You:

I feel more better without you, I feel more better without you,

I feel more better without you, I feel more better without you.

   She didn’t even know how many times she had been listening to that song with her glassy eyes glued to the computer’s screen. It was already two in the morning at her place, but she didn’t feel like sleeping. She lived in America for almost ten goddamn months, but it seemed like she still couldn’t erase the image of Junhyung from her heart and her mind. In addition to that ugly fact, her head was still spinning around as a result of drinking too much coffee. She was reading the last e-mail from Junhyung, which she received earlier that day:

From: Joker Jun

We’re still doing fine. The ahjumma whose son is staying next to Seung’s place gave us some dubbokki. Manager-nim’s daughter celebrated her first month yesterday. I sent you some of her pictures already, right? Reply back soon. The guys gave you as many hugs and kisses from them as possible. We’ll see you in another two months.

We miss your kimbap,

Junhyung and Hyunseung.

   She smirked at the fact that Junhyung mentions Hyunseung’s name in every e-mail, knowing that she wouldn’t ever stand a chance against the latter. She always knows that her best friend is perfect, or somewhat even beyond that. She felt jealousy everytime she stood next to Hyunseung, but still decided to let her dream boy go. After all, they were best friends; and she was too much of a nice girl to break them apart.

   Still, she loves Junhyung more than anything else in the world and it tore her fragile heart apart seeing her one true love adoring another person. That was the reason why she covered her love for him with hatred, trying to comfort herself with the thought that she would find a better person and keep him just for herself. But she couldn’t. Setting Junhyung as a standard for choosing a boyfriend only made her feel more disappointed than ever. No one is better than Junhyung to her, and that is an unchangeable fact.

Like this again 

I can’t forget you

I am writing the story that will never end in my heart

I will hold on to you

I won’t let you go

Even today, I’m in the story of you and I that hasn’t ended still, in fiction

   It will always be a beautiful love story between Junhyung and her. And still, as a fiction always is, it will forever remain unreal. To her, it will also be a secret.

   Fact 1 – Fiction 0, she thought and rested her tired head on her weary hands right on her untidy bed with all of the books stacked into messy piles and the paper flying around like butterflies. The computer screen threw a pale light on her glassy face as she fell asleep. Tears streamed down her cheeks, but no one knew if it’s because she was crying or she yawned as a result of sleepiness.

Junhyung:

   “Hyung!” Someone poked my cheeks gently, but I didn’t want to wake up. I was sleeping on my comfortable bed with Hyunseung curled up like a little kitten next to my side. His rosy lips were slightly opened, and his long, slender and fragile fingers were still holding my hand. The only thing that could be more beautiful than that would me the sight of him smiling at me. I smiled and his brown, messed-up hair, hoping that this lazy, beautiful day would never end.

   “Hyung! Wake up!” That annoying person poked me again, his voice sounded more impatient that before. I slowly opened my eyes and murmured:

   “Okay, okay, I’m up. Just don’t wake Seu…”

   As soon as I was able to think clearly, I realized that Kikwang was standing next to me with his hands on his hips. Hyunseung was still in his sleep, looking even more beautiful than the him I saw in my dream. Behind my dongsaeng were the rest of the guys with flowers and food on their hands. Yoseob smiled at me with his angelic smile, and I nodded back in sleepiness. It was only just a dream.

   “Hyung, why don’t you just sleep over there on the chair?” Kikwang complained as he dragged me to the place. That was when the guys started their action. Doojoon put the white roses in the vase and went out to find some water. Yoseob opened the curtains to let the sun come in; a smile lightened his face as the light found its way towards Hyunseung. Dongwoon, the maknae hurriedly prepare the breakfast and slided the pancake in my hands, saying in a voice that sounded exactly the same as Kikwang’s:

   “Eat this, hyung!”

   “But…” I objected weakly as Yoseob came towards me and held out a spoon.

   “Eat it by yourself or I’ll shove it into your mouth.” He threatened.

   “Fine.” I grumbled and began to eat the pancakes. They were delicious. Just then, Doojoon came back into the room with the vase on his hand. Seeing that everything was in its rightful order, he beamed happily and put the vase down on the table next to Hyunseung and the latter’s hair. I almost blew up with jealousy, even though I knew that Doojoon wouldn’t try to take Hyunseung away from me. Until now, he hasn’t even show any interests in any kind of people. Kikwang took the empty dish on my hands and handed me a cup of milk. I looked up at him:

   “Seriously? Can I just have a nice, simple cup of coffee?”

