“How good was he?” Youngjae practically yelled on the bus ride back to Daehyun’s dorm, “What did I tell you about him being awesome!”

Daehyun rolled his eyes at him as he continued to rant on about Jepp, even though he was a fan of his, he doubted that he could ever be as passionate as Youngjae. He only really went along to the gig simply because Youngjae wanted to.

“Aish,” Youngjae exclaimed, “How can you be so relaxed and calm after all that!”

“Because having one of us scream at the top of their lungs is more than enough,” Daehyun teased as they arrived at their stop. “Come on, we’re here.”

What Daehyun didn’t want to do was tell Youngjae the truth, at least not yet. He wasn’t entirely sure on how he was going to tell him that he was going to be away for so long but he would do it. He would do it when he felt the moment was right. But it still didn’t stop him from feeling guilty the entire time.

Daehyun led Youngjae up to the dorm whilst trying to be as silent as possible. Neither of them wanted to wake the household up. In fact, Daehyun wasn’t even sure if he was even allowed to bring guests over but he couldn’t recall anyone saying that it was forbidden. Either way, it was too late, Youngjae was here and if anything, Daehyun would gladly accept any punishment that came.

“Wow so this is your dorm,” Youngjae whispered as they both tiptoed past a couch with Jongup sleeping on it without a care in the world and the TV blasting away.

It wasn’t strange to see Jongup sleeping on the couch with the TV on. He had told Daehyun that he didn’t like sleeping on his own so often would doze off on the couch with the TV there to put him to sleep. He had said that he needed sounds to sleep, no matter what sounds they were, he simply needed sounds. Daehyun had suggested listening to his iPod but apparently he couldn’t sleep with anything in his ears.

“Shhhh,” Daehyun hushed as he switched the TV off and ushered Youngjae over to his room.

“There isn’t that many,” Youngjae stated as Daehyun shut the door behind him.

“There isn’t many what?” he questioned.

“Floors,” Youngjae sat on Daehyun’s bed and looked up at him and explained, “I remember you complained that there were too many floors here but there’s only four.”

Daehyun opened up his closet and began searching for something Youngjae could change into since he doubted he had brought anything to change into, unless he had his pyjamas somehow stored in his pocket. “That’s because we took the elevator since it works now. If you want you can run up and down the stairs.”

Youngjae pulled at face at him and watched Daehyun look through his things, “I didn’t know someone was going to sleep on the couch otherwise I would have slept there.”

A smile crept across Daehyun’s face, “Yeah that’s Jongup. He can’t sleep without listening to something so every night he sleeps on the couch to listen to the TV. He’s a strange guy but his nice. Anyway you’ll be sleeping on my bed tonight.”

“Where are you sleeping then?” Youngjae asked curiously as Daehyun pulled out a pair of shorts and a shirt. The bed was a single bed, there was no way the two of them could possible squeeze onto it unless they slept on top of each other.

“The floor,” he pointed out simply, “When I was younger my parents and I used to go camping a lot so sleeping on the ground is no problem for me.”

Youngjae took his change of clothes from Daehyun’s hands and gave him an unimpressed look, clearly seeing though Daehyun’s horrible lie.

“Just get changed; I’m gonna go get a drink. Do you want anything?”

“I’m fine,” Youngjae smiled as Daehyun took this moment to escape his room.

He wondered over to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and took his momentary solitude to think over things. He was going to tell Youngjae about his touring coming up. He was assisting with the seniors and he would be gone with them. Surely Youngjae would understand, he wouldn’t get mad and yet Daehyun still felt guilty. He felt as if he shouldn’t leave, he felt as though he was abandoning him, even though Youngjae would never see it that way.

He took a gulp of water and felt its icy coolness burn his throat. He was going to tell Youngjae when he returned. He had to. Youngjae had to know, he was going to find out eventually and it was better sooner than later.

Daehyun crept back into his bedroom and when he opened the door he was left seeing Youngjae’s for a second. It was the shortest amount of time but it was long enough for him to notice how different his body was compared to his own. On Youngjae it was nothing but flawless milky skin while on his own was infested with scars. He silently shut the door behind him, pretending he didn’t see anything.

But he wasn’t a good enough actor; Youngjae could already read his uneasiness like an open book. “What?” he asked lightly.

Daehyun shook his head and placed his water bottle on his bedside table. “Nothing,” he replied and mentally slapped himself; no it wasn’t ‘nothing’ there was something he had to say. He turned to face Youngjae, ready to tell him about his tour but when he did he noticed that Youngjae was in fact frowning at him.

Before Daehyun could ask why he was upset, Youngjae stated crossly, “You’re looking at me like I’m sick.”

‘But you are sick’, Daehyun wanted to say but never found the words. Instead he just looked at Youngjae in confusion, “What do you mean?”

Youngjae sighed heavily and folded his arms with a heavy scowl, “That face. People look at me like that all the time. That face laced with pity.”

“No, no, it’s not like that,” Daehyun quickly defended, “I’m not pitying you.”

“I know that face Daehyun, you don’t have to lie to me,” Youngjae sighed and that sound alone was like a stab into Daehyun’s chest. The heavy weight behind that sigh held a lifetime of frustration and it was like a dead weight sitting in the pit in Daehyun’s stomach, knowing that part of that sigh was directed at him.

