(Taemin’s p.o.v)

It’s been over an hour that Jinki hyung had gone. I can’t even remember how many times I’ve been checking the time, too many to count really, earning inquisitive stares from Key umma. I just shook my head saying, ‘it’s nothing..’ every time he asked me what was wrong. I didn’t even know what was wrong myself.  So what if hyung left us? I still had all the others, right? I still had umma fussing over me, which should be enough to not make me feel lonely, right? SO why did I feel so empty.

After the movie finished, I quickly told the others that I felt a bit sick and dragged myself to mine and Jinki hyung’s shared room. Maybe I was just missing his soft, cushiony hugs? I reasoned with myself. Thinking that’s the case I got the huge teddy bear from my bed and hugged it tightly. I wrapped my arms around it and nuzzled its soft fur with my nose and inhaled deeply. I stayed like that for a while. Nope, it wasn’t the same, that uneasy tug at my heart was still there. Okay so it wasn’t the hugs. I threw the bear away from me, pouting.  

My wondered off to what hyung could be doing with Joon hyung for so long. Flashes of irritating scenarios of them laughing together, sharing a big glass of milkshake together and holding onto each other hands, laughing and having fun ran through my mind. I shook my head, hoping that that would shake away all those images. But they kept playing on and on and on, like a broken record. Arghhh…. I’m gonna go mad. I closed my eyes tightly and tried to think about happy thing, like banana milk and cookies, but it didn’t work.

Just when I was in the verge of losing it, a hand raised to slap my own head, the door creaked open. I looked up expectantly, thinking it’s him, holding my breath. The breath whooshed out as umma walked in with a tray.

‘Is my baby feeling better now?’ he cooed as he sat down next to me, balancing the tray on his knees. I sighed and looked away from him. I was in no mood to play the mother-son thing with umma right now.

‘What’s wrong?’ He asked.

I still ignored him. He probably realized that something was wrong and got up to place the tray on the table next to my bed. It was the table that I shared with Jinki hyung, the hyung who just abandoned me without a second thought. I felt like crying.

‘Tell me what’s wrong, baby.’ Umma said as he s his slender arms around me. That’s when I lost it and let my tears rolled down. I turned around and hugged him back, weeping on his shoulder. I know umma hated it when anyone cried on his shoulders, something about ruining is clothes or something, but I didn’t care.

‘Awww…my poor baby. What’s wrong? Who bullied you? Tell me and I’ll kick their asses for you.’ He cooed, drawing soothing circles on my back.

‘It’s nothing umma…I just miss…I just miss ….i miss not dancing.’ I blatantly lied, knowing that if I told umma the truth he’d either laugh at me or have a go at Jinki hyung for being the cause of my outburst. I wanted neither to happen, so I just lied. Being the observant umma that key was he didn’t get fooled by my blatant lie. He held me a bit far from him and looked down at me with an incredulous expression.

‘lee taemin! Are you lying to your umma? You never lie to me….tell me what’s wrong…no!’ he looked shocked.

I just shook my head tried to hide my face on him shoulder again but he didn’t let me. God! How come such a skinny, feminine guy like him possesses so much strength?

‘You telling me or should I tickle it out of you?’ My eyes went huge at that. Not his tickling attacks, anything but that. I looked up at him with a defeated face,

‘Okay, fine! I’ll tell you. But only if you promise not to react all drama-queen like, like you always do.’

He scoffed at that.

‘Me! Drama queen like? Errm I beg to differ. I AM a drama queen, not ‘like’ one!’ He shook his head as if I had offended him or something.  ‘Okay, now tell me..’

I decided that it’d be better to come clean as quick as I ca. So, I took a deep breath and blurted out,

‘Jinki hyung left us….I had a nightmare last night that Shinee broke up and that all of you were ignoring me, he was ignoring me. I was trying to call him but he wouldn’t pick up. I tried to meet up with him but he never showed. I even saw him walking past, holding hands with someone, and he completely ignored me. He just laughed with that person and held hands and didn’t even look back at me….but when I went to hyung at night after the dream, he said he would never leave me and stuff and I was happy and …and he was supposed to stay with us today but Joon hyung called and he…he just left us…he even lied to us..can you believe that?’ I stopped finally to take a deep breath.

When I shyly looked up at umma, he was frowning down at me. I lost all my confidence and fidgeted around. Why was he frowning at me? I knew it! I shouldn’t have said anything. Now umma thinks I’m stupid or something.

‘Okay, let me get this straight…all this whining was about Jinki hyung?’ Key’s sharp tone pierced me. I just slowly nodded, head still downcast. I felt like crying again.

‘So…..You miss Jinki hyung….’

I nodded again.

‘You sure about that? Are you sure you’re not just upset that he left with Joon, and not because you miss him?’ He emphasized Joon hyung’s name.

I looked up at him. Wait what?

‘Are you sure you’re not jealous?’

WHAT? That wasn’t it at all. Why would I be jealous? I vigorously shook my head.

‘No..no…that’s not it….ermmm no…’

But a sudden realization hit me. Was I really jealous? Jinki hyung left us for schedules and others things all the time and I don’t feel bad then, so why did I feel bad now?

Visions of Hyung having fun with Joon hyung rushed through mind. Okay so maybe I was just a teeny tiny bit jealous, but it’s normal right? He’s my hyung after all. So I’d obviously be jealous as his dongsaeng if he was having fun without me right?

‘Oh my god…you are jealous..’ Key hyung shouted as he saw my expression.

God damn it! Why did he have to be so smart? I hope he doesn’t misunderstand the situation. I sighed and nodded a little.

‘OH MY GOD! Taemin don’t tell me you like that stupid dubu? You can’t be serious.’

Yeah there he goes with his exaggerated imagination. I don’t like hyung. I can’t like hyung. I mean I ;ike him obviously but not like umma meant…right?

‘Ani…I don’t…’ My voice trailed off and I just sat there not knowing what to say. I mean what do you say in this situation? What can you say?

‘Don’t give me all that Tae…you’re jealous of Joon and Jinki going out and even in your dream you tried to contact JINKI….out of all of us..you called Jinki and you wanted to meet up with HIM….don’t tell me you don’t like him and all that …Oh my god …the dubu has made my baby blind….Arghhhh my poor baby...’ he wailed at pounced on me.

‘I..I..do..don’t….’ I tried to deny it but somehow it seemed like a lie to even me. Did I really like Jinki hyung? Was I really Jealous of him choosing Joon and not me? Ah I don’t even know anymore…OTTOKHAE??  

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Okay...seems like Taemin's slowly realizing his own secret. Hmm...what's gonna happen next? I don't even know...:P

Anyway thanks for reading ... Love chu all.

okay bye <3