Kyung’s POV

Darin had been gone for about a week now. She kept her promise and we’ve been texting non-stop. Not so many calls though. That’s fine though. She was visiting her family and I didn’t want to stop or interrupt anything. I wasn’t too upset. She’d be back soon though. Her being away did give me more time to hang out with the guys like I used to before she came into my life. They didn’t mind, but it was nice to have that back - if only for a short time.

I was walking out of my bedroom to head to the kitchen to get something to drink. I heard Zico and Jaehyo talking to each other low. I heard Jaehyo tell Zico ‘you need to tell him’.

“What you guys talking about?” I asked casually while walking in the kitchen. I would still be able to hear them regardless of if I stayed out there or not. They didn’t answer me. I waited before I continued. After I got my drink, I went back into the living room and they were looking at me. Serious face. “Is there something wrong?” I looked behind me and turned in a circle and looked back at them.

“Kyung.”

“Yes. That is me.” I nodded and sat on the other side of the sofa where Zico was sitting. Jaehyo was sitting the arm chair right next to Zico.

“How much do you have invested in Darin really?” Jaehyo asked me.

“Don’t tell me you guys don’t like her now. What she’s out of the country and then you tell me she’s a ? You said you liked her before.” Zico was shaking his head.

“We do like her. Did. I’m not too sure at the moment.” I was really confused and I didn’t understand what he was getting at.

“Just tell him Zico. I didn’t see anything so I won’t be able to explain it.” Jaehyo looked at Zico. I did too. I was waiting. Waiting to hear the little daggers fly out of his mouth into my heart. The wouldn’t stab me the second they reach their destination. No. These daggers would sit and hover. They’d wait for three weeks before they dug into the muscle. Tearing the tissue and just causing the worst pain anyone could ever feel.

“See what?” I was quickly to impatient.

“So,  you really like her? I mean, you have only known her for a very short time.” Zico was hesitating.

“Yeah. Why are you sound like her? You agreed with me that time didn’t matter. You and Jaehyo both did.” I pointed at both of them as I addressed them.
“Zico, just say it. He needs to know. We shouldn’t have even waited this long.”

“Dudes, just ing say it okay.”

“I think she’s cheating on you.” Zico said it finally.

“What?!” I stood up. Who did he think he was telling me my girlfriend was cheating on me? “Do you have a proof? Do you have photographic evidence. Could you show it to me? I mean she’s with me all the freaking time, guys.” Zico shook his head when I asked if they had proof. “Then what makes you so sure?

“I saw her. Minhyuk and I were out like a week or so ago. It was the day she came over to tell you her family bought her tickets to go home. I’m like 95% positive it was her. She was dressed differently than I had ever seen her. She was with some guy. He looked like some freaking pop star. They were holding hands and loving on each other.” I couldn’t believe my ears. Zico could not have been telling me that. I knew he was though. I would know soon enough.

“People can hold hands. Friends hold hands all the time.” I was trying to think of any defense, no matter how weak it could be. “Did you actually see them like kiss or anything? Anything other than hand holding?” Zico shook his head again. “Then I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt until she’s home and I can talk to her. It’s not a conversation I want to have when she’s on the other side of the world.” I didn’t know what else to say. I wasn’t moving. I didn’t believe she could be cheating on me. I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t comprehend how she could.

“You going to be okay?” Jaehyo asked while looking up at me. I nodded my head.

“I’m glad you didn’t tell me that day. I would not have wanted to talk about that before she left. I just I can’t believe it. I’m not saying I don’t believe things you tell me... but I just... She wouldn’t... I know... She wouldn’t... right?” I looked at them wanting them to tell me no. Truth is... I wasn’t even 100% sure. I could hear her saying we hardly knew each other. I was dumb. I moved to fast.

