Xiumin
Four Seasons"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. "
“Ge, I need a favour from you.”
Xiumin keeps his phone in place between his shoulders and right ear as he rummages through his closet for a black button up.“What is it this time Luhan?”
“Can you help me take Yueyin to her check up at the hospital tomorrow? It’s at 4. I tried taking the day off, but they told me I’d be making overtime pay so I couldn’t say no.”
“Sure,” Xiumin finds top and moves onto digging out his favourite pair of skinny jeans. “I don’t have work and my classes are over by then.”
“Thanks ge, you’re the best!”
“Yeah yeah, whatever. Just make sure you don’t overwork yourself okay Lu? I know you want to get a wedding and everything ready by winter, but you know she’d be happy with anything right?”
“I know ge, I know. Don’t worry.”
“Kay, well I’m hanging up now, I have class in like twenty minutes and I’m not even changed yet.”
“Oops, sorry for bothering you! Byyeee!”
“Bye.”
Xiumin picks Yueyin up at three thirty the next day and arrives at the hospital with fifteen minutes to spare. He stops at the front and drops Yueyin off first.
“Go check in at the front desk, I’ll be right in after I find parking.”
“Okay, thank you so much Xiumin.”
“No worries.”
Xiumin drives around the parking lot multiple times before he finally finds a vacant spot. He signals quickly and parks before anybody else can take that space. He takes a glance at his watch and rushes into the hospital. He didn’t think it’d take him ten minutes to find parking. Luhan would kill him if he found out Xiumin left Yueyin alone for that long.
When Xiumin steps foot into the hospital, he is overwhelmed by the smell of disinfectant and rubbing alcohol. He’s never been a big fan of this place and hasn’t been here since he broke his leg playing soccer in fourth grade. Xiumin preferred staying home and sleeping whenever he got sick and tried his best to avoid injuries. It’s too clean here. Too many sick people, too many patients dying of incurable diseases, too many panicking nurses and too many apologetic doctors. Just too much.
“Over here Xiumin!” Yueyin stands up from her set and waves Xiumin over.
“Hey, sorry it took me so long. I didn’t expect the parking lot to be so full.”
“It’s okay, I think they’re running a little late today anyways.”
“So, how are you feeling lately Yueyin?”
Yueyin smiles. “I’m alright, my motor skills haven’t started to deteriorate just yet…” Xiumin doesn’t think it’s fair. He doesn’t think that its okay for someone like Yueyin to be bound to a wheelchair for the rest of her life in a couple years from now.
“That’s um…”
“It’s okay Xiumin, you don’t have to say anything. I’m just happy my condition hasn’t taken a bad turn, and I’m glad that I have friends like you who care about me.”
“Zhou Yue Yin?”
“Well, thats me. I should be out in about twenty minutes, why don’t you go to the cafeteria or something? They actually have decent coffee here.”
“Maybe..”
“I’ll see you later Xiumin.” Yueyin gets up and follows the nurse down the hall.
Xiumin stands up a couple seconds later. A coffee actually sounds like a pretty good idea right now. Xiumin makes his way to the cafeteria, trying his best to ignore the gloomy faces he keeps passing by. As he keeps walking though, a soft raspy voice and a high tinkling laugh can be heard from one of the rooms to his left. Xiumin stops walking and leans his head back, taking a quick peek into the room. What he sees shocks him completely. A young woman, no older than 18 or 19 is sitting on a wheelchair and reading a story to a little girl with a blotchy face and slightly puffy eyes. The woman is clearly in no state to be comforting someone else. Her skin is as pale as a sheet of paper and her cheeks are sunken in, but the smile on her face is the most stunning thing Xiumin has ever seen in his 21 years of living. Xiumin finds himself tilting backwards even more to get a better look, but loses his balance. Xiumin yells, arms swaying back and forth to regain his lost balance, but to no avail, he falls over. The impact of landing straight on his bum causes Xiumin to groan in pain. As he tries to get up he hears the same tinkling laugh and soft raspy voice.
“Hey, are you okay?”
“Um, yeah, I’m fine.”
“You sure? It sounded like a pretty bad fall, maybe you should go get a check up and make sure you didn’t get a concussion or sprain anything. Better to be safe than sorry!” She turns around and faces the little girl beside her. “Right Fenfen ?”
“Yep, that’s right!”
Chuckling, Xiumin looks down at the two girls and nods. “Yeah, maybe I should get it checked out.”
“Great, we’ll take you then. Come on Fenfen, you said you wanted to go take a walk earlier right?”
The little girl beams. “Yeah! Let’s take him to doctor Lee!” Fenfen then wraps her little hands around the handle of the wheelchair, leading the trio to doctor Lee’s office.
“Oh, I’m Xuehua by the way, you?” Xuehua looks up at Xiumin with her arms extended for him to shake.
