"I really, really don't understand what you mean. Trust me. I'm trying because I feel something for you and I want to find out what it means. But, scared of love? Why?! Please explain this to me." Gikwang sits on his bed and looks up at me.

"Anyone and everyone I have ever loved isn't in my life anymore. My mom, I mean... we were really close. A-and and Bae. He was taken from me. I'm so scared to let myself experience the feelings I already have for you because I'm scared that I will get attached or that I will fall in love with you and you will be taken away from me or you will leave me o-or just. Ugh." I let a few tears fall from my eyes before I clear my throat and wipe my face.

"I let myself trust one man, and he used me. You have to try and understand why it's hard for me. Can't you?"

He hardly gives a response. Just stares at the ground, his lips, and tries to organize his words the right way.

"I don't want you to be scared of me. I want you to feel safe with me. I want you to feel confident that you will always have me by your side. Even just as friends. I want you to trust me. To confide in me. I want to be your best friend. Your shoulder to cry on. And I want you to be mine. I don't know where these feelings came from and I don't know how they came so fast. And I am terrified. I don't know what they mean. I want to be scared with you. I want us to not know what we are getting ourselves into but do it anyways because we know that we will always have one another." He doesn't break eye contact the whole time he looks at me. 

"You make it so hard for me to stay angry with you and to be scared of you. You make it unbelievably difficult to stay true to the promise I made myself." But I'm not even sure if I want to stay true to my promise anymore. Maybe I should let my feelings be felt. Maybe I should trust Gikwang. Maybe I should be scared with him rather than of him. 

"Gikwang, I am terrified of being hurt. I'm not strong. But, I don't want to go the rest of my life wondering what it would have been like with you. I want try."

"Really?" His whole face lit up as if he had won the grand prize at the carnival.

"Yes. But I swear, if you ever hurt me, it'll be the end of you."

"Never would I ever break something as fragile as you." Gikwang said, walking over to me and embracing me.

I have to admit, being in his arms is absolutely amazing. The feelings I get from him aren't like anything else I have ever experienced. It feels so great to be wanted. To be craved. I find myself wanting him back. Wanting to trade hearts with him. 

"We should sleep, yes? After all, we do have a wedding to attend tomorrow." Gikwang said.

"Hmpfh, I had completelly forgotten." I say sarcastically.

Gikwang pulls away from the hug and studies my face. Instead of feeling insecure, I feel comfortable. I know he isn't judging my looks, but observing them, cherishing them. I study his face, memorizing every detail.

"Would you hate me if I kissed you right now?" he whispers.

"Let's wait. Let our first kiss be as husband and wife."

He smiles at me. I don't really know where this is going to go. Even if us trying to be together ends badly, we are still married. Even if I get hurt, he is stuck with me and I am stuck with him.

"Can I sleep in here?"

"Of course you can. You already packed for Paris?" he asks, moving his suitcase to the side.

"Yep. Yoseob helped me earlier. Do you want me to help you pack?" I offer.

"Nahh. I will have one of the maids do it tomorrow. Let's just go to sleep, yes?"

Gikwang and I both get comfortable in some sleep clothes and hop into his bed. It feels so nice being next to him. So warm being wrapped in his arms. I don't think I could ever go back to sleeping alone. It would be too cold. But, I don't have to worry about that. I am completely comforted by the fact that I will never have to be alone again. I have him. I have something to live for. 

_ _ _

My sleep was peaceful. Dream free. For the first time in a long time, I feel fully rested. Like a person should after everynight of sleep. I get out of bed quietly, making sure I don't disturb Gikwang. I cannot believe I am getting married today. I walk into my room to find a bunch of people seeting things up.

"Ummm, what's going on?" I ask a maid that I recognize from around the house.

"Oh, good. Your up. These are your stylists. They are going to get you ready in here. Gikwang is going to get ready downstairs in one of the guest rooms."

"Ohhh, okay. I see. Urmmm, where is the wedding?" I just realized that nobody even told me where I would be getting married.

"They set up everything in the back yard. It truly is beautiful Mam." With that, the young maid walked away.

As soon as all the supplies were set up, the stylists started fixing me. They gave me fake nails, that I despise. Two different people were pulling my hair in different directions which hurt really bad. My legs were being waxed, my eyebrows were being shaped, and eyelashes were being glued to my eyelids.

When everyone was finally done fixing me up, when I didn't realize I was that bad to begin with, they helped me carefully take off my clothes and slip into my wedding gown. Nobody would let me look into a mirror until I was fully ready. After I slipped into my shoes, they brought me to a full body mirror.

I don't even recognize myself. I feel as if I am in somebody else's body for the day because mine just wasn't good enough. Gikwang's dad really knows some good people. I wonder how much all of this costed.

*Knock Knock*

Yoseob stuck his head in and stared at me. 

"HyunJae. I-I. Wow."

"Thanks." I laugh at him.

"Anyways.. uhhh. It's time."

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Sorry for not updating for a few days. I was with some friends for the past few days and didn't have time to get away from them xD I don't know how I feel 

about this chapter. I have some plans for the story but I always end up winging it whenever I write xP ANYWAYS, ummm. I'm thinking about posting my tumblr 

up here. Would any of you guys actually follow me though??? Lemme know! LOVE YOU GUYS <3