Jongin staggered from the room, his mind reeling.  He didn’t understand what had just happened.  All day he had gone crazy dancing to the sound of Kyungsoo’s voice - he had looked for him as soon as he returned from shooting the teaser.  When his hyung had gotten angry, he had been so excited that maybe, just maybe, Kyungsoo wanted him.  I thought he said he didn’t want just flirting.  Like he wanted the real thing.  I thought that meant he cared for me…But he pushed me away.  He didn’t like it, he hated it. 

How had he read it so wrong?  How could he have been so stupid?  He blinked back tears as his face scrunched in embarrassment and shame.  His hand still tingled from the touch of Kyungsoo’s skin, his lips still throbbed from the sweet taste of his lips.  It had been everything he had dreamed, and that made it infinitely worse.  How can I forget it now?

He pushed me away.

He looked up to find he had made it back to the dorm.  He dreaded the thought of seeing the other members now, and he hoped against hope he would find it empty.  But when he slid through the door, there was Baekhyun and Chanyeol, laughing over some variety show. 

“Ah, Kai-sshi!  You’re here!”

“Annyeong,” Kai nodded, his chest still in knots.  The sight of Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s foolish grins made his heart race again, his body suddenly tensing in anger.  This was jealousy.  Kyungsoo is happier with them.  He likes one of them.  That must be it.

Using every ounce of self-control he had in him, Kai feigned he was tired and excused himself.  He rushed into his room – their room – and fell back against the door, his head in his hands. 

He tore at his hair, trying to get the image of Kyungsoo’s flushed and angry face out of his mind.  It still turned him on through his own anger, sadness, and shame.  How could I be so pathetic?!  The sound of Baekhyun’s laughter through the door in the midst of his confusion was too much to bear.  He punched the wall in frustration and several of Kyungsoo’s books toppled over from a nearby shelf.  He stared at them, fuming and rubbing his hands when there was a knock on the door.

“Kai, is everything alright?”  Suho peeked through after easing the door open.  “I heard a loud noise.”

Kai searched his brain for an excuse, trying to hide his face.  “Uh, yes.. I…tripped and knocked into the bookshelf by accident.  I’m fine, though…”

Suho eyed him a bit suspiciously.  “Well ok… Be careful.”  He paused, weighing over something in the doorway.  “And I’d pick those books back up before Kyungsoo gets back.”  With that he left, clicking the door behind him.

Kai turned back to the books and erupted in laughter at how ridiculous his situation was.  Even cleaning up a mess had to do with Kyungsoo.  He couldn’t escape him.  Yet somehow, he had to try.  I am royally ed. 

He considered just leaving the mess, but thought better of it and crouched down to pick up the books.  He put them back in what he hoped was the right place and collapsed on his bed.  The more and more he reflected, the more hopeless his position seemed.  He couldn’t ignore Kyungsoo completely, and he couldn’t force him to love him back either.  He would have to act like it didn’t matter, depending on how Kyungsoo treated him.  He honestly didn’t know how he would manage it.

 But that was for the morning.  

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ACK,  I am so sorry.  These boys are idiots.  It will be worth it though, I promise!!!

@kyungochae  Oh, I don't agree either, both of their voices are fantastic!!!  I was just writing from Kyungsoo's point of view, which I imagine might be insecure about his voice sometimes.  

@WeirdoTheGreat  @efeline I'm sorry!!  I was crying while writing it, I must want to torture myself.  But I do have a reason!  It will be beautiful, trust me!

Still crying 4ever

<3 kab