The shift at Dyo's had already ended.

Kyungsoo had exchanged a word or two with Baekhyun during the entire time they had to cook together. He either asked for salt or tasted the broth without saying anything. It was as if he was on autopilot. He no longer had that warmth that Baekhyun loved receiving.

All the pastry orders were taken care of by the redhead without any help from the chef.

That's how the course of the restaurant went.

Baekhyun thought everything was fine, that he had managed to make Kyungsoo understand earlier. But apparently, he was terribly mistaken.

Of course, the others had noticed. The irony was overwhelming: Baekhyun had tried to preserve both their images so that at the end of the day, there would be no suspicions about them swirling around the restaurant.

It seemed that the world was determined to turn his life upside down.

No one asked him about what was happening between him and the chef.

Kim Minseok was the only one who seemed to suspect that something had happened between the two of them, something much bigger than professional disagreements. He didn't ask, but his look said a lot. Baekhyun forgot that he was also in the same situation.

As it was already past 11 PM, everyone was heading back to their respective homes, except for Baekhyun.

He stood in the parking lot, contemplating what he could do from now on. There weren't many options: either he had to find a way to make Kyungsoo forgive him, or he had to put an end to it once and for all. But the mere idea of ending it scared him like hell.

He couldn't do it. He was already somewhat involved, perhaps more than he could imagine.

Kyungsoo was different in so many ways. From his reserved and timid way of dealing with him to the things he opened up from the depths of his soul to tell him. Everything was different. Baekhyun had never had this kind of connection with someone before, not even with Sehun. It was as if he had access to his soul, little by little, until one day he could see him completely.

However, now he suspected that day would never come.

It was a bit chilly there, in the stillness of the night, but Baekhyun couldn't move. The chef's Impala was nowhere to be seen, and everything felt eerily empty. He could even make a metaphor about how he felt at that moment.

He was a little surprised when he saw a flashlight turning the corner, approaching where he stood. He didn't need to guess who was on the motorcycle, so he just sat on the curb again.

Kim Minseok parked perfectly in the spot next to him, getting off the vehicle with enviable skill. He always looked so y, no matter what he did.

He took off his helmet, carrying it with him as he sat beside Baekhyun. The brunette sighed and pulled him into a sideways hug. He was probably trying to protect him from the cold, but Baekhyun hadn't even noticed.

They didn't say anything for a long time. Longer than Baekhyun could count. Minseok's hands caressed his to keep them warm. Minseok had always had a somewhat mixed attitude towards him, but now he felt that it had strengthened. He felt that he had found a confidant in the middle of all the joking, and now, more than anything, he felt that they were in the same situation.

Baekhyun looked at him, and Minseok just smiled sadly in response.

He knew that the bartender was also dealing with his own conflicts. Perhaps worse or more complicated than his. But there he was. Willing to keep him company on the curb, on a freezing night.

"Cenourinha..." He broke the silence first. Baekhyun didn't even have the strength to talk. "I'm not going to ask how you are or what you talked about... But I think maybe you should come with me. It's getting cold out here."

"How did you know I was here?"

"I went to your apartment."

"What?" Minseok laughed, taking out the pack of cigarettes from his back pocket.

That damn thing was what Baekhyun hated the most. He had faith that one day Minseok would quit, just didn't know when that day would come. Probably when he was under the altar with Park Chanyeol by his side. Baekhyun was well aware that the bartender would do anything Chanyeol asked.

"Why did you go there?" He was really surprised about that.

"I needed to know if you were okay. Texts wouldn't help, because you could lie to me." The bartender lit the cigarette, exhaling the characteristic smell of mint from the dense smoke.

It was a damn mess. If he wasn't so sad, he would have complained about it like he always did. Not that it would help much...

"I... don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything, Cenourinha. Just accept me as your golden friend." Baekhyun smiled when he called him that, but he was still taking his words into consideration.

"You didn't have to do that. I mean, come to my apartment."

"It's a sign that I care about you. And that I'm worried about you." The bartender took one more drag, then crushed the cigarette on the ground.

