When Yul drove up to the house, all of the lights were out. He walked into the kitchen, and after flipping the light on, he put his keys on the hook by the door. He walked into the living room, the only light from the television set. He rolled his eyes as he saw the main menu for The Notebook gracing the screen. He saw Yoona lying down fast asleep in the couch, so he went over and crouched down beside her. “Yoong?” he said softly, moving her hair away from her face.

He heard her sigh and then her eyelids slowly fluttered open. “Hi,” she said, smiling at him.

“Hey.”

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“It’s okay,” he assured her. “I’m pretty sure that the emotional toll from The Notebook was probably pretty high,” he teased. “It must have exhausted you.”

She moved to a sitting position. “It did,” she agreed on a yawn.

“So that’s why your eyes are all red,” he said.

“That’s part of the reason,” she said quietly, her eyes once again filling with tears.

“Are you okay?” he asked, moving to kneel between her legs. She was sitting on the couch, and he was before her, so they were at eye level.

She shook her head no, and wiped at her cheeks. She’d had a lot of thinking to do since Jesse had left that day.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

Yoona had decided earlier that there was something she had to set straight with Yul, and if Jesse got mad at her for letting Yul know she was aware of some of his feelings from the past, and then he’d just have to deal with it. Yoona took a deep breath. “I knew that Yul Jr. was going to die,” she whispered.

“I know you did, Yoong. We all did,” he said puzzled. He had no idea where she was going with this.

“No,” she said fervently. “That’s not what I mean. I knew when Yul Jr. was in your arms that he was going to die.”

“What?” Yul asked disbelief.

Tears were falling steadily down Yoona’s cheeks now and she began to sob. She moved forward and put her hands on his shoulders. “Jesse told me that you felt guilty for not letting me hold him.” Yul met her eyes and nodded.

Yoona took a deep breath and shook her head. “I wouldn’t have taken him if you’d tried to give him to me. I wanted it that way,” she said softly.

“You didn’t want to be the one holding him?” he asked.

“Yul, of course I did,” she told him. “But that wouldn’t have been fair.”

“Yoona, he was your son, too,” Yul said.

“I’m not talking about me or you. I’m talking about Yul Jr., Yul. His favourite place to be was in your arms. He was a daddy’s boy through and through, and while I would have loved to have held him, Yul, I wanted him to be in his favourite place,” she said between sobs.

Yul reached up and put a hand on each side of her face, looking into her eyes. He leaned in and kissed her soundly on the mouth. She brought her hands up so they were resting on his and moved so the she was sitting on the edge of the couch, as close to him as possible. She opened and his tongue swept inside, caressing her tongue ever so gently. There was so much love in his kiss that Yoona was thankful she wasn’t standing. The impact of it would have knocked her over. She choked on another so and Yul pulled away.

“Yoona?” he said carefully.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t know how much I wanted this.” She leaned in so their lips met again. She took control this time, deepening the kiss. She brought her hands up to the neck of his shirt and pulling him with her, leaned back against the couch. Once again, he pulled away from her. He looked at her questioningly.

“Make love to me, Yul,” she said simply.

“Yoona…” he started softly.

She interrupted him. “Please don’t say no. I don’t think I could take it if you said no.”

He pulled further away from her, and moved to stand. He stood looking down at her with indecision in his eyes for about thirty seconds before she saw them fill with certainty. Finally… he lifted her into his arms and strode towards the stairs.

Yoona slowly opened her eyes the next morning feeling more content than she could ever remember. When she turned her head and her eyes fell upon Yul, she quickly realized why. After he’d carried her upstairs, her husband made love to her. Three times, she sighed softly and started to chew on her lower lip. The sound of the phone ringing broke through her nervousness, and she moved to get it. Before she could, Yul rolled out of bed. She didn’t even know he was awake. “I got it,” he said on a yawn, leaving the room in his boxers. He was gone for a few minutes before he came back. He leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. “Morning, Yoong,” he said, climbing back into bed and underneath the blanket. She watched as he closed his eyes and got comfortable.

Unbelievable, she thought. Was he really going to act like nothing out of the ordinary had happened? Yoona felt like she’d lost her ity again, and he was acting like everything was the same. She put her right arm above her head on the pillow and started rolling her simple gold band around and around her pinky finger.

“Stop it,” Yul told her, not even opening his eyes.

“What?” she asked.

“Whatever you’re worrying about, just stop,” he said softly.

“How do you know I’m worried? You didn’t even open your eyes,” she said.

“You think I need to see you with my eyes to know what’s going on with you. What’s on your mind?” he asked.

She took a deep breath. “Us.”

“Yoona…”

“I don’t want you to think anything has changed with us. I don’t want you to think this means that I’m staying,” she said, the words tumbling out of . She was afraid that if she had time to think about it, she’d never say them.

Yul finally opened his eyes and looked at her. The way he was gazing adoringly at her made her feel like she was less than nothing, and she had to look away from his eyes. He rolled over onto his side, and putting an arm around her, he pulled her up onto her side and closer to him. He kissed her on her forehead. “You think you want to leave, and I know that, but I’m not going to make it easy for you, Yoong. I’m gonna love you so much, you’re going to start to wonder how you ever lived without me.”

She looked at him for a minute, her eyes filling with tears, and then turned to look away again. He watched as she swallowed past the lump in , then lifted a hand to her cheek and gently moved it back so she was facing him. He leaned over and kissed her on the lips. He felt a warm dampness on the hand that was still cupping her cheek. When he pulled away, there was a single tear making its way downward.

“Do you remember what you said to me in Honey Grove? (Place they went to when they were in high school)” Yul asked softly.

She shook her head no, unable to look away. He had her full attention now. There was a time they’d been extremely happy together, and it was right around the time they’d spent in Honey Grove. She’d loved those days.

“You were about seven months pregnant. The most beautiful… I’d ever seen you,” he rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling, as if the scene were playing out before his very eyes. “You really were glowing Yoong. We were on the dance floor, and I asked how you put up with me. You said that you gave me your heart and that when we fell short, you always knew we’d be okay. You told me that I was your forever and you always.” He turned his head to look at her again. “We fell short, Yoong. That’s all, but you’re still my forever and my always. That hasn’t changed and it never will,” he said tenderly.

“Yul…”

“Don’t expect me to play fair, Yoona,” he warned her. “This is our marriage we’re talking about here. So I’m gonna be pulling out all the stops. I won’t live without you again.” With that, he got out of bed and left the room. When he got up, he took any trace of warmth with him. Yoona felt coldness seep into what felt like the depths of her bones. She pulled the blankets up to her chin letting the tears fall. She rolled onto her other side so she was facing the wall. Jesse was right, she thought.  I should just leave.

She didn’t hear Yul come back into the room so she jumped when she felt movement on the mattress behind her. He’d put his knuckles on the bed and leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. “Thanks for last night, Yoona,” he said softly. “It was amazing and if you stay… I can promise you thousands more just like it.” Then he left again.

Yoona took a deep breath and then slowly let it out. Yul was right. He wasn’t playing fair.