7. Chanyeol
Four Seasons"Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?"
Sitting in front of the piano, you place your hands on the keys softly and begin to play the melody to Yiruma’s “River Flows in You”. It was the song you played at the audition to get into this school; it was also the same song that captured the attention of your current boyfriend, Chanyeol. The two of you have been dating for two years now but a question has always been looming in the back of your mind. Does Chanyeol love you for who you are or does he only love you for your outer appearance?
“Haerim, are you planning to play for the talent show this year?” You looked up at your professor and shook your head.
“I don’t think I’ll have the time to Mrs. Choi, I’ve been working on a new piece for composition class.”
“Are you sure? You can always choose an older piece to play, no one will know.” You thought about it for a few moments and looked at your professor’s pleading expression, with a sigh you nodded your head.
“Yeah, I’ll play for the talent show this year. I’ll play my audition piece if that’s alright with you.”
“Oh of course! That’s a classic, it’ll be absolutely lovely, no other student of mine plays it quite like the way you do.” You smiled as you bowed to Mrs. Choi before excusing yourself.
You made your way to your usual practice studio, Chanyeol and his best friend, Baekhyun, already inside working on their parts for the composition piece. You set your bag down and grabbed a seat next to them, smiling at the way Chanyeol was absorbed in playing his guitar. Once he finished, he scribbled the notes onto his own score then set his guitar down.
“Hey Haerim, how was your day?” Chanyeol stretched his arms out and hugged you. You hugged him back and shrugged.
“It was alright I guess, you?”
“Alright as well, are you okay? Is something bothering you?”
“No, I’m fine.” The two of you hear someone clearing his voice and blush; you had forgotten that Baekhyun was in the room as well.
“Should I go? We can always work on this another time…”
“Oh no no! Sorry Baekhyun, let’s work on it now.”
Hours went by with the three of you working hard to get the song done. It wasn’t until Chanyeol’s stomach started to grumble that the three of you realized how long it's been. Chanyeol blushed at the noises his stomach produced and smiled sheepishly before speaking.
“Sorry… I think that’s our cue for a much needed break.”
Baekhyun burst into laughter while you chuckled lightly.
“Sounds good to me Channie, we’re done the writing portion anyway. We can do the recording after, you okay with that Baekhyun?”
“One sec.” Calming down from his laughter, Baekhyun stared his notebook with his eyebrows scrunched. He crossed out a couple words, put in new ones, crossed out another one only to put it back in before smiling. “Okay, let’s go!”
You laughed as Baekhyun pushed his way into the middle, throwing his right arm over your shoulder while glaring at Chanyeol, waiting for the giant to bend his knees before throwing his left arm over Chanyeol’s shoulder as well. It may seem odd to a couple of your classmates but to those who really know the three of you, this is definitely a recurring scene. You aren’t too fond of public displays of affection while Chanyeol absolutely loves it, being the “brain” of the three, Baekhyun devised a compromise. With him in the middle, Chanyeol wouldn’t lean over to kiss you but he could still reach his arms over to take your smaller ones in his. As if he was reading your mind, his hands found their way over, his thumbs brushing over the palm of your hands softly before he interlaced his fingers with yours.
Baekhyun scoffed and turned to face Chanyeol.
“Really Chanyeol, it’s been less than three seconds.”
“What?! If you had a girlfriend as beautiful as Haerim you’d understand!”
Baekhyun rolled his eyes while shaking his head.
“Whatever, just make sure you keep your hands to yourself and Haerim, I don’t need no guy touching my behin- HEY!” Baekhyun jumped up and let go of Chanyeol, a look of disgust appearing on his face.
You looked up at Chanyeol as he shrugged, completely dismissing the fact that he just slapped his best friend’s .
“Ughhh, I hate you.”
“Love you to Baekie.”
Chanyeol flashed Baekhyun a giant smile then turned around to give you a kiss on the cheek.
“But I love you more of course.” You smiled but quickly grew embarassed when you noticed a few girls swooning over how sweet Chanyeol treats you.
“Channie…”
“Right, not in public, sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“Guys, I’m still here.” Baekhyun raised his hands into the air and waved it lightly.
“And we’ll just keep pretending you’re not.” Baekhyun’s jaw dropped before he delivered an air punch to Chanyeol’s face. Chayeol let out a loud groan and whipped his head to the other side dramatically.
“You were saying?”
“You need a girlfriend.”
You laughed as Baekhyun punched Chanyeol’s arm for real this time.
“Ow! That actually hurt Baek!”
“Good.”
