My every day wasn't the same without that stupid llama-face in my life. I missed her. I cried every night, clinging to my pillow, pretending it was Amber holding me and my hair like I knew she would if she were really there. But those hurtful words she'd said...they made me cry even harder. Did she really believe that I was controlling? Surely she could understand my jealousy stemmed from the fact that I was scared that one day she'd choose someone else over me?

Victoria sat on the edge of my bed and she gently patted my shoulder. "You've been crying a lot lately, Krys. Can I do anything to help?"

I sniffed and waited a minute to speak. "N-no," I managed to choke out. "No one can help me."

Victoria sighed. "Well, at least let me get you some water and a sleeping pill so you can go to sleep. It's not healthy to cry so much every night and wake up the next morning sleep deprived."

I nodded, and she got up and went to the bathroom. I heard her turn on the sink, and open the cupboard above the sink, then she turned the water off and reappeared in the room, holding a small white pill in her right hand and a glass of water in her left. 

"Here," she said, offering them both to me. "This should  help."

I took the pill and the water and threw the pill in my mouth, drinking quickly because the pill usually had an awful, bitter taste. It didn't take long for me to start feeling drowsy, and as I settled back on my pillow, Victoria took the glass and smiled at me.

"It's going to be okay, Krys. I promise."

It's difficult to go on each day like everything is okay. Luna started getting sleeping pills from Victoria for me to use so that I could get a decent night's sleep and so I didn't look like a zombie raised from the grave with those giant circle bruises under my eyes. Luna also hasn't left my side (besides classes, of course) since I told her what happened between Sulli and me.

In all reality it makes more sense for me to fall for Luna, but I honestly don't feel more for her than a bond that is strong between best friends, that bond that tells you they will always be true and have your back, no matter how stupid you can be.

I've seen Krystal with Victoria a lot since she moved out. Sometimes she's following her to the cafeteria, hands linked loosely. I feel a dull stirring within me that tells me I should be jealous of that hand-holding, but know it's just because Krystal feels so lost that she needs someone to hold on to.

Luna throws some pulled grass at my face, and I turn back from staring at Victoria and Krystal crossing the courtyard. Luna, Sulli, and I are sitting on the grass near the fountain in the middle of the courtyard. Sulli's doing homework for a class, and I'm supposed to be working on Korean with Luna.

"I just can't concentrate," I say with a slight smile at Luna. She's the only person who can keep me smiling. Without her, I think my face would dry up and blow off of my head like dust in the wind.

"Well you'd better make some headway, llama-breath," she teases. "Come on, tell me you want to go to the movies in Korean."

"Can we actually go if I say it right?" I ask eagerly. I'd like to be anywhere but here.

Sulli looks up, a wide smile on her face. "I'm ready for a break! I'll help you hyung!"

Luna swats Sulli's arm. "No! She has to get it right on her own, or no movie!"

Suddenly Victoria approaches us, with Krystal right behind her. Their hands are linked, but Krystal is staring off in the distance, barely holding on. That gives me some consolation at least that she hasn't gotten over me.

"Can we join you?" Victoria asks with a smile. 

Luna smiles as brightly as she can. "Of course! Please! It's been a long time since we've all hung out together!" I see her wink at Victoria, who gives her a small nod in return, then suddenly they both grab Sulli by the arms. Sulli shouted "Hey!" and was half-dragged away between them, leaving me lying on the grass, and Krystal still standing there in front of me.

I get up, brushing the dirt and grass from my clothes. "Well, I--I better go study," I say nervously. My first words to her since I said...well, the horrible words that ill-fated day when I yelled at her, and they have to be "Well, I have to go study?" Amber, what the hell is wrong with you?

"Wait," I hear her say as I grab my bag. Her hand grabs mine, and I drop the bag, tingles traveling from my hand all the way down my arm. I look into her eyes, and they're shining with tears. "Just wait, and listen to me, please," she says. She pulls me over to the stone bench and sits down. Hesitantly I sit too, pulling on my pants. 

She's still holding my hand. Not like she was holding Victoria's, but she is holding to mine securely, like I'll float away any second. That's quite a grip you've got there, Soojung, I think.

"You--you're looking well, Soojung," I try to say casually. She's still breathtakingly beautiful to me.

Her face breaks into a small smile. "So, you still have some feelings for me," she says.

I blush and duck my head. "What makes you think that?" I ask in a teasing tone to the grass. 

She brushes my cheek lightly, and I look sideways at her. "You called me Soojung."

I laugh lightly. "Well, yes. Hah, I guess I do...still feel the same as I did before about you." I scratch my head.

Her smile has slowly faded. "Yes...well...I'm afraid we're in a terrible predicament, stupid. You see, I love you so much that I can't seem to sleep or eat, and I cry too much." Her face was serious. "And I can't seem to forget a horrible moment..."

