Chapter Eighteen: Cloud Nine




"Jessica." Upon hearing her name, she turned around to meet the person who called her name. There she met the female dressed in a maid’s uniform of dark blue and white. Her short, jet-black hair was let loose. Judging from her appearance, she was probably just a little order than the blonde. With fierce, slanted eyes piercing through Jessica’s, she said, "You're Jessica, am I correct?" 

"Yes. Jung Jessica," was said as she stretched her hand out, greeting the maid with a handshake. 

The maid took a second to reach for Jessica’s hand. It was unusual for someone of that stature to even acknowledge a maid with a handshake. "You're here to see our young miss?" She asked as she pulled her right hand back, clasping it together with her left and placing it on abdomen. "Unfortunately, our young miss is feeling ill since her trip this morning." She then slightly looked to her side at the older gentleman. "I'm afraid that he could not let you in under my instructions."

"I---" 

"Though I believe I can." The fierceness in her eyes vanished as she flashed a smile at Jessica. The blonde didn’t understand the sudden change, but she did favor it over the cold expression. "I don't think Mister and Missis Kim will appreciate that the person their daughter almost killed with relish is waiting outside. That will be very bad if they see you when they pull up."

Should she be happy that she would be able to see Taeyeon? Or should she feel bad for pushing herself on Taeyeon? But this wasn’t really pushing herself, right? She just wanted to make sure that Taeyeon was fine, and also to feed her pretend girlfriend. Right, she thought as she convinced herself with whatever justification there was left to it. 

"Follow me." 

But whatever justification she thought of, how much she tried to convince herself, there was still this guilt that was building in the abyss of her soul. "Wait." Jessica then bit her lower lip as she looked away for a second, trying to find whatever reasons she had left to help her push through. And finally, she decided to at least assure herself that what she was about to do was the right thing. "Is she well enough to see me? I really don't want to impose if she's not that well." 

"I believe that's for our young miss to answer." 

"Oh," was the only thing that escaped Jessica's lips. It wasn’t the reply that she was hoping. It did nothing to assure her. Nothing. Instead of easing her, it made her feel worse. It seemed like she was truly imposing. Her fingers pinched the bridge of her nose as she unknowingly bit the bottom of her lip, projecting an mixed expression of guilt addle. 

"However,” the maid said which perked Jessica’s attention. “She does not have a fever. If knowing that will make you feel better," she smiled again, turned around and took a step forward. "Now if you please, follow me." 

And Jessica did as she was told. She didn't even realize the smile she was wearing on her face. Taeyeon was not that sick anyway. At least, that was what the maid said. Now, she had this chance to clear things up with Taeyeon. If she talked to the kid now, this guilt inside her would be lifted off. It would, right?

When entering the gate, witnessing the actual mansion for the first time, the Kim's residence surely reminded Jessica so much of her late grandparents’ house. The architectural style was inspired by European motif.. Was this the fad back then or was it just a coincidence that they loved the same style?

She was led inside the massive house and was asked to wait in the living room, where she took a seat in one of the couches. The amount of decor that scattered in the Kim's residence was vast. Even Jessica, who was knowledgeable when it came to these things, couldn't put a tag price on the items. It just gave off the aura that a museum would. 

"I was instructed by our young miss to lead you to her room." 

Jessica followed her to the second floor and stopped when they reached the end of the hall. The maid then left the blonde without saying a word. What was she supposed to do? Well, since the female did say that she was instructed to lead her to Taeyeon's room, she might as well knock, and so she did. 

"Come in." Jessica heard Taeyeon say. She reached for the door knob, twisted it open and saw Taeyeon lying on the bed, facing the other way. Jessica's eyes travelled around the room. It was luxurious indeed just like the rest of the house and of course, fit for the princess of the family. The dark wood pieces of furniture for her bedroom set contrasted with the modern theme in her sitting area.

