[Chapter 4]

Junsu sent Changmin to his superb car, as what he considered. They really were having good and fun times together all the evening.

“I expect you can spend much time here with me. But..”

“But, you’re going to miss me badly.” Changmin continued Junsu’s line with a joke.

Junsu burst a chuckle. “Yeah..”

“If there’s anything to do with the house, just give me a call. Thanks for the lunch and coffee time anyways.” Changmin opened his car’s entry door and was just about to get in when he subsequently turned his eyes on Junsu. “Actually, I’ve something to tell you.”

“Oh? What is it?” Junsu responded to Changmin.

“It’s something I’ve been keeping all this time.” Changmin broke in proceedings in a very while. “Junsu-ah, sometimes you can tell people whatever you want, you can tell them about your feeling whether it is real or fake, you can blur their eyes with your words. But, you can’t lie to your heart. Sometimes it’s good to compel ourselves to get rid of something we don’t need any more, still, it’s better to just let it be with flows. If you can’t get over something, then don’t push yourself. No matter what you expect it to be, sometimes that something would still be there.”

Junsu was speechless. He guaranteed Changmin was talking about his feeling.

Changmin had started his car engine. Then immediately, Junsu approached the opened-window of Changmin’s car.

“Why? Why did you tell me that now?” Junsu was curious and kind of confused.

Changmin smiled. “You’re my bestfriend. I know you well. Why I told you that? The answer is simple, Junsu. Because..I can see you’ve been trying to get over her all these years and…you still do.”

Junsu did not utter any words. He preferred to be just silent. However, his silence might give any sign.

“I’m going. Take care.” Changmin drove his car out of the area and gradually left Junsu behind.

‘Am I right, Junsu? It’s just your mind telling you’re over Ri In. Yet, your heart doesn’t tell the same thing. Am I right? You’re never over her because..that’s the way fact you are.’

Junsu’s eyes seemed looking a bit down. Something was circling inside his mind.

‘That’s not right, Changmin. I didn’t lie to my heart. That’s not really right.’

Lastly, he took a deep long breath before releasing it away.

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The needle clock pointed 10.30 p.m. Junsu did not sleep yet. He was in the living room watching tv programme while taking spot on his laptop. However, his mind was neither at tv nor the laptop. He was recalling those words Changmin told him.

[Sometimes it’s good to compel ourselves to get rid of something we don’t need anymore, still, it’s better to just let it be with flows. If you can’t get over something, then don’t push yourself. No matter what you expect it to be, sometimes that something would still be there.]

“Shim Changmin, what kind of friend actually you are? You keep troubling my mind by now.” Junsu complained by himself with a sigh.

All of sudden, his handphone cried out a music, indicating one message received. He opened up the message and it appeared to be Tae Yeon’s message.

‘Hai Junsu! Have you missed me today? A lot? I’m missing you every second, every minute, every hour and of course every day. I’m doing fine. Nothing in particular instead of waiting for you to come back soon. It’s just one day you left me and I already felt like it’s been 10 years. Can you sense how much I’m missing you? Please do well right there. I’ll support you always. I guess it’s been night in Cheju. Do have dreaming me. Okay that’s all for now. I’ll send you more tomorrow. Ahnnyong! Love you. A sweet kiss for you.’

Junsu broke out a delicate smile. Every moment he saw the way Tae Yeon smiling and behaving, his heart was captured. Probably that was one of the reason he gave a positive response to Tae Yeon, that she was then officially his girlfriend.  Whatever the case might be, he could not avoid Tae Yeon from his life.

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At the National Park…

Li Yin landed her hand at the metal ledge of the veranda on the small jetty as she focused her eyes on the lovely scene at the park. She was very much attached by each of the panoramas there.

Junsu had shot as many as he captured the attentions of the view from the park. Waking up early this morning, somehow he got a spirit to begin his shooting project all over the intrigued places in Cheju and that national park was the first location in his list.