It was so damn annoying. If he wasn't so sad, he would have complained like he always did. Not that it would help much...

"I... don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him, but I don't want things to get complicated for him either. I'm afraid it will all leak out and somehow harm him."

"You mean in the media? Or with his family?"

"Both... besides being the chef at a famous restaurant, his father is the CEO of Life's Change." The bartender raised an eyebrow.

"Well, that's something you'll have to deal with later, and, mainly, together with him. First, you have to resolve your heart, Cenourinha."

"Yeah... I'll do that."

"Talk to him, apologize. If they're sincere, I don't know why he'd refuse." But Baekhyun knew very well why he could refuse: mistrust.

He only nodded in agreement, not exposing that detail. That was something he would have to deal with on his own.

"I guess... we should go home now." The redhead agreed with a nod.

The bartender stood up with agility, looking down at him. Baekhyun smiled when he extended his hand, accepting it gladly. As soon as he was face to face with Minseok, he reached his fingers up to his hair, messing it up like a child.

"Hey!" Baekhyun protested, but it didn't help much.

Minseok just smiled sarcastically as he made his way back to the motorcycle.

Baekhyun followed him, thinking a little about it.

Minseok was a mature guy. Much more than he could ever be. He understood life, understood people, and seemed to have gone much further than Baekhyun could imagine.

He didn't know what Minseok had been through, but he imagined that his character had already been shaped by his life experience. It was funny how he had always had a light and playful image, but that was probably only part of him.

Baekhyun realized that perhaps he didn't know him as well as he thought he did.

Kyungsoo was not the type to hold grudges, but he couldn't help but hear Baekhyun's words repeating in his brain, like the good masochist he was.

He was drinking the last of the wine he had in the fridge, sitting on his bed, staring out the window at nothing. He had no idea what had happened for everything to simply collapse at his feet. Gravity seemed to have vanished, and he felt like he was falling, falling into an infinite abyss.

He had tried to block out his emotions. It wasn't good to dwell on things, but it was hard when you had heard it yourself, because it hurt. When it hurt, it resulted in tears.

He didn't want to appear as a crybaby in front of him, of course not. If he shed a tear, he would hate himself for the rest of his life, so he just... just let it be. A little too shocked to say anything, a little too sad for words to escape without tears flooding his face. He knew that anything he said would turn into a storm. Even though he had never been the crying type, with Baekhyun, it seemed like everything was different.

Whatever the redhead said mattered like a thousand diamonds to Kyungsoo. The good and the bad, he took it all into consideration. So he couldn't help but keep brooding over it in his mind, guarding it like a absolute truth.

It wasn't the best attitude, but at that moment, he didn't have much else to compare it to.

Partly, he felt a lot of anger. He wished Baekhyun had said all that to his face and just ended it all if that's what he wanted. He wouldn't be a plaything for anyone again; his family already did a good job of that. He was already more than tired of playing puppet. He wouldn't be that person again, never again. His life would be entirely dedicated to his well-being and his future with...

Oh, damn it.

The bald man grunted, punching the bed softly.

Why did he have to imagine a future with him? He felt like a damn fool. He was practically giving away his heart in exchange for kicks and uncertainties.

He really didn't know what Baekhyun's deal was.

One minute they were practically living everything Kyungsoo had always dreamed of, and the next, Baekhyun simply ripped his heart out of his chest to set it on fire with gasoline. It hurt. More than breaking a bone or something like that. It was as if he had lived all that in his own head. Was he imagining things?

But it was him who had kissed him first! He had even changed his favorite fruit to passion fruit, that had to mean something, right? Right?

Or maybe... ah, damn it!

He didn't understand what he had done. He just started doubting everything again, as he always did.

Did he really see him as something more than an arrogant chef? Did he really enjoy kissing him? Did he judge him for opening up too soon? Was it really too soon?

So many questions, but no answers.

His heart was pounding against his chest, both from the anger he felt and the despair. If he had another panic attack, he wouldn't forgive himself.

