FLASHBACH (SENIOR YEAR)

Yul and Yoona had been in the car on the way home from the doctor’s office and Yul hadn’t said a word since they’d left. Yoona was nervously twirling her wedding ring on her left hand. “You haven’t said a word since we left the doctor’s office, Yul,” she said. Still, he said nothing. “Talk to me, Yul.”

He didn’t take his eyes off the road, but Yoona saw his knuckles turn white as he gripped the steering wheel tighter. “I didn’t want a boy, Yoong,” he divulged.

“Yul...” she started, but he interrupted her.

“It’s just gonna happen again, Yoona. You were there when my grandparents came home for my dad’s birthday. You saw how it went. Dad couldn’t do anything right for grandpa, and I couldn’t do anything right for dad,” Yul reminded her. “It’s just a vicious cycle. I like to think I’m not like him, but Yoong, what if I am?” he asked, looking away from the road briefly with fear in his eyes.

Yoona took his hand and squeezed it. “I didn’t realize that you were scared.”

“Neither did I,” he admitted.

Yoona shifted in the passenger seat so that her back was against the window and she was facing him, which was no small feat with her seatbelt and slightly swollen belly. “First of all... you are nothing like your Dad,” Yoona said forcefully. “Second of all, I know you love your mom, Yul, and so do I, but I’m not like her. You grew up with your Dad in the large part because your mother wouldn’t leave. I wouldn’t let our child be treated the way you were treated. And I wouldn’t choose to have children with someone who could be like your Dad. That’s why I chose you,” she finished softly.

Yul absently caressed the top of her hand with his fingers. “Do you really think I can be a good father?” he asked.

“I know you can,” she assured him.

“Thanks, Yoona. For being my wife and for believing in me,” he said, his voice full of emotion.

As it turned out, Yul thought, Yoona’s faith in him had been unwarranted. He’d been unable to protect their son.

END OF FLASHBACK

More raucous laughter broke Yul from his thoughts. “So, I walk in,” Sunny was saying, “and there’s Taeng, Seohyun on his hip... wailing at the top of her lungs, Sooyoung in a heap on the floor, crying just as loud, and Hyoyeon trying to tell him how to make a bottle,” Sunny said. “It was the first time I’d ever left him alone with all three of them. Needles to say, it was also the last. The next day we found I was pregnant with the twins and started interviewing nannies,” she finished.

Jesse laughed. “Dude, I can’t even imagine living with that many females. I have a whole new respect for you, Taeng.”

“Thanks,” Taeng said.

Just then, the nurse walked in. “Hey, guys. It’s time for us to switch shifts, so visitors are limited for the next hour or so. If you could say goodbyes, and give Yoona a little break, that would be great. Expect for you, Yul. You’re welcome to stay,” the nurse said with a sad smile.

Yul nodded his head in thanks to the nurse.

Sunny yawned and stretched. “Tired, Bunny?” Taeng asked.

Sunny nodded. “And wanting to see the girls,” she said.

“Yeah, we do need to go back to the kids,” Taeng agreed. “We’ll see you tomorrow.” He went over and gave Yul a quick hug while Sunny gave Yoona a kiss on the cheek. As the two walked out of the room, Yul got up and followed them.

“Sunny,” he said softly.

She stopped and turned around. “Yeah?”

“I’m not sure what Yoona told you all those years ago when I left...” he started.

“She told me not to be angry with you,” Sunny told him.

“What?” he said, taken aback. He’d thought Yoona had been furious with him at that time. In fact, he had been sure of it. He’d seen it the night he left reflected in her cold eyes when she’d promised him that she wouldn’t be at the airport to go to New York with him. He certainly hadn’t expected her to defend him.

Sunny tilted her head to the side. “She told me that I had no right to judge you for the decisions you were making because I had no idea what it was like to lose a child,” she said gently. “And she was right. I had no idea then and even thought I still don’t know now, as a mother, I understand just a little more. And my heart breaks for you, Yul. A little more every time I see you. I can’t even imagine what you went through. I’m proud of your for just living through it,” she said with tears in her eyes.