“No, it’s not meant for you,” Daehyun continued.

“No? Then who is for then?” Youngjae half snapped, “No one else is in the room.”

Daehyun had never seen Youngjae like this before; he seemed so defensive, so angry. It never occurred to him how much silent suffering Youngjae had been through. Sure he might not have been physically abused by his own father or be so self-conscious that he simply isolated himself from the world but on the inside, Youngjae was fighting his own demons. Youngjae didn’t want to be pitied for something he wasn’t ashamed of.

“I’m pitying myself,” Daehyun half whispered as he struggled to find his voice.

In an instant, Youngjae’s hard expression melted away into something more sympathetic and gentle. He waited for Daehyun to continue without saying a word.

“I was just thinking…” he trailed off for a moment and half expected for Youngjae to force it out of him but he didn’t. He waited patiently for him to continue, waiting for him to take his time to explain. “…I was just thinking how perfect your skin is. It’s nothing like mine. I would do anything to have that, to be flawless.”

Youngjae gave him a weak smile, “I’m not flawless Daehyun. No one’s flawless. Some people are just better at hiding it than others.”

“No but your skin –”

“Is not flawless,” Youngjae interrupted gently, “You just think it is but it’s not. I’m human, you’re human, neither of us is perfect.”

Daehyun paused for a moment and allowed his words sink in before asking him, “Can you sit down for me?”

Youngjae didn’t need to be asked twice as he sat on the bed and waited for Daehyun to ease his curiosity. Daehyun had never shown his body to anyone. No one in the entire world except for him had ever set his eyes on his body. It was more out of shame than anything else. The ugly scars from being beaten left behind pale ghostly lines haunting his skin forever. Looking at them made him feel sick in his stomach; every time he showered he would be quick to avoid them since he didn’t want to summon up those feelings of self-pity all over again.

Daehyun turned around so his back was facing Youngjae and bit the bottom of his lip. He had no idea why he was doing this, he would have been fine with living his life having no one seeing his body but something about Youngjae made him want to show him everything; to tell him all his secrets and give him nothing but his undying trust.

He in a breath as he stripped off his shirt and revealed his to Youngjae. He waited for the other to gasp or to laugh or to do something but instead there was just silence. There weren’t thick hideous obvious scars; there were only whispers of the pain that once struck Daehyun. One would have to squint to get up close to actually see the faded marks across his body but the effect they had on him was as if he was flashing to the world an open wound.

“Can I?” Youngjae asked tenderly as he held out a hand up to Daehyun.

He nodded and took a step towards him and felt Youngjae’s fingers trail across one of his faded scars. He bit his lip harder to resist the urge to cry, he wouldn’t cry, he would never want to cry in front of Youngjae. Youngjae had a thousand and one reasons to cry but he never did. The coolness of Youngjae’s finger sent shivers down his spine as his own flesh felt like it was radiating toxic heat.

“They’re ugly,” Daehyun finally managed to heave out from his chest.

A soothing hum emerged from the back of Youngjae’s throat filled the room as he placed his hands on Daehyun’s hips and made him spin around. He seemed almost intrigued by each and every mark on his body but instead of feeling judged or ridiculed, Daehyun felt as though a weight was being lifted off his shoulders. Sharing this burden with someone else, letting someone else understand his pain, it was like his own way of getting cleansed.

Daehyun looked down at Youngjae and watched his eyes absorb each and every tarnish on his body and waited him to say something but the sound of him humming was the only thing he vocalised.

“I’ve seen almost every single mark on your body Daehyun,” Youngjae whispered as he looked up into him with his eyes glistening. He took Daehyun’s hand and pulled him down to his knees so they were at eye level. “I don’t see anything ugly.”

A sob hitched at the back of Daehyun’s throat as he broke their eye contact. He didn’t want to hear Youngjae say ‘they are beautiful’, his scars weren’t beautiful. The scars women got after giving birth, the marks left after lifesaving operations; those were beautiful; those represented a new life. What happened to him to get those scars wasn’t beautiful, they would never be beautiful.

“You know what I see Daehyun?” Youngjae asked as he continued to look at Daehyun and waited for him to look at him again.

Daehyun sighed and looked back over at Youngjae since he didn’t seem like he was going to continue unless he did and uttered in a broken voice, “What?”

“I see a warrior,” Youngjae stated most definitely, “I see someone who doesn’t run away. I see a fighter. You could have ran, you could have ended it all but you didn't. You kept fighting and this,” Youngjae ran a finger over one of Daehyun’s faded marks which made him tremble ever so slightly, “Is just evidence showing how strong you really are.”

Daehyun shut his eyes for a moment, he couldn’t look at Youngjae anymore in fear he would break down and cry. He felt his friend press his forehead against his own and felt his breath tickle his face as neither of them spoke for some time.

He felt the burning heat of a tear land on his chest, it wasn’t from himself he knew that it was from Youngjae but he said nothing. He didn’t want to break the silence; he didn’t want to ruin the moment.

Very delicately, as if everything was going to shatter into a million pieces, Youngjae whispered, “Thank you for being so strong.”