It’s been hours since Siwon took Eunhyuk away and I’m sitting in the middle of the activity room staring at my fellow inmates with a bored gaze. Leeteuk is seated in the corner atop a mound of pillows as Kangin yells at people who dare to pass by. Donghae has his face pressed against the fish tank, and Kyuhyun is spinning in circles making weird shooting sounds. It’s like a scene from a horror movie, and I’m tired of living in it.

   I do not belong here anymore. I’m tired of pretending to be crazy and seeing ghosts. Each day that passes is exhausting. The pain of losing Hannie is heavy in my heart, and the thought of living my life without him is excruciating, but being inside this place is also agonizing. I can’t stand it. Before I realize what’s happening, I’m standing from my seat, and a shriek is irrupting from my throat.

   “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!” I scream, causing the room to go still and all eyes to move to me. “I want out!”

    “You can’t leave. The game isn’t over yet.” Kyuhyun states in a firm voice as I turn and flee towards the garden doors. “I’ll shoot you!”

    “No leaving without a royal degree!!” Leeteuk’s voice sounds, but I block him out. I don’t have time for insanity right now. I need fresh air.

    Bursting out the back doors, I sprint across the soft green grass and fall to my knees before the red rose bushes. The sky above is bright blue and full of fluffy white clouds. It’s a cheery sky, contrasting with my dark mood. Collapsing into the grass, I roll over onto my back and stare up at the sky. Everything around me feels like it’s blurred and surreal. I can hear voices in my mind, some panicked, and others spouting nonsense. It feels like the world is melting into insanity, and I’m trapped in the middle of it all.

    “Mr. Kim, you can’t be out here alone.” Nurse Sungmin’s voice sounded as he appears in my sight. “Please, come back inside?”

    “I can’t,” I reply, trying to focus on the clouds above my head, and not the angry nurse hovering over me. “I can’t breathe in there.”

    “Mr. Kim, please?”

   “I said NO!” I scream into the sky, not willing to listen. “I’m staying here.”

   “Have you taken your medications today?”

   “No, I flushed them.” I admit, “I haven’t taken any meds since I got here. I don’t need them.”

   “Mr. Kim!” Sungmin began, his voice trailing off as Nurse Wookie appears next to him.

    “Go report this to a doctor. I’ll watch him.” Ryeowook offers, sitting down in the grass next to be as Sungmin disappears.

    “I’m not going inside,” I declare, my gaze still focused on the clouds. “I won’t take anything either.”

    “What’s wrong today, Heechul-ssi?” Ryeowook asks, lying down in the grass and joining my staring at the sky. “This isn’t like you. You haven’t had an outburst like this since your first days here.”

    “Can I tell you a secret, Ryeowook?” I begin, feeling like I could trust the kind nurse lying beside me. “I’m not crazy.”

    “Why do you think that?”

    “I checked myself in here to escape the pain. I lost Hannie. I couldn’t stand living without him, so I came here to hide from the world.” It felt good to finally tell someone the truth. “I’m ready to go home now. I’m ready to stop hiding.”

    “You’re very sick, Heechul. You can’t go home yet.”

    “I’m not sick. I told you. I was just pretending.” I beg, turning my head to look at the man next to me. “Why don’t you believe me?”

    “Because, HanGeng is the one who brought you here. He’s not dead, Heechul.”

    “He is…,”

    “What do you remember about his death? How did he die?” Ryeowook presses. “You think you killed him. How? Why aren’t you in prison right now for murder?”

    “I…, I don’t…,” I stammer, not sure how to answer.

   Honesty, I have no idea how Hannie actually died, or why I’m not in jail. Everything about my past is a blur. I shut my eyes and try to remember something, anything. The same memory plays in my mind. I came home early, I heard noises, it was cold, and then…,

    “Sooyoung,” I state, causing Ryeowook to look at me strangely. “I remember that name.”

    “Sooyoung is HanGeng’s wife,” Ryeowook informs, “She’s pregnant with his child.”

    “No,” I protest, turning back over and looking up at the clouds, something about Ryeowook’s words feeling true. “Hannie died. He can’t be married.”

    “Do you remember Sooyoung?”

    “She worked with Hannie,” I recall, something clicking inside my mind. “He used to call him a lot. He’d leave me in the middle of the night and…,”

    Shutting my eyes, everything fades away as my heart aches with pain. I cry out in agony and claw helplessly at my chest. I can’t remember. It will kill me. I can feel it.

    “He’s having another fit,” I hear Siwon’s deep voice. “Get an injection ready.”

    “No!” I scream, sitting up in the grass and opening my eyes. “I’m fine! I’m not crazy!”