Kyungsoo took another sip of wine, trying to calm himself down.

His life was a mess. He had no perspective of where it was leading. He didn't know if the restaurant would succeed, and most importantly, if the new pastry shop would have a pastry chef. It seemed like Baekhyun could just kick him to the curb in all aspects of life. If that happened, he would be without an assistant, without a partner, and without a boyfriend.

Well, . He had actually thought about something like that. But now...

The bald man sighed, taking another gulp from the cold glass.

It didn't help much either. If Baekhyun thought he was arrogant and wanted to hide their relationship, then there was no way that future could work. Both parties had to be on board for that to happen: the one who accepted him and the one who wanted a relationship. He couldn't pretend his desires; they had to be real.

Kyungsoo really wanted to know what Baekhyun was thinking. He wanted to understand what had happened, or he wouldn't even be able to sleep that night. He needed answers!

He grabbed his phone from the nightstand, leaving the wine glass in place. This was a terrible idea. Terrible idea, Do Kyungsoo.

The message app was already open as he started typing what he felt:

Do Kyungsoo: You know what? I can't understand, not for a single second, what you want from me. What do you want from me? Tell me. Do you just want something casual? Is that it? Or did you just want to be with me in the heat of the moment? I thought you might actually like me for real. You were the first person I thought that about, besides Chanyeol, but he doesn't count. Chanyeol will never be like you, because you're different! Damn it, Baekhyun! How many times do I have to tell you this? I've done things with you that I never dreamed of doing with anyone in my entire life. I've let you into my own family, and I'm even looking for a damn restaurant just for you! But now, I feel like a damn idiot! Why did I do all of that if you still see me as an arrogant chef? Did you lie about that? Really? How can I know you're not lying now? I thought you were better than others, that I could trust you, but then...

Do Kyungsoo: I stopped typing.

Suddenly, the anger had given me all the sobriety I needed.

I took a deep breath, erasing everything my angry heart had poured out. It was extremely comforting, but it didn't spare me from feeling any less pathetic. I hate showing weakness, because I know I am weak. Confronting that is something I don't know how to handle.

I tried to start the text again, like a normal and composed person.

Do Kyungsoo: I wasn't going to be the first one to say anything about this, but you're forcing me to take the first step. Actually, you ALWAYS do this...

 

Okay, that wasn't entirely true either. Kyungsoo was just irritated. That, for sure, wasn't a good way to start resolving things with his pastry chef.

He held down the left arrow until the entire text had disappeared from the message box.

Do Kyungsoo: You should have talked to me if you had any issue with my personality. You know I always listen when you need to talk. I've insisted a thousand times for you to trust me, not just as a chef but as your friend. I am your friend, right? A friend whom, by chance, you kissed THREE TIMES! Not that I'm counting...

 

Kyungsoo locked his phone, tossing it onto the bed.

This wasn't going to work.

His mind couldn't form coherent sentences without his alcohol-soaked brain getting lost along the way. He ended up resting his head on the cushion, waiting for everything to stop spinning.

"God, I'm so screwed," he said to no one.

His heart had no room for anything else. He knew very well that he liked Baekhyun, perhaps even more than was rationally possible. Baekhyun had no idea how much he meant to him, and Kyungsoo didn't even know if it was mutual or not. He had to rely solely on his intuition and, perhaps, a bit of his foolishness. But what could he do?

What was he going to do?

He glanced at his phone again. It seemed like the device was willing to listen. It whispered to him to pour his heart out there, like the good fool he was. Unfortunately, Kyungsoo didn't have much control.

He picked up his phone again, unlocking it and opening the messaging app. He became curious about Baekhyun's profile picture, as it was too small for his poor eyesight. He tapped on the image to enlarge the photo and noticed that Baekhyun had changed it.

The photo showed Baekhyun from above, with his large eyes gazing directly at the camera. He looked like a teenager in his gray sweatshirt, but more than that, he looked like a cute little puppy. His small, rosy lips were adorable. His droopy eyes were adorable. His messy hair was adorable. Everything about him was extremely cute, and Kyungsoo just wanted to kiss him for hours.