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Darin’s POV

I was sitting in my old bedroom. Jong and I were at my parents house visiting for a bit. He was off with my father and I just needed a minute to myself. I didn’t want to be in such a place of uncertainty. Once Jong came back I realized a few things. I realized exactly where my feelings are for Jong. I also realized exactly where my feelings were for Kyung. I was reminded each time I felt that vibration go off for a text message. I couldn’t describe the excitement. I missed him. I want to be with him. I didn’t want to be with Jong. That meant I had to have a very uncomfortable conversation with him. I had already known this since Jong got back. I was avoiding the conversation. I need to make it clean though. Was America the best place to do it? I’d still have two weeks to be here with him until it was time to go home. I could stay at my parents house and he could stay at the place we rented. I didn’t want to talk to him about it. I wished he could just go on the road forever then I could spend all my time with Kyung and not ever worry about Jong. I could just tell him I didn’t want to be with him anymore. Four years of my life were his. I went straight from school to being with him. Ever since I was in Korea.

I heard my dad call throughout the house letting everyone know that they had returned. He was going to grill out tonight. I was missed his cooking. I was looking forward to eating. I really wanted to talk to Jong, but it was going to have to wait until later. I couldn’t do it here. That would be to strange. I had to wait until we were back at our rental and talk to him. Throughout dinner, I was quiet. My family was mainly talking to Jong. They hadn’t spoken to him in a while. I gave a lot of nods and ‘mm’s. I told them I wasn’t feeling well. It wasn’t a lie. When you have a mix of emotions tangled inside of you like I did, you feel like , physically.

As I watched them all interact, I thought how my family would feel from the separation of Jong and myself. I wondered if they’re accept Kyung. I felt dumb. It makes no sense when you know you shouldn’t do something. When you know you shouldn’t place yourself in a situation because you know it’s going to end up in the ter in the end, but you go through with it anyway. I was attracted to Kyung from the moment I saw him. His boyish charm. His smile. Oh my, the smile is what drew me in. I looked at Jong while thinking of Kyung. I never really felt this strong for Jong. I thought I felt the strongest feels I ever could with him. Kyung showed me how wrong I was.

Dinner felt much longer than it actually was. It was time for Jong and myself to head back to where we were staying. It was right around the corner from my parents house. I felt a familiar knot bundle into my stomach as we pulled in the driveway. I was really quiet the whole trip. The whole day even. Probably the whole trip, which I would receive confirmation on that in just a few minutes.

Jong opened the door and I followed in behind him. I couldn’t hold it off any longer. He was talking to me and asking me questions but I didn’t hear anything that he said to me. I was lost in my own thought. I had some much going on in my head, I can’t remember a single thing.

“Darin. Are you listening?” he waved his hand in front of my face. I blinked into reality. I just stared at him.

“Are you alright? You’re acting differently.” I shook my head slowly. There was no need to lie. There’s never a need to lie. I’ve known that all my life. Somehow I started lying though. The worst of it, is I was lying to people I cared about. Even though, I love Kyung, I still love Jong. Jong’s love had molded into something else. More like a familial kind of love, not a this is the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with and have kids kind of love.

“What’s wrong? talk to me.” He walked over to the sofa, leading me by the hand. “You’ve been acting strange ever since I came home. What’s up?” I sighed bracing myself. I didn’t want to, I knew I had to though.

“Jong...” That’s all I could say at that moment. He didn’t respond. He just looked at me waiting. Waiting patiently. “Jong. I...” I hadn’t thought this through at all. I didn’t want to tell him I was leaving him because of another guy. That’s just rude and disrespectful. I had to be honest, but I could leave that part out, couldn’t I?

“You can take your time, Darin.” Jong put his hand on my knee. I looked at it. It didn’t make me feel better.

“I think.” It was so hard to push the words out my mouth. My chest was hurting. I didn’t know how I could do this. I had to do it though. He nodded at my words.

“I think we need to” I was getting closer. I looked up to him and I could tell he knew what the next words were going to be. He didn’t stop me though. I had to finish my sentence.

“I think we should break up, Jong.” He was looking at me but didn’t say anything. I think we need to get a divorce.” I looked down again. I couldn’t look him in the eye. To him, this was out of nowhere.

