Hope
Special to Me: Fickle Visions
My eyes are open but it's still dark.
I am truly lost in this abyss
~
I stirred awake to the smell of fresh coffee. Rubbing the sand out of my eyes, I struggled to sit up. My vision adjusted to Soomi holding out a mug, sitting on the bed.
"Careful, it's hot," she spoke softly.
I nodded dumbly and tried to drink it straight, succeeding in burning my tongue.
"," I hissed.
"Told you," Soomi laughed a little, "How late did you come in?"
I scraped my tongue a bit before answering to ease the burn.
"Um, four or five in the morning. I was too tired to know where I was going," I muttered, images from last night resurfacing. I felt the empty space next to me, "Where's Sehun?"
"Dozing off in front of the TV. We need to find a local daycare Lu, it wouldn't be healthy to just rot his brains with Spongebob. Once I give birth all my attention is going to be on Daeyoung."
"Yeah," I agreed, "Minseok was talking to me the other day, he said it could help if Sehun joined Tao."
"But Minseok is the only adult there. What could happen if Sehun wandered off while he was busy with another kid?"
I blinked, that was a good point.
"We'll find something. Ok? Don't stress about it right now," I rubbed her arm in comfort.
She smiled again, "I'm glad I have a husband like you."
I paled, my stomach suddenly seemed to be holding a hundred flopping fish.
"So how was work last night? You came home later than usual," Soomi continued.
"Yeah," I gulped down some coffee to get some temperature back into my face, "Since I'm the new guy I've been given the duty of dragging drunks back to their homes. Some I literally have to carry in."
"You should get paid extra for that," She laughed.
I cracked a smile, trying to appear normal.
"Let them keep the money, they'll spend it the next night anyway."
~
"This is a surprise..."
I looked up at Chanyeol who blew a puff of smoke into the air, looking around the patio of the restaurant, "Am I on a secret camera?"
"No," I rolled my eyes, "I...I need help."
"That's a given," Chanyeol gave me a sickly sweet smile.
"Please, be serious right now."
He tilted his head, "But I'm always serious with you Lulu."
Unable to even think of a good insult for him, I just blurted, "I had with a man."
The look on his face morphed into something almost comical. I would have laughed but I couldn't due to the circumstances.
Once he stopped glubbing like a fish he whispered, "Is this a joke?"
I shook my head and stared down into my lap.
"He was drunk and I was tired and stressed but...I..."
"Stop it."
I looked up in confusion.
"Stop, whatever you're doing. You have a wife and a kid. You have another one on the way. Don't ruin that."
"He isn't my boyfriend or anything! God it was just a one night thing..."
" with Kai is not a one night thing, you'll go back for more," Chanyeol stared me down.
I gasped, I never mentioned Kai's name!
"Kai is an addiction."
Was that what happened with Taemin?
Chanyeol's coughing shook me out of my trance and I regained focus to see him twisting his cigarette into the ashtray.
"I need to quit," he wheezed.
"Yeah, believe it or not, I like you alive. Kris does too," I added.
"I'm just nervous," He gazed back into the ashtray, regretting his previous action already.
"Don't be...Kris will be a good husband, I'm sure of it," I tried my best to be convincing.
Chanyeol met my eyes again, "Then be a good husband yourself and I'll believe you."
~
By the time I got home, it was around 4:00 and Sehun had his coloring books out. He never drew outside the lines and always gave the animals their real colors. I had not seen any pink pandas yet.
"Hey," I bent down to my knees to look at his drawing. The fish he was drawing was an accurate replica of the rainbow fish, a character in this book that I had gotten him. I figured he loved it, or at least I hoped he did.
I had to tap his head to get his attention, he didn't hear me if I wasn't talking directly to his face.
"Eomma and Appa are going to find you a daycare. That's a place where you can meet friends." I smiled.
He blinked.
"Do you remember what a friend is? I told you about them once."
Sehun sat up and grabbed the index cards to his left. Flipping until he found the right one, he pointed to Patrick Star.
I laughed because he was so cute, "Yes Patrick is your friend. But don't you want to make more friends? People friends?"
Sehun grumbled out some kind of sound and returned to the rainbow fish, losing all interest in me. I sighed and rubbed his back. He liked it when I did that, he stopped whatever he was doing and sprawled out like a cat. It must've been from something he watched.
After he was done stretching, he flipped the cards again, bringing out both a picture of Patrick and Kai.
"They're...they're both your friends?"
He nodded.
I nearly had a heart attack.
"Soo. SOOMI! Get over here!"
I heard the bedroom door open and my wife rushed in, hands on her stomach, "Is Sehun ok? What happened?"
"I asked him a question and he nodded. "
This was the first positive reaction that he didn't hesitate on.
"Like- like, immediately? Following you along in a conversation?" She gasped.
I smiled, feeling a few tears run down my face. Sehun saw them and got a paper out of his coloring book to wipe it away. It kind if scratched me but I didn't care. I just hugged my little boy and for the first time in a long time, I felt I accomplished something as a father.
Kai's smiling picture seemed appropriate for the moment.
_________________________
hey~ I'm on break and I had so much to do this week I'm sorry ;A;
I hope you like this chapter! Next one has the next meeting of kaihan. I'll try to update with the next few days but no guarantees. Goodnight everyone!
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