VII

 

Seungwan heaved a sigh as she stared at Joohyun's empty office for the third day in a row now. After the CEO ran out of her hospital room, Seungwan hasn't seen her since. Joohyun looks troubled during that time at the hospital that Seungwan took courage and tried calling the older girl's phone, but Joohyun never answered. Still worrying over the latter, Seungwan cut her sick leave short and decided to report to the company three days ago. She was looking forward to seeing Joohyun again only to learn that the CEO flew back to the States to settle some business matters.

 

"Do you know when she will come back?" Seungwan asked Seulgi.

 

"If all goes well, maybe in a week?"

 

Seungwan nods at the answer. "Uhm, is there.. Is there a reason why Joohyun sajangnim didn't take me with her?" Seungwan couldn't help but think. She is the CEO's secretary so it is expected that she will always be where the CEO is. But instead, Joohyun decided to go with Yerim. Looking back to the last time she saw Joohyun, Seungwan can't help but think if she did something wrong. 

 

"Uh.. I think it's just because you were hospitalized and Joohyun eonnie wanted you to take a rest first." Seulgi answered, avoiding her gaze in the middle of answering.

 

"Is Joohyun sajangnim okay?" Seungwan asked. She had asked the same question to Seulgi the first day she went back to the office but the latter dismissed her worry, saying that everything's fine. Seeing Seulgi's demeanor now, Seungwan had to ask again. 

 

Seulgi sighed. "To be honest, I'm really not good at lying, Seungwan-ah. So to answer your question, Joohyun eonnie is going through something. But it's really not my place to tell." She gave an apologetic smile. "I hope you understand."

 

"No, no, it's alright, Seulgi-yah. Thank you."

 

Averting her eyes from Joohyun's office, Seungwan sighs once more before focusing on her laptop instead to start her work.

 

"Seungwan eonnie!" 

 

Seungwan was halfway through her work when a worried Sooyoung rushed into her.

 

"I just heard what happened. Are you okay?!" Sooyoung asked, examining Seungwan's face and arms. 

 

Seungwan managed a laugh. "I'm fine now, Sooyoung-ah."

 

Sooyoung sighs in relief. "I just came back from my schedule in Japan and your news of being hospitalized was the first thing I heard when I came here." She shakes her head. "But seriously, eonnie, how can you not know that you're allergic to seafoods?" She playfully flicks Seungwan's forehead.

 

Seungwan grins embarrassingly, scratching her nape. "Well, Halmeoni- you remember her right? I talked to you about her before when we were still in America."

 

Sooyoung nods. "She's the Mother Superior who was the reason why you came back here in Korea, instead of prolonging your stay in America to find Hyunnie, right?" 

 

Seungwan bobs her head. "Yes, she's that Mother Superior. Well, she told me that I have experienced something similar when I was still a kid and the doctor thinks that my subconscious mind just chose to forget that traumatic event. And well, growing up, I haven't had the chance to eat it because the people around me don't." Seungwan laughs. "Now that I think about it. I think they thought that I'm aware of my allergy, that's why they don't eat seafood around me.  On the other hand, I simply thought that they just don't like the dish, that's why we don't buy seafood. And it's not like I crave for it, so I never asked."

 

"Oh well, that's unfortunate. But are you really okay now, eonnie? I heard it was serious."

 

"I'm fine now, Sooyoung-ah. I just passed out but I received medical treatment on time."

 

Sooyoung squints her eyes. "That's really serious if you passed out. And I heard that it was the CEO and Seulgi-ssi who found you?"

 

"Uh, yes." That was also one of the reasons why Seungwan wanted to talk to Joohyun, to thank her for literally saving her life. 

 

When she regained consciousness at her hospital room, Seulgi told her what happened, and Seungwan was surprised. First, she wasn't aware that she has an allergy to seafood. But she was more surprised that it was Joohyun who understood right away what might be happening so they immediately went to her house. 

 

Seungwan knows she should be shocked, or even terrified. She could have died. But that moment, the only thing that was running inside her mind was the fact that Joohyun saved her. Joohyun cared, still cares. That gave Seungwan hope. She knows that Joohyun already told her friendship is the only thing the latter could offer to her, and she respects that. But knowing how Joohyun still cares for her made Seungwan think that maybe, someday, when Joohyun is all healed and ready, that Seungwan could still win her back. That thought alone seemed to spark something inside of her, like a renewed hope. That was the reason she was all smiles when Joohyun entered her hospital room back then.

 

"That was a good thing they checked on you." Sooyoung continued. "And very kind and thoughtful of them, honestly."

 

Seungwan gives off a wide smile. "Yeah, they are." She then remembered something. "Oh, that reminds me, Sooyoung-ah. I know they are kind. But really, you shouldn't have asked Joohyun sajangnim to convince me to seek psychiatric therapy."

 

"What?" Sooyoung frowns as she registered Seungwan's words. "Wait. So you mean, you finally decided to seek consult and therapy?"

 

Seungwan nods. "I already had two sessions with Dr. Hwang."

 

"And? How was it?"

 

With a small smile, Seungwan shakes her head. "No progress yet. It's actually harder than I thought."

 

"It's alright, eonnie. You'll get there. I'm just glad that you finally listened to me." Sooyoung grins.

