► Chapter 20►

People have high expectation about their near future , I , for my part , had long lost that pleasure of waking up early , curling my hair , straightening it , wearing a dress , or changing into some comfy jeans , having large cute sweater or a simple plain shirt . devouring a cake or two , drinking a cola or three .

Being late to school .

looking forward meeting him .

missing him .

loving him .

It felt like death . when everything i once thought was mine left me slowly , the people who made my days shiny and bright started to disappear one after one , not giving me the chance to understand what the world was hiding for me . I foolishly locked myself into my sorrow , refusing to face my faith . 

was i immature or simply scared ? 

I can't deny the emptiness that embraced me , death , it felt death . as if i was alive and dead at the same time . 
 

Then i watched you with envious eyes . ' Why it's her ? why isn't it me ? ' . Question after question , i ended up watching you from far away taking everything i loved away of me . a mother's love , a house's warm , and him . I intend to say that i am a generous person , but every single human in the world has his limits . But even if i suffer , i don't know how to scream it , how to call for attention .