A Christmas Memory (Jaejoong+OC)

A year has passed…

Jaejoong‘s mind carelessly wandered as his eyes scanned the plain darkness in front of him. There was nothing interesting to see, but he just can’t get his eyes off the lonesome scenery. The icy surface of the lake reflected coldness in his eyes, as cold as fate was towards his relationship. It complemented his isolated heart perfectly. It was the perfect place he thought that could cure his broken heart.

He sighed deeply and held his head back down, staring at the ground below as if to see the answers bluntly written across the white snow. The puff of his respiration was slowly fading away. If only the love he had inside him could do the same, and save him from the painful bleed that won’t seem to clot no matter how hard he tried. If only, he could turn back time and did something to prevent this from happening. But as much as he thought about it, he knew he could’ve done nothing anyway. And that made him feel helpless.

“Hyung, it’s getting late. Let’s head back now. I don’t want to freeze to death,” a young man complained. The tall and slender built body clearly showed that he was bored and shivering.

At first, Jaejoong didn’t bother to consider. His mind wasn’t clear yet. He needed more time. But then again, he didn’t think that it will at all. It was this day that she disappeared without even a single word of goodbye. He would be a heartless person if he claimed that he could forget it that easily. With both hands inserted inside his pocket, Jaejoong turned and faced his band-mate and sighed.

“Alright. Let’s go.”

The young man gave a look at concern. He knew what Jaejoong had been through and why he has requested to be here. But he needed to remind him to take care of his health too.

“Are you sure you’re okay to drive?”

Jaejoong chuckled as he took it as a tease. “Of course, Changmin-ah. I’m not drunk.”

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The journey back to their apartment was very silent. It only took minutes before Changmin started to snore in his sleep. The digital clock showed that it was ten minutes to eleven. There weren’t that many cars on the road. Without him realizing, Jaejoong’s thoughts started to wander again.

Her smile, her laughter, her kiss…

Jaejoong felt a painful tug at his heart as he was reminded again of the painful memory. He was angry, and he was confused. But he couldn’t find the heart to hate her. He just hoped that one day she would return to him without any condition and they would start over. He didn’t care of what will become or what has, all he knew is he had to have her by his side no matter what.

He was holding onto the steering wheel with one hand and the other was rested on the window-pane, supporting his head as he leaned to it. All his attention was diverted towards the faint figures of her, so intensely that he totally lost control of his own mind and body, as if he was a living corpse.

SCREEEEEEEEEEECHH

Everything was immediately covered in darkness. The gasp of breath seemed impossible as he was heavily dragged into unconsciousness against his will. It happened too quickly that he couldn’t even comprehend what had just occurred. All that he could see in his eyes was her, and only her, as he felt liquid trailing on the side of his face.

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“Jaejoong-ah…”

The soft voice called out over and over again. His head felt too heavy that he was reluctant to open his eyes. But if didn’t wake up, he knew the voice would never stop.

Slowly, his eyes creaked open. The first view that greeted him was the flat surface of the white ceiling. It was high and unreachable, unlike the one that he had in his own room. 

He squeezed his eyes lightly to get rid of all the sleepiness he had left. Where exactly is this?

He lifted himself up and sat on the soft bed. He looked around. Weird, he thought that he heard someone calling his name just a while ago. But there was clearly no one around. Could it only be his dream?

“Jaejoong-ah…”

There it was again. The soft voice whispered very close to his ears this time, so close that he could feel the chill running up his spine. He quickly turned his head around to search for the possessor of the voice, but the room was as empty still.

Jaejoong tightened the hold of his jacket around his body and pulled himself away from the bed. His eyes roamed the room more carefully, and what he sees nearly surprised him. He could be sure that he has been here before. But when? Where? Everything seemed oddly familiar but the fact that he couldn’t remember made him feel insecure.

He immediately shook away the feeling of déjà vu and turned towards the doors leading to the balcony. The cold breeze from outside slightly pushed the thin curtains, as it was sent to dance with the nature’s melody ever so gracefully. Jaejoong took a few steps forward and caught sight of the courtyard outside. It was fully covered in snow. It was still Christmas after all. He let out a sigh of relief.

“Jaejoong-ah…”

This time he was sure that he heard the voice clearly from behind him. Or is it just another of those bodiless whispers? With slight anticipation, Jaejoong turned around, only to be greeted by a person he last expected to see. His mouth gaped open as he tried to find a word to speak of. But he was utterly speechless.

“Hello, Jaejoong,” she uttered softly. She tilted her head to the side as she smiled quite painfully.

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He could feel the back of his head started to hurt as he tried to make sense of what he sees. He remembered that it was Christmas. He remembered making Changmin agree to accompany him to the lake, where he hoped he could clear his head and forget about his broken heart even for a day. Then, he remembered that he was driving back to their apartment. And now, suddenly, he was here, greeted by none other than the girl that he thought had left him for good…

What happened? And where’s Changmin?

Jaejoong stared at the fragile frame in front of him. His focus was momentarily diverted. Has she always been this thin? And he couldn’t remember her being this pale before. Weren’t her skin the soft radiant of gold, warm and lively? And why does she have to have that unreadable expression across her face? He had always been able to read her emotions. But why not this time? Has time really ended the special connection that they once had?

He sighed and looked away.

“Jaejoong, I’m sorry.”

Almost immediately, he lifted his head again and shot her the most hurtful look. “Sorry for what?”

“For being unable to mend your broken heart,” she spoke calmly. She took a few steps closer, closing their distance. A hand outstretched to grab a hold of his, but he pulled away.

“What do you mean?” he asked instead, looking deep into her eyes as if the hidden answer is somewhere beneath them.

She couldn’t find a word to reply as she kept herself in silence. She continued to gaze at the man in front of her with so much passion and longing, hoping that someday he would understand.

“How have you been?” she asked, holding herself tightly as the chill from the blowing wind were starting to send shivers to her skin. She took more steps closer to him. If he didn’t want to hold her like he used to, then being close to his presence is good enough. She should