO KNOW HOW TO GET HAPPY AGAIN! BUT YOU LIED! IF YOU KNEW!  YOU WOULDN’T HAVE-…WHY WEREN’T YOU HAPPY?! WHY?!” he screamed into the rain.

“Rain….you bought her to Jonhyung….why did you take her away?” he whispered but we could all hear.

He began to cry…and cry and cry…. We all cried with him….

I remember clearly the day I lost you…

My feelings... they are killing me. It hurts.

The day…

It was a rainy day.

It was on a rainy day when you decided to kill yourself.

It was the day tears fell down the sky.

Okay…. So I don’t know what I should do next. Should I end this story here or should I write more?

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