Chapter 11.
Please Stay With Me.
Please Stay With Me | Chapter 11
I still couldn't bring myself up to a conclusion. It's only been like an hour since I last saw Jaejoong and yet, I've got all these unanswered questions that I'll like to ask him. Why did you just smile at me? Why didn't you come up to talk to me? Aren't we friends anymore? Did you move on to some other girl? You said you were persistent, why aren't you waiting for me anymore?
Every now and then, I'll start to think of my last night in Korea two years ago. How much I wanted to accept Jaejoong and be together with him. I still can't believe the fact that Jaejoong walked away from me just like that. I can't help but think that he chose to move on.
The two whole years while I was at San Francisco, I told myself that I would wait till the day I'll step back into Korea. I told myself that I'm going to come back for Jaejoong. I told myself that no matter what happens, nothing is going to stop myself from being with Jaejoong.
But today, changed everything. He didn't seem to care about me anymore. Actually, he didn't seem to know me anymore. If he truly meant everything he said that night, he would've wait for me. I still remember the look he had in his eyes when I was leaving for the departure hall. It showed how regretful he was, how upset he was.
[FLASHBACK]
"Why do you have to be like this? Why couldn't you wait longer for me? Why did you choose to move on? Why are you giving up so easily while I'm here waiting for you and trying to pull you back? Why can't you be as persistent as me?"
[END OF FLASHBACK]
If Jaejoong was in front of me, I would bombard him with the questions he asked me that night.
My eyes started to sting, and tears were threatening to fall. I squinted my eyes and tried to rub away all the tears, but that just made it worse, it started to get all puffy. Who knows what the reason is to my tears. Is it because I'm reminiscing the memories I once had with Jaejoong?
Or because of the fact that I'm cutting up the onions?
Funny how whenever you cut onions, it'll make it seem like you're crying. The signs are all the same, tearing eyes and runny nose. I sniffed hard a few times, and felt my nose itching and hurting. I wanted to rub it, but it'll probably get worse because of my dirty hands.
"Are you okay?" Kikwang asked from behind.
Kikwang was heating up the noodles, while I was preparing the sauce for our spaghetti. Technically, I failed bad. Kikwang almost finished with the noodles, while I'm still trying to cut up the onions. I still have to chop the minced meat in tiny pieces, fry them with tomato sauce and all the other vegetables.
"Better than ever," I lied and sniffed again.
If my ears weren't blocked, I was sure that I heard Kikwang giggle from behind me. I stopped cutting for a second and turned around to face him. Immediately, his smile dropped and stared at me, concerned.
"Look at you. You're eyes are all swollen, go wash up. I'll finish off the onions," he ordered.
I hate onions. I nodded towards Kikwang and headed to the bathroom that was near the staircase. After I washed my face and when my eyes felt slightly better, I went back into the kitchen to help Kikwang with the food.
While we were eating our spaghetti, there was this sudden silence that came out of no where, making everything so awkward, so uncomfortable. Ever since the first day I've met Kikwang, I can't play back any awkward moments I've ever had with him. This is getting weird, and I can't seem to understand why neither of us was talking.
The only sound you could hear was the forks against the plates noise. Nothing but the sound of us eating.
We usually joke around and argue with each other for fun. We never had any silent moments when there's just the two of us. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what to say and when I finally thought of something, it refused to come out of my mouth.
When I think about it, the relationship I had with Kikwang was rather familiar. When I think deeper, it seems like it just happened recently. It was something that I missed, it was the feeling that I thought will never come back to me. The relation I have with Kikwang, is exactly the same as...
"Um..." he broke the silence.
Jaejoong.
I stopped eating for a second there and looked up to meet eyes with Kikwang, he too, stopped eating. We stared at each other for another minute or so. I didn't want to say anything, I was waiting for him to speak. I continued chewing onto my spaghetti noodles, till I realise he was hesitating to continue. I took a sip of my juice.
"Is there something you want to ask?"
Kikwang cleared his throat, and after he swallowed the rest of the food in his mouth, he finally spoke.
"Mm... Who was that at the supermarket?" he raised an eyebrow.
I raised an eyebrow too. I tried to act as if I'm clueless and didn't know what he was saying, who he was referring to. I knew Kikwang would bring this up. He's one of those curious and suspicious guys. Whenever something gets on his nerves, he can't help it but to explode and let everything out of his mind.
"Who?"
"The guy..." he whispered. "With the girl."
Did Kikwang have to add in the last three words? Did he have to make me feel like I got stabbed right through the middle of my heart? Did he have to hurt me like this? He got me thinking all over again, back to the beginning. But when I think about it more, the girl looked rather familiar. I think I've seen her somewhere before, but I can't seem to picture where and who she is.
"Who again?" I asked innocently.
He sighed, obviously tired with my act. Well, I didn't want too much people to know about my past. Especially Kikwang, since we're getting married and all that. I'm still curious to another thing. Does Kikwang see me as a friend, or something more...
"The guy that smiled at you near the freezers. Now Jennifer, stop acting like you don't know what I'm saying," he frowned.
