'Hi, Mrs Kim', I greeted my boyfriend's mother as I stepped next to her. She had just arrived as well, judging from the way she put her handbag on Suho's nightstand. Since he was absent at the moment, propably taking a shower or something, she instantly turned her head to look at me. The dark shadows under her eyes were the only thing left from the sorrow of the last few days, but since Suho seemed to get well pretty quickly, she told me she'd rather focus on supporting him instead of being sorrowful all the time. And whenever I heard her say that, I tried to be with her. He was my boyfriend after all and I loved him, so his well-being had instantly become my number one priority as well. But it was hard and I felt like dark circles under my eyes weren't going to be the only thing I kept as a memory of these days.
 

'Hello, dear. How are you? You look tired', Mrs Kim said worriedly as she placed her hand on my shoulder in a motherly way which made me breathe out in relaxation. I knew she wasn't just asking this for reasons of being polite, she really cared – just like her son. And that's what made her a loveable person to me. 'Yeah, I lack a little sleep. I had to finish some studies for university last night', I answered, keeping some of the truth to myself though. I had been up late because I was racking my brains over Suho's current state. And Mrs Kim knew.
 

She tilted her head a little, now facing me completely. 'Studies about what?', she asked me and I looked down, avoiding eye contact. She had told me various time that she didn't want me to loose sleep or wreck myself because of Suho since she was sure he was going to fully recover. But how would I have been able to stop worrying? 'Uh, social studies', I mumbled, and she sighed. 'The doctor said he gets better every day, and you see that too, don't you?', Mrs Kim interrogated softly, causing me to nod obediently. Of course I saw that. 'Yes, of course', I said. Then we kept silent for a moment. There were so many things I wanted to say or ask, but I felt like this wasn't the right moment for interrogations. After all, we were still in Suho's room and he could have returned any second.
 

'Listen, I'll go look for a nurse and ask her for some coffee. We could both use some, couldn't we?', Mrs Kim then offered, and before I could answer, she let her hand slide down my arm lovingly before she headed out to get someone to wake us up for real. I couldn't help but smile at her motherly actions, feeling the warmth of her concern take over my mind for a moment. I loved that women and the way she took care of me since Suho and I were together. My own mother had never been that loving and caring so it felt like a belated cuddle from someone you loved. I retraced her movement on my arm but jerked out of my inner harmony when a door was shut behind me.
 

I turned around to see Suho come out of the room's own little bathroom, dressed in sweatpants and a white t-shirt, his hair still wet from having taken a shower. He looked at me, and normally when our eyes locked, he would smile at me in some kind of embarrassement and I would do the same, bowing politely in order to avoid getting his confusion built up again. We would talk casually and we tried to avoid 'us' as a topic – instead, I focused on the sound of his voice that I loved so much. That was enough most of the time, that was the usual. But that day, something was different. It was like a new scent cutting the sterile-smelling air, something that shocks you but makes you curious at the same time. I shivered and bowed to him just like I normally did, just in case he wouldn't feel the same way. But he soon made clear that he was the reason things were different.
 

Instead of smiling awkwardly, he looked me directly in the eye and I felt my chest heave in some sort of tension. His eyes seemed to be piercing mine like they always had when he remembered me, they seemed to know me. He seemed to know me.
 

'Hi, Miyoung', he said, and I had to gulp down a swall of tears that would have just flowed right over my cheeks the next second. My heart began to burn and I had to keep myself from running towards Suho and embracing him too firmly. He took that as a sign of being taken aback and stretched out his hands a little, worrying. 'That's – that's your name, right?', he asked me hectically with a worried expression, and as much as his words shocked me, I had no choice but to laugh at them. It was a light, almost suffocated laugh, and I felt tears sting my eyes. He still didn't remember me completely, that was for sure – but he recalled my name. Suddenly. That was all it took. 'Yes, yes it is', I reassured him with a smile on my face, 'but you seemed to have trouble remembering it the last few days.' Although it was meant to be a joke, he instantly took a step towards me as if he wanted to apologize roughly.
 

'I'm so sorry!', Suho called out. He stopped right in front of me and stretched out his arm. Very hesitating, as if he wasn't sure whether he was allowed to touch me our not, and then, shortly before his fingers would have reached my arms, he froze and pulled them back in one movement. I blinked at him and breathed out sharply, now noticing how my anticipation of Suho's touch made my body tense. I relaxed my limbs and looked at my boyfriend. He had furrowed his brows a little and he smiled at me insecurely before letting his gaze sink down onto the floor for a moment. 'I'm so … so sorry I don't remember you', he then said, more lowly, really sounding sincere. I pressed my lips onto eachother at the sight of his obvious remorse. As much as I wanted him to remember me, I didn't want him to feel sorry for anything. It wasn't his fault after all. Not the accident, and not the amnesia. That's what I wanted him to know.
 

