The next morning I wake up with a light headache and slight nausea. Ah, well. It's been worse before. I slowly pull myself out of my bed. I drag myself down stairs to the kitchen.

"Good morning." Gikwang smiles.

I mumble my response and plop on the stool and put my head on the counter. Last night's events are blurry. I can't make out any of the memories. I have accepted that I should not drink. When I drink, my dreams are bad.

"HyunJae?"

"Nehhhhh?" I whine out.

"You mentioned something last night on the way home. And it has made me curious."

Oh my lord. What I say?

"You said something about your eighteenth birthday party. And an ex-boyfriend." Gikwang's voice got more and more quiet.

Oh . How could I have possibly mentioned that to him. How could I be acting so nicely toward him after my past.

"Urm, well. We got drunk. He did stuff depsite my pleas of him to stop. Because I wouldn't agree to it, he broke up with me the next day."

I cannot believe I have been so stupid. How could I have gotten drunk around Gikwang. Who knows what he could've done to me. I bet he did do something. He probably tried. Or maybe he tried. What if he succeeded. No, there is no way he had.

"Tried things? Like... Did he you?"

"You know I don't really want to talk about it, okay?" I snap. Maybe he is genuinly concerned. But right now, I'm so angry at myself for being so ridiculously irespnsible. 

"Well, uhh. The guys are coming over later. We might actually go to the movies or something. Would you like to come?" 

"No." 

Gikwang lets out a frustrated sigh.

"Listen, I understand if I maybe hit a nerve or something, but that doesn't mean you have to act like such a . I actually care. And I actually want you to feel like you can talk to me. Alright? I mean, whether you like it or not, we are getting married tomorrow. And if you can't remember, my dad is forcing us to share a room. Got it? You know, you aren't the only person who has lost someone that you care about."

"Don't talk to me about losing someone or even something that I care about! I may not be the only one, but it still hurts. It's not going to change the fact that I have lost a piece of myself. Who have you lost, Gikwang?! And I don't know how many girls you have screwed, but is a lot different for most girls than it is for guys. To MOST girls, it's a lot more important. I took it as a big deal. My ity mattered and it was take from me without a choice. And what makes you think that I will be around tomorow to even marry you?!"

"Where the hell are you going to go huh?! You have no where to go. And nobody is going to be there for you. I'm all you have left sweetheart. And you seemed to be enjoying that."

"I don't have anywhere to go. Your right. That means there is only one other thing to do right?"

I stand up from my chair and run to go upstairs. I can hear Gikwan closely behind me. After my eighteenth birthday, I promised myself I would never fall for a guy ever again. Bae is the only one I care for. And I'm going to keep it like that.

I go into the bathroom not bothering trying to close the door. Gikwang is too strong for me. I open up the cabinet and grabbing the firt pill bottle I see. He is right. I have nothing to live for. Nobody cares for me. The only person I care for has been taken from me.

I pour as many as I can into my hand and Gikawng instantly stops in his tracks as soon as I threaten to swallow them all.

"What are you doing, HyunJae?"

"It's pretty obvious isn't it?! You are right! I have nothing! I have nobody! What's the point in living?!" 

"Stop it. You don't mean this. Listen.. We, we can do something. We can stop the marriage. I mean, we can leave here. Just, stop. Please."

I stop and look into his eyes for a second. He looks so sincere. In my moment of weakness he hits the pills out of my hand and pulls me in for a hug.

"Please, please don't ever scare me like that again."

"Why do you care?" I feel my eyes stinging and a lump in my throat that is not easy to swallow.

"I'm not sure. I just know that I do. And seeing you do that scared me to death. Just.. Just promise me. Okay?"

"Okay... I promise."