Donghae,

My dearest… my best friend… my angel… my soulmate… I am sorry to leave you like this… Sorry for keeping things from you until now, until the very end…

When you read this letter, when you learn about what actually is happening, I would have moved on my journey already.

Nothing can measure how deep my regret is, knowing how cruel this is to you. There were times I wanted to tell you this would be coming; that despite our bond being strong, our love being deep, our promise being sincere; we cannot conquer the invisible yet powerful hands of fate. I was a coward. Every time I saw you, beaming with your angelic smile, bouncing around like a kid, hugging me tight, chuckling and whispering beside my ear, I just could not do it. I could not bear seeing the tiniest trace of sorrow or pain on your face. I just couldn’t… Please forgive me….

Thank you Donghae, for being in my life. I can say I have no regret because I have you. If there’s any, it’s because I have to continue without you now. The amount of time we had was too little, even though I know with another 100 years it would still not be enough…

When I am writing this my hand cannot help shaking. I am scared to the very core of my stomach. How would the days ahead look like? I have forgotten the time before we met, when I was on my own. It just feels so wrong if you are not by my side. It is more than horrible if there’s no number to dial when I want to hear your voice, if there’s nowhere to go when I want to see you, if there’s nothing I can do when I miss you, if there’s no you where I’m going…

I hope I can at least take all my memories about you with me. During the past few months I wrote down all our precious moments most meaningful to me in a notepad. By doing so I was trying to lock them all securely in my mind. You are and will always be in my mind. There’s no way, no way, I am going to forget you Donghae.

And that’s also my last gift to you Donghae… my love to you… and the most memorable moments in my life. Part of me would stay in the notepad. Just read it when you miss me… when you need me… OK?

Remember I told you that you saved my life? About the long and dark tunnel I was in before I came round? Actually… I didn’t tell you everything… When the darkness shattered and dark fragments showered down I heard thunder in the storm. It’s the thunder full of power and authority in front of which you can do nothing but tremble. When it finally stopped I heard “5^thApril, Year 20xx THE TIME WILL BE”.

I knew then. My time was originally up when the car crashed. By grace we were given more time… But still…life is short…time is up…

There are dreams that cannot be.

There are storms we cannot weather.

But Donghae… remember how much I love you… remember how much I love you…

Saranghaeyo,

Your Hyukkie

I covered my mouth with both my hands upon finishing the letter so as not to wake Donghae. He’s sleeping peacefully. That was a beautiful picture to see; but at the same time it was so heart breaking…

I’m sorry Donghae…

Though I was still living at that moment I felt like dying already. I didn’t know such pain before. The pain was so intense it burnt your stomach, crushed your heart, squeezed your chest, banged your head and suffocated you. I didn’t bother to fight my tears since it was simply impossible. So much I wanted to ease the pain by crying out loud, the wall or running out into the rain. But those were no options. My whole body was trembling while I determined to swallow all pain and look at Donghae. There was not much time left… that I could still look at him.

After some time, when I finally summoned enough energy to fight the urge of letting out my emotions, I stood up. Slowly I walked over to my luggage bag. From there I took out the notepad and the recorder. Quietly I put them down together with the letter on the table beside Donghae’s bed. And then I sat back down, continued looking at him.

The clock was ticking. Time was ticking. That moment was approaching every time my heart beat; the moment when my heart would stop beating.

I kept looking at Donghae, scrutinizing his facial features, printing the image on my mind, registering every detail...

Tick… Tick… Tick…

Tick… Tick… Tick…

Tick… Tick… Tick…

Blinding white light shone in the hotel room. I gasped and my body jerked. A white-robed figure materialized at the end of my bed and bowed.

Well… I didn’t expect someone coming to claim my life would be so polite…

I didn’t move. I turned my head to look at Donghae again. The white-robed didn’t urge me or say anything.

So this is it? Donghae… Donghae… Be strong and stay happy. You yourself are cheerful, lively and adorable. I have no credit in that. So even when I’m gone, pls stay the way you are… I give you all my best wishes... I love you…

White light radiated from the white-robed shone brightly and enveloped me. I stood up and walked towards the figure, without my mind telling my body (or spirit) to. Turning my head I saw my own body lying on my bed. I spared one last glance at Donghae before the white-robed took my hand… and dreamed that dream one last time (well I couldn’t tell if it was a dream or reality anymore)…

Donghae was standing in a hallway. He pressed the “play” button of the recorder.

“… Donghae…Saranghaeyo…”

Biting back his tears he pressed again.

“… Donghae…Saranghaeyo…”

Slowly, as tears started flowing down, he put the recorder into his pocket and walked over to the wall. Suddenly he punched his fist against it. Once, twice, he kept punching and I could feel the whole place was shaking. His fist was reddened and bruises started to form.

Then he pushed himself away, stumbled back to lean against the wall behind him. His knees gave in as he started sliding down and finally collapsed onto the floor. He hugged himself tight into a ball and hid his face between his arms. He sobbed for a long time and said. “Why? Hyukkie… How could you do this to me?”

I thought I should go and hug him. But things were not the same anymore…

I wanted to run towards him but I couldn’t. I wanted to talk to him but I could make no sound even though I thought I was screaming at the top of my lung. I wanted to grab something desperately but I couldn’t; when I found myself slowly drifting away from him.

DONGHAE!!!

DONGHAE!!!…SARANGHAEYO!!!

SARANGHAEYO!!!

SARANGHAEYO!!!

……

There was no way to stop. I kept being carried away slowly. And I thought I was crying my soul out as the distance between the 2 of us lengthened.

Remember how much I love you Donghae…

At least this part of our promise I can keep…

With all my heart, with every single beat of my heart (if I still have a heart which beats), I love you…

Donghae… Saranghaeyo…Saranghaeyo…

When I could no longer see Donghae I was caught in a storm like last time. I closed my eyes and I heard thunder. Unable to tell which side was up which side was down, all I could feel was lightning and rain and wind.

But nothing matters anymore right?

Finally I landed on a soft surface. Rain kept pouring onto me though.

It also rains in heaven?

I opened my eyes, expecting to take the first glimpse of heaven. Contrary to that I saw the last image I would expect…

I saw…

I blinked in disbelief…

My eyes opened wide…

… Donghae…?

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A/N: So the last 10 chapters were what Hyukkie's written down in the notepad. You probably have a lot of question marks in your head now as to what just happened... Um... I'm sorry but things will be revealed in the next chapter...