    There’s a group of nurses surrounding me. Siwon is standing a few feet away with a concerned look on his face. They’re looking at me as if I’m insane. I’m not crazy. I’m not..,

    “I need Eunhyuk,” I plead, wishing for my roommate to kiss the pain away. “I need to see him. Where is he?”

    “Mr. Lee has been taken upstairs,” Siwon informs, “He had an outburst earlier in my office. I had to confine him.”

    “Confine him,” I repeat, my eyes going to a bandage wrapped around Siwon’s hand. “What happened to your hand?”

    “Mr. Lee bit me.” Siwon detailed, offering me his good hand. “Come with me, Mr. Kim. We have things to discuss.”

    I take Siwon’s offered hand and follow him back inside. I don’t know why I’m so compliant right now, but I want to know what happened to Eunhyuk. I’m worried about my roommate more than I should be. Deep down, I know I have feelings for him. I know that he means more to me than he should, but I’m not afraid anymore. I want to love him, and for him to love me.

   “Where are we going?” I ask as Siwon leads me up the stairs. “I don’t like the upper floors.”

    “I want you to see something,” Siwon informs me, his tone serious. “You asked to see Eunhyuk. I’m taking you to him.”

   We enter the floor I’d been let on a few days prior and stop in front of a locked door with a barred window in it. Siwon gestures for me to look inside. I eye him skeptically, before tiptoeing and peering through the window. Inside the room I can see Eunhyuk sitting on the floor. The room is padded and he’s wearing a straightjacket. He looks up at me, his gaze wild and unfocused. A growl leaves his lips and he bares his teeth.

   “What’s wrong with him?” I ask, taking a step back and looking at Dr. Choi. “He’s never been this bad before?”

    “At first, I thought he’d made a breakthrough. He addressed me normally and spoke coherently. Then, when I mentioned you, he started growling and calling me horse again.” Siwon detailed, “He was ranting about how the cat broke his heart. It’s your fault he’s regressing, Mr. Kim.”

    “Why is it my fault?” I questioned, offended by Siwon’s suggestion.

    “You made his feel as if you loved him, then told him it was a lie.” Siwon explained with a disapproving look. “He was getting better because of you. Now, he’s worse than ever.”

     “Open the door. I want to talk to him.”
    “He’s violent, Mr. Kim. I can’t…,”

    “Open the door!” I shout, needing to make Eunhyuk better. “I want to talk to him.”

    Siwon steps forwards and removes a set of keys from his pocket, he then unlocks the door, and steps aside.

    “I’ll be watching. If he tries to hurt you, I’ll have to intervene.”

   “He won’t hurt me,” I reassure, opening the door and stepping inside.

   Dropping to my knees, I carefully crawl across the padded floor. Eunhyuk looks at me with tear filled eyes and tilts his head like a curious animal. Stopping in front of him, I reach out and place my hand alongside his face. He doesn’t move, just looks at me in confusion.

    “I love you, Eunhyuk-ah.” I whisper, meaning what I said. “I wasn’t pretending. You have to believe me.”

    “Mr. Cat can’t love me. I’m a monkey.” Eunhyuk whispers, “The mean Horse made you do it.”

    “He told me to play along, but I started to have feelings for you.” I confess, “Eunhyuk, please believe that I care about you. I want you to get better. I want…,”

    Eunhyuk leans forwards and kisses me, his lips soft and warm against mine. The same calming feeling as always rushes through me, his kiss making the world a bit brighter. When he pulls back, the look in his eyes in tender and kind. I can see the old Eunhyuk hiding behind his gaze.

    “I love you too, Mr. Cat.” Eunhyuk whispers, “Heechul…,”

   “You can’t keep acting like this, Eunhyuk.” I whisper in return, “You have to get better. I’m going to be leaving soon. I told them the truth today. I’m going to check myself out. I want you to be able to come with me.”

    “But, you’re sick.” Eunhyuk tells me. “You’re sick, just like me.”

    “I’m not.”

    “You are,” Eunhyuk cuts off. “Your boyfriend is alive. I saw him the other day. You’re not a murderer.”

    “And, you’re not a monkey.”

    “I know that,” Eunhyuk declares, “I know who I am now, thanks to you. It took me years to understand why I behave this way. You showed me the light, Heechul.”

    “How? I didn’t do anything.” I deny as Eunhyuk leans forwards and places a kiss on my cheek.

    “You cared for me,” Eunhyuk states with a soft smile. “No one’s cared about me since my parents died. Siwon says I retreated into myself and projected my pain into a delusion I could control. He’s says I was hiding from the pain. I think he’s right. You’re hiding from your pain too.”

    “I’m tired of hiding.”

    “Then, you have to remember. You have to face the truth.” Eunhyuk whispers, “We both do.”

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