“Come on guys; let’s go before the campus restaurants close.”
The rest of the day went by smoothly; the three of you finished recording your individual parts vocal and instrumental parts quickly. There were a few off notes in the harmonies since you guys had recorded separately but Baekhyun assured you that he can fix that when he masters the final tracks.
“I can record that again Baekhyun, it’s a little off from your main vocals.”
“No its fine, that was my fault since I was playing around with some bends, didn’t realize that they’d work well with your piano parts but not the harmonies. Plus it was only one off note of an entire verse and I really like your riff that followed the A-flat.”
“… Are you sure?”
“Yes! I’ll make sure the three of us sound flawless once the mastering is done. Chanyeol, take your girlfriend back to her dorm and don’t let her back into the recording studio until I’m done mixing tomorrow!”
“Aye aye captain!” Chanyeol did a quick salute before packing up his acoustic and swinging it over his back, quickly grabbing your hand once his guitar was secure.
“Bu-”
“No buts Haemi, you heard the man!” Chanyeol spoke dramatically before bringing his lips next to your ears and whispering “just let Baek do the mastering. You know how he is when he gets those visions of how our songs will sound.” You sighed but gave in in the end.
“Fine.” Turning around you grabbed your bag and waved goodbye to Baekhyun. “Bye, good luck with the mixing.”
“Bye guys, don’t come back!” The three of you laughed as Baekhyun shooed you and Chanyeol out of the room.
Chanyeol yawned the moment he stepped outside, exhausted from the long day. The two of you can only imagine how tired Baekhyun’s going to be once he’s done.
“You don’t have to walk me back if you’re tired Channie, my dorm is on the opposite end of yours.”
“No way am I letting you walk back on your own, it’s already dark out who know what kind of creepy ert might be lurking around at night on campus.”
“Okay, okay.” Chanyeol laced his fingers with yours and walked you back to your room. He gave you a quick goodnight kiss before walking off.
You went into your room and set your bag down, glad that your roommates aren’t back yet, you needed some peace and quiet. Although you had fun today with Chanyeol and Baekhyun you still couldn’t get over the thoughts tugging in the back of your mind. The past two years with Chanyeol have been great but you just weren’t sure if he is the one. You want someone who can understand you and talk to you about your problems, someone you can turn to no matter what and someone you’re willing to feel vulnerable in front of, but Chanyeol just doesn’t seem to fit into that description. You’re happy when you’re with him and he treats you well but the compliments he showers you with always involve your looks. Heck, you’ve never even cried in front of him before. Whenever you’re unhappy or stressed, you’d lock yourself up in one of the practice rooms, letting the music take your pain away instead of turning to Chanyeol. You’ve always envied your female friends who had a shoulder to cry on when they were upset. It’s not like Chanyeol pushed you away, you just never felt like you could break down in front of Chanyeol like that. You wanted to maintain this perfect and pristine image he has created of you and it’s started to get difficult. You know it’s unfair to Chanyeol, you haven’t even given him a chance to be there for you and have already turned that possibility down. He’s your boyfriend and yet the only things he knows about you are superficial. You don’t share your thoughts with him and you don’t discuss anything out of the ordinary. You’re afraid to open up to Chanyeol when you shouldn’t be and it’s really eating away at you. What hurts the most is that Chanyeol doesn’t seem to notice.
Unknown to you, Chanyeol really does take notice; he just doesn’t know what to do. On his way back to his room, Chanyeol couldn’t help but wonder why you seemed so off today. You have your moments and your days when you’re extra quiet but Chanyeol has always associated that with your shy nature. He understands that you like to keep to yourself and respects that, he won’t push your for information or invade your privacy. As much as Chanyeol would like to have you open up, he doesn’t think that he should pester you about it, he’s will to wait and give you as much as you need before you can trust him with everything. That is, until you’ve started to grow more distant. Chanyeol wants to know what’s wrong and he wants to be the one to make it better. Chanyeol wants you to know that you can depend on him but he just doesn’t know how to express himself. Chanyeol has never been one good with words and he doesn’t to ruin what the two of you have by saying something stupid. With a loud sigh, Chanyeol opened up the door to his room and greeted his roommates half-heartedly before climbing into bed.
“Are you okay Chanyeol hyung?” Kyungsoo asked Chanyeol with wide eyes while Tao looked at the elder with a concerned expression on his face.
“Yeah, I’m fine… just tired.”
“Okay, if you change your mind though I’m here for you.”
“Same here hyung.”
