Kibum had been angry enough to cry on multiple occasions. 

Kibum had been angry enough to physically harm another person only Three times in his past.

Kibum had been angry enough to punch his best friend in the face, scream at another best friend until he could feel the veins in his neck popping, ignore a teachers demands, and then leave by himself in the middle of a foreign country....Only once in his life.

Half way through his calm-down walk he came to the conclusion that it would hopefully be his last because it was certainly not an enjoyable experience. But he had a good ing reason to get that angry, to feel that hurt.

He had a good reason.

A reason that hurt him more than anything he could have expected. It was like killing one bird with two stones; his best friend had done the one thing Kibum had made him promise to never do. Bring up his Father.

And then there was the number Two; his best friend since childhood had scolded him for being a thoughtless - and he knew it was because Taemin had the biggest crush ever on Jinki...But did he really have to choose to scold him instead of comfort him...When he knew it was a time that he would need a whole lot of comforting?

"!"

Kicking a brick building in a fit of anger, while cursing loudly in public, was kind of a bad idea. People were looking at him like he had lost his mind and quite frankly he felt like he would if he didn't calm the hell down somehow. He couldn't call his Mother because she was at work, he couldn't see Jonghyun because he had no idea where the heck he currently was, and he didn't have friends anymore. Apparently. He would not stood low enough to call Jinki or Taemin after what they just done to him. Call...Wait he had Jonghyun's phone number, he could call him...And hopefully get some directions to the Bakery or Hotel or just...Just anywhere that wasn't where he currently was, alone. He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts with a shaking hand (which he was now realising hurt like a and was starting to puff up at his knuckles). He felt a wave of relief when he heard the sound that told him he was calling Jonghyun.

The wave crashed a little too early for his liking, though, when nobody answered. The voicemail message started playing and Kibum hung up so he wouldn't scream at Jonghyun...Then scrame as loud as he could, in pure frustration, at his cell phone.

"GOD DAMN IT, KIM JONGHYUN ANSWER YOUR ING PHONE!"

He called a second time and got the same outcome. However after he hung up and was ready to scream again, someone hesitantly cleared their throat. It took Kibum a few minutes to acknowledge the fact that someone was tryingto catch his attention but when they managed to catch it, it would have been the hardest thing in the world for Kibum to not pay attention. There was a girl standing in front of him, with large scared eyes and a plump bottom lip trapped between her teeth. She looked eerily similar too his boyfriend. With makeup on. And a puppy in her arms that looked suspiciously like...Roo?

"U-Um, excuse me...But I couldn't help but notice you were yelling in Korean and...Um...well, you were yelling at my baby brother so...Unless you know another Kim Jonghyun then I could be very mistaken."

Kibum's jaw dropped.

Upon seeing this the girl waved a hand and her eye's got panicy.

"It's just, well, you don't hear many people speaking Korean in these parts and I figured since the only Kim Jonghyun that I've heard of around here is related too me...Well, I-I figured it was him...You were yelling at...Um, s-sorry?"

Kibum couldn't figure out if he should nod or shake his head; this girl knew Jonghyun, this girl was related to him. Why was his luck actually being nice to him for once?

"N-no, I was. I think, anyway. He works at that Bakery, down by a Hotel...?"

The girl jumped at the sound of his voice but her eyes quickly became calmer and her voice wasn't as squeaky with fear as it had been before as she slowly approached him.

"Yes! Yes, that's him. Jjongie, he's my baby Brother, like I said. But why in the world were you yelling such nasty things about him?"

He almost wanted to laugh at the Motherly look she gave him, like she was trying to get something out of him that he was afraid of saying. 

"I'm lost...And he didn't answer his phone when I called."

He was getting good at lying. Well, it wasn't really lying persay because he really had no ing idea where he was. He just wasn't saying the whole truth. The girl pulled a sympathetic face and practically latched onto his arm like a leech. A really, creepily, Jonghyun-like leech. But it wasn't in a way that could be seen as, how would he say it, annoying?

"I'm taking you to him then! I'm Songdam, Kim Songdam. Jonghyun's older sister."

With a cute v-sign and a wink she set down Roo and happily chattered as she dragged a slightly shell-shocked Kibum down the sidewalk. So she was Jonghyun's Noona? The one who made his clothes smell like fresh lavendar and convinced him to babysit an adorably evil puppy? Well he could see why Jonghyun didn't say no; she was freaking adorable. She was peppy and happy and it had a nice calming affect on Kibum's previously fired-up nerves. He was calm for the moment but he knew the minute he was either alone again or alone with Jonghyun, he was going to lose it. Whether he cried, or yelled, or just broke things...He knew he was going to get an interesting reaction from Jonghyun.

