One Month Passed


Kyung’s POV


I was laying on my floor staring at the ceiling. Darin had been spending a lot of time over at the apartment. Zico and Jaehyo kept telling me she and I were in a abstinent relationship or I had been turned into the gay best friend. They didn’t understand our relationship. All I had to keep telling myself is that I was there for her because she needed a friend. She was lonely. I heard her  rustling up in my bed. She spent the night a lot. At least half the week. I didn’t mind. I didn’t want her to be lonely. It hurt me when she would go home. She told me not to feel bad because it gave her a chance to get in touch with her friends and family back in America. I hope she wasn’t lying to me, it would make me feel even worse. I told her to never feel like a burden when she was with me. I didn’t have anything much else to do other than work and go visit my parents at least once a week. I wanted to meet her. But if they met her, it would mean something more to me than to her. It was just a dumb idea that crossed my mind.

I was waiting for her to sit up and smiled down at me, but I guess she was just readjusting herself in her sleep. I started to hear a vibration. I looked for my phone, when I found it I saw no incoming call. I got up and leaned on the bed. I saw it was her phone ringing. I went to pick it up to look at who was calling so I could tell her when she woke up. Her eyes opened halfway and she smiled at me. I felt that twinge again. It hurt but I wanted to feel in again. Her eyes traced from my face to my hands. She saw my hands going for her phone. She grabbed her phone a little more hastily than needed. She popped out of bed and walked out into the living room. She probably stepped outside onto the back porch. She would always step outside for her phone calls. I just assumed she didn’t want to bother me. I would always carry phone calls with her near me. I didn’t think it strange until about three months in. She never let me look at her phone. Why would I need to look at her phone? I’m not her boyfriend. It’s none of my business who she talks to. It was probably just some friends from America. She had to have a crazy phone bill. She’d get so many calls. She always said she had to take them. I didn’t stop her. She missed everyone in America. Plus, again, I’m not her boyfriend. I couldn’t stop her even if i wanted to. Trust me - I wanted to sometimes. I didn’t want her to get up and take a phone call first thing in the morning. I wanted to crawl into my bed with her and place my arms tightly around her waist. I wanted her to wake up cuddling into my chest. I wanted to play with hair. I wanted to kiss her forehead. I wanted to hold her all day. I just wanted to be with her. I hadn’t told her yet. I was going to tell her. I just had to find the right time. I had to find the right segue. I always felt there were opporitunities, but they would pass and slip away before I had the chance to say anything. I crossed my arms on the bed and rested  my head on them. She came back in 20 minutes later.

“Sorry, I had to take that phone call.” I already knew that though. She placed her phone on my dresser and sat in the bed. I lifted my head and left my chin rested on my arms. She ran her fingers through my hair. Somehow I feel that was more innocent than if I acted out the same action on her. “I should probably get getting home. I’ve been spending too much time here. Jae and Z are going to start asking me where my rent money it. “ She smiled down at me. Only thing that could make it better was if there was sunlight shining in through the window causing her to be a silhoutte. If that were the case, I would know this was all a dream. If it were just a fantasy, I think it would be better. It wasn’t. It was reality. There was no sun coming in from behind her. It was almost noon. We stayed up too late again.

“Plus, don’t you have to work later.” I nodded and went to run my fingers through my hair. I wanted to grabbed her hand and lace our fingers. I wanted to kiss her hand and tell her not to leave. I wanted to tell her that she needed to stay in my bed all day. I wanted her to be there when I go home. I wanted to be with her when I got home. Before my hand could make contact with hers, she moved it and started to get up from the bed. I’d come home just to Zico and Jaehyo that night. That doesn’t really scream romance. It more or less equal to coming home hearing one abuse himself and the other getting mad at gamers who were in some other country kicking his .

“Yeah. You should probably get dressed and head home.” I turned towards the door so she could change. She felt comfortable with me in the room. She knew I wouldn’t look. I always think back to the night when I met her. All I wanted was to grabbed her body and throw her on my bed. I wanted to let her know how a man handled things. I wanted to make her body know what pleasure felt like. I wanted her to keep coming back for more to Kyung because there could be no other man to fulfill what I gave her. Now I was just sitting in a room while she was behind me. I didn’t want to be her friend. I wanted to be someone she needed. Her phone rang again. She didn’t run out of the room because she was probably still half in my room. She answered her phone.

“You’re already at a computer? You just hung up with me like 15 minutes ago. I told you. It’s going to take me like 25 minutes to get home. Fine. I’ll set up Skype on my phone when I get in the car. Okay. Okay. That’s fine. I’ll talk to you in a minute.” She mumbled something at the end. She would mumble things in English every once in awhile. I know English, but the way she spoke, I couldn’t understand it half the time. She leaned over my head, I looked up towards my forehead. I smiled. How could I not?

“Alright, I’m going to head out. Call me when you want.” She kissed the top of my head like I was a dog. What chance did a dog stand with Darin? Zero. I’m pretty sure Darin didn’t date dogs. I don’t even know what kind of guys she likes. Who says she’d even be into Korean guys. I began to tell myself I was better off getting over her. I was never able to get over her.

