\ \ \ \ \

Siwon thought Donghae had wanted to talk over some drinks, not that Donghae would end up drinking by himself without talking. Just what was he brooding over that made him look so pitifully sad? A sympathetic sigh escaped his lips as he turned to look at Donghae who was currently knocked out in the passenger’s seat.

\ \ \ \ \

Would it work that way? Would everything still turn out alright if she just focused on work for now and allowed Siwon to look after her as he wanted? Even so, Seohyun wanted to do things for him. She didn’t know what, but she wanted to be able to do things for him to enlighten his heart, make him happy. If she chose the latter she was certain half her time would be used up for Siwon and not her job. Once again, Victoria would be the one doing everything they’d already started.

Why was she still struggling over this? She was really stupid and hopeless. Why wasn’t she thinking of anyone else but herself and Siwon? If she had to think it over, yes, Victoria was an important image in her head. She was an older sister, a friend she worked with. They might not be close but their partnership really meant something dear in Seohyun’s heart. Maybe talking to Victoria might help. She was sure Victoria would try to understand. 

Walking out of her room she started down the hall and hesitated when she found Victoria’s door closed. Was she still awake or was she asleep? Reaching for the doorknob she twisted it open and poked her head in to see Victoria lying on her bed with the sheets warmly lying over her body. Pressing her lips together she retreated back to her room and never would she know that Victoria had just as much worries crossing her mind.

\ \ \ \ \

The silence of her room was more powerful than she’d ever recalled it to be. It felt like someone was there sneering at her back, laughing at her. Victoria felt troubled. Her heart wavered to and fro. She wasn’t able to read her own emotions and that was what troubled her most.

Seohyun and Siwon made her envious. The fact that Seohyun could be in his touch, under his arms made her jealous. And Victoria hated that. She hated the feeling that made her want to forbid Seohyun from ever seeing someone she was crushing on just because of her own selfish reasons. But what Victoria hated most next to that was the fact that she was quietly crying over the words that had trailed out of that morning. Most of all, Victoria didn’t want to apologize to the hurt Donghae. She was scared of facing him and going head to head with the emotions boiling inside her.

Next on the list was the friend Luhan who was brooding over his desire to step on his father’s pride, to revenge him for hurting his mother. His mother, who he loved most. Victoria knew desire, she knew how strong it could grow to be and how tiring carrying the emotion was. She knew, because the overtiring emotion to cuddle with her mother and hug her while watching her cry over father’s death had simply killed her inside. Victoria had been unable to express the emotion because she was too hardheaded and couldn’t step out of the line where her pride lay.

Victoria had barely slept three hours when the sun was already inching its way up into the deep blue sky. Giving up on sleep and re-energizing herself she got up, washed up, and dressed into new clothes before walking out. It was barely 7 in the morning and Victoria wasn’t surprised to see that Seohyun hadn’t started on breakfast yet, which was actually a good thing. She had wanted to walk out without anyone knowing.

Once she slipped into her shoes a voice asked, “Where are you going?” 

She turned to see Luhan who poking his head out of the living room leaning over the armrest of the sofa. Well, she guessed he would have heard her even if she wanted to get out quietly. His room was closest to the door, she should have figured that out earlier.

“For some air,” she answered then thought for a second before adding, “you want to come along?”    

After about half an hour later Victoria found herself walking down an open park full of green sceneries and freshly planted flowers. Branches of trees swayed over shades in the warm wind and not to Victoria’s surprised there seemed to be a mass of families around.

Walking over to an empty area by a small blue pond she reached her hand out. Her fingertips slightly brushed against the superior green leaves among the long branch. Nature, she’d learned, was a medicine to the heart among all else. Looking at the peaceful world around made her want to believe that not everything was so bad after all. Even peering at flowers made her feel somewhat quite refreshed as if she’d been resurrected from the dead.

“Believe me when I say it, I have barely gone for a stroll outside in the past 5 years,” Victoria said lowering her hand and letting the tree branch fall away.

“Then why did you become an agent?” Luhan, who stood from behind, questioned.

“Who knows,” Victoria focused her stare on the blue pond a yard away, “perhaps I was lonesome and wanted a well-paid job that could afford to take time away from my hands. Who knew, though, that I’d want my time back? I’ve just found out, I really am a busy person.”  

“Really?” Luhan stepped forward. “It’s hard imagining you being lonesome.” He stopped beside her and stuck his hands into his pockets. “Then, how were you before you became busy?”

Victoria tried to faze back into her memory, “Rebellious, prideful, a bit held back. All the bad things you can think of. If possible, I’d also like to be as filial to my mom as you are. I never once showed how much I care about her, so she might be feeling a bit disappointed and lonely.”