He must be completely crazy.

He couldn't even stay angry at him for that long. Just looking at his face made him want to claim him as his own.

"Why are you like this?" he asked him.

But the photo didn't answer because photos don't speak. He hadn't realized that fact until that moment.

"I'm such an idiot," Kyungsoo chuckled nervously.

He couldn't ignore what was happening between them, so he decided to try sending another message. This time, composed and without any uppercase characters.

Do Kyungsoo: I think we need to talk. Not today, if you don't want to. But tomorrow...

Do Kyungsoo: We can meet before work hours.

Do Kyungsoo: I can come over, if you want.

Do Kyungsoo: I just didn't want it to be in a public place. I hope you respect that.

Do Kyungsoo: Furthermore…

Do Kyungsoo: Good Night, Baekhyun.

Had he really sent him a goodnight message? He felt so foolish.

He locked the screen again and placed the phone back on the small nightstand. If Baekhyun called, he could answer more easily. Yes, he was even considering that.

The frustrated man threw himself onto the bed, hating himself for being so stupid. And he hated Baekhyun for being so cute that it only softened his hatred.

It was a mixture of emotions dancing inside his chest that only made him more and more frustrated.

"You're such a fool, Do Kyungsoo." If he warned himself, maybe he would snap out of it.

Or maybe he could at least have a chance to save his heart. He couldn't take it anymore.

As soon as Minseok parked at the apartment, Baekhyun headed upstairs. He didn't have as much strength as he thought he would, but he managed to make it to the apartment safe and sound.

He opened the front door, realizing that everything was in complete darkness. The living room no longer had Sehun's hunched figure typing in the dark, or even his slim body sprawled on the couch amidst game boxes.

It was just Baekhyun, darkness, and sadness.

The redhead sighed as he made his way to the kitchen to prepare his dinner. To his surprise, he found a small delivery package on the table. There was a note with squared and hard-to-read handwriting that was familiar to Baekhyun's eyes:

"I apologize for not being able to stay awake for you. Tomorrow, I promise we'll talk properly.

I love you, Baek.

Your hyung"

Baekhyun started crying like a baby on top of the table.

Everything he touched seemed to fall apart.

Even Sehun now knew what a horrible person he was. Minseok must have talked to him and told him everything. His hyung, being the kind person he was, did everything to make his night a little better. He was so considerate.

He knew very well what was in that container. Probably his favorite Korean dish, Dak-galbi and rice. Sehun even paid attention to those kinds of details.

He opened it just to confirm what he already knew: Dak-galbi and rice. A little slice of heaven.

Baekhyun just sat at the table and started eating mechanically. There was nothing else he could do at that point.

He heard the bedroom door open, knowing it was Sehun coming to talk to him.

The tall guy had a completely wrinkled face and was not wearing his glasses. He was only in his anime character-themed sweatpants that Irene liked. This made Baekhyun laugh. He looked ridiculous in those pants.

"You look like a teenage otaku." Sehun smiled, pulling out a chair to sit beside him.

"I shouldn't let Irene buy my clothes." Baekhyun agreed with a weak smile.

Sehun just observed him, like the good hyung he was.

"Baek... I'm worried about you. You know you can talk to me when things get tough." The redhead agreed, with the damned tears welling up again. Sehun sighed, his hair. "Kim Minseok told me what happened. I'm not going to lecture you right now, but I expected more from you."

"You just lectured me, hyung." The other looked confused.

"It's true." Baekhyun chuckled softly.

"It's alright. I deserve it. You can lecture me as many times as you want." Sehun crossed his arms, looking at him.

"Actually, I just want a bit of this." The brunette reached for the container, eating his Dak-galbi.

Normally, Baekhyun would scold him and tell him to get his own, but he was so drained that they just continued eating together without saying a word. When the dish was finished, Sehun was still looking at him. He had a lot to say, but he knew Baekhyun was exhausted. So, he wasn't surprised when Baekhyun said:

"Take a shower and go to bed. We'll talk tomorrow."