I exited my bedroom about 30 minutes later about to head out to work. Zico was sitting on the sofa eating cereal.

“Dude, so when are you coming out of the closet?” He slurped from the bowl finish up the milk left it.
“I’m usually cool with you making jokes like that, but not right now man.” I shook my head and my hand on my forehead in frustration. I sat down in the armchair to put my shoes one. “I don’t know what to do man. She doesn’t want a boyfriend. She said she needs a friend. But people’s feelings change, right?” Zico shrugged.

“They can, but I’m not the one you need to ask. You need to ask her. Because from where Jae and I are looking, you guys are pretty much dating. She’d over here more than my girlfriend. She spends the night WAY more than my girlfriend, which I need to talk to her about that. Maybe it’s just something that will gradually happen. If you really need to know for certain, ask her man. Worst that could happen is she says ew no, then you can move on with your life.” He stood up from the sofa to head into the kitchen. Jaehyo had walked in halfway through what they were talking about. He heard enough to know what was going on. He wanted to share his advice.

“Yeah, or you can just admit you’re her gay best friend.” He smiled and Zico laughed.

“You know guys that makes no sense really. I don’t have like a chick or like gay guy.  We just hang out a lot. Guys and girls can be hetro and be friends. Is this a hard concept for you?”

They both nodded. Whatever. I didn’t need their advice. I just needed their support.



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Darin’s POV

I got into my car and sat for a moment before I set up Skype. I hadn’t actually seen Jong’s face in about two, almost three weeks. I really wanted to see it, but at the same time I didn’t. I felt as though I had been lying to him. Lying to him about the time spent with Kyung. I never went into details. He never questioned the amount of time I spent with Kyung. He never seemed to worry. I hope he never thought I would do anything. I never even thought I was going to do anything until Kuyng would do things. Small things. Like drop his hand near where mine would be rested. Or when he would need something and reach passed me getting closer to me. Or like this morning when he went to run his hand over his head. I moved my hand. I told him all I needed was a friend. He couldn’t be more than a friend. He could not. I shouldn’t have to reiterate it. But I did have to repeat it to myself.

In the midst of setting up my phone on the dash to call Jong, the skype sound went off. He got impatient. I hesitated hitting the accept button. Why did I hesitate? I shouldn’t have hesitated. I answered and I saw his smiling face. Any thoughts or doubts I just had disappeared, if only for the duration of the call. This was Jong’s time. I shouldn’t have been worried about another guy. There was no room in my life for another guy. I didn’t need another guy. Kyung knew I didn’t need a guy. I hoped he knew. I never really said it. I never explained why. I should have explained why. There were plenty of times I should have. I could have told him any time we were laying in bed just talking while going to sleep. I could have told him anytime he attempted to hold my hand. I could have told him when he looked at me. All these times still felt too awkward to tell him. I also always thought I was just being full of myself. Maybe he wasn’t really making passes at me. I always told myself that’s just his personality. It would be silly to tell him. Like I was trying to prove a point. All awkward and forced explanations. I didn’t need that.

I should probably tell you a little more about Jong. Jong Woon. He was busy. I told you before, he had his career before me. That’s why I felt I had little to no room to complain about the distance. He was a performer. He loved it. Just sometimes it kept him away longer than quoted. Shows would always get added on top of the time he was already gone. Promotions would get tacked on. Photoshoots. Filmings. I always waited. I had already been waiting three or four years. We had more time spent apart than together. I didn’t know I was signing up for anything long distant. If I had known that I wouldn’t have gone along with it. No matter how I felt, I wouldn’t have committed. I’m the type of girl who needs physical contact. I don’t want the emotional aspects of a relationship without a hand to hold. Without eyes to stare into. Without a body I can just nuzzle into. I missed it. I miss Jong. I missed him.

Not a lot of people knew about us. The only exceptions were family, friends, and his company. That’s why I never could really make friends. Girls would hop on the crazy train once they found out. They had also told me I was delirious a few times. I gave up on that. That’s why I was glad to have Kyung. If I chosen to tell him, he wouldn’t go insane of me. I never told him until it was too late though. I should have handled that differently, but I didn’t. I shouldn’t have been thinking about Kyung while I was talking to Jong anyway. I shook my head like I could phsyically shake any thought of Park Kyung away. It worked temporarily.

Jong was actually able to skype for a good amount of time. I had been so long since I was able to look at him for such an extended amount of time - excluding looking at pictures I had, pictures on the internet, and videos. Real time interaction. I needed more of it. As soon as I was off the phone with him, I was waiting for it to ring again. Waiting for Kyung to call, but I still had a few more hours before he was off of work. I was too eager. I had 6 hours to kill by myself. I decided to just get on-line and e-mail my friends in America. I hated being home by myself. I felt so isolated. I would say I needed friends. That would have been a lie to myself. I know what I wanted. I just wanted Kyung. I wanted to spend time him. I didn’t care to spend time with anyone else. He was sweet. He was caring. He put up with me. I didn’t need anyone else. As long as Kyung kept giving me attention, I never need anyone else. Other than Jong, of course. Jong wasn’t there though.