Hey guys! sorry, no BAP in this chapter or the next. :( but I PROMISE they will be in  Chapter 3 ~<3 You can skip there if you really want too. This chapter is just a forward anyways-o

I’m sick of it. What “it”? everything. My family, my school, my life, my future..nothing is the way I want it.
      My parents…they always call useless, telling me how I contribute nothing to the family, have no aspirations, no special talents…sometimes it seems like theyre joking. But I can sense truth. It hurts me. They criticize me so much and know nothing about me. Of course, that’s my fault. I refuse to open up to my parents (they complain about this too) because they fail to understand. My mother has zero sympathy for anyone, and my father..every time I cry he jokes around and doesn’t even look at me. He doesn’t even acknowledge that im upset and changes the subject. Why should I open up to them? They only call me a Drama Queen or Delusional anyway.

      School? I used to be a straight A student. Then this year I took AP calculus and got a C. My motivation for studying hard stopped and I ended up getting a 3.00 as my average in Junior year. Many people would kill to have that grade, but its not good enough to make me proud of myself, since my parents arent proud of me.

      Even though my grades are slipping, I have zero social life. I spend most days alone in my room on tumblr or watching tv. Sure I love my friends to death, but they unintentionally make me feel awful. My whole life has been centered around my looks. As a half Chinese half Caucasian girl, I look different than most people. My mother always took such care in making sure I looked perfect. My dad would go around flashing my childhood pictures to everyone. Even now, I show my mom that I failed a test. “Oh again? Wow that’s bad”. Then I get a large pimple.
“OH MY GOSH HAVE YOU NOT BEEN WASHING YOUR FACE LIKE I TOLD YOU? I KNEW IT! YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME! YOU SHOULD BECAUSE I KNOW BETTER THAN YOU LUNA”.
  Apimple goes away in a few days. Failure doesn’t. Anyway, back to my friends. The point im trying to make is that, with such attention on my looks, no one acknowledges my talents or personality. Its just like im a pretty picture that people looks at, but fail to see the cool optical illusion in the background or something. I told my friends I hate it when they focus only on my looks. When my friend Baily is upset we console her :
”you're so smart, you can fix anything!” “engineering will take you places!” “you are such a nice person!”
when im sad this is what I get
“its okay, you're pretty”.
That’s it. I cant stand it. that’s all I ever hear from them.

       I admit, it's hard to find any special talents on me. I'm pretty much the averagest of average joes. Academically (for my level) im average. Athletically average. I honestly think im only average looking. I love chemistry and art though, but it’s a hard field to go into. Basically I'm still undecided and I have to apply to colleges this summer.

       I'm sorry, I'm probably bumming you out majorly with all my bullcrap. Here- there is one thing that consoles me: dancing. I love dancing. When I was three my parents gave me ballet lessons for a couple of years. I was the best in the class. Then in middle school, I discovered kpop. Since then, I've learned dances and started to make up my own. I never like the prissy girl/y dances though. I always learn guy dances. Hip hop frees me. It contradicts with my feminine and innocent appearance. Although I still have ballet on the side. It gives me depth that only those close to me will know of. My parents have never seen me dance, so they have no idea of my passion. I could never tell them. But I have a dream. I want to become a professional dancer. I love to sing as well, but my skills there arent up to par with my dancing. I hope to become a kpop idol, but the path just seems to difficult and too unlikely for me to even find.

                                                                                                                                                                                      ~Luna