There was a tenseness in the group that you could literally feel the week following the day that Sulli had told me she loved me. And it seemed that ever since she had blurted it out, now she couldn't help showing me in little ways that she wished that I had the same feelings for her. She was constantly trying to bring me water bottles and if Krystal gave her a death glare, she played it off by giving Krystal a water bottle too with a friendly smile and a "Gotta stay hydrated!" before bouncing away to offer water to the others.

Krystal gave me a meaningful look when we ended our traveling for the concerts and went back to our dorms at SM Entertainment. We were in our room, me on my bed pulling clothes out of my duffle bag, and she organizing things on the shelf by her bed.

"You need to tell Sulli you have no interest in her," she said lightly as she set a few things on the shelf, giving me a brief sideways glance.

"Ssul doesn't mean anything, Krys," I said, shrugging off her comment. "She just wants to stay my friend. The others feel like we've been excluding them." My explanation seemed to set something off in Krystal as she stiffened at my words, setting one last thing on the shelf before turning and fixing me with a stare that said I was in big trouble.

"She's been acting very strangely around you this past week," she said in a warning tone. "You tell her that your interest resides with me. Then maybe she'll stop all her showing off and trying to get your attention."

I snorted. "Geez, Krys, what the heck makes you think she's acting that way?" I was hoping to mislead Krystal, because although I didnt' have romantic feelings for Sulli, she was still a best friend and I felt sorry for the predicament she was in.

Suddenly Krystal was up in my face and she shoved me down on my bed. She leaned over me, her eyes dangerous.

"I know you can see the way she's acting, and if you really love me the way you always say you do, you will tell her to knock it off!" The two of us breathed heavily for a moment. 

My eyes narrowed as I put my hands on Krystal's shoulders and pushed her off of me, getting off the bed and running my hand through my hair to fix it.

"I never thought I'd say this, Krystal," I said angrily, "but you really can be a controlling !" I stormed out of the room without a backward glance, slamming the door behind me.

How did we get to this place of resentment and hurt? I sat down on my bed, ready to fall over if I stood any longer, shocked at her words.

"You really can be a controlling !"

Those words echoed in my heart, hurting me over and over. What had happened to our innocent stage, full of love and smiles and holding each other close at night when everyone else was asleep? What happened to our whispers and affirmations of love?

Damn you Sulli! You've ruined it all! Tears were welling up in my eyes, threatening to spill over. I roughly wiped my eyes with my sleeves, wiping away the evidence of my hurt and pain.

Methodically I began packing my things back up. If Amber didn't want me around because I was so "controlling" I'd just stay with Victoria-unnie for a while. She had a dorm room to herself, for situations like this. As the leader it was her job to keep harmony within the group, and sometimes dorm-mates needed a break from one another. Like now.

Suddenly a tear ran down my nose as I leaned over a box, and it fell on a folded piece of paper. I wiped my face again and opened the paper to see what it was. A note. 

Dear Soojung,

No matter what happens, no matter how far apart we are, know that you are the only one in my heart. I love you always.

Love, Your Stupid Idiot

And then the torrent of tears that began to flow halted me in my packing, and I couldn't seem to move. I sank down to my knees, leaning against the mattress, crying my heart out against the sheets, sobbing loudly since I was alone. That note brought back memories of cuddling close in a hotel bed, of days dancing and giving each other smiles, of holding hands in concerts. Were those days really so long ago that we were fighting now, forgetting how much in love we were?

I knocked on Luna and Sulli's door, and Luna answered. My downcast face warned her, and she looked back inside the room before coming out and closing the door softly behind her.

"Sulli's in the shower. Do you want to go on a walk?" she asked, understanding immediately my need for sanity right now. I could only nod as she pulled me down the hallway and down the stairs to the open courtyard in the middle of all the dorm buildings.

"You fought with her, didn't you?" she asked, probably knowing the answer. I nodded, a single tear falling down my cheek as I sniffed. We sat down on a stone bench by the fountain, and she put her arm around me. "Geez you dino-brain. Haven't you noticed the goofy way Sulli's been acting around you? Krystal was bound to notice, and it's made her jealous."

"How could she even think that there's competition?" I asked hoarsely, wiping my eyes. 

"Well, Ssul is pretty too, you know," she said. "And all the isolation from you has made her notice her feelings. Krystal has always been unsure and a little afraid of what others think of her. Even the thought of you looking Sulli's way has made her feel like maybe you would choose Sulli over her."

I rolled my eyes. "Krystal would think that," I sniffed, rubbing my nose. We were quiet for a moment, Luna rubbing my arm as I stared at the grass dully.

"You know, Sulli told me what happened last week, when she told you she loved you," Luna said quietly.

I sighed, leaning over to put my face in my hands. "And even after I rejected her--" my voice was muffled through my fingers.

