t h r e e 

"You told me you would be my guardian angel and protect me

But where are you when I need you the most?"

I didn’t come out of my room for three days straight. Not even when eomma bribed me with my favourite dish, or not even when appa offered to bring me to the amusement park again. I only opened the door for a few minutes to swallow down the food which eomma had left outside and then quickly went back to my ‘stoning’ phase.

Up until the day when Suho was supposed to leave, I was still adamant about locking myself up.

I heard him knocking softly on the door. “Chorongie, it’s me. Can you open the door please?”

I drew my two knees close to my chest as my lips started quivering dangerously. My nails were digging deep into my skin, but my sadness overwhelmed the pain completely.

“Chorong-ah...” his voice was weak and faint and it was tugging at my heart guiltily, but I can’t bring myself to face him. “...I’m leaving soon. Can’t we have one last hug?”

Go, you fool, I thought to myself. You won’t get the chance to see him again after this.

But I still remained frozen on the floor, by the edge of my bed. Around me, pieces of drawings, photographs, storybooks and every single thing that we had done together, were scattered in a mess.

I heard him sniffing as he bid his last goodbye.

“I’m going now, Chorongie...I-I’ve left something for you. M-make sure you w-wear it okay?”

I shut my eyes closed tightly, the tears stinging my already worn-out eyes.

I thought I heard a quiet I love you, but then his footsteps were already fading away, leaving me alone behind with only memories to keep me company.

I never saw Suho again after that.

8 years later

My eyes flew open instantly when the plane I was in started jerking uncontrollably. I gripped on tightly to whatever my hands could grasp on.

“Attention, all passengers. We hope all of you can stay calm and please put on your seatbelts if you didn’t. We’re going for an emergency landing soon.”

I think, the fear in my eyes were evident enough as I turned towards the passenger next to me.

“What’s going on?” I asked, even though she knows just as much as me. She shook her head, her eyes flashing wildly.

“I don’t know. Probably because of the thunderstorm. Do you think anything bad is going to happen?”

I inhaled sharply, desperately trying to calm down my nerves. My right hand flew up to my neck, immediately grabbing the heart-shaped locket I was wearing.

I tried to find comfort from it, just like always whenever I’m nervous about something. Ironically, I think it works. The feeling is usually warmth and protective, just like the person who had given it to me.

But at that moment, even the locket couldn’t seem to calm my nerves down.

I had just finally returned from Australia, after three years of being away, studying. I’ve missed my family, my friends and I absolutely couldn’t wait to see them all again.

But will I actually have the chance to?

The plane was descending at a very alarming rate.

We’re going to crash,I told myself helplessly. We’re going to crash...

“Suho...means guardian. I want to be your guardian and protect you forever...”

During my last few seconds, Suho’s words kept repeating in my head. His soft, soothing voice was the only thing I could hear in my mind. It always made me calm; it always kept me sane enough.

So maybe...if this is really the end for me, his voice is the last thing I wanted to hear.