"I..." I paused. "Don't know him."
Fattest lie of the century. I sighed and decided to tell Kikwang everything. Everything except the fact that we confessed to each other, the fact that we once liked each other more than anything.
"He's a good friend of mine before I left to San Francisco."
"How come he didn't say hi or anything to you?" he asked, probably thinking how rude Jaejoong is.
I want to know the reason too. It's not just Kikwang who's got all these questions. It's not just him who wants to know the answers behind everything. I too, want to know what's on Jaejoong's mind. I want to know so much, I'm more curious than Kikwang could ever be.
"He probably didn't recognise me. Even my best friend Jessica didn't," I tried to laugh it off.
"How come you said you don't know him?" he added another question.
I started to get furious out of no where. Kikwang and his questions were starting to irritate and annoy the out of me. I took a few deep breaths. He looked at me like something was wrong with me. Nothing was wrong, everything was fine, it's just that something was wrong with his questions.
"I was just joking, stop asking now."
I took a huge sip and finished the remaining juice in my glass. I took my plates and stuff with me to the sink, I quickly yet gently placed them down. I washed my hands before I started leaving the kitchen. I stopped and turned back to him. He had his glass in his hands, staring straight at me, looking shocked. I laughed inside.
"Leave your plates in the sink, I'll wash the dishes tomorrow," I added.
I went upstairs into my room and locked the door. I slowly walked to the balcony, and rested against the side supporters. I felt the cold wind blow past me, sending shivers down my spine. I softly hugged myself with my arms, though I wish someone else would do that for me.
I looked up to the dark sky, where all the stars were sparkling. I don't know how, but the stars somehow reminded me of God, which reminds me of a precious memory that I once had when I was younger, probably around fourteen years old.
I remember my childhood best friend Raymond told me something that's really amusing, and I'll never forget it. He told me that whenever I'm feeling down, or have any problems, or need someone to talk to, God is the person that I should look for. Raymond said he listens every day, every minute, every second.
Raymond and I lost contact, I have no idea where he is now.
I didn't believe him at that time and I didn't really care. But now, I have so much problems and I can't handle them myself. Before I know it, my hands came together and intertwined with each other, my elbows softly rested on the side supporters. I slowly closed my eyes, and my mouth spoke on its own.
"God, are you listening to me right now?" I started off, whispering softly. "I don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared Jaejoong moved on, I don't want to believe what my eyes saw today. Is that girl his girlfriend? Please tell me she's not."
I sighed. I opened my eyes and looked up to the sky again, the stars were brighter than before.
"I miss him. I want to see him again," I added.
-
The next morning I woke up earlier than usual. I checked the time and it was only 6:27am, I guess I'm still not really used to the time in Korea yet. Yeah, things change and people change. I got out of bed and started doing my morning activities before I changed into a pair of three quarter track pants, and a white tank top.
As I walked passed Kikwang's room while heading towards the stairs, I decided to check to see if he was asleep. I slowly turned the door knob and peeked through the little gap. I looked across the room and saw Kikwang lying peacefully on his bed, sleeping.
I smiled at the sight and quietly closed the door. I went downstairs to the kitchen and washed the dishes that was left over from the night before. After I was done, I looked through the refrigerator and the cupboards, to see if I could make anything for breakfast.
To my disappointment, all we bought was snacks and there was nothing that was right for a proper meal. I sighed in frustration and went upstairs to get some money out of my purse, along with keys. Before I left the house, I wrote a note to Kikwang telling him that I'll be going to the same supermarket that we went to the day before, and stuck it on the refrigerator.
I walked along the streets of the neighbourhood, and breathed in the fresh air. It was nice having a morning walk, I haven't done that since ages. I walked through the door of the supermarket and took one of the baskets by the entrance. I headed towards the frozen food area, to see what there was to get.
As I came passed the ice-cream section, it reminded me of what had happened. I slowly walked up to the spot where I last saw Jaejoong, then I stood where he was when he was waiting for the girl to get her ice-cream. I can't help it, everything reminds me of him. Absolutely everything.
"Excu—"
Someone tapped me from my back and annoyed me. Before they could finish their sentence, I turned around and shouted loudly at them.
"WHAT?!
Biggest regret. As soon as our eyes met and I realised who it actually was, my jaws dropped, my eyes widened, and I stared at him in fear. I took a step back away from him, and smiled nervously. He raised an eyebrow.
'God was listening to me, it's not a coincident that we met again,' I said to myself.
"Um, can I please get to the freezer?" he asked, pointing behind me.
I jumped a little on the spot as he asked me to move. I took little steps away from the freezer and watched him smile at me once again. After he took out that same ice-cream, he closed the door and was ready to turn around the corner. Where I watched him frown the day before...
'How can he walk away just like that?' I asked myself.
As soon as I started to ask myself a question, he stopped before he could turn. I looked at his back as he stood on the spot, his head tilted to his right and I could imagine his expression. He must had a confused yet adorable look. He finally turned around and looked at me, my heart skipped a beat.
"Who are you?"
Comments