Chapter 4.
Please Stay With Me.
Please Stay With Me | Chapter 4
"Because... I already have someone that I like," Jaejoong said softly.
I stared cluelessly into his eyes. Heaps of things were rushing into my mind and it couldn't function properly. My heart started to beat really fast. So fast that I could rarely breathe, I thought my asthma attack was coming to me again. I inhaled and exhaled deeply, I need to control myself. For some reason, I can't help but wonder whether I'm the person who Jaejoong likes...
Who am I kidding.
"....Who?" I manage to blurt out.
Apparently, that was a stupid question. Jaejoong laughed straight after that one word that came from my mouth. Jaejoong turned away from me and looked ahead of him, at the water in the lake, and sighed. Maybe I should think before I say something from now on.
I sighed along with him, and forced my eyes to look somewhere else.
"Someone..." Jaejoong began and paused for a while.
I tried to not show any signs of nervousness whatsoever. I wrapped my arms around my legs so my hands won't be able to fidget.
"That left me all alone."
My eyes widened. I didn't leave him alone, I'm with him by his side talking. My heart cracked and I felt all the pieces stumble within me. I was hurt, knowing that the person who I've loved for almost five years ever since I started high school, liked somebody else.
"Her name is Taeyeon," he added. "Remember her?"
I thought for a while and tried to remember a Taeyeon. Then it came to me.
"Our class leader two years ago?" I raised an eyebrow.
Jaejoong simply nodded. It was something... believable. Taeyeon was pretty and had the perfect face and figure, she had everything that I can only strive for. I was so stupid to think that Jaejoong would actually like a girl like me, a useless one.
I looked at the water in the lake, trying to avoid his eyes. I didn't want him to see my face, the miserable expression and most of all, my pain. I took a deep breath and stood up, I noticed Jaejoong's eyes was looking up at me.
"I think I should go back to work," I said simply before walking off.
"BYE JENNIFER!" I heard him shout.
I wasn't going to work, I was going to find a place where I could scream and cry my heart out. I walked around the city with tears in my eyes, but I kept my head low. Each step I took, took at least a second for me. I was walking at a turtle's sprinting pace.
I wanted to cry, but for some reason the tears weren't coming out. It felt worst. I would probably feel better if I let my emotions out, but they were refusing to be revealed. Not being able to show your true feelings, hurts more than being rejected or being abandoned. It ing hurts.
I came across an empty bench, and I decided to just sit down. I looked down at my school's leather shoes and thought about random things. The time flew by really fast and I didn't realise it was getting dark already. I don't know how long I've sat there for. Apparently, it was so long that my legs were too numb and weak to stand up, and my cheeks were sore.
I sat for another minute or so before I felt my legs again. I stood up and before I took my first step, I felt a drop of rain landed on my cheek. I held my hand out and felt more rain drops, it was spitting. I sighed and looked up to the sky.
I took a few steps forward and looked ahead, I saw someone standing there, looking right back at me. I sighed. Out of everyone, he was probably one of the last person I would expect to see this time at night. He opened up his umbrella and slowly walked over to me and held it above the both of us.
"What are you doing here late at night?" Donghae asked.
For some reason, it felt a bit like déjà vu. It was like the night when I found Donghae soaked under the rain, sitting on the bench outside of my sister's ice cream shop. Everything was almost the same as that night.
"No reason," I simply replied.
"Do you want me to walk you home?" he kindly offered.
I looked up into his eyes and sighed. I didn't want it to be awkward between us and most of all, I didn't want things to be harder for him.
"It's okay. I can get home myself."
"Are you sure? Do you w—"
"What don't you get in I-can-get-home-myself?!" I shouted as I cut him off in the middle of his sentence.
"I only care..." he whispered softly, showing his sadness.
Seeing him like that made me like as if I'm a mean person. I didn't want to shout at him but it's best if he hated me, it's probably better if we're not friends at all. I don't want to hurt him, but it seems like I already did. But why does it seem like I'm more hurt than he is?
"I don't need you to care," I said harshly.
"Okay then. Take care," he said sadly, and walked off.
I watched as his back walk further and further away from me. I wanted to apologise to him but apologising is useless, what's the point when everything is already done?
"I'm sorry Donghae..." I whispered. "I'm sorry."
-
The next morning I woke up feeling worse than ever. I felt my whole body heating up, and it felt like as if I'm going to die. I slowly removed the blankets above me and stood up to get dressed for school. I stumbled a little, but managed to keep my balance. I dragged myself to the bathroom. I took a quick shower to wake myself up.
After I finished changing, I slowly made my way downstairs to the kitchen to make breakfast. When I reached the kitchen, I was quite shocked to see Nicole standing by the oven. I checked the time on my watch, and it was awfully early, 7:30am.
"Why are you awake so early?" I asked her.
Apparently, I scared Nicole by my sudden voice that came out of no where. She jumped a little and screamed.
"Omo, you scared me! I just came home," she answered.
"Are you making my breakfast for me?" I softly grinned.
"Mmhm."
I went back to the dining room and just waited for her. I didn't want to help, I felt really weak and I just want to sit down and relax. Minutes later, Nicole came in with two plates in her hands. She placed one plate in front of me on the table. I took a bite off the toast then dropped it back onto the plate.
"Not hungry?" she asked.
I shook my head quickly. Which was probably the wrong thing to do, my headache started getting worse and I started to feel dizzy.
Nicole stood up and leaned forward over the table. Her arms reached out to me and I felt her cold hands against my forehead. I closed my eyes.
"You have a cold! Your forehead is really warm," she exclaimed.
"Really?" I said weakly, not really caring whether I'm sick or not.
"Stay home today, don't go school."
"No. I have to go to school!" I raised my voice.