Many people had paces over all the corners around the area. Junsu had just finished with a one shot when abruptly he caught someone’s back who was standing intensely watching a view from the small jetty. His eyes could not help gazing at that creature. That someone’s back assembled the one he knew. All at once, Junsu seemed to inspect something.

“Jang Ri In..?” Without prior notice, Junsu uttered a question uncertainly.

That someone turned back with a doubtful mimic on the face. “You..? Who are you..?” Seemed was not familiar with the guy’s appearance.

“I…I…” Junsu was stuck, being speechless. He could not believe his eyes was facing the same face with the one he had long lost. The girl he confronted at the moment assembled his former love, Jang Ri In. This girl and Jang Ri In greatly duplicated one another. He did not want to believe he met up again with the girl who caused a big pain in his life. “I..I’m Junsu. Do you still remember me?” Finally, Junsu erupted his name. Out of sight, did he still have hope for Ri In to recognize him over again?

“Junsu..?” The latter wondered, kind of hard to recall whether that name was well known with her

Blinked. Tilted his eyes, Junsu had finally come up that just now he was merely imagining. Blurting a tiny sigh, unpredictably, he was standing on the same small jetty at that moment, did not even realize when actually  he got there, not that far from the person who in an unexpected way caught his attention. He looked slowly at that person, trying to make sure whether that back was belonged to someone he thought he well knew. As a result, Junsu stared at the person in a huge surprise.

Out of blue, Li Yin turned up to sense something suspicious. Her focus on the front scene was interrupted by that kind of sense she just realized. Slowly but in cautious, she turned her head. To her right suspicion, there was a guy standing not so near and not so far from her spot was staring tentatively at her. Li Yin fell doubtful. She eyed her eyes around her, there was nobody instead of her. That, it must be her the guy was stealing a stare at.

Then, Junsu and Li Yin ended up looking rather long spot at each other in an unconvinced and hesitant way respectively.

‘Jang Ri In..? Is that really you? Is that you?’

‘This guy..what are you looking at? Oh no! No way! Some ert guy or what? Wait! That look...that look seems not..whatever! Yaahh! Stop staring at me!’

Li Yin suddenly turned her eyes to another side of view, trying to avoid Junsu’s stare. She became more suspicious. What if the guy was a robber instead? She would be done immediately. Junsu was in confusion. Was that really Jang Ri In? That girl looked as if she did not even any idea who he was. Or, she still could not remember him.

At last, Junsu stepped backwards, leaving his position as he could not bear what had bumped into his mind right away. It liked a bomb dropping over him that all of sudden, he had to meet up with Ri In after five years ago behind his willingness. He did not hope he would see Ri In again, that hope had vanished. He did not want to confront that duplicate face over and over again. He had decided to bury all things related to that owner’s face. So that, he need not to stay standing there.

In spite of everything, Li Yin eyed at Junsu’s back as that guy had walked away, leaving a puzzle on her mind. Out of nowhere, the guy immensely stared at her as he had something to do with her and out of nowhere, the guy just left, making Li Yin was hit by more insecurity.

‘Thank goodness. Thought the guy had to do with bad intention. Yet, that look he got…have I ever seen that look before? Do I know that weird stranger?’

Junsu was already far away to make a spot on that girl he inspected to be Jang Ri In.

‘Just forget it. It’s not Jang Ri In, it’s not her. It’s impossible for her to be here. I need not to ponder on this thing. She has nothing to do with me anymore. Yeah..that’s right? Wait! Do I try to ease myself? What was that imaginary vision all about? Hoh! Kim Junsu! What so sudden happened to you?! Are you hoping she still recognizes you? No! This is no way right!’

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(...Flashback...)

Out of the sight, Junsu sneaked into the ward room. Sitting at the edge of the bed inside the room, Ri In happened to get up quickly when she had someone unknown entered her room. Suddenly she looked a bit scared.