 

 

Walking into a quiet Bakery with your boyfriend's older sister hanging all over you and calling you...overly-cute pet names is beyond awkward. Kibum could tell you that from experience. He could also tell you that said female looks scary as all hell when she finds out that the guy she had been flirting with for the past hour and a half....Was very much so in a relationship. With her younger brother. Of course now Jonghyun's creepy friend, Minho, could tell you that also.

He had come out from the kitchen with an odd mix of concern, fear and amusement on his face as he saw Songdam pop her head around the doorway and ask for her younger sibling.

Until he saw Kibum, and probably his (now busted up) hand, and then his face went kind of white and his eyes went wide.....er. That expression didn't suit him.

"He...Uh, burnt his hand and went upstairs."

Songdam, Kibum was positive now, was not Jonghyun's Noona as much as she was his Mother. It was almost immediate, the way she shoved Roo's leash into Minho's chest before she was off and running to the apartment with a very Mother-like worry written all over her face. That left a very awkward, silent Minho and Kibum standing just outside of the kitchen while Roo obliviously padded around and sniffed at a few peoples legs.

Minho lifted an eyebrow at Kibum as if he were expecting something from him.

"What...?"

Kibum tilted his head and lightly shrugged his shoulders. He didn't exactly know what just happened. His mind was still stuck somewhere between that stupid museum and the spot where Songdam had found him, and he felt like heis mind was in a very thick fog. Like he was having trouble processing things at a normal rate.

"Your boyfriend burned his hand. Bad. That is bad. Why are you just standing there."

Still unable to fully process much of anything, Kibum walked over to the familiar door and opened it. He looked up the stairs and as if everything clicked into place, he took two steps at a time before he was jogging from the kitchen to the living room, finding both empty before he found Songdam digging around in the bathroom grumbling to herself. He didn't want to bother or startle her. He figured his boyfriend would be in his bedroom then, unless he had left. 

Just before he was about to continue Kibum spotted his glasses, still in the same spot he had left them, and quickly snatched them off of the sink and put them in his sweatshirt pocket before quietly walking down the hallway. The first thing he saw made his entire boy suddenly feel exhausted- like the adrenaline rush had finally worn off. Jonghyun was sitting at the foot of his bed with his head down and his hand craddled on his lap. He was in his cute little waiter outfit, the waist apron in place and his white button-up was a bit ruffled...And stained with a light brown liquid that looked like coffee. It was the mere sight of him that made Kibum's knees go weak and tears well in his eyes. He needed this. He needed someone to just listen and comfort him the way Taemin or Jinki were supposed too. He needed his boyfriend.

Hesitantly, Kibum knocked on the open door, with his unharmed hand of course. Jonghyun looked up and at first there was nothing but sunshine and happiness radiating from his smile. Kibum managed a small, quivering smile before he sat down next to the older and, without a single word, felt the first tears spill over. He hunched over and put his face in his hands as he felt that sunshine and happiness quickly turn into slight panic. He suddenly felt like a bad person for taking that happiness away.

"Kibum? Kibum, what's wrong did your Mom talk to you? Is she okay? Are you okay?"

All he could do was bite his bottom lip. If he talked he knew it would come out all stuttered and jumbled, he just needed to cry. He was thankful his infamous temper didn't choose to flare, and instead felt all of the emotions he hadn't even realized had been there blow up into a huge mess of...Tears. He would have no doubt scared Jonghyun away if he had let out all of his anger in a...Violent...Or physical way.

He vaguely registered another person enter the room before they left, rather quickly, and they were left alone as the bedroom door clicked shut. And as if that stupid door closing had been a false sense of security, he let loose; he lifted his face from his hands and clung onto Jonghyun, buried his face into his neck and then sobbed so hard he felt not only his own, but Jonghyun's body wracking. When had been the last time he had cried like this? What did that even matter, he was sobbing his heart out and it felt damn good. He felt like a weight was steadily lifting off of his chest and his shoulders slumped with exhaustion by the time he was dissolved into silent tears and sniffles. He just didn't want to even understand what had happened between him and Jinki. Much less him and Taemin. Without them he felt so alone...He was in a foreign country, without his best friends, without his Mother, without....Without anyone he trusted enough with his life and his stupid god damn problems. Sure he trusted Jonghyun but let's be realistic, he had just met him. He liked him, a lot, but trust was something you have to earn. Something Jonghyun had to earn.