Was Jessica supposed to go to Taeyeon or just sit somewhere? But Taeyeon was sick so Jessica needed to help help her when she could, right? Plus, Taeyeon was there the whole time when Jessica was ill so it was only natural to return the favor! And during that time, they weren't even in this fake relationship, yet Taeyeon was there for Jessica.

Before the blonde could make a decision, she heard Taeyeon move. She looked at where Taeyeon was just to meet the latter's bewildered eyes as she sat up. "What are you doing here?"

"I--" The blonde then remembered what was in the paper bag in her hand. Didn't the maid said she was instructed to go in? So why did it seem like Taeyeon didn't know that she was there? Wait. What was going on? Did she once again just force herself on the girl? She didn't really create a ruckus outside. She was led here. Jessica tried to calm herself down. Pretending to be collected, she raised it and said in utmost calmness, "I brought you food."

"Oh..." Taeyeon then looked down, closed her eyes and said, "Thanks. Just---" she paused and opened her eyes to meet Jessica's but slowly averted her gaze to look at anywhere but Jessica's direction. 

There was something wrong. There was no question anymore in Jessica's mind. There really was something wrong.

"Just put it down somewhere."

And Jessica did as she was told. She had never seen Taeyeon act like this towards her before. It was truly foreign. Before the younger one could give Jessica an excuse to stop whatever they had, she knew she needed to at least have a conversation with Taeyeon. Something of sort that could start whatever spark they had before. Whatever that was, they used to have it. It must be there somewhere. Yes. It should still be there.

"How did you get here?" Taeyeon leaned back comfortably on her gigantic pillow; her eyes never leaving the window sill.

The older of the two wanted to take a step closer but her feet were glued to the ground. She felt as though that she was unwelcomed, and that steered the feelings within her.

"Jessica,” Taeyeon called and then repeated, “how did you get here?" Her eyes met Jessica's and for the first time, the blonde didn't like the fact that Taeyeon was looking at her. Directly at her. There was something in that distant gaze that scared Jessica witless. 

"I---" Jessica swallowed the lump that built in and then continued, "I was told that you were informed that I’m here." 

"Oh," and nothing else was said. 

Taeyeon then shifted her head, and her eyes were once again focused on the window sill that seemed to be more interesting than she was. That bothered Jessica. Seconds passed and no one made the effort of talking. Taeyeon was usually the one starting their conversations, asking Jessica about her day or simply talking about anything that seemed interesting to her. But now, not only was she avoiding Jessica’s gaze, she was also very limited with her words. Oh how did that perturb Jessica senseless. There was never a dull moment when they were together, and now, this stale atmosphere surrounded them.

What happened? What did she do wrong? Was it truly the fact that she left Taeyeon alone? But that wasn’t enough to deserve such coldness. "I tho---thought you knew," she stammered. Taeyeon looked at her, smiled softly, and shook her head. Jessica then asked, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

And there went the thing she called spark.The connection that linked and bound them both to each other simply vanished. Where it went, she didn't know. It just wasn't there right now. She desperately wanted it back. She craved for the attention that the kid usually gave her. She wanted Taeyeon to smile at her once again. To welcome her like she was supposed to do. She wanted it. She utterly wanted it back. Really, how did things end up being this way?

Taeyeon opened to speak. Something told Jessica that it would be her asking the blonde to leave or at least something along those lines. She knew she couldn't let that happen. Not ever. This may be the last time they would actually be in speaking terms. Would Taeyeon welcome her in the future? She didn't even know that the blonde was here so for whatever reason the maid had to send her in, she should be thankful. It might be her last chance to fix this. Whatever this was.

"You shou---"

"You're mad," Jessica stated without even thinking. She just knew she needed to say something to prevent Taeyeon from sending her off. But now she should continue and finish what she started. "If I did something wrong, I'm sorry."

Taeyeon blinked a few times and bowed a little. Weakly, she mumbled, "What are you apologizing for?" She then raised her head to meet Jessica's gaze. There was this connection. Like Jessica felt the sorrow the other girl was feeling. She didn't know if it was just because of her overactive mind, but somehow, she felt it. It was like the latter successfully transmitted her feelings to Jessica by just looking. Was that even possible? She wasn't hallucinating right? "Jessica?"