"But she said she was still hopeful because you didn't reject her outright," said Luna, looking at me with pity. I sat up, biting my lip.

"So I have to tell her that I can't accept her love," I said, rubbing my face.

Luna gave me a sad smile. "Yes, you do."

After tearing up the note and leaving it in shreds on the floor, I grabbed a small suitcase I had packed with half of my clothes and left my dorm room. Victoria-unnie's room wasn't far from ours, and as soon as I reached it, I didn't hesitate to knock on the door. She opened it with a smile, but it slowly faded as she saw the look on my face.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"May I stay with you for a while?" I asked, rolling the suitcase over to the empty bed and sitting on it. Victoria closed the door and turned, looking worried. 

"Of course. Is anything wrong?" she asked carefully, sitting on her bed to face me.

I felt the tears begin to rise but I fought them. "Amber was...unpleasant to me, and I feel we need some time apart."

"Okay," she stood up. "Well, I'm going to go get some food for the both of us. You can go ahead and unpack your things. I'll be back soon." She gave me a reassuring smile as she went to the door. It closed quietly behind her and I sighed, falling back on the bed as I flung my arms over my head.

Victoria was walking towards us across the courtyard, looking like a mix between worried and angry. It was a scary face. I stood up. 

"What did she say?" I asked quickly, knowing she had spoken to Krystal.

"What did you say to her?" she demanded, poking my shoulder. "She won't even act like her normal self. She's being...a robot, basically." Victoria sounded frustrated. "She wants to stay with me for a while. I don't know how long that is. I don't mind it, but it does make me worry about what that's going to do to the dynamics of our group!"

"She...left?" I asked haltingly. I sat down on the bench again, holding my hand over my heart. Then I stood up again, determined. "I have to go talk to Sulli now, and stop this!" Before Luna or Victoria could say anything to stop me, I ran across the courtyard and up the stairs to the hallway, jogging until I reached Luna and Sulli's room again. 

I knocked impatiently on the door, and after waiting a few very excruciating moments, Sulli opened the door, her hair wrapped up in a towel, and dressed in her pajamas.

"Can I come in?" I asked impatiently, and she nodded, opening the door a little wider so I could get in.

As soon as I had stepped in and she had closed the door, I her. 

"I don't think I made it clear enough last week, when you declared your love for me. I meant to reject it, but it seems you've still had some hope I'd change my mind," I said sternly, giving her a cold look.

She looked like she might cry. "Hyung, I'm sorry!"

I pointed at the wall in the direction of my room. "I just had a fight with Krystal, defending your actions to her! And now she won't even stay in the same room with me! Is that what you wanted?" I asked, frustrated.

Sulli shook her head, her eyes pleading with me. "Hyung, you have to believe me when I say that is honestly not what I wanted. I'm sorry! I was jealous of Krystal, but I see I was wrong! I'm so sorry! Please don't hate me!" She sat on her bed, her hands tight in her lap, biting her lip to keep from crying.

I sighed, and sat down next to her. "Ssul, you know that as a friend, I love you. But romantically my heart belongs to Krystal, and no one else. You and I, we're best buds. We laugh at absurd jokes and we have fun together. But's that all it has been, and all it will ever be."

"How do you know she's the one for you, and not me?" she asked, suddenly looking up at me, her eyes sad. "Don't you think that if we tried, we'd have something too?"

I shook my head. "Ssul, don't do this." 

She caught a sob in . I sighed and pulled her into a hug. But suddenly she reached her hand up, around my neck and put her fingers in my hair, gripping my head. I felt my stomach drop. Oh no. Quick, Amber! You can stop this! But my body was not as quick as my brain, and as Sulli pulled my head down and pressed her lips against mine, I felt my insides do a flip. Oh this is not good. What are you doing?! part of my brain was screaming, but my body was telling it to shut up. This felt nice too...

Sulli pulled me down on top of her, our lips still pressed together, and I felt my heart starting to thud. Oh no! Don't! Stop! I broke the kiss, my chest heaving, and I shakily got up, stepping backwards from the bed.

"That was wrong of you," I said shakily. "I'm not doing this."

She sat up, a slight smirk. "What do you mean you're not? You already did. If Krystal finds out what just happened, she's never going to talk to you again." I felt like I had been slammed to the floor. My head reeled.

"You-you wouldn't," I stammered, heart thudding even worse now.

"Maybe you should try spending some time with me, and I don't have to say anything," she said sweetly from the bed. I shook my head, feeling like I was going to be sick, and went to the door quickly, opening it and escaping into the open air. As soon as the door closed, I leaned against it for a moment, trying to breathe. What the hell was I going to do now?

 

[A/N: Sorry, for the wait. I really had a writer's block trying to figure out what to do next, but don't worry, we're back on track!]