“Ri In-ah..” Happier ever after, Junsu tried to approach. He wanted to give her a hug. After the accident, he was forbidden to meet up with Ri In, even seeing her from outside. Thus, he decided to sneak into the ward. So, he could meet Ri In face to face. Junsu had been all worried about her condition and he learned that Ri In had lost her memories. But, he did not give up on meeting her. He missed her so much.

Junsu gripped Ri In’s hand. “Ri In..thank god I’ve chance to see you, to meet you at last. I really miss you.” Expressing his deep feelings, he was moved.

Alas, Ri In quickly pushed Junsu’s hand away. “I don’t know you.”

Junsu was stunned. Did she just push him away? “...Ri- Ri In..? D?” Feeling unbelievable at Ri In’s reaction, swiftly he sensed his heart was miserable. He drew near Ri In again. But, she drew far-off. Every attempt he made to come closer to the girl, Ri In kept a distance from him. She seemed to be very afraid of his being there.

“Ri In-ah..It’s me, Junsu. Can’t you remember? No need to be afraid of. I’m not going to hurt you. Besides, I can’t do that towards you. Trust me. Please don’t stay away. Please don’t do this to me. I can’t accept this. Ri In..” Uttered as if he was about to shed his tears, he could not believe Ri In would treat him like a stranger, like she did not know him before. His heart became more miserable.

“I don’t even know you!” Ri In shrieked. Seemed she could not bear her hard feeling, facing unknown person who was struggling to convince something that made she wondered and that case made her brain a pain. Ri In looked as if she was losing her direction. “Get out, please!”

Attacked by a great astonishment, the one thing that he could be able to think of was...Ri In had lost her memories about him? Ri In did not even remember who he was? No!

The door of the ward room was opened. Ri In’s parents appeared along with a guy and they all were surprised by having Junsu inside Ri In’s room.

“Mom!” Ri In cried out, sounded frightened as if she wished she could be helped out.

Immediately, the mother came closer towards Ri In and hugged her daughter who was in depression.

"Uncle, please..." Junsu pleaded.

Consequently, Mr Jang slapped him on the face. “Yaahh! You jerk! Who the heck are you to come here?!”

“Get him out of here now! He’s just making Ri In feeling no safe.” His wife commanded, wanting her daughter to be in peace state. Having Junsu at the same room just made Ri In more scared.

Mr Jang grabbed Junsu’s arm, aiming he could just kick that kid out of the ward. Yet, Junsu harshly pushed away Mr Jang’s arm.

“I want to see Ri In. I want her to recognize me!” Junsu responded.

“You stubborn bastard!” Mr Jang captured Junsu’ arm more tighten and with the guy’s help, they took stronger hold of Junsu’s body and were about to push him away out of the ward room.

“Ri In! I’m Junsu! Kim Junsu! Why can’t you remember me?!” At the same time Junsu was brutally shoved outside the room, he still had a will to shout. Still had hope for Ri In to recognize him as she did before. Lastly, Junsu was effectively kicked out. Being ed by Mr Jang, he felt down.

“What have you done?! You’ve just given Ri In more depression. She’s losing her memories, is that not enough for you?! What else you want to do to make her more burdened? You listen to me. From now onwards, don’t you dare to come near her. Or else, I’ll report to the police. Will you get that?!”

Junsu muted.

“Come, Han Kyung. Just ignore this bloody bastard.” Mr Jang left.

Han Kyung, the guy who was along with Mr Jang shoving Junsu outside just now, still stood near Junsu. He stared down at Junsu who was absorbed in his thought, merely throwing his view straight to the front, being immovable. “Leave her. She can’t remember you any more and it’s useless if you keep being like this. Just leave her.” Then, Han Kyung moved a step forward, going away.

Being as he was losing his mind and his soul, Junsu could not afford to get up. So sudden, he felt so weak.

