A history will be made and the main character is YOU ! Oh Se Hun ! by IULeeJiEun
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Title: A history will be made and the main character is YOU! Oh Se Hun!
Description: One shot.Taeyeon.Sehun.romance ^^
Author: IULeeJiEun
[STORY LINK]
Title: 3/5
Appearance: 4/5
Description & Foreword: 9/15
Plot: 24/30
Grammar, Vocabulary & Punctuation: 19/30
Flow: 7/10
Interest: 4/5
Total: 70/100
Grade: C
Title:
Title is quite weird.....
Appearance:
Picture matches with characters.
Description and Foreword:
Work on it to attract more readers! :)
Plot:
Quite a cute plot! :D
Grammar, Vocabulary & Punctuation:
Got to work on this!! Quite a lot of punctuation errors. You
Flow:
Taking the story a bit fast. You can add more details and expressions.
Other Comments:
Aigoo so cute! Can you imagine falling on Sehun's chest?<3<3<3 And the idea of the eight roses is romantic and cute! :) Love your oneshot! :)
How to Improve:
Okay this might anger you, whatever. I am just trying to help you improve C:
1. Punctuation
In your fanfic, dialogs are in this format: 'AAAAAAA....I'm lattee'
I suggest that you use double quotation marks like this: "AAAAAAA....I'm lattee"
My reason is that it is quite confusing because single quotation marks are also used as apostrophes in contracted/possessive/plural forms.
I will give this example:
'I'm xxx, why do you ask?'
versus
"I'm xxx, why do you ask?"
In my opinion, the second one is clearer and better, but it does not mean you MUST use double quotation marks, its just a suggestion.
2. Flow
You can add more details! Some parts really flow too fast. Slow down the important parts and I'm sure your fanfic will be nicer :)
Like this part:
you hug him and cancelled the Paris thingy !
'CAPPTTUURRREEEDDD'your mother is recording what happened .
Everything happens too fast! After Sehun gives Taeyeon the eight roses, Taeyeon should be touched and you can write about her being touched and and break into tears etc etc etc. Plus the part cancelling going to Paris. Its odd like you hug him and suddenly cancelled going to Paris. Get what I mean?
3. Vocabulary
Okay, after dialogs, most of them you put -you, -sehun or -jessica. Its quite weird to read a dialog then the person's name. You can do something like this:
"Hi," xxx said.
"Hello!" yyy exclaimed.
"Yes exactly," zzz commented.
There are many many more words to replace 'said'! Or if you don't like that, then you can do colour-coded dialogs like this:
"Hi,"
"Helllo!"
"Yes exactly,"
Yup thats about it!
Helpful Websites:
Done^^ I hope it wasn't too harsh, I am just trying to help you improve ^-^
Comments