Stumble

“Does your heart even hurt?”

She could only continue to stand there and stare at him, unable to even utter a word. His accusation tore at her heart and her mind went numb. The frustration and disappointment in his eyes scared her. How is it that even after all this time he still couldn’t understand her? Of course she knew how to hurt. It was him who gave her that. She could only stand there and watch him slip slowly away from her. She wanted to hold onto him but she didn’t know how to reach out. And even when she did, he wouldn’t even notice. She wasn’t detached by conscious choice, it was just who she was. Just because she didn’t cry, it doesn’t mean that she didn’t feel pain. She could only stand there and stare back at him, hoping he’d understand the words her eyes were trying to express. But even as his eyes bore into hers, she could tell that he didn’t understand a thing.

“Why don’t you say anything? I can’t understand you if you don’t tell me.”

She could only let out a shaky breath as her sad eyes watched his frame shaking from the anger. She had been telling him. She never kept anything from him if he wanted to know. But he didn’t seem to understand anything she was saying. He was the one who came in and scaled every wall she put up. It was him who said that words were sometimes unneeded. He had been persistent and she had let him into her life the way she had never let anyone else in before. She left herself open and vulnerable to him. She gave him access to her every thought and feeling. She knew that she wasn’t like other girls who felt the need to express every emotion to the world. But she didn’t hide. She never hid from her emotions and she never tried to hide her emotions. But as she stands here, he made her feel as though she had.

“I can’t keep waiting here forever for you to open up to me.”

Disappointment swelled from inside of her pushing the tears to the surface. She had thought that they understood each other. He had said that no matter if she said anything or not, he could tell what she was feeling just by looking into her eyes. He was the one who had said they could overcome any obstacle as long as they tried hard enough. She had left herself as an open book to him but he just didn’t bother to read. She had told him her feelings but he didn’t seem to recognize them. She could just watch as he slipped slowly away from her. She had reached out to him but he only took a step away.

“Maybe it’s better if we take a break.”

Tears blurred her vision yet he didn’t seem to see them. She tried to blink them away, unwilling to let herself fall like that but her small frame began to shake from the upwelling of emotions. She saw him run a hand through his hair before sighing and turning away from her. Small cries began to escape as she brought a hand up to muffle the pain. Each of his words was a small needle continuously pricking at her heart. Her knees gave out from underneath her as she dropped down onto the floor, one hand clutching her heart and the other muffling her cries. “You say that it’s me who doesn’t hurt. Then do you even see me when I cry in front of you? You say it’s me who doesn’t open up. But do you listen when I do? You say you can’t understand me. But do you ever tell me what’s on your mind?”