The smile on her face is the best smile anyone could come across and I was fortunate enough to call her mine. The way she would laugh at my jokes no matter how weird and awkward they were made me feel what one should when they find the person meant to spend the rest of their existence with.

But overtime, things slowly change. In the beginning of every relationship, everything is at the honeymoon stage. Rare fights, arguments that lasted a few minutes before quickly dissolving. Nights filled with kisses, hugs, and cuddles. Everything is perfect and it’s as if nothing can ever go wrong. But things always go wrong.

“When did I start changing?” I would ask myself every night upon sitting up in bed, staring at my hands as they laced with each other. That question would repeat over and over again until my heart grew heavy and my eyes couldn’t take the sting in them anymore. I would fall asleep tonight and wake up in the morning, continuing the same pattern I’ve been accustomed to, just this time, there will always be an empty spot wherever I went: The market, the mall, the movies, or even my favorite restaurant.

Images of what had been would ghost throughout the day, and there were times, I started imagining her in my life again. I was hallucinating and I couldn’t stop myself. I missed her. I miss her. I always will. But what can you do when you up so bad?

It was the night of our five year anniversary. We were high school sweethearts and everyone thought we’d always be together, but going to college and trusting people you know you shouldn’t s with your mind. I became someone different. I noticed, she noticed, but I didn’t do anything to stop it from getting worse.

Drinking, smoking, clubbing—you name it, I did it. Why? Because I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be accepted by a group of guys who probably would end up as nobodies. I went from valedictorian to academic probation. And through everything, she still stayed by my side. She made me tea or hot coffee on nights I got to drunk and passed out who knows where—and she would always find me. Be it at a friends house or at some random nightclub downtown, she seemed to always know.

She used to lecture me. Yell at me. Plead for me to stop, but I couldn’t. I became so obsessed with wanting to fit in, that I ignored her pleas and continued to hurt her, unintentionally.

That’s when the smile on her face became scarce. Her laughter was forced, and her quirky bright and positive personality became quiet, soft, and sometimes mute.

But she stayed with me.

She stayed with me and I took her for granted.

Then she snapped. I wouldn’t blame her. Wouldn’t you do the same if you found the person you gave up so much for in bed with someone else?

The tears in his eyes silently slipped down his face as he heaved a deep breath before continuing with a shaky voice.

If you could see the tears in her eyes, you would know. Reality would come crashing down on you and before you could take a step forward, a forced smile would etch on her face and she would be gone before you knew it.

I came home drunk to find an empty apartment. There was no tea or hot coffee waiting for me. There was no warmth left and the coldness enveloped me.

I had a dream that night. Her lips kissed my forehead and mumbled something along the lines of, ‘I love you. I loved you. I always will.’

I woke up to find a bottle of pain killers and a cup of my favorite tea. Next to it, a note that simply read, “I’m sorry.”

I cried because it was the best thing that ever happened to me and I lost it. But you crawl out of bed, you get dressed, you go to school or work, or both, you smile and talk, you forget and eventually you don’t cry anymore. Eventually you forget about those feelings, the heartbreak, the pain, the loneliness and you more the on. I cried because it was the best thing I ever had and I lost it. But at least I had it.

A/N: This is a short drabble from a post I came across on tumblr and I wrote it based on that. Think of this as Xiumin's point of view. n/e*