“There’s always the future for us to correct ourselves,” Luhan encouraged.

“Then what about you? What are you going to do once we finish this business?”

They turned to look at each other before smiling.

“I don’t know, but I guess I ought to return to school.” Luhan replied. “You?”

“Maybe work.” Victoria shrugged.

\ \ \ \ \

It was late afternoon and Donghae had still not yet turned up for work. Siwon was held back at the station waiting for his partner to show up. He’d called Donghae at least 20 times, but still no answer.

Concerned he turned to the person behind the counter, “I’m going out for a bit.”

Siwon later stepped out of the elevator and rang the doorbell to Donghae’s apartment. No one answered. There was no way he’d know if Donghae was still inside or not, but he trusted that Donghae would have opened the door for him if he were in.

Giving up he walked out with a sigh.

A few minutes later he discovered himself walking into the apartment building he was frequently visiting. 

“Hi,” he shyly greeted Seohyun who was behind the door, “sorry for coming unannounced.”

She glanced at him almost surprised and blankly at the same time before allowing him inside. Stepping in he glanced around to find that Luhan was not there.

“I don’t know where they went,” Seohyun said as if reading his mind before walking into the kitchen, “do you want something to eat?”

“I just wanted to drop by real quickly,” Siwon smiled at her.

Seohyun replied with a smile. She looked so elegantly sweet.

“Are you alright?” he asked before quickly clarifying, “I mean…you’re not thinking too much about anything, are you?”

He watched her blink her eyes before looking away.

“I was just thinking about a few things,” Seohyun eased his heart with another comfortable smile. “Thanks for coming by to see me.”

“Can I ask a question before I go?” he wondered.

Seohyun raised her eyebrows waiting for him to go on.

“Do you know…if Victoria’s seen or talked to Donghae lately?” 

Surprise lit Seohyun’s face at the question she’d least expected. She shook her head, “I…don’t know.”

“It’s fine, I was just wondering,” Siwon told. “I’m working late tonight, so…I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Seohyun nodded and waved before he turned to go.

\ \ \ \ \

“You’re pathetic,” Hyukjae scorned at the edge of the auditorium stage, his neck angled back so that he was looking at Donghae who was currently drinking away.

It was only 15 minutes after his auction had finished that Donghae came stringing in with a bag of drinks, and now he was sitting there cross legged quietly sipping away at the wonderful alcohol which didn’t deserve his emo-ness.

Hyukjae sighed again, “I don’t even know if I want to be friends with you anymore after this.”

Donghae dunked his head back and swallowed the rest of the alcohol in the bottle before exhaling satisfied. He wiped his dripping wet lips with his arm and leaned his head forward. His eyes drooped toward the ground before he set the empty bottle aside and reached into the bag for another one.  Hyukjae watched him open it and rolled his eyes.

“I’m not in agony nor do I feel like , I don’t, I don’t, Hyukjae!” Donghae shook his head and roared loudly.

Hyukjae swore he just wanted to punch his friend in desperation of bringing back his senses.  

“Oh yea?” Hyukjae countered without much of a care in his voice. “Then what are you feeling?”

A pitiful smile crawled over Donghae’s face as if he were mesmerized by the ground, “I’m just a little hurt because I was born without a gold spoon in my mouth.”

Hyukjae snorted at how ridiculous it sounded. “Oh boy, here we go.” 

“Because I’m not perfect and I lack a lot.” He ran a hand up his face before it contorted into spiraling pain and for a moment Hyukjae was sure Donghae might break in front of him. “Because I lack so much I can’t even meet her standards. I’m just an unlucky fool who can’t do anything. I’m so pathetic I shouldn’t even be alive.”

Hyukjae’s senses were thrown from sarcasm to complete sympathy. His face softened and he reached an arm out to pat Donghae on the back.

“C’mon, man,” Hyukjae gently tried, “you know that’s not true. You escaped knives and guns. If you didn’t do those all by yourself, then how did you do it? Don’t think like this, you’re worth much more. No one person is worth just a rock. You want me to go talk to her? Fine, I’ll go put some sense into this woman of yours.”

“Forget it,” Donghae pushed his hand off before staggering to his feet. “I’ve decided.”

Hyukjae quickly rose to his feet in case Donghae would fall, “Decided what?”

Donghae shook his head and started toward the door.

“Hey! Where are you going!?” Hyukjae shouted from behind.

Ignoring him, Donghae pushed open the door and exited.

\ \ \ \ \

“Where were you?” Seohyun interrogated the moment Victoria and Luhan walked into the apartment.

“We went out.” Victoria generally stated.

“Where to?” Seohyun was feeling a little irritated with Victoria’s answer.

“For a walk.”

