Chapter 15.
Please Stay With Me.
Please Stay With Me | Chapter 15
Ever since the day I promised Taeyeon not to see Jaejoong again, she never contacted me. I didn't see any one of my friends, not even Jessica. She was probably still angry at me. My life is over, I've got no more friends. I've got no one to turn to anymore, except Kikwang. But I still find it awkward to talk about personal things with him, especially when he doesn't know anything.
It was late at night and we were sitting in the living room watching an American movie called Valentine's Day. It's kinda ironic, Valentines day was in another hour or so. Which means, we only have two days left till we head back to San Francisco.
The thought kind of hurt. Knowing that no one will be at the airport to send me off again, not like two years ago. If I had a choice back then, I'll obviously stay with Jaejoong. I can't help but imagine what it would be like now if I didn't leave that night. Will I be happier?
Probably.
Kikwang was sitting on the floor while leaning against the couch. I was taking up all the space and layed down on my side to watch the television. I wasn't really concentrating, I somehow felt like going out, even though it was almost midnight. I was deep in thoughts when suddenly, Kikwang started shouting.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Jennifer!"
Before I realise it, he was standing in front of me with his eyes widened whilst smiling, and arms stretched out wide. I looked at his adorable expression. I sat up straight then stood on both feet, returning the smile.
"Happy Valentine's Day to you too, Kikwang," I said without any enthusiasm.
"Is there something wrong? You seem to be bothered lately," he said softly while resting his hand on my shoulder.
I softly smiled at him again, trying to reassure him that there was nothing wrong. He didn't seem too convinced but went along, he didn't bother asking. It was getting late, so we decided to go to sleep. I went upstairs first while Kikwang took the DVD out of the player and closed the television.
As I walked out of the living room, I knew Kikwang's pair of eyes were following me. Before I headed upstairs, I heard him let out a rather heavy sigh. I somehow felt very.. pressured by his sigh. I felt bad for not being honest to him. I didn't want to let him know anything and that's selfish of me because we're gonna get married soon.
As soon as I arrived to my room, I locked the door and went out to the balcony. I've got a lot to tell God tonight.
"Why didn't you let me know earlier? Is this part of your arrangements?" I asked him like an idiot. "If Taeyeon or Jaejoong himself told me two years ago, we wouldn't end up like this. I really, really hate the fact that Jaejoong doesn't remember me at all. When will his memories come back?" I asked.
"...because I can't continue living with all these pain and regrets," I softly added.
But then again, by the time Jaejoong remembers everything, I'll probably be at San Francisco.
"Is this our fate?"
-
The next morning as soon as I woke up, I felt the urge to go see Donghae. To be honest, I miss him. I haven't seen him since the night at Jaejoong's party, which didn't end quite nicely. When I finished getting ready, it was almost 11am. The perfect time to go over to his place. Before I left the house, I made breakfast for Kikwang and told him that I'm gonna go out. He didn't both asking where.
"Okay," was all he said.
I left the house and took the bus down to Donghae's house. I was starting to get all excited as I stood in front of his gates. I slowly started making my way towards his front porch. When I was a few metres away, I heard some bickerings. Someone was aruging with him inside his house.
As I got closer to the front door, I realised the door wasn't locked nor close. Before I pushed open the door, I decided to listen and see if I could recognise who the voices belongs to.
"TELL ME, DONGHAE!" he shouted.
"There's nothing you need to know," another voice replied.
"I know you guys are hiding something from me."
I clearly recognised the voices, it was Jaejoong arguing with Donghae. About what? I don't know. But I could tell it was over something rather serious. I continued standing there, trying to eavesdrop some more.
"Donghae, I know this is important. Why do I keep having all these blurry flashbacks? Who's the girl in the picture?" Jaejoong asked.
"It's Taeyeon!" Donghae shouted. "Who else can it be?"
That was very nice. Thanks for making situations worse, Lee Donghae.
"You're lying..." Jaejoong softly whispered, but I still managed to hear.
I decided to leave. It was rude of me to be listening to other's conversations, conversations that are personal. I guess the decision to visit Donghae wasn't right after all. Plus, I can't let Jaejoong see me, I promised Taeyeon that I wouldn't see him again.
I slowly walked down the steps of Donghae's house's porch, and left the gates. I headed towards the bus stop.
'Jennifer, why do you always make the worst decisions ever?'
The question is, do I regret making those decisions? Even if I do, there's nothing I can do about it. I can't go back to time and fix everything, it's literally impossible. I made another decision, I was going to go visit Jessica. Whether she likes it or not, I want to see her before I leave. There was nothing to lose anyway...