After arguing with Nicole for three minutes straight, she finally gave in and allowed me to go to school. But she insisted that she'll drive me today. After we finished eating and everything, we left the house and into Nicole's car. She dropped me off at the school's parking lot.
I slowly walked into the building to the corridor where my locker was. On my way there, I saw Jessica and she decided to walk with me to my locker to get my books for class. I failed a few times to unlock my lock, but managed to get it open on my fifth attempt.
"Are you okay, Jennifer? You don't look really well today," Jessica felt my forehead.
I quickly backed off and reassured her that I feel better than ever, which was a big fat lie. But Jessica didn't want argue back and just let me be. Seconds later, the bell rang and we quickly walked to our form room.
When we entered the room, the first person I spotted was Jaejoong. For once, he was pretty early to form class. Jessica and I slowly walked to the back of the classroom, in front of Jaejoong and Donghae, to our usual seats. Students started charging in, afraid that they were late. Seconds later, our form teacher walked in and started marking the roll straight away. While the teacher was marking the roll, I felt a tap on my back.
"Hi Jennifer," he whispered softly.
I ignored him, trying to act like as if I didn't hear his voice. When the bell rang for form to end, I quickly stood up and dashed out of the classroom. I stood behind a locker and waited for Jessica to walk out, but she was taking ages so I decided to go to class myself.
While stumbling as I make my way to my first class, I heard someone call my name from behind. I knew for sure that it was Jaejoong, so I walked faster and once again, pretended that I didn't hear him calling me. Just when I thought I've escaped and turned around the corner, someone grabbed me by the arm and turned me around quickly, making my headache kick in again.
"Jennifer!" he said my name harshly.
"Y—Yeah?"
"Are you avoiding me?" he asked softly.
Everything started to blur, and I felt really dizzy. I tried to act normal and not faint.
"No..." I whispered.
"Are you okay? You look really pale," Jaejoong's face softened.
Suddenly, my legs felt weak and I couldn't stand properly. I fell forward, into Jaejoong's pair of arms. He softly caught me.
"Jennifer?!"
It took me a few seconds to realise what was actually happening. I quickly stood up properly by myself, and shook off Jaejoong's hands that were held tightly around my waist and arms. I forced a weak smile at him.
"I'm okay," I said before walking off.
-
I started walking alone around the school during lunch break, I had nothing better to do. I kept my head low, and started kicking rocks as I come across one. It's pretty fun, I guess. I walked passed the library and decided to go inside and check out some books. I walked up the stairs, and it was so tiring.
When I reached the library, I headed towards the couches by the corner. The library was crowded like usual. I browsed around the room, there were people on the computers searching up for whatever, people reading books, people doing their homework, and people.. looking at me.
"What?" I said coldly.
"Why are you in the library?" he asked.
"Why can't I be in the library?" I retorted back.
"Don't you have soccer practice?" he raised an eyebrow.
I paused. He was right, today is Friday and we have practice every Fridays. Oh, I am so doomed. I stood up and was about to run out of the library and to the oval where we practice, but Jaejoong's cold hands stopped me by the wrist.
"Don't go."
He's two words calmed me down, it was enough to stop me and make me collapse. But I had to go training or else my coach, Mr. Park will scold me and give me detention. Detention is what every students hate, staying back at school for half an hour. What's worse is that, I might get kicked out of the team.
"I needa go," I said softly and shook Jaejoong's hands off of my wrist.
I took my time down the stairs and I have no idea why I was so slow. Was it because I felt really sick and weak? Or was it because I was waiting for Jaejoong to come out and chase me back, to stop me from leaving him...
I lost my mind.
I reached to the bottom of the stairs and sighed. I turned around and looked up to the top where the library's entrance/exit doors were, Jaejoong... wasn't coming out for me.
I slowly walked to the oval and wondered why no one was there, not even Mr. Park. It was empty. I smiled knowing that training was probably over or canceled. I walked to the middle of the oval where the cricket pitch was, and laid down.
I looked up to the sky, it was clear baby blue and the clouds were no where to be found. I guess it wouldn't be raining for the time being.
Before I closed my eyes, a face popped out of no where and made the sky view... more beautiful.
"Why are you following me?" I said and sat up.
"I'm not," he grinned and sat down beside me.
I don't think he realised, but he's really close to me. Our thighs met, and I could feel his shoulder against mine. I smiled like a kid and turned to the opposite direction from where he was, and continued smiling.
"Jaejoong..." I whispered his name softly. "I have something to tell you."
"What?"
The two of us turned to each other at the same time. I don't know what lead me to this but I felt the urge to confess to him. I know I have to do it, I know he'll soon know anyway. Instead of having him to find out from people around us, I'd rather tell him myself.
"I like you."
The three words came out just like that, in a blink of an eye. Jaejoong stared cluelessly into my eyes and his shocked expression killed me. I don't care what he says, but I don't regret telling him.
Is it true that I don't regret it? Or am I just lying to myself...?
"Um..." he mumbled and faked a laugh. "You're kidding right?"
He continued laughing while I kept a straight and serious face. When he saw how serious I was, he started to panic and stopped laughing.
"You really aren't kidding..."
"Does it seem like I am?" I asked him.
"Jennifer, I—I'm sorry," he apologised. "I already told you who I like... and that's not going to change."
I kept quiet and forced a smile, I can't show him how hurt I was. I don't want him to feel bad or anything, I can only act cool and act like as if what he said didn't matter to me at all. I fought my tears back in.
"I u—understand..." I stuttered.
My voice was betraying me, it started croaking and I bet Jaejoong immediately saw how hurt I was by the tone of my voice. He frowned.
"I only saw you as a friend. Nothing more, nothing less..." he whispered his last sentence.
Comments