Seohyun eyed them before frowning at Luhan. She couldn’t help but feel a little suspicious about them. They were gone together way too often for her liking and Seohyun was starting to feel more annoyed that she was being left out of their outings.

“I need to ask you a question,” Seohyun said to Victoria before walking into the kitchen.

Victoria followed.

“What is it?” Victoria asked.

“Have you seen Donghae lately?”

Victoria looked taken aback. Her expression became mixed with a million other emotions and Seohyun felt slightly confused from looking at her.

“Have you?” Seohyun repeated.

“Why?”

“Siwon stopped by to ask.”

Victoria lowered her gaze directly to the ground. What was wrong with her? Looking at Victoria made Seohyun feel all the more suspicious. She couldn’t help but wonder if Victoria was hiding something. It made her feel somewhat insecure and she didn’t know why.

“No,” Victoria lied looking into her eyes. “I don’t know why he would ask you that.”

Without another word, Victoria retreated into her room. Seohyun turned her head to watch her disappear behind the door. Why did it feel like the person she looked up to the most was starting to fade away from her hold? Even the aura Victoria emitted felt a little strange these days.

\ \ \ \ \

Donghae crawled into bed that night with his head spinning, a headache hammering itself into the core of his brain. As soon as he closed his eyes the most pleasant picture of Victoria flashed into his mind. The more he longed for her, the harder his heart ached. Why did he care so much that even it felt impossible to let go of her?

He clawed up the bed sheet into his fist. Donghae knew then exactly what he needed to do.

\ \ \ \ \

Siwon sighed and walked toward his car. His shift had just ended, he was feeling exhausted, and he was completely ready to just fall into his bed and wait a deep slumber. By the side of his car he listened to the phone ring repeatedly. Donghae was still refusing to pick up his call. If he couldn’t bring Donghae in for work, Donghae would immediately be written up. Siwon didn’t want to let him get into trouble.

Sighing heavily he unlocked his car and got in almost confused by the noise that was echoing in his car. Turning to look into the backseat he saw nothing then his eyes landed on the passenger’s seat almost at once. For sure, something was there vibrating and ringing loudly.

Removing the phone away from his ears he turned it off before picking up the black cellphone on the seat beside him. Certainly it was none other than Donghae’s. 

“It must have fallen out the other night,” Siwon muttered to himself.

Unlocking the phone Siwon found himself staring at the background wallpaper of Donghae’s phone. Obviously it was none other than a picture he’d secretly taken of Victoria somewhere. Siwon glanced at the picture suddenly wondering what Victoria was up to in the middle of the night. That was right; he hadn’t taken a chance to say ‘Hi’ to her at all. He wondered if he was being shady with her after deciding on his pick for Seohyun. He and Victoria had obviously shared ambiguous feelings for one another. Seeing him with Seohyun might make her feel awkward and uncomfortable.

Setting the phone down he realized he was none other than the bad guy.

\ \ \ \ \

Victoria was surprised by the phone call early in the morning and it was from none other than Choi Siwon. Excited, Victoria spent almost an hour on finding an outfit that pleased her and spent about another hour putting makeup on before stopping to wonder why she was even trying so hard. Had she currently forgotten that he already seemed interested in her friend?

“Oh well,” Victoria muttered to herself, “I might as well look presentable to the public.” 

Feeling somewhat brought down after realizing that she stripped out of her outfit and slipped on plain shorts and a t-shirt. Victoria stared at herself in the mirror for another few minutes and forced a smile onto her face. Honestly, she was feeling somber at even the thought of seeing Siwon and she didn’t know why.

“Lets get this over with, Victoria,” she told herself before walking out.

Seohyun was up and about in the kitchen cleaning here and there before she stopped.

“You’re going out?” Seohyun wondered.

“I’ll be back,” Victoria replied.

“Oh…ok…”

Victoria took a step forward, stopped, and turned to glance back t Seohyun who had returned to scrubbing the stove. Yes, that was right, she also wanted the best for Seohyun. How much longer would they be cooped up in the city?

On the way to their meeting place Victoria ran over in her head all the many possible things she and Siwon had to discuss. In actuality, there weren’t a lot of things for them to talk about. After thinking about it Victoria came to realize that they were merely just plain strangers who had taken a liking to one another at some point in time. And that liking had chosen not to evolve into anything else. Perhaps, Victoria thought, it wasn’t meant to become anything at all. It could have just been a coincidental happening because…obviously there were other people that meant more to her.

That was it. Victoria would think of Siwon as something disappointing that had entered her life and left like a butterfly chancing upon a lone flower before disappearing. 

***I'll update another chapter since I'm going out of state this weekend. I might not write for a few weeks, but we'll see how things come along. I always find time to write when I'm up for it.