The next day I woke up to loud sounds coming from the living room. Cabinets banging and objects slamming into the wall filled my ears. At first I try to ignore it and go back to sleep but the noise is too distracting. I sigh and force myself to sit up.  I open one sleepy eye and take a peak at the clock next to my bed.

“six…twenty-three……” I mumble

Why is there such ruckus at 6:23 AM? Dad’s usually asleep till ten.

I stumble out of bed. My body aches… I look down. So many bandages… Oh yeah, Su Min had helped me yesterday. Su Min….

A loud bang sounds from outside my door and demands my attention. I grumble and make my way towards the living room. I see Dad standing in the middle of the room, his back facing me. On the floor lies dozens of smashed cans and books. The cabinets are all open wide.

“….Dad? What are you doing?”

His head jerks up and he turns around to face me. He looks bad…his eyes are red and his hair is a mess. He hasn’t shaved for a while, let alone showered. His white tank top is full of stains and he reeks of alcohol.

He stares at me with unfocused eyes, his body sways. He’s about to lose balance.

“You……..” he points a drunken finger at me “Where is she? Where is my Chung Ae?”

This has happened multiple times in the past. My dad gets so drunk he forgets things…such as my mother’s death.

“Dad…she’s dead, remember?” I cautiously take a step forward, ready to catch him if he falls.

“No she is not! Tell me where she is!” He yells. He loses his footing. I rush over and catch him but he pushes me away and points his finger at me again.

“…Your mother….wha….what….did you do to her?”

I sigh.

“Dad, you can’t keep doing this anymore. Mom died seven years ago from a brain tum –“

“Don’t tell me lies!” He yells. The action causes him to topple over. This time I’m too late to prevent the fall.

 *Thud

He lies pitifully on the floor. He begins sobbing and pounding his fist on the ground.

“Don’t…don’t tell me lies…!” He whispers “….Chung Ae ….is not dead…. She would never leave me...”

 Seeing him like this pains me. I look down. The truth hurts.  When I look up again my dad is snoring on the floor, exhausted by his own sudden outburst. I take the blanket from last night and cover him up.

“Chung Ae…is…alive……” I hear him say before I turn back to my room.

My dad wasn’t always like this. He used to be a great prosperous business man as well as a wonderful father. He was tall, handsome, and smart, and my role model. He would teach me how to play ball and bring me to amusement parks all the time. He still is a great father, just a little…confused… at the moment.

Ever since my mom died from a brain tumor he had changed.  I remember the day of the funeral….

“Daddy?” I tugged on my father’s sleeve. His eyes were red from crying.

The rain was falling steadily. They had finished lowering mother into the ground and all the guests have left.

“Ren….I’m not feeling too good. Have Nana bring you home, I’ll be back soon…” the man slumped away into the rain. My nanny comes over with an umbrella and takes my hand.

“Come, sweetling, you’ve had enough for one day. You poor thing…” she cooed as she directed me to the car.

When I got home I waited for my dad’s return. I fell asleep waiting. By the time I heard the car pull in the time was 1:00 AM.  The door swings open.

“Daddy…?” I rub my eyes. I look up, he’s drunk. He looks at me with glazed eyes. The smell of alcohol is strong. He ignores me and just keeps swaying in the center of the room.

“Daddy why are you home so late?”

He still stands in the center of the room, unbalanced, silent. It’s scaring me…I run over and hug him. To my surprise, he pushes me off. I fall to the ground. Tears well up in my eyes. This is the first time he’s ever done anything remotely violent to me.

“Daddy why did you do that?” I choked

He looks down at me, finally acknowledging my presence.

“Shut up” he stumbles to his room and slams the door leaving me alone in the living room.

From that point on, he would return home every night drunk and occasionally violent. He became consumed so often that he lost his job.  He got increasingly lazy and gained much weight. Before I knew it he had stopped buying food, doing laundry, paying bills, and everything else. He became like the living dead, only getting up to buy alcohol, use the bathroom, turn on the TV, and …sometimes hit me.

My nanny left after 5 weeks of no pay. I was all alone. Family and friends tried to reach out to my dad but it never helped. They offered to take me in, but I refused. I didn’t want to leave my father after such a horrible thing had happened.

The fridge was constantly empty and our bills were often paid late. I know we have enough money in the bank for this stuff but I’m too scared to ask him. The last time I tried he began yelling and hitting me. He only uses that money to buy the horrible beverage.

A few years ago we lost our house so I moved us into this apartment. I began taking up jobs to support us and taught myself how to pay the bills. The money I earned wasn’t much but it was enough to keep some food in the fridge, electricity and water running in the house, and money for school purposes. Every now and then I try to clean up the house like my mom had before but there was always so much to do that I eventually gave up.

No use thinking about it now. I take a shower and put on my uniform. I proceed by making my lunch. I open up the fridge…looks like I have to make another trip to the supermarket today. I make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Ever since my mom passed away we’ve only eaten instant or easy made foods. We haven’t had a decent home cooked meal for a long time. Things have changed so much since she left…

It’s 7:30 AM right now, time to leave. I leave my apartment. As I close the door something bumps up against my back. I turn around and face the top of Su Min’s head.

“OH, I’m so sorry!” she says. She rubs her nose and looks up. The “o” on her face lifted into a smile.

“Oh hey there Ren! Good morning!” 

I smile weakly and completely forget my morning troubles.

“Morning, Su Min”

“How ya feeling?” she eyes my leg and arm.

“I’m great, doesn’t hurt anymore. Thanks for everything.”

“I’m glad to hear that”

She smiles. It makes me smile.

We walk the rest of the way making small talk. Everything goes well until we reach the school. Right away I see Chin Ho, leaned up against the school staring right at us. My eyes automatically turn down. Su Min on the other hand looks him right on, glaring at him with all her might. His mouth drops. I myself am surprised too.

As we walk closer to him she links her arm in mine as if guarding me. My face heats up at the contact. He flinches at the sight, shooting daggers at me with his eyes. We both know that if it weren’t for her presence, I’d be on the ground right now, groaning and clutching to my stomach.  

He cracks his knuckles threateningly. Oh boy…today’s not gonna be good.