It's Dangerous to be Alone
The Awkwardness Between Us
"Oh why, oh why, oh why!"
I'd never seen Vic-unnie cry before. She was always the neutral, positive, keep-going leader of our group, the glue that held us strong. But now, with Amber missing, and Sulli not speaking to any of us, even at dance practice, the stress was getting to Victoria, and it was finally showing. She fell to her knees on the floor in my dorm room, sobbing into her hands. I kneeled down next to her and put my arms around her shoulders, hugging her from the side and trying to comfort her.
"Shhh shhh, Vic-unnie, it'll be all right," I said in the most soothing voice I could, trying to keep myself from getting emotional. With Amber gone, and no note or anything left behind, I had felt the cold hands of panic wrap around my heart, squeezing it and threatening to choke me with despair.
"What's happened?!" I heard Luna cry out behind us. I turned, trying to keep my face from showing how close I was to crying, but I knew I wasn't completely succeeding.
A sob choked me before I was able to say, "Amber's gone, Luna. No note, and her things are missing." Luna's face did the same as Victoria's before; it drained all color down to a paper white.
"W-what?" she stammered, leaning against the doorway. "No, no! She can't have gone!"
I nodded, feeling the tears coming now, and feeling my face begin to twist into that horrible facial expression that happens when you cry. I decided to look away from Luna, trying to breathe and not think about Amber's MIA.
"Why is this happening?!" cried Luna, not trying to hide her tears, unlike me. She kneeled down next to us and hugged Vic-unnie and me.
"I don't know," I said through the tears that started to fall.
I rode the city bus for hours, around and around. I never got off until the bus driver pulled over and stood up.
"Look, kid, you're gonna have to get off now. I have to drive back to the garage, and I don't want no bums sleeping on my bus."
So I began my wandering the streets of Seoul. I knew where I was, sort of. And I knew that it would take me the better part of the night to get back to SM Entertainment. So I started walking around, taking a look at some of the nighttime vendors booths, and wondering if I should buy a snack with the money I had on me.
Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz.
I sighed and took my phone out of my pocket. 2 Unread Messages, it said and I unlocked it to see who they were from, and what they said.
The first was from Krystal, to my surprise.
Amber, please come back. Please, you have no idea what this has done to Vic-unnie.
The second text was from Luna.
Please come home, llama-brain. I need you, Krys and Vic need you. But mostly, I need you.
My heart broke into pieces. Of all the people I'd never wanted to hurt, Luna was on top of the list, right next to Krystal. I felt tears burning behind my eyes, and I wiped at them quickly, trying to keep them from surfacing.
I put the phone back in my pocket. I couldn't reply to them now. I don't know why I felt I shouldn't, but I wouldn't let myself. Well, I did know why, I guess. It was because I still felt so ashamed about what had happened between Sulli and me. And how the heck had that relationship even gone so sour the way it had? What the heck had happened to twist our friendship? It had always been best buds with me and Sulli, never worrying about stupid girly stuff. Then suddenly...all of that stupid drama out of nowhere, and my weird desire to have her body...
I shook my head. It was just as wrong as wanting Luna. Which I had thought about maybe once, but felt bad about and had never done again.
Buzz buzz.
hyung, where did you go?! please don't run away! i'm so sorry, for everything! i just got so jealous and carried away! i had hoped that i could get you to fall for me, and i wasn't thinking straight...hyung, please come back! i'm so sorry!
I bit my lip. Sulli meant a lot to me. And all of the weirdness between us lately hadn't changed that fact. But I couldn't talk to her either. The phone went right back in my jeans pocket, and I shoved my hands into my pockets as I strolled along the line of vendors.
Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz.
Tears fell down my cheeks. I ducked into a dark alley and sat down on a half broken box, feeling sobs fighting me to get out. I clutched my face in my hands and then a heavy sob broke from me. My shoulders shook as I held a few sobs in, and then another one broke from me. I angrily swiped at my nose as I felt it start to drip and an angry sound came from me, again as a sob.
I wanted to die. I wanted to be left alone. And right now, I was.