I got off the bench and kneeled in front of her. "Soojung, you don't even know how sorry I am for that stupid moment. I never meant what I said, and I'm so, so sorry I said it!" I felt a tear fall down my cheek. "I hate my life without you in it. I don't want to live another day if I can't talk to you or be near you!" I choked out.

She smiled and I scooted between her legs, wrapping my arms around her waist and cuddling my head into her stomach.

"I love you, Soojung. Even if you hate me for what I said, I love you so much, and you don't ever have to talk to me or love me."

"I'm talking to you right now, stupid," she laughed softly, my hair. "I can't...live without you either," she admitted shyly. "Victoria-unnie is really nice, but I can't sleep in her bed, or tell her my fears." She ran her fingers gently through my hair. "I still love you."

I don't know how long we sat like that, me awkwardly hugging  her at the waist, she sitting there patiently, brushing her fingers through my hair. But it was heaven, a brief pause from the hell I'd been enduring for weeks.

I finally sat back on my heels, and saw that Krystal had a big smile on her face, and her cheeks were pink.

I laughed. "Did you like that?" I joked.

"Yes," she said shyly, blushing more. 

"Well, follow me," I said, transforming from the pathetic, moping emo that I'd been for nearly two weeks, into my old dorky, energetic self. I grabbed her firmly by the hand and she willingly followed me back to our dorm room. Thankfully Luna had helped me clean it so that it no longer stank. 

I opened the door and let Krystal walk in first, then I went in, closing the door and turning on the light. Krystal sat on her old bed, watching me as I took a piece of paper that had been once ripped to shreds and then taped back together again from one of my dresser drawers. I sat next to her and handed her the note. It was the same one I had found in pieces on the floor.

I put my forehead against the side of her head and whispered, "That note was telling the truth, Soojung. My heart will always be yours. I know you didn't believe that, and that's why you ripped it up. But please don't ever forget that I love you."

She put her head against mine to whisper, "That note was telling the truth, Soojung. My heart will always be yours. I know you didn't believe that, and that's why you ripped it up. But please, don't ever forget that I love you!"

I turned my head and pressed my lips to hers, pulling her head to mine. She kissed me back, her arms wrapping around my waist. I ran my fingers through her hair, and felt a familiar tingling in my abdomen as our bodies got closer. 

"Amber," I breathed as we broke the kiss for a moment, "please tell me you love me."

"I love you, Soojung, you and no one else!" she said with her goofy smile, kissing me once before giggling.

"Oh shut up, stupid!" I smiled and pushed her over. She held onto my arms and pulled me down on top of her. She brushed my hair out of my face and smiled warmly up at me.

"I'll say it as many times as it takes. I love you, Soojung. I love you, I love you I lov--" but I halted her declarations of love by crashing my lips down onto hers and she hummed happily as we kissed.

*****

I woke up and felt someone warm next to me.

Oh no, not Victoria, I thought nervously as I looked at the head smashed against my collarbone. I felt a shiver of pleasure rush through me as I recognized the dyed blonde short hair. She had her arm thrown over me and our legs were tangled together.

"Amber," I whispered, kissing her forehead. "I love you."

It was with a bit of embarrassment that I remembered what had happened before we fell asleep in the late afternoon, and I shyly smiled as I began to gently run my fingers through her short hair, hoping she'd wake up and see me smiling gently at her.

It took a few minutes for her to wake up...and realize we were both under a single sheet...and realize it wasn't a dream, but that she was actually lying with me, and that we were no longer fighting.

She half sat up, leaning on her elbow and grinning down at me. Her cheeks turned red as she remembered what we had done.

"So I guess...you love me a lot, huh?" she asked, clearly a little shy about the way she had acted.

I giggled. "You're really stupid if you didnt' get that from all the kissing," I said, poking her cheek. She laughed, and then gazed adoringly down at me.

"Gosh Soojung, I love you so much," she said, still grinning.

I brushed her cheek with my fingers, smiling back at her. She kissed my fingers.

"We should get up and see what time it is," she said with another laugh, sitting all the way up to look at the clock by my bed. "Geez, four in the morning? When did we fall asleep?" she asked, turning to look at me.

I shrugged. "Does it matter? I got the best sleep last night than I've had since we had that fight."

She smiled. "Me too." She went over to her dresser and pulled out some clothing, getting dressed as I watched her. She noticed me and blushed. "Soojung! What are you staring at me getting dressed for!"

I laughed. "I saw you yesterday afternoon and you weren't so embarrassed about it then!"

"Yes, well," she laughed, "You were too! And we were too preoccupied to be embarrassed anyway!"

I stretched and smiled. "You're right. Anyways, it's too early to get up and get dressed. Go get me some breakfast," I said, winking at her. 

She grinned. "Anything for you, Soojung." She slipped on her shoes and left, closing the door quietly behind her.  

 

[A/N: I marked this "M" because I wasn't sure if the vague references to love-making, or talking about them being , would be appropriate or not. Let me know in the comments below! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!]