“I’m Xiumin, it’s nice to meet you.” Xiumin shakes her hand and finds himself smiling at how friendly Xuehua is. “Your name, it means snowflake right?”
“Yeah, I guess my parents picked the right name cause I love winter.”
“Really? It’s so cold though.”
“I don’t know, there’s just something really beautiful about snow.” Xuehua turns around, “Fenfen likes the snow too.”
“Mhm, I’m going to build a snowman with Xuehua jiejie once we get better!”
Xiumin feels his heart warming up at how happy the little girl looked. Just as the reach doctor Lee’s office Xiumin’s phone starts to vibrate. He forgot about Yueyin. He takes his phone out and texts her quickly, letting her know that he was a total klutz and may have injured himself.
“Are you guys sure I can just get a check up here without having an appointment of some sort first?”
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it! Doctor Lee and I are like this close.” Xuehua twists her pointer and middle finger together and laughs when Xiumin’s brows furrow.
“Um… okay then.”
Fenfen pushes Xuehua into the office and tugs onto an awkward Xiumin’s arm, letting him know that it really is okay for him to be here. Turns out it really was alright and Xiumin completes his check up swifty. His results come up perfectly fine and he leaves the room feeling relieved even though he didn’t think anything was wrong in the first place.
“Aren’t you glad you got everything checked out? Now you don’t have to worry.”
“Yeah, yeah I guess. Thanks Xuehua.”
“You’re welcome! I’ll see you around then?”
“Um… yeah, I’ll see you.” Xiumin waves at Xuehua then waves at Fenfen as well. “Bye.”
Xiumin returns to the hospital two weeks later when Luhan asks him for another favour. Once Yueyin is gets called in for her appointment Xiumin goes looking for Xuehua and Fenfen. When Xiumin reaches the room he was at the other day, he see’s Xuehua sitting next to an empty bed. Xiumin walks up to the door and knocks twice. Xuehua turns around and forces a smile on her face when she see’s Xiumin.
“Hey, its you again.”
“Yeah, I was dropping a friend off so I thought I’d come and visit you and Fenfen.” Xiumin looks around, “where is she by the way?”
“Fenfen isn’t here anymore…” Xuehua starts to fidget and play with the hem of her gown.
“Sh-” Xiumin registers the meaning behind Xuehua’s words a moment too late, “Oh… I’m… I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It’s okay, we knew it’d be soon… We just thought that she’d make it see the first snowfall of the year before going…”
“What did she…” Xiumin stops and bites the insides of his cheek. “I mean, if you don’t mind me asking.”
“It’s okay, I don’t mind… Actually I’d really like to get this off my chest.” Xuehua takes in a deep breath and tries her best to suppress the urge to cry. “She was born Con Heart Disease. The left side of her heart was underdeveloped and her aorta was displaced. I met her two years ago when I was diagnosed with lung cancer. She was only five and had been coming in and out of the hospital all her life. She couldn’t play with the other kids cause physical activity was too strenuous for her heart. She liked my bedtime stories though. She liked the sound of my voice and she liked how I made the stories fun. She told me my voice was beautiful even when it started to grow raspy. Even when I started to lose my breath at times. She was like an angel sent from above to me.” Xuehua looks down at her hands and lets her tears fall. “She left last night. Just like that. Gone.”
Xiumin walks over to Xuehua and kneels down so that they’re eye-level. “I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure Fenfen is in a better place now.”
“You think so?”
“I know so.” Xiumin leans forward and gives Xuehua a hug. “I’m sure she wouldn’t want to see you so upset either.”
Xiumin finds himself going to the hospital multiple times a week to check up on Xuehua. The two of them growing closer every time he visits her. They share stories, complain about their day and even talk about their hopes and dreams. Xiumin tells Xuehua about his plans of becoming an architect while Xuehua wishes for nothing more than to see the first snowfall for Fenfen.
“Hey, I’m sure you’ll see many more snowfalls.”
Xuehua shakes her head. “Nah, I’m not greedy. I know how much time I have left and I won’t ask for more, I just want to build a snowman for her. It was something she always wanted to do, but her parents were always too worried about letting Fenfen go outside in the cold.”
“Well, then the two of us can do that for her.”
When Xiumin gets home that day, he goes online and searches for when the first snowfall will be. If the predictions are right, it’ll be in two weeks. Two weeks. Xiumin wished he had more time.
“You’re here again? Don’t you have places to be and friends to see?” Xuehua is lying in bed today, too tired to be up and about in her wheelchair.
“Yeah, I want to be here and you’re the friend I wanna see.”
Xuehua feels her cheeks flush. “Actually?”
“Mhm.”
“Aren’t you worried? I mean, don’t you feel like you’re wasting your time getting to know someone like me? I’m not going to be here for long.”
