It had been five weeks since the kiss, not that Kyungsoo was counting.  By now, he was a little bit less distracted by Jongin, or so he would tell himself until Kai went shirtless around the dorm or smiled in his general direction.  He’d been spending more and more time with Baekhyun and Suho, both for practice, and for fear of being alone too long with Kai.  Otherwise, they maintained the skinship they’d always had, which Kyungsoo both loved and dreaded. 

Nights were the worst.  Sometimes Kai was very talkative and friendly, and when his bright eyes and deep voice became too much for him, he’d insist he needed to sleep.  Other times, Kai would go out or stay late practicing, and Kyungsoo would just lie awake, waiting for him to get back.  For all the frustration Kai caused him during the day,  he needed him there before he could fall asleep at night.  

Mornings weren’t much better.  He always woke up before Jongin, and the sight of him sleeping erased any progress he made getting over his feelings.  He tried to get anyone else to wake him up, because Kai’s sleepy smile was a heart attack waiting to happen. 

As Kai began preparing for their debut teasers, Kyungsoo saw less and less of him.  His absence always upset him, and the fact that it upset him left him irritable.  When he did spend time with Kai, he would often catch him staring at him and laughing.  And when he laughed he almost resented him for making him feel this way, for enjoying this.  For making him miss that laugh, and not even knowing it. 

And still he worried.  Worried because Kai worked too hard and still didn’t complain.  Worried because he was still his roommate and his dongsaeng.  Worried because he was important to him in ways he didn’t want to think about.

On the day Kai was shooting the first debut teaser, Kyungsoo was especially worried and irritable.  He wanted everything to go well for him, and he also needed to stop thinking about him so incessantly.  He had seen Kai’s dance to ‘My Lady,’ and frankly, he wished he hadn’t.  It wouldn’t stop replaying in his mind.  What could possibly be worse?

Lo and behold, who should intrude on his individual practice but Kim Jongin, in the sweaty flesh. 

“Kai!  Did you just get back?”

“Yeah,” Kai nodded, leaning against the table in front of him. 

Kyungsoo let his excitement take over.  “How was it?  Tell me everything,” he said, taking up Jongin’s hand and pulling on it playfully. 

But Kai just stared at him bemused before looking down at their hands and bursting into laughter. 

Kyungsoo’s heart sank as his face fell.  He’s laughing at me again. 

“Nevermind,” he muttered, throwing his hand away.

Kai folded his arms and leaned toward him, eyes twinkling.  He bit his lower lip, but couldn’t hide his smile.  “No, tell me.  What’s wrong?  Hyung?”

He took a step back towards the wall behind him, his blood boiling at Kai’s teasing concern.  All his pent up frustration came rushing back.  “I haven’t seen you in what feels like days, and you just laugh at me.  I want to know how you’re doing, if you’re ok.  That’s not a joke, Kai.  Just like a kiss isn’t a joke…I’m not a plaything!”

Jongin merely tilted his head at this, his half-smirk growing wider.  Curse those lips.  Curse his gorgeous face.

His face flushed red hot as his voice rose.  “I’m serious, Jongin-ah!  Is it funny to be –“

But Kai cut him off with a forceful kiss.  And another.  And another.  And another, until he was backed against the wall.  Kyungsoo felt all the wind get out of him as Kai’s hands tangled in his hair and travelled down to his waist.  Kai pulled back for a moment, his eyes searching his.

“Don’t.  Please,” Kyungsoo whimpered.

“No?” Kai raised an eyebrow, and started his jawline and all the way down his neck.  Kyungsoo felt his eyes roll back in their sockets, his entire body burning.  This was ecstasy.  This was hell.  He was slipping, and he had to stop himself fast. 

He pushed frantically at Kai’s chest until he stopped.

He shook his head.  “Kai, I can’t…”

I can’t need you.  Please don’t make me need you. 

Kai stepped back, hands dropping from his waist.  His expression was overwhelming, a mixture of irritation, disappointment, and something Kyungsoo couldn’t place.  Was it sadness?  It only lasted a moment before Kai turned and walked out, without a word or even a sound. 

He slid down the wall to the floor, his heart racing and a little bit broken.

“I’m sorry.”

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This chapter was really difficult for me.  The next one will be too, but it's half-written, so it'll be up sometime later today. 

I'm sorry for dragging this out, please don't unsubscribe!  

@kyungochae  Thank you!  But what's wrong with chapter 7??  TT^TT

@ShadyGirl  CONGRATS ON YOUR GRADUATION GURLL!!  Glad you liked the chappies <3

THANKS TO ALL SUBSCRIBERS, COMMENTERS, AND READERS!!!

All your comments especially.  They keep me going.

brb crying 

<3 kab