Chanyeol looked at his two dongsaengs, took in a deep breath and sat up. Despite the fact that Kyungsoo has had absolutely no dating experience and Tao still needs a translator app to communicate with him, he really does need to talk to someone right now.
“Okay, but promise me you won’t tell anybody, especially not Baekhyun. Knowing him, he’ll try to fix things for me and I wanna do it myself this time.”
Weeks went by and things between you and Chanyeol have remained more or less the same. You’d spend your breaks together, going on dates or studying together. Sometimes it’d be just the two of you, other’s his friends would join in or your friends would be there. Nothing has changed and it’s really starting to bother you. You have started to show small hints of your worries to Chanyeol but he doesn’t seem to be picking them up. To make matters worse, today is the day of the talent show and you can’t seem to play “River Flows in You” properly. You have always interpreted the song as a beautiful and romantic peace. The way you played it, made other’s smile, causing sweet memories to invade their minds as the melody found purchase in their hearts. You continued to practice in the back room while waiting for you turn but to no avail, it sounded terrible. With a sigh you decided to change your mindset and played the song once more, taking a different approach this time.
“Next we have Song Hae Rim playing Yiruma’s River Flows in You!”
You walked up on stage nervously, looking over at Chanyeol’s smiling face and thumbs up in the audience before grabbing a seat in front of the piano. You took in a deep breath and placed your fingers onto the keys, drowning yourself in the music and letting them take you away on their own. You didn’t think, you didn’t worry, you simply played; the audience perfectly silent as they listened. Your tempo was much slower than the original this time, some of the trills going into a minor key whenever you deemed them appropriate. From the visions of blossoming flowers in the spring at the start of your playing, soon the images of fallen leaves and soft winds appeared. The melody now bittersweet and containing a hint of longing and want. You ended the song and bit your lips to hold back your tears while the audience clapped. You almost walked off stage but quickly remembered to bow; as you walked up front you noticed that Chanyeol had disappeared from his seat. You walked backstage while questioning Chanyeol’s whereabouts, only to gasp when you feel his arms wrap around your waist from behind. He placed his head in the crook of your neck and held you close without saying a single word.
“Channie?” You tried to turn around but his grip on you tightened. It seemed as if Chanyeol was afraid you’d slip away. “Channie, is something wrong? Are you okay?” You wanted so badly to turn around and make sure that he was alright but he wouldn’t let go.
“Everything is wrong, and nothing is okay.” The pain in his voice worried you.
“Ch-”
“I love you okay?” Chanyeol’s grip loosened as he turned you around before pulling you into another hug. “You know that right?” You felt the tears you held back welling up in your eyes again.
“Of course I do, I love you too.” Chanyeol looked down at you then placed his forehead on yours.
“No, I love you Haerim. I know I at expressing myself with words but I want you to know that as much as I am a giant oaf I’m a man you can depend on as well. It hurts me when you’re hurt and it hurts me even more when you don’t let me help you. Don’t you trust me?”
You looked up at Chanyeol while biting your lips.
“I do Chanyeol, I really do trust you.”
“Then start acting like you do. Haerim, I feel like my friends know more about you than I do. Why is it that Baekhyun knew about how stressed you were for this talent show, Kyungsoo knew how much trouble you were having with your theory exam, Lay knew you needed help with dancing and even Tao knew you were having a terrible day but I wasn’t told anything? I’m your boyfriend Haerim.”
You felt your heart crack at how heartbroken Chanyeol looked. All the thoughts you had questioning your relationship with Chanyeol went out the window. The fear that encompassed you at the thought of possibly losing Chanyeol, at the fact that he might be really angry and upset with you right now made you realize just how selfish you had been.
“Channie, I’m sorry, I... I didn’t… I…”
Chanyeol pressed his lips against yours before you could speak, completely ignoring the fact that there were at least ten other students backstage right now. You kissed Chanyeol back and felt the corner of your lips rise, you were stupid to not realize this before, but no one, absolutely nobody can make you feel the way Chanyeol does with the way he kisses you. At this precise moment, you realized that Chanyeol may have always complimented you on your appearance alone but Chanyeol adored you for much more than that. Chanyeol didn’t call your beautiful merely for how you looked but for the effect you had on him. You have no idea that Chanyeol’s heart leaps out of his chest whenever you smile, that a smile would appear on his own face whenever you laughed and that the sound of your voice was wonderful to his ears. You had no idea that Chanyeol’s compliments went much more than skin deep and you really, really wanted to make it up to him. You pulled away from the kiss with a blush and pecked his lips lightly.
“I love you too.”
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