Do You See Me?

The Awkwardness Between Us

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSrnlXyjm2I7B2CweTHUWp

At the end of another concert, as we wave to the crowd and stand close to one another, occasionally whispering to one another and pretending that there's something between us when there really isn't, I find myself growing tired of the charade. It's important to show fanservice, because it grows the loyalty of the fans to our group, and we've heard that it also wins us new fans. But why can't it be Sulli and Krystal, or Victoria and Krystal, or even Luna and Krystal? I don't want anything more to do with this! It's doing weird things to me emotionally, confusing me, making me feel jealous and hurt when I shouldn't.

She's tugging my arm, grabbing my hand and there are happy screams from the crowd as Krystal drags me off stage, a spaced out look on my face, I'm sure. The rest of them surround me too, Luna and Sulli pushing me from behind, Victoria asking me if I'm okay as she grabs my other arm and we go down the hallway to our dressing room.

Victoria sits down in front of me as they push me down on the couch. I feel dazed.

"Amber, earth to Amber!" says Victoria, looking worried. She's looking around as people swarm around us, handing me a bottle of chilled water, checking my pulse. Victoria starts swatting at people's arms. "Okay, let her breathe! Back off! Group members only, everyone else out!" She scolds as our entourage backs out of the dressing room door. She turns her attention back to me as the door shuts and the five of us are left to ourselves.

"Are you okay? Were the lights out there too hot?" she asks, checking my temperature by touching my forehead. 

I finally show some sign of life by unscrewing the bottle lid and taking a long drink from the bottle. I take a gulp of air, sighing as I rub my forehead. I am sweating a little bit.

"Yeah, I think the lights are getting to me," I finally said, splashing my face with a little scoop of water. I get a slap on my arm and know immediately it's Krystal.

"Well don't act like such a zombie! Are you trying to worry us?" she asks, scolding me. I never noticed she'd sat down next to me on the couch, but she is, still holding my hand, only now it's sandwiched between both of hers. There's a hint of worry in her beautiful eyes as she inspects me.

Victoria sighs, standing up. "I better go tell the manager so he doesn't run down here in a panic. None of you go anywhere! We have one more encore song and then we can leave." She leaves the dressing room quickly, shutting the door behind her.

Luna sits down in a plush chair on the other side of the room, taking out her phone to text Onew. Sulli decides that she has to go to the bathroom, so she leaves. I shake my head, chuckling to myself. So like Sulli to forget a simple instruction and be impulsive. Well, hopefully she gets back before Victoria does, or she'll get it.

"Why are you laughing?" asks Krystal seriously, hearing my small chuckle. I look up, into her eyes, and my goofy smile fades.

"I'm sorry I worried you, Soojung," I say sincerely. "I don't think I drank enough water before that last number."

"Well you better start drinking more!" she scolds me again, but not in a mean way. Her eyes really do say she's worried about me. This shouldn't make me feel elated and let those butterflies loose in my stomach, but it does. Her expression softens, and she brushes some of my hair out of my eyes. "You really should at least finish that bottle and drink two more before we go out there again."

I nod, smiling down at the bottle. "Yeah, you're right."

She swats my arm. "Of course I'm right!"

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSD894FJzJNRIudTK1x00I

I know I've been acting strange lately, but Amber has too, in her own little ways.  I'm just more sullen. She's unpredictable with  her moods. One minute she'll be goofy llama-faced stupid and the next she'll be so sweet that I'm nearly knocked off my own feet. Then the next she'll be so sulky that she won't speak with me, and then she'll be sorry and sweet again.

Our encore performance went well. It was Electric Shock, of course. We've won many media awards for that song, and Amber even improvised her dancing so she could pretend to be flirty with me. Of course, my reaction was to blush and grin like an idiot, which made the fans go crazy. We rushed off stage at the end so we could change our clothes and go get on the bus. Amber took the lead and decided to grab my hand, flinging her other arm around me to help me out as the bodyguard personnel protected us from over-zealous fans in the hallway. I could hear cameras clicking like mad. Well, there's some more "Kryber" pictures to post on the internet. I'm sure Luna will show us later the new antics of "Kryber" and how we're so real...

Now we're on the bus, and I bite my lip and look over at Amber. She's across the aisle, sleeping in two seats.

"So, what's the Kryber status?" asks Luna, poking her head over the seat and leaning against her crossed arms on top of it. I shrug.

"I don't know. She's taking it...differently than I am," I said a little sadly.

"You're both confused," stated Luna seriously.

"What?" I said, not because I couldn't hear her. "No, we're not both confused. I know what we are. We're friends, pretending to be more so that we can satisfy our fans." I sigh, because I know that Luna's right. I am becoming confused at what I feel.

"Yes, and you're a bad liar too," smiled Luna. "Look, I could easily tell you how Amber feels. I'm sure you see it yourself because she wears her heart on her sleeve. She can't help it. She's too honest to hide her true feelings."

"I don't want to ruin the friendship we have!" I protested, looking at Luna. I wasn't angry or hurt...I was just...skeptical, unbelieving. There was no way we couldn't avoid ripping apart the relationship we have if things got weird.

"Do you really think she's so selfish that she would destroy that friendship?" asked Luna quietly. "Do you think she acts like you're the princess and she's your servant because she actually thinks that? No, Krys." Luna reached over the seat and grabbed my hand. "She loves you. To some degree, she really loves you, and even if you never feel the same way about her, she'll still treat you the way she does now, still feel the way she does about you now."

