Daehyun was lying on his bed staring at the blank ceiling above. His dorm mates were all still awake. None of them were packing anymore; they just didn’t seem to be able to get any sleep. Nearly half of them had never been on a plane before so the idea of them boarding one was thrilling. Daehyun himself was one of them but being on a plane for the first time was nothing compared to the other thoughts buzzing through his mind. Even with Junhong’s attempt at being helpful it still didn’t take away the sick feeling that sat in the pit of his stomach.

He sighed and looked over at his phone at his bedside table. It was early in the morning, too early for any human to be awake and yet his dorm mates continued to chatter without showing any signs of fatigue. He rolled over to his side and stared at the light that seeped into his room through the cracks of his door. It reminded him of his room back in Busan, those empty days he spent wasting away in his room.

All those days he had spent locked away in his room, pretending to study so his parents wouldn’t scold him when in reality he was simply killing time on his laptop. Not particularly participating in anything but merely an observer. He was an observer of the world over the net until Youngjae was daring enough to reach out to him. Things would have been so much more different if Youngjae hadn’t reached out to him.

Daehyun would have continued living life and yet not truly be living it at all. Every time he went to school he would put on an act to be friendly towards people and he would return home to only paint a heavier mask in front of his parents. He understood they only wanted the best for him and attending a high class, top of the line university was always their dream for him. At times however, Daehyun would wonder if they really thought of him as a son or even a person. He always had the impression that he was nothing more than a trophy prize to them but then there were those days where his mother would treat him like an actual son. She would fuss over him and make sure he was perfect but then the very next day she would lecture him on how much he had disappointed her for not performing well in school. The constant mood swings confused him deeply on what she really wanted for him.

When Daehyun was younger he remembered his parents both boast about him to their friends. He remembered being paraded and treated like a king but as he got older his scores in school dropped and so did his parent’s patience.

There wasn’t a day where he wondered why his parents had actually allowed him to go to Seoul to train under TS. He didn’t understand what they would get out of it. Daehyun was meant to be their trophy but yet they sent him away. Occasionally he would get phone calls from his parents, mostly his mother and their conversations were rather awkward. Most of their conversation consisted of his mother asking what he was up to and he would explain, following that she would talk about her day. And there Daehyun would hear the gossiping side of her, the side that used to brag about his younger self. Even though she had never said anything, he had the impression that she had been telling her friends that Daehyun was going to be an idol; an idol that would one day come home with a load of money and a face that his fans would die for. Yet Daehyun never really recorded a time she had actually praised his appearance at all.

There were times that he thought there was no point in trying anymore. On the occasion he did try in his school work, he would receive marks even worse than if he hadn’t bothered at all. Bad marks had also meant punishment from his father. But thankfully enough for him, the older Daehyun got the less frequent he was to be hit. When he was younger, when his skin was still soft and pure, that was when his father unleashed his full force on him. The threat of a next attack forced him to work hard. It was his driving force but over time he lost it.

The threats his father hissed at him, the abuse, it didn’t mean anything anymore. He began to lose interest and his father noticed so he held back but it didn’t stop the hits to stop hurting. Daehyun could still feel the metal ruler slap and seer through his skin, branding not just his skin but his very soul.

The thoughts of his past, the life he had momentarily brushed away was nothing but a memory. But it could all soon return if he slipped up, if he were to fail in his school marks he would be back into that world. No one understood how much was at stake, no one except Youngjae.

Youngjae the one person who he had completely trusted, who he had told all his deepest and darkest secrets to. How could Daehyun be so selfish? He hated himself for doing this to the one person he trusted the most. It was childish and all he wanted to do was apologize but Youngjae didn’t seem to be fond in hearing or reading his words. His calls were still unanswered and his messages weren’t even replied. He doubted that Youngjae would calm down until he was out of Seoul. He was going to be mad at him for a while, which was what made Daehyun feel even worse.

Daehyun let out a heavy sigh as he rolled onto his back once more and stared up at the ceiling. As he shut his eyes and attempted to sleep for the umpteenth time that night he heard his phone buzz.

He had practically leapt at his phone and winced back when the brightness of his phone was too much. Even though his eyes were screaming at him to look away from the screen, he couldn’t help himself. He squinted at the screen and saw Youngjae’s name flash across his phone after receiving a message from him.

Have a safe trip

 

A smile flashed across Daehyun’s face as he reread the message again and again to make sure he hadn’t imagined it. It was real, it was definitely real. He quickly typed his message and sent it.

I’m REALLY sorry I didn’t tell you earlier

 

He waited a couple minutes before Youngjae replied back.

You’re still awake?! You’re sadder than I thought. I’m still mad at you but seriously Dae I’m not going to stay mad at you forever. Get some sleep! You make it seem like I hate you or something. Calm your and get some sleep okay?

 

Daehyun bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. He didn’t want the other trainees to know that he was still awake. He wanted the solitude for a moment.

Why are YOU still awake?

 

Daehyun could tell that Youngjae had really contemplated on his message since he had taken a while to reply back.

Don't lecture me, I'm still mad at you. Don’t think that I’m not mad at you. I’m still mad. It’s just that you’re leaving soon, that’s the ONLY reason why I’m talking to you right now...but call me so I can yell at you and raise your phone bill at the same time