"For..." and nothing came out after that. Wouldn't she sound cocky if she would simply state that Taeyeon was jealous? What if she wasn't? What if she was upset because Jessica was a terrible host? Then that would just be humiliating for Jessica.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

The forced nonchalant expression of the younger girl signalled that there was indeed a problem, that it was not just Jessica's overactive imagination. Despite this, Jessica could not figure out what was the mishap. "I'm still sorry."

Taeyeon sighed. "For doing what?"

"For..." Jessica tried to supply an answer but found herself stuck. 

"It's okay." Weakly, Taeyeon waved her off. "There's nothing to be sorry about. Besides, I'm just not feeling well."

The blonde gazed at the girl who was breathing slightly heavy on her bed. Taeyeon's eyes, though seemingly tired, were staring at Jessica as if the blonde's presence made her sickness worse. She didn't like that feeling. Not at all. If apologizing for whatever it was that she did would take off that stare, she would do it. Regardless of the numbers of apologies, she would no doubt give it. Resisting the urge hold the younger girl close to her and recite a page's worth of apologies, Jessica could not do anything but set the brown paper bag by Taeyeon's night stand and watch, painfully, as Taeyeon eyed her down. 

"I'm sorry." Jessica paused as she took a step closer to Taeyeon "I didn't mean to leave you. Really."

"It wa---"

Before Taeyeon could tell her to stop and send her away, she just poured whatever words her heart had. Whatever it needed to say, Jessica expressed to the latter. "I didn't really mean to not introduce you as my girlfriend. I mean, what was I supposed to do? I don't know what we are. I don't know what we're doing to be completely honest with you. So I was afraid." She gazed else where, at least not to make eye contact with Taeyeon since what she was doing was somewhat embarrassing. How else was she supposed to express her emotions without sounding stupid? But she knew she needed to swallow her pride. "I was afraid that I'd scare you away since, you know, you don't really want to be in a committed relationship or anything of sort."

There was no reply from Taeyeon. The blonde bit her lower lip for a second to gather up whatever courage was left after expressing something diminishing. There was no turning back after what was said so there was only moving forward. "Really. I don't know what we are but then when people tell me that they envy our undefined relationship with no expectations from each other, I kinda think that they're wrong. I want us to be defined."

And finally, Taeyeon said in a hushed tone, yet enough for Jessica to hear, "Don't you like the fact that you can still talk to anyone you like?" With this, the blonde suddenly looked at Taeyeon, whose head hung low.

"But Minyoung and I aren't like that, Taeyeon. I don't like her anymore." Jessica tried to reason. It was true though. She no longer held special feelings for her past lover and the only person in her mind right now was none other than Taeyeon herself.

"I----"

"I lik----"

"No!" Taeyeon bellowed before Jessica was able to say anything more. That took Jessica by surprise. Why did Taeyeon stop her? Was being friends the only thing they could truly be? Could they be more than whatever they were now? Well, could they? "You don't have to say anything. You don't have to continue. I understand."

“Wh... What do you mean?” 

“That I understand, Jessica.”

So she understood that Jessica liked her? That Jessica held some special feelings for her? It could only be that! So Jessica's feelings did reach Taeyeon! It was a good thing that Jessica went there. A great thing! Finally! Jessica didn't even realize how happy she was and how true her feelings were, not until this. Not until the moment she thought she had lost Taeyeon. 

"So... we're good?" The blonde asked with sparkling eyes.

"Yeah."

"Really?" Jessica's smile widened. She couldn’t believe it! Just minutes ago, she felt unneeded, but now, she was able to express her emotions. She was able to pour it out, and Taeyeon accepted them. 

"Yeah." 

Jessica wasn’t imagining things, right? She seemed to be caught in them a lot lately. So the need to confirm what was going on was there."You're not mad at me anymore?" With this question, Jessica's smile grew wider. 