He couldn't just come right out and tell Jonghyun what had happened and why it had hurt him so much; it involved his past, it involved a matter that he absolutely loathed to so much as think about. He hadn't even talked about it with anyone other than his Mother. Not Jinki, not Taemin....He had never had the courage to say anything other than "Promise you won't tell anyone...Or bring it up..." Because he had only ever had them over hear what he had said to his Mother.

But he didn't have anyone to talk too....And it hurt so bad.... it.

With a heavy, shuddering breathe Kibum drew back and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. Jonghyun was looking at him with these big, wet puppy eyes that made him want to cuddle him for ever...But he couldn't. He needed to get rid of the pain and he needed to do it now before he started sobbing again.

"...I...Um, I'm sorry for...That. But I kind of got into a f-fight with...My best friend's and..."

He felt his lower lip tremble again. He had to stop and close his eyes tight so the tears would stop before he started again.

"Wait, I need to say something first."

Kibum looked up at Jonghyun, who was looking at him seriously. He had a look in his eyes that made Kibum pause and nod his head.

"My favorite color is Green, and Black kind of ties with Green I guess. My favorite food is kimchi- doesn't matter what it's with I just like it. My Noona is older than me by two years and I like to think I could kill any and all of her boyfriend's because they all and I hate them. A lot."

Kibum blinked a few times, confused by what he was hearing. What the hell did this have to do with him? He almost wanted to laugh but settled for wrapping his arms around Jonghyun's torso as he continued to animatedly talk. It was comforting, in a weird way. It was almost like he had read his mind and was telling him...That he trusted Kibum more than he let on. When fingers through his hair, Kibum glanced up and saw a small smile on Jonghyun's lips.

"I bought Roo as a present for my Noona, even though her land lord said no dogs in the apartments....But he learned to like her. I've been best friend's with Minho for like ever and he's really annoying when you get to know him, trust me. He isn't all quiet and mysterious and weird....."

And that was when things got a little quiet. But what was said next, was something Kibum wasn't expecting- and for that matter he didn't particularly like it, either. It kind of made him feel...Jealous.

"Minho was my first boyfriend's younger brother....We were inseperable as kids and Minho's H-...Hyung was someone we both really looked up too."

He felt Jonghyun's shoulders lift and his chest expand as he took in a deep breathe. He could almost feel the tension, and it was strong enough to make him look away. Jonghyun on the other hand was still looking straight at him with sadness in his expression.

"We dated for Three years. In High School. He was like, like my everything...My older brother, my best friend, my boyfriend, my Father figure...But, um...."

Jonghyun's voice broke. Kibum looked back at him and felt his heart wrench in his chest; Jonghyun suddenly looked older, like just thinking about this- much less talking about it- was taking everything he had. Kibum knew that feeling very well, and he knew that it was an emotion that was far stronger than anything else he had ever felt. Without interrupting he sat up and gripped Jonghyun's hand (which happened to be awkward because it was his Right hand. Which wasn't burned, and was on his other side) in his own. He felt it tighten around his palm and resisted the urge to let go so the blood flow could reach his fingers again.

"His name w....w-...."

Suddenly Jonghyun broke off and a stangled noise left his mouth. Kibum reacted without thought; he kneeled in front of Jonghyun and pulled him to his chest just before tears slipped down his cheeks. How they had both ended up crying was beyond him. Just seeing Jonghyun crying like that was enough to have him crying all over again and this time it was almost like everything just kind of balled up and took over. His sadness and his anger and his hurt all meshed together and kept pushing at his chest, trying to get out. And having someone else to cry with was making it so much easier to do. It was like a connection, one that he was waiting for.

 

 

Minho had never realized how much his best friend was still hurting. 

He knew Jonghyun would always have the pain, but he really...Truthfully never would have guessed that it would still be like this. That his Hyung would still sob and dissolve into nothing but a pile of overwhelming sadness. He wanted so badly to get into that room and be the one to hold him close nad rub his back and calm him down. It was his job, it was what he was supposed to do...But Kibum was in there doing it for him and all he could do was stand outside the door with tears threatening to fall and Songdam pating his shoulder with sympathy. He stood there and listened to them cry, listened to them sob and hiccup and sniffle for what felt like hours until the door was cracked open and a puffy-eyed, pink-nosed Jonghyun took his hand and pulled him into the room. He closed the door behind himself and then cautiously sat on the bed.  Kibum, who was sitting on the floor cross-legged, looked like he had sobbed, fallen asleep and then woken up sobbing again. His hair was a mess and his face was flushed from crying so much. All in all the both of them looked like .

"M-Minho I can't say it. I need you to say it."

It took a grand total of five seconds for him to understand what Jonghyun was trying to tell him. 

