“What are you doing sitting outside?”

I lifted my head and found a smiling Junjin standing in front of me.

“I… uh… well…”  I don’t know why I can’t answer back.

“Wanna go inside?” Junjin asked. I just stared at him with doubt eyes.

“Don’t worry, he wouldn’t shoo you out. In this situation, he won’t even he wants to…” Junjin paused for a while before continued.

“Or… don’t tell me you don’t know the password” Junjin chuckled then press the door password before opened it.

“Remember this 4 digits because I know he won’t give you” Junjin gave me a piece of paper that consists of 4 digits number. I stared at the paper and nodded before put it inside my pocket then followed Junjin inside.

“Hyesung hyung I come!  Where are you?” Junjin shouted as soon as he got in.

“Where is he?” I asked. Junjin sighed and dragged me to the couch.

“Let’s wait here, hyung. Probably he’s busy hiding his alcohols and cigarettes or trying to make a happy face in the bathroom before meet us. Ouuuh! Can you smell alcohol filling the air? Ouuh..” Junjin answered as covered his nose.

“Why we sit here? Shouldn’t we go comfort him instead?” I asked confusedly.

“Just let him be” Junjin answered simply.

“but Hyesungie-”

“We are here to cheer him up hyung. Beside, I know he doesn’t want to make us worry…” Junjin paused.

“I know you worry, me too. But let’s pretend like nothing happens and annoy him until he gets mad today” Junjin smiled and I just nodded, agree with Junjin.

“Jinnie-ah sorry I just finished showering. Eh, Eric? Hi…” Hyesung come out with wet hair and towel on his neck then took a seat beside Junjin.

“I-”

“I asked him to come” Junjin said as patted my thigh lightly.

“It’s okay. Why are you here, you left something from yesterday?” Hyesung asked. I just looked at him. His eyes are so puffy; I bet he cried a lot last night.

“What? I can’t come here? I can’t visit my mommy bird? Is there any rule-” Junjin raised his voice. I thought Hyesung would shout at Junjin but instead he chuckled.

“Okay okay I get it” Hyesung smiled. It’s been a long time not seeing him smiling like this. It made me smile too.

“Hyung have you eaten?” Junjin asked. Hyesung shook his head.

“Ck… Yet you still ask me why I come. I’ll make you something” Junjin stood up and made his way to kitchen.

“But I don’t have appetite…” Hyesung mumbled with a frown.

“You should eat Hyesung” I said. He looked at me then looked down and mumbled something, which I couldn’t hear. I recalled what Junjin mentioned a while ago. annoy hyesung.

“Jinnie-ah make sure you won’t burn Hyesungie’s kitchen!” I shouted to Junjin and chuckled knowing what Junjin would reply.

“Don’t worry I’ll definitely burn down this house” Junjin shouted back.

“YA!!” Hyesung yelled. It made me and Junjin laughed hard. It’s so nice to see his annoyed face after a long time.

“How are you?” I asked. Hyesung looked up and smiled a forced smile to me.

“I’m fine, don’t worry” He answered shortly. I sighed. I know he lied.

“You know I live below, right? Just call me whenever you need someone to talk or help. I’ll come as fast as I can” I said as gave him reassuring smile.

“No need. I’ll be fine. Trust me” Hyesung replied me.

“Pilkyo… Can you just say yes this time?” I purposely called his real name because he knows I’m serious when I called him with his real name and it made him look down to his hands again. I reach his cell phone. Pressed 4 digits and saved it before gave it back to him.

“1233?” He asked. Confused written on his face.

“I think it’s better for Hyesungie to know my password door, right?” I said cheekily and hugged his arm. I know exactly he’ll pushed me so I hugged it tight. Surprisingly he stays still.

“Hyesungie? Are you okay?” I find it weird he didn’t push me. I put my hand on his forehead.

“Why 1233?” Hyesung asked as raised one of his eyebrow.

“1233. It’s all on the first row” I answered as motioned my finger as if pressing the button.

“Eyy mikkulaji. You don’t even bother going to the next row” Hyesung sneered. I laughed.

“Eyy, Hyesungie know me so well” I smiled widely as elbowed his arm. He hissed and growled in annoyance.