"Yeah." Taeyeon also flashed a smile at her and then nodded. "We're good, Jessica. I wasn’t mad. I was just tired."

Nodding, the blonde then started, “Are you s---” 

But was immediately cut off by Taeyeon’s words. “Yes. Positive.”

"Then you know I lik---"

"Yes."

"That's gre--"

"Hey, Jessica..."

"Yes?" The blonde responded eagerly, the smile on her face never fading. It was as though the world revolved around her. Like she and Taeyeon were the only people that mattered. Cloud nine sure was heavenly.

"I'm a bit tired and my headache is back so I'm going to nap."

"Oh. I see. Can I stay and wait for you?" Jessica wasn’t even aware that she was flashing her puppy-eyes when she asked. All she knew was that she really wanted to be there with Taeyeon and to take care of her, her girlfriend.

"No, you shouldn't." Taeyeon flashed an apologetic smile. "I’m grateful that you care about me, but you’ll end up being bored. There’s nothing interesting with a girl sleeping." She joked.

"It's fine!” The older one eagerly expressed. “I can wait."

"You really shouldn't. I would feel bad."

Jessica pressed her lips together, slightly frowning. "That's the least thing I would want you to feel.” She said in a defeated tone. She really wanted to be with her girlfriend. She wanted to feed her once she wakes up. But if doing so would cause the younger one to feel bad, then she should comply. “Well then, can you call me when you're feeling better? Or at least text me."

Taeyeon smiled softly at her and slightly nodded. "Sure. I'll do that." 



 

*****

The blonde walked in her house with a huge smile on her face, that same smile she had on since she left the Kim's residence. She couldn't believe it went that well. She was finally able to tell Taeyeon that she liked her. Finally! At first, she really thought things could end between them, but it turned out to be the opposite! Wow. What kind of turn of event was this? Undoubtedly unexpected!

Jessica thought, if it weren't for this huge misunderstanding, she would probably still be confused on what they were. Maybe it was a good thing after all. Also, it wasn’t for the maid, she wouldn’t have this opportunity. 

"You're not in a good mood." Tiffany kid as she saw Jessica walked in as she was seated on the couch, watching a random American show. "Got laid?"

"No!" Even with the joke, the blonde didn't reply in a sarcastic remark like usual. If she wasn’t in this mood right now, she would probably hit Tiffany or bring out an embarrassing incident that happened to Tiffany before. It wasn’t like that at all. Her smile was still on her face actually. "Just in a really good mood."

"I can tell." Tiffany giggled.

"Yup! Aren't you even going to ask me why?" Jessica sat beside Tiffany, grabbed her hand, and then crossed their arms together. "Come on, ask me!" 

Tiffany laughed since this was genuinely alien to her. Jessica was never like this at all. So she knew it would have to do with her new found fake girlfriend. "Oh? Did you kiss Taeyeon?" 

"Well, even better." Jessica grinned.

"There's something better than that? But you said you didn't get laid." Tiffany scowled, trying to think to herself. "Your stocks shot up huh?"

"Even better!"

"Even better than money? You must be in some kind of crack."

"I'm just really happy."

"Oh? Why? Just tell me already!" The blonde's best friend whined.

"I finally told Taeyeon that I like her and she said we're good!"

"What?!" Tiffany's eyes grew wide as she looked at Jessica in surprise.

"Yes! We're good! Can you believe it?!"

"Wow... Wow! That's really great!"

"I know!" The blonde giggled.

"That's... That's just really great! I feel so happy for you!"

"I know! Thanks! I just feel like... I just feel so good! Unbelievably good!"

"God, this is so great!" Tiffany had never seen Jessica this way so she was truly happy for her best friend. "Hey, I really need to take a shower since I just got off of work. Give me a couple of minutes and then we'll talk again, okay?!"

"Sure, okay!" 

Tiffany couldn't help but giggle at how silly Jessica reacted. She was like some kind of love struck teenager. "Oh my God!" She squealed. " I want to hear everything when I get out, okay? Everything!"

"Okay, okay!"