He wanted Kibum to know about Minseok. Choi Minseok was his older brother. Minseok...Was a very harsh part of his past, one that he would never get over but he could feel the desperation flowing from Jonghyun, he was desperate to tell Kibum but he couldn't. So he was relying on Minho to do it for him. If he wasn't lying, he would say hell no and then leave the room and never talk about this again. It was a sensative subject for him too, afterall Minseok was his older brother. But he had made that stupid promise...Ugh. 

He nodded and watched as Jonghyun practically sat on Kibum's lap. He was really starting to wish he had someone to hold him like that too, during times like these.

"Minseok, um...His name was Minseok."

That came out weaker than he intended it too, and he felt his eyes drop to his lap but he continued.

"He was killed in a car accident his Senior year of High School, on the way back from the movie theater."

Kibum went wide eyed and his eyebrows drew together as he tried to see his boyfriend's face. He failed when Jonghyun refused to turn around and look at him.

Minho felt...Numb, having to talk about this again after so long. It had taken years to heal, years to try to forget. But here he was reopening wounds and pouring salt into them. On purpose.

It hurt.

"He was driving-"

A small, wavering voice interrupted him and he looked over to Jonghyun and Kibum.

"We were on our way back from a date and I was holding his hand...So he couldn't react fast enough to swerve."

If there was an expression to show your heart dropping, Minho was sure Kibum had just expressed it. Seeing that look, seeing it so strongly on someone elses face, made Minho's throat constrict and he quietly left the room. The first place he went too was the living room couch, where he sat down and looked at his hands for two seconds before he felt the arms he had wanted earlier, wrap around his shoulders.

 

 

Returning to the Hotel became an absolute NO after Kibum found out about Minseok. Jonghyun needed him, and he needed him to stay. So he did. He was still hurt, he was still angry, but his boyfriend was showing a side of himself that was broken down to the absolute bottom and he looked so vulnerable and broken and needy and Kibum was not going to deny him anything he asked for. They sat in Jonghyun's room in silence for a long time, just processing everything that had been said. Kibum hadn't ever thought that something as serious as losing your love to a car accident...Would have happened to Jonghyun. He was so cute and happy and loving and he seemed so at peace with his life. He was starting to think that that was how people saw him. Happy on the outside and on the in. 

They couldn't be more wrong.

And now he had to tell Jonghyun, he had to tell him everything. He kept feel the urge tugging at his gut to just spill everything. Like he woed it to Jonghyun to be just as truthful as he had been. But right that second felt like the wrong time. This was the time to be comforting and understanding, not unloading your own problems on someone who had just exposed their own. So he got up and grabbed the comforter off of Jonghyun's bed.

"Kibum...What are you doing?"

He ignored Jonghyun's quiet question and grabbed a pillow before he was back in his spot on the floor with the comforter and pillow. He plopped the pillow down and then gently pushed Jonghyun down, who was refusing to let go of his knees so he kind of...tumbled to the side and looked like a fuzzy teddybear caterpillar. Kibum bit his lip so he wouldn't laugh at the unbareable cuteness and then curled up against his back, pulling the comforter over both of their bodies and heads.

The second Jonghyun urned around and settled onto his side, looking at Kibum with soft eyes and a tired expression Kibum's mouth opened and words spilled out.

Ones he didn't want to say.

"My Dad used to beat my Mom."

There was silence for a while, as Jonghyun just looked at him with the same soft, tired expression. Kibum almost thought he hadn't really said anything and was about to sigh with relief when he felt a hand rub up his arm and then settle in the dip of his shoulder and neck.

His mouth betrayed him again.

"I was really little, so I...Kind of didn't know that it was wrong. I seriously hate myself for being so stupid. And then when I was finally old enough to know from school that it was something that people were arrested for? I was too afraid to stop him or say anything to him. I just let him take out his anger on my own Mother."

He was surprised that he wasn't crying. He talked to his Mother about this and he got so damn angry that he threw things, he broke things, he yelled and scrame until his throat was raw and aching. But telling Jonghyun was almost like telling an imaginary friend; it felt reassuring that he would be able to walk away from this after he had said it all. He knew that sounded absolutely horrible...Even to his own mind, but it was like he could say everything and not have to look at Jonghyun for the rest of his life and know he was pittying him. Or he was disgusted with him. Or he hated him for being a stupid child. It just felt good.

"I never told anyone, but it wasn't because he told me not too. I don't think he was even trying to hide it when I got into Middle School. He was a bastard, and he knew it but it didn't stop him at all. If anything it probably made him feel better about what he was doing because he started picking on me instead of my Mom. I never gave him a reason, I never made him angry or sad or annoyed but he still found stupid reasons to abuse me verbally...And I hated him for it. I hated him for treating me that way, more than I hated him for hurting my Mom."