‘How do I suppose to leave her? Leaving her..is not making me painless. Ri In..why don’t you remember? You can’t remember me..how that supposed to happen? How can I accept this? It hurts, really hurts.’

(...End of Flashback...)

Caressed his own face briefly, Junsu exhaled a deep breath. Recalling the flashback, simply turned him up handling a burdensome emotion. If that girl was the real Jang Ri In, she then still even had no idea who the heck he was back then and that girl had definitely forgotten about him. It figured Ri In certainly forgetting him.

Gradually, Junsu turned around back.

He went back to the small jetty and he found that girl was not there any longer. So, he came across everywhere nearby to look for the same girl. Then, he profitably found that girl at a small stall, buying a bottle of water. Later on, Junsu ended his ambiguity up with tailing Li Yin, following her behind quietly where she went and what she was up to at that time.

There was a moment Li Yin could feel someone was tagging on her at the back. But, when she turned back around, there was no one suspicious to follow her. She wrinkled her face, it might be just only her typical thought and afterwards, she continued walking. In fact, there was someone hiding behind a tree, leaning out to watch on Li Yin. It was Junsu. After being convinced that Li Yin had no idea at his act, Junsu kept on following her.

‘If that’s really you, Jang Ri In…then you look so happy. Are you happy being without me all these five years? What a dumb! Of course you’re happy. You don’t even remember me. You can’t sense the same pain I got through then. You must be very happy.’

Li Yin bought food from the stall on the edge of the street and she served her food while sitting on a bunch. Junsu took a sit on another bunch, a bit far from her. Looking at the way Li Yin had her lunch, Junsu beamed at himself. He recalled a moment where he and Ri In having their lunch in the same state, sitting on a wood bunch and finishing their lunch together. The difference was they were happy back then. But, at this present, they were unknown, the fact Junsu could not deny.

At the bookstore…

Li Yin devoured some books. On the other hand, Junsu pretended to do the same thing. Yet, his eyes kept watching on Li Yin surreptitiously, in secret. Whenever Li Yin turned around at the view she might see him, speedily Junsu covered his face with the book he was holding.

In reality, the bookstore used to be smaller place and was not that famous. Nowadays, it was among the well-known bookstore in need in Cheju. Plus, Junsu and Ri In along with Changmin frequently came over this store, getting through some new comics. They were indeed great times altogether. While those memories brought to his mind, Junsu just broke a very slight smile. Actually, he had not forget those all memories yet. Somehow, he had no idea why these memories came up in his mind abruptly.

About all the day Junsu secretly tailed Li Yin. He could not make sure whether the girl was really Jang Ri In or she just had a duplicate resembled face to Jang Ri In. Yet, his heart somehow told him that the girl was the same girl he was in love with back then. Yet another, Junsu was uncertain. What if he met the wrong person?

Now, Li Yin had got back to the resort while Junsu was merely watching her from afar. She had not even notice that and casually entered the resort area. That, Junsu stopped from keeping his eyes on the girl and at the meantime, he wondered why Li Yin had been at this place, at that resort? What did it mean? Whatever. That was not a significant thing for him as he had nothing to do with her.

'What is the reason leading you to come back? If that’s you, Jang Ri In. I want to know why are you here. One thing I only know..the reason is not me, right? I know. It’s impossible. My name, my face and I myself would never exist in your life by now, I know that either. If that’s really you, Jang Ri In. When we meet again, I’d still be unknown in your eyes and I figure I’ll always be that way to you. Maybe it would be better. No, it’s better actually. That would be right.’

Slowly, Junsu stepped along the way out of the front of the resort. Minutes ago, he seemed to be distressed and now he possibly had eased himself.

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@LyGiaMy : I would just consider those rude words as you enjoyed reading the chapter, weird of me.LOL!Hmm, actually I still have not yet come up with the idea whether is this going to have the sad nor happy ending. Anyways, hope you would keep following then