"Yes." He agreed with a nod.

"Baek... just... try to forget about this for tonight. You can resolve things tomorrow, okay?"

"Yes." Sehun sighed, getting up from the chair and going to him.

He gave Baekhyun a kiss on the temple before going back to his room.

Baekhyun just stayed there, staring into nothingness. It was how he felt inside. The weight of guilt was always a painful burden to carry.

When he finally gathered the courage, he did what his hyung had advised and lay down on the big bed. It was really too big for him at that moment. It felt like it could swallow him whole at any moment.

The redhead started to feel a bit anxious. He couldn't sleep and doubted that Kyungsoo was any different. He wanted to talk to him, but he thought a message would be enough not to bother him. He probably was asleep at that hour.

He picked up his phone, opening the messaging app. He looked for the gray icon without a photo. It was so him that it was somewhat funny. But when he glanced at it, he realized there were several messages from him.

Some unfinished, others clearly with some anger involved. But the last ones were more organized. Baekhyun didn't understand.

Did he write all that? They didn't make sense when read together, so he thought they were separate messages. Or were they sent out of order?

He didn't know.

The only thing he was sure of was that he should call him. So that's what he did.

The phone took a while to be answered, but when it was, he only heard a little grunt in response.

Did he call the right number?

"Kyungsoo...?" His voice was a bit low, as he assumed he might be sleeping.

"Baekkie...?" Kyungsoo sounded desperate. "Is something wrong? Tell me where you are; I'm coming over." He could hear the rustling of the bedsheet in the background, indicating that he was probably jumping out of bed at lightning speed.

"No, no. Hey, stay calm. I'm okay, I'm at home." The brunette sighed deeply.

He didn't say anything for a while, but Baekhyun could hear the bed sinking.

"I-I thought..." He paused. "You never called me before." The hoarse voice gave him a shiver he didn't need: Kyungsoo was feeling bad.

He was already feeling terrible. And realizing another mistake just confirmed how badly he had acted for a while.

"I apologize for that." The line fell silent.

It was as if he was hearing from an isolation room. Only the sound of breathing could be heard from the other side.

"Soo, did I wake you up?" He asked with concern.

It took a few seconds before the chef spoke again.

"Yes..." The hoarse voice was low but emotionless.

"Sorry... go back to sleep. I can call you tomorrow, as you suggested." Another silence.

This time Baekhyun felt really bad. He wouldn't be able to handle that distance; it was too painful. Like a knife squeezing his chest.

He tried to hold back the tears when he spoke again.

"Um, see you tomorrow, then." The brunette sighed deeply on the other side.

"Why did you do that, Baekkie? I don't... I can't understand." His voice was painful on the other side.

Baekhyun felt his heart sink just by hearing it.

"I-I'm sorry." He was incredibly ashamed of his actions.

He was an idiot. A coward. He couldn't even deal with his own feelings.

"I can't decide whether to forgive you or not right now. It doesn't mean much at the moment." Baekhyun stopped.

What did the bald chef mean by that?

Both of them remained silent for a while. Baekhyun was trying to make sense of his mind, and Kyungsoo was probably questioning himself about who he was giving his time to.

The redhead decided to be the first to speak:

"Kyungsoo... I don't know what else to do. Just tell me what you want, and I'll do it." Kyungsoo sighed again.

"I-I..." He paused. "I just... I started to doubt everything." Baekhyun waited for him to continue speaking.

Kyungsoo took some time, probably trying to gather his thoughts. It was a bit late for that conversation, but it had become a habit between the two of them.

The brunette sighed deeply before continuing to speak.

"You made me sad. And angry at the same time. I never thought that would happen."

"I'm sorry..."

"You don't understand, Baekhyun! I can't accept your apologies when I have no idea who you really are. I thought... I thought I could rely on you, and then I hear you say those things. I felt like you were betraying me." The redhead remained silent.

There was no way to argue with that; he was right. He had indeed betrayed his trust.

He had never felt so foolish in his life.

