I’ve been given 2 months to say my final farewell before I move to the U.S to live with my aunt and uncle. I was filled with anxiety as the first month passed, leaving only a small 4 weeks to do as much things in Korea as I can.

The first week of the last month, I decided that I would finally tell EXO about my past, my disorder, and other things I’ve kept from them. I was anxious as I waited for the arrival of EXO; my foot uncontrollably tapped on the wooden floor of the living room, my palms grew sweaty, the beats of my heart quickly accelerated. I paced back and forth to calm myself. I can’t stand this! Before I could reach for the phone, knocks and shouts were heard from the front door. Thank goodness. Multiple greetings were heard as I opened the door.

“I’m moving…” I blurted out as we made ourselves comfortable in the living room. Everyone froze except for Kris for I had already told him.

Protests and questions were thrown everywhere until it became a huge cluster of unmake able words. I ushered them to quiet down by putting my index finger on my lips. Closed lips and curious eyes now tuned into what I had to say.

“I’m not old enough to live on my own, therefore I’m moving in with my aunt and uncle, but they live in America…” Gasps were heard as I spoke the last word. “I have till the end of this month and then bye-bye Korea, but before I go, I wanted to tell you guys some things I’ve been keeping a secret.”

I deeply inhaled before spilling everything. Here goes nothing. “I was bullied back in my old school. I’ve been battling anorexia for more than a year now. I cut myself on several occasions.” Before I continued, I showed them the scars on my wrists. “I was at my breaking point when I heard the news of my parents death and so attempted suicide.” I gasped for air as I finished.

A huge weight on my shoulders was lifted when I finally told the boys. Just as I expected, they were speechless, stunned, jaws and eyes wide open. I clapped my hand in front of their faces in order to snap them out of their trance. Bodies shuffled and soon gained composure. It was silent for a couple of minutes.

I nudged Lay who was sitting next to me to say something. Lay opened his mouth to speak but before he could even say something, Chanyeol interrupted.

“Thanks for telling us.” Chanyeol stood up and sat next to Hana, putting his arm around her shoulder. “It must’ve been hard for you.” He then pulled her into a tight embrace, swinging from side to side. I’m not going to lie, but that totally made me jealous.

“Okay, okay, that’s enough.” Chanyeol didn’t listen to my command. “S-“ Luhan had put his hand on top of my mouth to shush me. I glared at him but he wasn’t paying attention to me. “Let them have their moment.” Xuimin said. I groaned.

“I think that’s enough Chanyeol.” Suho separated Chanyeol from Hana and sat in-between. Thank you, Suho. Suho then put an arm around Hana’s shoulders. WTF.

“I was made fun of for looking anorexic, but it wasn’t like the whole school, just a couple of immature kids. I wasn’t anorexic at that time but after months of teasing I had a mental breakdown and yeah, you know… I found a way to escape from this horrid world; it soothed me even if it meant slicing my wrists multiple times. I was mentally and physically drained by the time I moved here.”

My eyes grew watery and I could not continue. I smiled at the boys as my tears were on the verge of falling. I was caught off guard as each person stood up to bring me into their arms. Tears fell as the warmth of the hugs gave me security.

I’m going to miss you guys…

Hana will most likely move to the U.S but there is still hope that she'll stay.