SM Entertainment had given us our phones, and smartly (or creepily, but either way it was helpful) they had installed microchips inside each one that tracked our movements. It was an investment, our manager had explained sheepishly, when we found out that we were tracked at all times.
"We don't want our, investments, running away on a whim," he said. "You're all under contract. And those aren't broken easily."
He took Victoria's phone and moved his finger around on it a bit before handing it back to her. On the screen was a map of Seoul, and on that map was a blinking red dot somewhere far from SM Entertainment. Inside a square that was supposed to represent SM Entertainment's building were several other red blinking dots.
"It's your job to get her back here, Vic," said our manager seriously. "It's on your head if you don't."
"I understand sir," Victoria said, just as serious.
A private car with all of us, yes Sulli too, left SM Entertainment, and we headed into downtown Seoul, to find the red blinking dot that was Amber.
"What if she threw her phone away?" asked Luna nervously. "She'd be reckless enough to do it, and she never answered any of our texts!"
"Hyung wouldn't throw away her phone," said Sulli, but she didn't sound very sure.
"We just have to believe she still has it," said Victoria, sounding determined.
I said nothing as they anxiously and worriedly talked. I stared out of the window, watching the city lights pass by in the dark.
Suddenly Victoria said "Stop!" loudly, and as the private car, lurched to a stop, she opened the door and got out before our driver could come around and open it for her. "Just stay here!" she ordered him, and the rest of us piled out of the car after her. She held her phone out, turning around and around until she got the right direction.
"If we walk this way, we should run into her," she said, sounding hopeful.
"Then let's go," I said calmly and she nodded, walking purposefully in that direction. We all followed closely behind.
My tears were gone. I had some slow hiccups now and stayed in the alleyway on the broken box, trying to think of a way I could end this life easily. I'd never really considered suicide, except for that week or so that Krystal had been separated due to my stupidity. My father had always talked scornfully about people who chose suicide. He called them cowards. I wondered if he would think of me as a coward.
"Hey! Get outta here kid!" someone called from the other end of the alley. I didn't look or answer. I'd sit on this box all night if I wanted to.
"Go on! This is our turf!" somebody else shouted. "We're givin' you a fair warning!"
I stood up and said loudly, "I don't see your name on it." And then I looked at them.
Two tall, brawny guys, with mean eyes and tanned skin. The one had a buzz cut, the other's was shaved completely clean to show off a dark tattoo on the majority of his skull.
My heart started to pound, and I could feel myself getting jittery. If this was gonna turn ugly, I knew I could scrap it out, for the most part. I just had to get them to take me on, one by one. If it was both of them at once, I was in big trouble.
"You gonna say that again?" said the buzz cut, holding out his arm threateningly. In the light of the street lamp I saw something gleam in his hand.
My heart nearly leapt out of my throat, but I swallowed hard.
"Yeah, I don't see your name anywhere on this alley!" I said in the most uncaring voice I could muster. "So I'm gonna sit here as long as I want! All damn night!"
I heard a click. So, it was a gun. I had guessed at a knife, but maybe in the dark I could dodge a bullet...
...I sprinted as fast as I could from the alley, hearing "Damn!" "Don't let him get away, man!" echo behind me. I just had to hide somewhere for a little while, that's it...
I didn't think about anything except survival. Several vendor's booths had colorful cloths to cover the front of their tables, so I quickly scrambled underneath one of the tables, hiding behind colorful purple, gold and red colored cloth. Several people screamed and protested as the gang members came out into the open, looking threatening. Someone screamed for the cops, and soon there was the sound of lots of feet, and then the sound of gunshots ringing in the air.
The table I was hiding underneath was overturned, the next thing I knew, someone was grappling with me. I kicked and punched, everything such a blur that in the moment I didn't recognize my attacker.
Gunshots again, and I felt a punch to my gut.
Then everything grew still.
[A/N: Oh no! Looks like Amber's gotten herself into a big mess! Where will it go from here? Stay tuned for the next exciting chapter!]
Comments