“I don’t think I’m wasting my time at all.” Xiumin grabs a seat next to her bed. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to know a little more.”
And so Xuehua tells Xiumin more. She tells him about the difficulties she went through, about the friends who stopped coming to visit, the ones she lost contact with. She talked about the family members who cried more than she did when they got the news, the ones who were supportive and the ones who were scared. She tells Xiumin that, despite all this, she’s happy to have lived such a full and wonderful life. The people who stuck by her and the people who kept her fighting made her realize that life isn’t measured in quantity, but by quality.
“I wanted to be a singer when I was younger.”
“Oh… do you think, you could sing for me? I mean if you’re up for it.”
“You want to hear me sing?” Xuehua’s eyes widen as she points at herself in disbelief.
“Why not? You have a lovely voice.”
She rolls her eyes and scoff. “Liar.”
“No, I mean it. I really do. It doesn’t hurt if you sing though right?”
“It doesn’t hurt, there’s nothing wrong with my throat itself, my airways are just really narrow and my lungs are weak so my voice is raspy and frail.” Xuehua frowns, “it wasn’t always this frail though…”
Xiumin places his hand on top of Xuehua’s and squeezes lightly. “It doesn’t sound frail to me. You’re always so bright and happy, it comes across in your voice too.”
“You’re just saying that so I’d sing.”
“No I-”
Xuehua laughs. “I’m just kidding, I know you mean well Xiumin. Just don’t regret it okay?” Xuehua takes in a deep breath and starts to sing the lyrics to her favourite song, “Can We?” by Khalil Fong. “Can we stop all the noise, stop fighting, calm down and stop hurting one another’s hearts? Can we get along and fix this world together? Can we?” Xuehua stops singing and sighs, its been so long since she last sang this song.
“Wow.” Xiumin was left in awe. Xuehua did an amazing job, it makes him wonder how good she was before. “You’re really good. I know you don’t like the sound of your voice anymore, but I think you did a wonderful job.”
“Really?”
“Yes really.”
Two weeks comes and goes much too fast for Xiumin’s liking. He walks into Xuehua’s room while dragging his feet. Xuehua is staring out the window when Xiumin arrives.
“Hey.”
“Oh hi Xiumin. Did you see the weather forecast? It’s supposed to snow today.” Xuehua was excited, but her voice came out no louder than a whisper.
“Yeah.”
“You’re going to help me right? I don’t think I can go outside and build a snowman for Fenfen…”
“Mhmm, I’ll help you.” Xiumin feels tears pricking the back of his eyes. His expression doesn’t go unnoticed by Xuehua.
“Hey, Xiumin, don’t cry. I’m still here, I’m not leaving just yet.”
“I know…” Xiumin makes his way towards Xuehua. “I just wish I met you earlier.”
Xuehua feels her own tears welling up as well. “Same here Xiumin, I wish we knew each other earlier as well. You’ve been a great friend.” Xiumin wishes he could have been more.
The snow begins to fall and Xiumin can feel his own heart breaking.
“Look Xiumin,” Xuehua points at the window and watches the snowflakes fall down one by one in amazement, “it’s gorgeous. If only the nurses would let me go outside.”
Xiumin’s gaze remains on Xuehua’s and he decides that rules are meant to be broken.
“Why don’t I just take you outside anyway?”
“You could get in trouble though Xiumin.”
“So?” Xiumin shrugs. “You want to go right?”
“Yeah, bu-”
“No buts.” Xiumin lifts his right hand up and wags his pointer finger.
“You’d really do this for me?”
“Yes, come on, lets go get you some warm clothes.”
After Xuehua gets dressed, Xiumin helps her with her wheelchair and rushes out to the hospital’s courtyard. When they get outside, Xuehua’s hands are spread out, catching the snowflakes in her palms. Her eyes are shining and her beautiful smile grows bigger. Xiumin finds himself staring at how happy she looked and falls even harder. Without thinking, he bends down and places a gentle kiss on her cheeks. Xuehua’s body stills at the sudden kiss.
“S-sorry, I-I cou-”
“It’s okay Xiumin, I didn’t say I didn’t like it right?” Xuehua blushes and bites her bottom lip.
“Right…” Xiumin looks down at Xuehua with hopeful eyes. “So you’re okay with it?”
“With what?”
“Me… wanting to be your boyfriend?”
“If you’re okay with being with someone like me.”
“Of course I am, you’re the one who told me life isn’t measured by quantity remember? Be it one month, one week or even one day, I’d be happy if you let me spend the time you have left with you.”
Tears fall from Xuehua’s eyes and she reaches forward, wrapping her arms around Xiumin’s neck. Xiumin’s arms react automatically, hugging Xuehua and holding her close.
“Thank you.”
Fin.
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