Tears spilled over my cheeks as I covered my mouth. "Did...did she say that...to you?" I ask, trying not to gasp because I know that I'm crying.

Luna smiled sadly, patting my cheek and rubbing some of the tears away. "Yes. A few weeks ago. She's been trying to hide her feelings because she doesn't want to make it awkward on you. She knows that skinship is entirely different for you than it is for her. She's been fighting herself, because she doesn't really know what to do anymore."

I can't talk. I'm afraid I'll start sobbing out loud and wake Victoria and Sulli and Amber. Luna gets up and walks around the seats to sit by me and hug me. I bury my face in her shoulder and silently cry, my shoulders shaking.

Of course she loves me. I should have stopped denying it when I first saw it. I've been playing with her feelings to get her to do things for me, to stay close by me and be my anchor. But somehow, along the way, I knew I loved her too, and then I stopped being so demanding and just let her serve me when she felt she needed to show her love to me.

Was I so blind? Not anymore. I couldn't be so cruel without feeling like I had poked myself in the gut when I hurt her too.

"You know it, don't you?" asked Luna in a whisper as she rubbed my back. I nodded, choking back a sob. "Now you just have to tell her, somehow."

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQIESPAa0AbtDkC7lRuzBp

"Hey, dino-brain, get up!" Someone poking my ribs--more like jabbing, really--woke me up. I rubbed my face, trying to wake up, and grabbed my duffle. I leaned across the aisle and picked up Krystal's too, just out of habit.

"You don't have to," she said, grabbing the handle and touching my hand. I let go like her skin was hot coals and nodded.

"Uh, yeah, sure. If you want," I said, confused as I stood up and waited for her to get up. She tucked some hair behind her ear and lifted her duffle, with a little difficulty. I chuckled and reached across the aisle, taking her duffle bag from her. 

I nodded to the aisle. "Just go, Soojung, you're holding up the line," I teased. Victoria stood behind us, tapping her foot. Looking a little embarrased, Krystal hurried down the aisle and got off the bus quickly. I slung her duffle over my shoulder as I carried the other behind me, feeling it hit bus seats as I went.

*****

Our bedtime seemed a little rushed as Krystal took less time to go to bed than usual. She washed her face, brushed her teeth, and then went immediately to bed. I shrugged as I changed into my pajamas. She was turned to the wall, and so I could only guess whether she had really gone to sleep, or whether she just wanted to be left alone.

Victoria was in the bathroom, and Luna and Sulli had gone to get some ice, probably checking out the pool on the way to see if any hot guys were down there in their bathing suits.

I sat on the edge of the bed awkwardly, playing with my phone, debating whether to post on Twitter or not, when I felt a hand on my back. I looked over my shoulder to see that Krystal had rolled over and was crying, her eyes shut, but she had reached out for me. I pulled the covers back and climbed into bed, instinctively pulling Krystal to me and wrapping my arms around her, gently her hair to comfort her.

Skinship. I was working on remembering that it really meant nothing more to Krystal than friends reminding each other that they were supportive and caring and always there for one another.

"Do you really expect nothing from me?" asked Krystal in a whisper. Shocked I said nothing, my mind completely blank. What was I supposed to say to that?

"I don't know what you're saying, Soojung. Maybe you should try to sleep. It's been a long day..." I said, trying to let her know she didn't need to bring up our confusing friendship.

She sat up, looking down at me. One of her tears fell and nearly hit me in the eye, running down my cheek.

"Do you really love me so much that you would never let me know how you felt? Are you worried I would hate you?" she asked, her face vulnerable.

"I..." and I couldn't really say anymore because my brain was rushing through my thoughts at a hundred miles per hour.

"I don't hate you, stupid," she said, giving me a small smile through her tears. She cupped my cheek with her hand, using her thumb to wipe away a tear that was threatening to run out of my own eye. I blinked.

"We don't have to talk about this, Krystal," I said, surprised to hear myself saying it. "We're just friends. I know that."

Krystal covered as a few new tears surfaced. "You love me so much that you would do whatever it takes to only be friends?"

"I don't want to ruin our friendship," I said carefully.

"But you love me," she said, taking her hand away. There was hope shimmering in her eyes.

"Well, I..." I couldn't say anything else. This could go very, very wrong in a matter of seconds, and it all depended on what was said. I didn't want to destroy this moment, this brief moment in time where Soojung was, in her own way, confessing her feelings for me, and letting me know that my feelings wouldn't destroy our friendship.

As it turns out, I didn't have to say anything, because Krystal descended so quickly my brain had trouble registering what was happening. But the next thing I knew, she had gently pressed her lips against mine, and her eyes were closed. I should've closed mine too, but I was so shocked that mine were wide open and I was frozen.

When she let go and sat up, my eyes were still wide open, blinking slowly. "Krys, I..."

She put her finger over my lips. "Shhhhh. Go to sleep."

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
DABEATS11 #1
Chapter 13: daebak....
Alerth #2
Great storie!
lilkjungie #3
it's finished ..
love this story :D
you did a great job xD
Derpy123
#4
Damn it's finished ):
Thank you for the story haha (:
nagbabasalang
#5
thank you for the story.. :3
nagbabasalang
#6
end...
lilkjungie #7
ahh !!!
i'm going crazy !
please update soon TT.TT
Derpy123
#8
Oh
My
Godddd.
O____O
nagbabasalang
#9
waaaaaaaaaaahhh!! ottoke?! T.T
1ll1ll9oo #10
HO____.
WE NEED SUPER VIC.