"I had a feeling this was coming." I looked up at him sharply.

"What? How?" I asked. Was what I doing hidden behind a sheer veil? Could he guess about Kyung too?

"You've been really patient. Love knows patience, so I shouldn't treat it like it’s anything extraordinary, but it is. We've been married for almost three years now, we've only been physically together for like less than half of it. I shouldn't have ever even asked you to marry me, especially with my lifestyle, let alone go through with it." He sounded so sorry and so hurt. I couldn't let him think that this whole time with him has been a bother. It wasn’t.

"Jong, I've loved every moment we were together. There's not a second I've spent with you that I would take back. Honestly. So don't act like us getting married was some sort of devious plot to cause misery. Just in the past few months... I don't feel it anymore.Things have changed. You don’t get as much to see me. You don’t even sneak little breaks anymore. Like 24 hours filled with flights and barely any time together. We got married. We were happy for a little time. And then... Then our relationship hit a wall and it hasn't been able to get around it. We haven’t been able to get past it. I haven’t. I can’t try to crawl over it anymore." I was looking at my hands and picking at my cuticles. It was really hard to have this kind of conversation. How can I just go and end something that has been a part of my life for almost 5 years. How could I say I don't love you anymore and just let that be that?

"I get what you mean... There's not much else to say. I guess tomorrow I'll get started on what I need to. Are you going to move back to America?" I shook my head to say no. "are you going to get a job and say in Korea?" I nodded.

"there's not much for me either place. I’d rather stay where... There’s nothing really either place for me" I nodded knowing how sad that sounded.

"Well you do have your friend Kyung, don't you?" I didn't like hearing Jong say Kyung's name. Just like I didn't like hearing Kyung say Jong's name. I didn't want to tell him about Kyung. I wasn’. I just want to keep that one little lie I myself. "Were you with him, Darin?" I looked at Jong and said nothing.

“Okay." he got up and went to the second bedroom that was in the rental. The one we weren't staying in together.


We didn't stay the whole time. We ended up leaving three days later. The trip was cut short by a week. I said goodbye to my family. I do love them. I just don't think they'd be enough to get me to move back to America. All the choices I had made the past few months were irrational and not thought out thoroughly. I was going to stick to them though. Jong hadn't spoken to me much since our conversation. He said enough. He let me know I could stay at the house until I got a job and was able to find my own place. He wasn't going to be in town much longer, so it didn’t matter. We did stay that one week in the house together. Almost the whole time little to no conversation was had. He only kept me up to date about the divorce paperwork. He didn't ask me anything else about Kyung. He didn't want to know. My silence that night was all the explanation that he needed. I still hadn't let Kyung know I was back yet. I would text message him when I said I'd be back. I wanted to see him but I really need this time to myself. It would have also but rude to Jong to go about that as soon as we were back. I also didn't want to have to explain Jong to Kyung. Kyung never knew about Jong as anything other than my roommate and I wanted to keep it that way. No harm, no foul, right? I wasn’t sleeping with both of them at the same time. I wasn’t emotionally involved with both at the same time, for the most part. I genuinely felt it would make no difference. I thought kyung and I could go about right from where we left off.

The day came Jong was leaving. We had spoke a little more the few days leading up to his departure.

"Jong, I'm very sorry about all this." He shook his head, letting me know I didn’t need to continue. I said nothing else. He was getting loaded up in the van that would take him away. Take him on the road again. After everything was loaded up he walked back up to me. Flat face. I couldn't read him.

" I'm going to kiss you. If you have any sort feeling or inkling or any small questionable feeling left inside for me, you need to tell me. If you do, I'll make calls. I’ll get the paperwork canceled. I'll make more time. I'll make them let me come home. If you don't then tell me and I'll just go about. I'll look for someone else." he grabbed my face and looked into my eyes for what felt like an eternity but was only just a few seconds. His lips crashed down onto mine. What was he doing?