As soon as I arrived in front of Jessica's house, I hurried and rung the door bell. Seconds later, the door opened and Jessica stood before me, looking rather shocked. I smiled at her but it faded as soon as I realised who was standing behind her, it was Donghae.
I raised an eyebrow, how did he get there so fast? I checked the time on my watch, it was almost 2pm. Oh right, I boarded the bus which took like an hour to get to Jessica's place. Donghae only needed to drive his car, and arrive in less than ten minutes.
"Hello!" I said cheerfully.
"Hey, Jennifer..." Jessica said softly.
It seems like she didn't want to see me at all, I must've interrupted them. At times like this, I really think I'm some annoying person who is not wanted anywhere. Practically, no where. My smiles dropped and my enthusiasm was gone.
"Was I disturbing? If so, I'll leave." I said softly. "Bye."
I turned around and started walking off. Neither one of them tried to hold me back, they didn't even call out my name. I suddenly wanted to cry, but I held everything in. I must stay strong. If I'm not wanted, then I should just accept the fact rather than just cry. Crying is useless, it's for weak people. I'm strong.
At least that's what I'm hoping to be...
I've got no where else to go and I didn't want to go home yet. Suddenly, a place that I spent for quite some time in my life, popped in my mind. I smiled as I decided to walk there, to waste time. I stood at the large building before me, happy to be back here.
My high school.
Someone was holding a Valentine's Day party in the hall, so luckily the school was open. I walked in and started running up and down the corridors. I felt like as if I'm a school student again, I felt so immature. I came passed the cafeteria, and decided to walk in. I pushed the door opened and looked around, it seems like it was bigger than it was two years ago. Probably because it was isolated.
I walked over to the table I would usually sit at, I sat down on my seat and looked around the room smiling like a loser. From the seat I was sitting at, I could clearly see the seat where Jaejoong would usually sit at. I still remember the days when I would spy on him. I smiled and walked over to the canteen.
I stood at the spot where I remember I was standing when I was arguing over the last orange juice bottle with Jaejoong.
[FLASHBACK]
"I ordered it first!" I shouted at him in the school's cafeteria."No you did not, we ordered it at the same time," he retorted back."I ORDERED IT FIRST! AND I'M GETTING IT, I'M GETTING IT, I'M GETTING ITTTTTT!" I shouted on top of my lungs.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
I smiled as I remembered how childish I was back then, I guess time really do change people.
I left the cafeteria and walked into the classroom where I would usually have class with Jaejoong. It's always the seats, I would sit at the second last table with Jessica at the back corner. While Jaejoong and Donghae would sit behind us, trying to find a topic to argue over about with me. I miss those days, I really do.
He probably doesn't remember.
I left the building and started running towards the large oval. When I think about it, the school is actually quite big. I don't know why I just realised that now, probably because there weren't any students crowding around the corridors and everything. There's more space.
I layed down on the cricket pitch and stared up into the sky. For that moment, I felt really free and independent. I wish I could feel like that every day, every minute, every second. I checked the time on my watch and realised it was slightly passed four, then my stomach grumbled. I pulled out my phone from my pocket and started to call Kikwang.
"Hello?" he said over the phone.
"Kikwang, have you ate yet?" I asked him.
"Yeah, I have."
"I'm gonna be home late, so don't wait for me," I said.
"Je—"
"Bye!" I hung up.
I took the bus down to the city, I was getting really hungry. I entered an Italian restaurant and ordered my dishes. After it arrived, I started digging in and ate like a pig. I'm kinda glad there was no one sitting opposite me, or else it would've been embarrassing. I decided to have some desserts before I head home.
I checked the time, it was almost 6pm.
After I had some rather delicious chocolate cake, I paid and left the restaurant. The sun was still out, so I decided to just walk home. It wasn't that far and it's good for me, since I just ate so much.
As I was walking home, I came across Me Ice-cream. I was craving for some ice-cream, but my stomach was bloated and I was so full. If I eat more, I'll probably explode. But that didn't stop me, I entered the store and bought some ice-cream. I smiled as I continued walking home.
The day started off pretty bad but I guess it ended quite well.
Just when I was about to take the first of my ice-cream, I noticed someone from afar running towards my direction. I squinted my eyes trying to get a clearer vision, but it was still the same, all blurry. In less then a minute, the figure stood a few metres away from me. We looked at each other speechlessly.
"Jennifer..."
My ice-cream dropped.
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