“Hyesungie hyung, Eric hyung, come help me here before I really burn down this place!!” Junjin shouted from kitchen. Hyesung stood up but I pull him back to the seat. He gave me a ‘wtf’ look.

“Just stay here. Let him cook by himself” I said.

“No thanks. I don’t have money left to repair the kitchen since I have fine to pay and you’d better to help too” Hyesung stood up and dragged me to the kitchen.

 -♥- 

It has been two months. We members keep visiting and checking on Hyesung, afraid he’ll do something stupid. Netizen comments kinda harsh and I’m pretty sure it bothering him so much.

Usually I come visit him with Junjin. We always create havoc in Hyesung house before leaving. Sometimes Junjin would bring back his things like ramen, t-shirt, cap, shoes, or whatever he can bring to make him annoyed. I can’t help to think Junjin really needs those things rather than to annoy Hyesung. But this time I come to his place alone and found all the lamps switched off.

Somehow it makes me worried. I switch on the lamp and found the living room still in a mess from the havoc that Junjin and I created last night. I shook my head, maybe we shouldn’t mess the living room this bad in the future.

Then I run to his room hoped found him sleeping soundly on his bed, but no trace of him. To the bathroom and found it empty. I shouted his name, got no answer.

What if Hyesung does something stupid and no one stopped him?

I continue to search him and shouted his name but the result is nothing. I became panic and called his manager. But Taehak said Hyesung is not with him. I sighed and run back to my apartment to change clothes. I assumed he wouldn’t go far since his car still parked beside mine.

I found his slipper on my doorway. My eyes widened.

Is Hyesung here?

I walked in quickly and found him sit on my couch tensely. I approached him slowly and squatted in front of him. He turned his face toward me and looked at me with a blank look. He kept silent and just stared at me with one or two blinks in between. It made me more worried.

“Hyesungie, what happen?” I asked him as hold his hands and it with my other hand. Hyesung just looked at me with watery eyes.

“Do you need something? Have you eaten? I’ll make you-” Hyesung stopped me.

“Then what happen? You wanna to talk to me?” I asked and waiting for his respond. He opened his mouth like he want to say something but he closed it and shook his head.

“Let it out Hyesung-ah. You come here to talk, right?” I pressing him but he just stay still.

“Okay, how about thinking me as your listening wall. You can tell me everything. I’ll just listen and won’t object you” I convinced him. He just bit his lower lip.

“I know it must be hard. But I believe you can through this. All you have to do now just wait until-”

“I…”

“hm?”

“I’m… I’m sorry…” Hyesung finally said it weakly and started to sob.

“I’m sorry it’s all because of my foolish action

I make you all disappoint…” he sobbed harder.

“I… I shouldn’t play it at the first time

I’m so stupid… I really hate myself for doing it…

I knew it’s wrong but I thought I wouldn’t hurt anyone that time…” Hyesung took a shaky breath and looked at me.

“Eric… I’m sorry for ruining Shinhwa image. It’s over for me now… there won’t be Shin Hyesung in the future and I decided to quit from Shinhwa…

but… please continue Shinhwa even just with 5 members… Shinhwa can’t disband just because I quit…” Hyesung paused a while.

“Are you finished now? It’s all you want to say?” I asked then quickly covered my mouth. I promise just to listen not to object.

“I’m sorry… I’m truly sorry… Yes Eric, it’s all I want to say… I’m going home now” Hyesung stopped his talking and wiped his tears before stood up.

“Jung Pilkyo sit down. Listen to me for a while” I grabbed his arm and made him sit.

“It’s not Shinhwa if you quit. You still have us members, family, and fans that support you. You can’t just give up now. If you quit, public would think more negative. You just need to hang on and put effort to what you’ll do in the future then I believe people will slowly forgive you” I said and his back. Hyesung nodded weakly and starting to cry again.

“Come here” I pulled him and hugged him. He cried heavily on my chest. I chuckled a little.

“How do you feel now? It’s relieving, right? Don’t keep the burden all to yourself. You can always talk to me and I’ll be your listening wall. How? It’s sounds appealing right?” I asked with cheeky tone in the end. Hyesung stopped his tears and pushed me.

“It’s sounds stupid” Hyesung said as looked at me in the eyes. I replied him with a grinned.

“But I like it” He continue with a soft voice and hugged me back.