   “It is not good for your health, hyung.” My dongsaeng frowned. “Drink milk.”

   “Swaggers don’t drink milk. It’s for babies.” I barked and pushed the cup away.

   “Hey!” Yoseob objected. “I drink milk, too!”

   “Me too, hyungnim!” Dongwoon whined. “You can’t call me a baby just because…”

   “I mean it!” I growled.

   “You…”

   “We…”

   “I…”

   “Alright, everyone SHUT UP!” Doojoon snapped. The room fell into peaceful silence again. “Nicely done, Junhyung, but you’ll only get what you want this time. Here.” He rummaged through the basket and threw me a can of coffee. I took a sip from it and grinned. “Thanks, bro.”

   “Also, we are on tonight.” He halted as Kikwang frowned unpleasingly. “But you can rest at home. And I mean at YOUR home, not here. One of us will come after the bar closes. Today you are a free man, Junhyung.”

   “I’ll come with you.” I stood up and put the can down.

   “That’s the reason why I told you not to tell him.” Kikwang glared at the leader, who scratched his head confusedly.

Doojoon:

   Junhyung staggered around on his way to the stage, trying to avoid the members of his little fanclub. That swagger stole our spotlight right at the moment he stepped into the bar asking for a job. Manager-nim hit the jackpot as he hired Junhyung in. His charisma took every girl’s heart to the limit, and sometimes the same thing happened to me when he did his crazy stuff like jumping out of the window of the first floor or smacking his head with a glass bottle. They were sure not that dangerous, but he could have got hurted. He is always acting that way, cold and careless. He used to be different with that Hyunseung guy around. They came to the bar sometimes when ~~~~~~ was still working here, and Hyunseung’s caring attitude lighted Junhyung’s face up all the time. But it was all in the past now. I sat down next to the piano as Dongwoon plugged his guitar and the others grabbed their mics. I played a few simple notes and began to sing the opening lines. Junhyung cleared his throat and closed his eyes before pulling the mic closer.

I will rewrite it again, our story will not end

I will bury fact that reality is seeping into my skin for now

I rewrite it once again, the start beginning with you and I smiling happily

In case you will leave me, the background is a small room without an exit.

   The song got more emotional as time passed; and when Yoseob finished his part and all of us bowed down, the crowd bursted up with claps. I even heard some girls’ voice asking one of us to marry them. I smirked. Who do they think they are, after all?

   We performed some more songs and then got down from the stage, leaving it to a female singer. Yoseob took out his jacket and sat down next to the bar. The bartender who replaced me went somewhere, so I took the order and began to make drinks for the members. Junhyung ordered his Coke, as usual. Kikwang chose strawberry milkshake and Yoseob just took a plain cup of water. Only the maknae chose gin tonic, he was still hurted with the thought that he was a milk-drinking baby. The bartender took my spot again and served a customer, as Junhyung stood up and made his way to the dressing room. When we arrived, I saw him sitting on his seat facing a corner of the wall mumbling something to himself. Yoseob took a step there with his mouth opened, but I stopped him. It would be better to let him spend sometimes on his own.

   We sat down on the couch and began to chat casually before we heard a loud thud. As I turned around, Junhyung was lying unconsciously on the floor. Coke spilled all over his white shirt. Yoseob sprang up and got next to Junhyung as Kikwang began to call an emergency.

   “Yah, Yong Junhyung!” Yoseob shook his shoulder gently. There was no answer.

   “We need to take him to the hospital, now.” I ordered and threw Dongwoon his jacket while putting mine on. He nodded and put the unconscious one’s hand over his shoulder.

♠

   “You should really keep him relaxed. This guy won’t stand a chance if he passes out like this once again. It won’t be good for you to take care for both of them.” The doctor pulled his stethoscope down and said.

   “You know Hyunseung?” I raised my eyebrows questioningly as the others rushed into the room to see Junhyung.

   “Yeah, I’m the one who performed his surgery.” He smiled before leaving. “I think it’s high time you called the girl back, or else you all will end up passing out like this.”

   “I know.” I bowed at him and walked into Junhyung’s room. He was still sleeping on the bed. God, I thought and sat down on the chair. This ain’t going to be good.