But instead of just saying it, I mumbled: 'It's okay.' And even though it really wasn't, it felt right to say it. I didn't want him to worry. I wanted him to get better, and that was more important than everything else. But he didn't feel what I felt. Suho took another step towards me and grabbed my forearms without hesistating. 'No, it's not okay!', he exclaimed. He was facing me directly, his gaze locked with mine, not letting me go. It reminded me of the first time we met and I felt my arms tremble under his touch. He must have noticed that because he let his hands slide down my arm to hold me by my wrists, very carefully, very tender. He breathed out. 'You're here almost every day, standing next to my bed, watching over me like an angel. But you're sad. Sometimes I feel like I know your smile, and I miss it somehow', he explained himself, and suddenly I felt bad for not telling him what was going on inside of me.
 

'Do you think I can't see how bad you suffer because of me? How anxious you are to enter my room, afraid you could disturb me? The look in your eyes when you leave, when you bow to me as if I was a stranger to you because you know I feel that way...'

I couldn't answer and we both kept silent for a moment. Suho slightly tilted his head to one side, looking at me with a sad look in his clear, dark brown eyes. The water in his hair drippled down his cheeks, his soft beauty stunned me once again, even now. I felt tears build up in my eyes, blurring my sight, and I prayed for him not to see it. There were too many things rushing around my head so that I couldn't even find an answer to any question that he might have wanted to ask me, but he didn't seem to have any intention to interrogate. That wouldn't have been be like him. He let his hands slide a little further down my hands as if he wanted to back off, but I got a hold of his fingers before he could, intertwining them with mine like I always used to. I heard him in some air through his nose and he looked down onto our hands, not knowing what to do with a sheere stranger touching him like that, but after a second, we both seemed to get used to it.
 

Suho slowly took one step more towards me and our bodies were almost touching, our faces only inches away from eachother. It felt strange, but strangely right. 'This is the way we're meant to be, right?', Suho asked quietly, and I nodded. He smiled at me, and his smile melted my heart within seconds. He tenderly caressed my hands, obviously trying out how it would feel, and I let him. Tears were running down my cheeks now, drawing hot, wet lines on my face, and at the sight of that, Suho leaned his forehead against mine. Very carefully, but forcefully enough to let me know that he really wanted it. I cast down my eyes and sobbed.
 

He tried so hard to comfort me, telling me everything he felt to encourage me a little, and I all could do was cry. Cry like a little girl that didn't know what else to do, like the girl I was before I met him. It was egoistic to cry over the loss of his memory, I wasn't the one who had to deal with it in the end, and all I should have wanted was for him to get better. I sobbed one last time, and then I forced myself into breathing more regularly, trying to let his calmness come through to me. 'I'm sorry! I'm so selfish, I shouldn't -', I began to stutter, trying to losen our intertwined fingers to dry my eyes with them, but he kept them in between his, shaking his head a little, still tenderly pressing his forehead against mine.
 

'I miss you too, Miyoung', Suho whispered honestly, 'that's the only thing I know for sure right now. I really – I really want to remember you.' At first, I didn't really know what to feel at the sound of these words. He missed me? He missed someone he couldn't even remember? How was that possible? But then I remembered his character, the character of the man that I loved.  He was caring and loving, more than I could ever be, and to me, it seemed impossible to forget even the slightest thing about him. How would it be possible for someone like him then? I felt my heart beat against my chest as if it wanted to break out, and an uncontrollable smile was creeping onto my lips. He missed me as much as I missed him. I felt like a fool for wanting to cry again that second.

Then he moved back a little so he was able to look me in the eye again, and this time, I didn't even think about avoiding his gaze. I wanted to look at him, take in his beauty, his eyes that I loved, his still slightly smiling lips, the little drops of water on his skin. 'You will', I whispered back, with a smile on my moist face. He smiled back now. 'Make me remember you', he then begged, and I laughed a little. 'I will', I replied.
 

'Promise?'

I tilted my head to one side, showing off a playful, fierce expression that must have looked pretty deranged because of the tears that were still in my eyes. 'I promise. You will, even if it's the last thing you do.' Suho laughed a little, now letting go of my hands because he both heard steps approaching us – Mrs Kim must have found the coffee. He looked at me once more before he turned to tidy the table next to his bed for the cups Mrs Kim was holding.
 

'I've heard of threats worse than yours.'

___

ugh, it got pretty long :'D
I hope it doesn't bore you out ...