Yul pulled Sunny into a hug and she squeezed him so tight that he knew she was trying to convey all her compassion for him and Yoona in the gesture. He squeezed he back to let her know that he understood. They pulled apart and she kissed him on the cheek. “Don’t let her go this time, Yul,” she warned softly.

Yul grinned. “I won’t,” he promised.

Sunny and Taeng left, and Yul walked back into the hospital room. Tiffany was zipping up her hoodie and Jesse was pulling his sweatshirt over his head. “Listen, about what I said before...” Jesse began.

Yul shook his head. “I didn’t like it,” he said bluntly, then shrugged. “Mostly because it’s true and that’s the ty part. I can’t be mad at you for being truthful.”

As Jesse and Fany left the hospital, he was reflecting on his conversation with his brother. He knew he’d been hard on Yul, and he also knew that he’d been close to pushing him to his limit, but he had to make sure that Yul was going to stay and fight for Yoona this time.

YUL’S DREAM

It’s time to call it, Dr. Leetuk, the nurse told him. The doctor sighed. “She’s so young,” he said, then sighed again. “Im Yoona, time of death, 3:42a.m.”

“Kwon!!” Yul yelled.

Everyone in the room turned to look at him, wondering what he was talking about.

“Her name is Kwon Im Yoona!” he yelled. “She’s my wife!”

“Well, she’s not anymore!” the doctor said coldly, brushing past Yul and out the door of the room.

Yul awoke with a start, breathing heavily. He lifted his head from Yoona’s side, and saw that the sheets were soaked from his head had been. He’d been sweating bullets in his dream, and apparently, it had manifested itself in real life, too.

He sat there for a few minutes, staring at Yoona, willing her to move. After five minutes, he punched the mattress on the bed where his head had been. “Dammitt, Yoona! Wake up!” he implored. When she didn’t he sighed, got up, and walked into the bathroom. He went in and splashed some cold water on his face, then looked up at himself in the mirror. He had dark circles under his eyes, and even he had to admit that he looked like crap. He knew he needed some sleep, but he also knew it wasn’t going to happen. They’d brought a cot in for him, but the dream that he’s had was the third one he’d had that night, and he just needed to be near Yoona’s side.

If he was honest with himself, and he was trying desperately not to be, he was terrified that Yoona wasn’t going to wake up. That she didn’t want to wake up. And right now, he couldn’t even think about what would happen if Yoona didn’t wake up. He’d barely been living before this had happened to her. Feelings even were new to him again. It was almost like he’d been walking around in an empty shell, not letting himself experience anything. The only time he ever let his guard down was when he was on the court playing, and even then, it was only the thrill of victory he enjoyed. He never let himself feel the agony of defeat. It was like he completely blocked it out. He knew now that he couldn’t go back to that way of life. He wouldn’t go back to that way of life. He wouldn’t live without Yoona again.

Yul walked out of the bathroom and out of Yoona’s room down to the family room and poured himself a cup of coffee. He almost gagged when he took a sip.  He didn’t even want to think about how long it had been sitting there. Oh, well, he thought. Whatever it takes to keep me awake. He didn’t want to sleep again; for fear that he’d have another dream. He pushed his chair back a little from Yoona’s bed and stretched his stocking feet out in front of him. He covered himself with the thin blanket the nurse had given him, and sat there watching over Yoona. Around four o’clock Yul‘s eyelids started drooping and it was getting harder and harder to keep them open. He finally gave in to sleep, restless as it was.

Yul woke up the next morning to Jesse shaking him. “Hey, little brother.”

Yul yawned and sat up. “What time is it?” he asked.

“7,” Jesse said, taking a sip of his coffee and handing one to Yul.

“What in the hell are you doing here so early?” Yul asked.

“Tiffany’s holding a press conference in one of the conference rooms here, and she wanted it to be as early as possible. She’s hoping to avoid as much of the press as she can.”

“And she doesn’t think they’ll drag themselves out of bed for this?” he asked.

“She’s hoping they won’t?” Jesse told him.

“Fat change.”

“That’s what I told her, but you remember Fany, right?”

Yul laughed. “Yeah, I remember Fany.”

There was a silence for a minute. “Thanks for the coffee,” Yul said.

“No problem.”