"I didn't mean to hurt you like that. What I said was a lie." The bald chef awkwardly chuckled.

"Seems like you're good at it, then."

Ouch.

"I thought you understood me earlier."

"Understood? What, exactly, do you think I could understand?"

"Soo..." Baekhyun was pleading, driven by fear.

He knew that if the trust was broken, he would never get anywhere with him. Kyungsoo already had too many issues in that department.

"Don't come at me with that... you... I don't even know who you are anymore."

"I'm still me." The silence continued on both ends of the line.

Kyungsoo sighed deeply on the other side. He didn't really know what was going on in his mind, so he waited until Baekhyun spoke again.

"Look... Baekkie... I don't know when I'll be able to trust you again."

"What are you trying to say?"

"That maybe it was a mistake." The redhead swallowed hard.

"You don't want to continue anymore?"

"Now? No. Tomorrow? I don't know. I feel like you have more power over me than you should."

"K-Kyungsoo..." Baekhyun sniffled on the other side. "D-do you h-hate me?" The tears didn't take long to flow freely.

He was losing it right there. He felt it. Maybe he didn't deserve him from the beginning.

Kyungsoo fell silent. It only made Baekhyun's tears continue to fall.

"No." He said softly. "I really wanted to be able to do that. But then I look at you, and I want to do things I shouldn't." Kyungsoo sighed again. "Even now... I know you're crying. Should I be happy about that? But I'm not. I'm foolish enough to want to comfort you in my arms." The redhead didn't say anything.

He felt like Kyungsoo was unburdening himself.

"I-I really am s-sorry."

"I still need to know one thing."

"Of course."

"I need to know why you kissed me that day." Baekhyun stayed quiet for a while.

That was a difficult question. He had never thought much about it, he had just done it because he felt it was the right thing to do. But that wasn't what Kyungsoo wanted to know. He wanted to know the reason behind it all.

The redhead spoke again, trying to articulate the words from his heart.

"I... I kissed you because..." The brunette waited. "B-because... I followed what my heart told me to do." Kyungsoo fell silent.

For a long time, he couldn't hear anything from the other side.

Suddenly, Baekhyun heard the rustling of fabric in the background, as if Kyungsoo had gotten up from the bed. His ears were now focused on him.

"And what does that mean to you?" This was it.

It had to be now, or he would never be able to make him forgive him.

The redhead swallowed hard, putting the pieces of his heart together to send them to him.

"It means that I like you. A lot. More than I ever thought possible. More than I ever liked someone else. And I don't know how to deal with it, Soo. I can't. I'm horribly afraid that one day you'll leave me, because that's what happens to me." Kyungsoo fell silent again.

"Are you being honest?" He asked softly.

"Very." He replied in the same tone.

Baekhyun could hear the dry thuds on the floor, probably wooden. He thought he might be walking around the room. His heart was pounding as he waited for a response on the other end of the line.

Moments later, the bald chef sighed again on the line:

"Damn it, Baekhyun!" He whispered, giving up. "I... I need to see you. Now. I can't go another minute without looking into your eyes." The desperation in his words reflected what Byun was feeling at that moment.

He didn't have the courage or the right to ask for the same, so he was very happy when Kyungsoo offered it. Baekhyun probably wouldn't sleep, thinking that he might be suffering from all this.

"All right." The brunette sighed, his voice hoarse.

"I'll be there in 30 or 20 minutes."

"Okay."

"Baekkie..." The redhead waited, trying to calm the beating of his heart.

"Yes...?" He didn't say anything else.

A few seconds later, the voice was present again.

"See you later."

"Goodbye." The line hung up.

Baekhyun sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard.

He knew that they probably hadn't resolved anything, but just the fact that he was coming to see him was already comforting. Maybe it would be the last night they would spend together. Or the first.

He wasn't sure where it would lead, but he knew he was terribly sorry. He would never forgive himself for making Kyungsoo doubt himself. He would have to put an end to this and eradicate all the doubts he had about their relationship.

If it could even be called that.