He knew saying this would make Jonghyun...Be disgusted with him. He was disgusted by himself when he said that. But he felt that way, when it was all happening he felt like the only victim, he felt like he was alone in everything. Like it was all about him. 

He was starring hard at Jonghyun's chest when he heard him start whispering to him.

"Kibum...I'm not going to lie, I've never dealt with this before so I can't say I understand it all. I can't really...Say I know what you went through. But I can say that I ing hate your Dad. I really, really ing hate him. With a passion. Your Mother didn't deserve that and neither did you. Not you...You didn't deserve that. How could he...He do something like that-"

Kibum could see the anger, the absolute hatred in Jonghyun's eyes when he lifted his chin so he was looking at his face. It was actually kind of terrifiying.

"Don't ever leave me. Don't go back, just stay here. Stay here in Italy with me and Minho and just...Just don't go. Bring your Mom and, Jesus Christ Kibum I can't even breath when I think about you going back."

That sounded so appealing. Just stay, simple as that. Stay here and never go back, never go back home never go back to school never go back to his old life full of anger and frustration. 

Just stay.

He actually wanted to cry at hearing that, it sounded so perfect. It gave him butterflies and it made his chest swell in excitement. He wanted it. He wanted it so bad.

"I....I want too...But let me think on it?"

Jonghyun broke into a big smile, one that made Kibum lean forward and kiss him and rub their noses together and squeeze him around the waist until he had to squeak out a request to be released.

"Then do it. Stay with me, be happy with me and work here at the Bakery and...And...Ugh, I love you."

Kibum felt his heart sease beating.

"L-Love?"

Jonghyun nodded like it was the most obvious thing in the world and moved his hand to cup Kibum's cheek.

"Yeah...I love you. I love you so much. But wait no, you need to tell me! Quick, what's your favorite color and food and song and what do you wanna do in the future and what is your Mom's name and-"

Love was a strong word. Was he ready to say that? Was he ready to hear that? Well his body was telling him he was damn-well ready. Screw his thoughts. He was laying on the floor in a comforter, curled up with a man that turned his life upside down, giving him reckless thoughts and he had never felt so...Comfortable with anyone. This felt so normal, so nice and he wanted it to last forever.

"I LOVE YOU, TOO."

........

.......

.......

.......

"Kibum, let's focus. Favorite color."

Kibum promptly dropped his jaw and slapped Jonghyun's chest, dissolving into a fit of rolling laughter.

"PINK. AND I LOVE YOU."

"What's your favorite food?!"

"ANYTHING ITALIAN, I LOVE YOU."

"WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SONG?! I LOVE YOU TOO."

"HALO BY BEYONCE!"

"...I LOVE YOU."

"I love you."

"No, I love you."

"Shut up and let me love you!"

"BABY LET ME LOVE YOU DOOOOWN-"

To say that Kibum was lovesick was such a huge understatement. He was rolling around a bedroom floor in a blanket cocoon, singing stupid American songs with Jonghyun, who kept trying to bite his ears and God he was feeling like a ing idiot.

"Jonghyun, you're in love with an idiot."

Jonghyun, who somehow had ended up stuck under Kibum's side, pursed his lips.

"Well, at least I was informed before we tied the knot because it would to be completely unaware that your life partner was an idiot."

He nodded seriously as Kibum slap attacked his arms and shoulders, laughing hysterically and oh wow what the hell he was just talking about marriage....And he felt...Happy. What happened to that hurt and anger and sadness?

"Jonghyun, I really do love you though."

Jonghyun smiled and bit his lip.

"I know. I love you, too."

..."Kibum I think I have a problem though. I can't stop saying it."

 

 

A/N : omg Minseok. So yeah, Jjongie dated Minho's older brother for 3 years and was in the car when he was killed. how ing sad is that? that happened to a couple i went to high school with and it was absolutely devistating. when the girl (she was one of my bff's omg i cried so hard) was trying to tell me how it happened she did the same thing Jonghyun did with Minho. She had her brother tell me and...i swear to God i was like so shaken up i dident even know how to react other than sit there and cry even though i didnt know the guy too well. its hard to put your own feelings into a fic like that so I had to tone it down a bit so i wouldnt start sobbing ; ~ ;  so if it seems kind of impersonal thats why. sorry D;

and Kibum's situation, there is more. it will be revealed later but that was also based off of a personal experience from a friend who told me it was alright to put in this fic. also another time i cried lol im a crybabya orz but both of those revelations were VERY close to how it went between me and the people they happened too. ugh. so yeah, i needed to add that fluff at the end i just had too LOL