 

Seungwan playfully rolls her eyes. "Well, how can I not when you even asked the CEO's help."

 

"You mean Ms. Joohyun?" Sooyoung raised her eyebrow. "Me?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Wait. I'm confused. What did I do again?"

 

"Uhh.. You asked Joohyun sajangnim to convince me.. to get psychiatric therapy?"

 

"Me??"

 

Seungwan was just as confused now. "Yes?"

 

Sooyoung laughs. "I think there was a mistake there. I mean, I will do everything I can to convince you, eonnie, but I won't ask Ms. Joohyun for it. Like, even if I'm a big star"- she shyly chuckles at that- "Ms. Joohyun is still a CEO, and the CEO of the company I'm under, so I won't go that far. Besides, doing it might seem that I want her to use her power to force you. And I won't do that to you, eonnie, you know."

 

"W-wait.. So you didn't ask Joohyun sajangnim that?"

 

"No, eonnie. Why? Did Ms. Joohyun tell you that?"

 

"Uh, well.. yeah. But, I mean, why would she-"

 

Sooyoung gasps. "Maybe she said that to convince you? But she doesn't want you to know that it was her own intention so she made it look like I'm the one who wanted it?"

 

"W-what? Why would she do that?"

 

"Hm.." Sooyoung paused, thinking. A moment after, she clicked her finger as if a realization just came to her. "Eonnie! I think Ms. Joohyun likes you!"

 

Seungwan's eyes widened. "N-no. No, Sooyoung-ah. What are you saying?" 

 

"I mean, think about it, eonnie. She did that because she wants you to see a psychiatrist to help with your singing. That's the only possible reason for that. And! Wasn't it Ms. Joohyun who realized that something was wrong with you the day you had an allergy attack? And when she realized that, she wasted no time and immediately went to your house!" Sooyoung exclaimed, as if she just solved a puzzle. "If those actions don't scream I like you, then I don't know anymore."

 

Seungwan blushed. She really didn't want to get her hopes up but.. Sooyoung's words were really convincing enough. And like what she thought of earlier, Seungwan could feel that Joohyun still cares for her.

 

"Wait, eonnie!"

 

Sooyoung gave another gasp as she looked at Seungwan with questioning eyes. "Are you blushing right now?"

 

Seungwan felt the heat crept to her cheeks even more. She averted from Sooyoung's gaze. "I'm not."

 

"Oh my gosh, eonnie, you're totally blushing!" Sooyoung laughs, clapping her hands. "Wait. So does this mean that you like Ms. Joohyun too?"

 

"W-what.."

 

"Is that why you're not planning to go back to the States to look for Hyunnie?"

 

"Sooyoung-"

 

"Well, I support your decision, eonnie. After all, I guess it's time to finally move on from her. You deserve to be happy too, eonnie." Sooyoung then gave a playful snicker. "Who knows, maybe Ms. Joohyun is the right one for you."

 

"W-well, Sooyoung, the truth is-"

 

Seungwan was interrupted by the ringing of her phone. She checks it and sees an incoming call from Mother Superior. She showed it to Sooyoung who gave her a nod.

 

"Hello, Halmeoni."

 

"Are you at work right now, Seungwan-ah?"

 

"Yes, halmeoni. But I can talk. Why?"

 

"Let's have dinner here at the orphanage after your work."

 

"Ooh, I like that, halmeoni. What's the occasion?"

 

"Do I need a reason to have dinner with you now, eh?"

 

Seungwan chuckles. "Is that your way of saying you miss me already, halmeoni?"

 

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you want to believe in."

 

Seungwan laughs even more. "I'll see you later, halmeoni."

 

"You're going to visit the orphanage after work, eonnie?" Sooyoung asked as Seungwan ended the call.

 

Seungwan hums. "You wanna come with me?"

 

"I would love to, eonnie." Sooyoung's smile was wide. "I've always wanted to see where you grew up. And I love kids!"

 

"The kids there will surely love you too. Are you free this evening though?"

 

"I have just one meeting with the higher ups this afternoon about my next project, then I'm free."

 

"Great. I'll just wait for you here then."

 

"Okay. See you later, eonnie."

 

**

 

"Seulgi Bujangnim, here's the rest of the report Joohyun Sajangnim asked last time." 

 

Seulgi laughs as she cringes. "I told you to just call me Seulgi, Seungwan-ah."

 

Seungwan grins shyly. "But we're still at the office and it's kind of weird to just call you casually, bujangnim."

 

Seulgi shakes her head. "Fine." She takes the folder from Seungwan and reads it.

 

"Do you need me to do anything else, bujangnim?"

 

"It's all good." Seulgi answered, lifting her head from the report. "Great report, by the way."

 

Seungwan smiles shyly and bows. "Thank you."

 

"Oh, right, Seungwan-ah. Uhm, Joohyun eonnie will be back next week."

 

Seungwan's eyes lit up. "Really?"

 

Seulgi nods, giving a small smile.

 

"That's great, bujangnim. I'll make sure to prepare everything for her."

 

Seungwan couldn't hide her excitement. Finally, just a few more days and she would get to see Joohyun again. 

 

"Oh, but uhm, Seungwan-ah?" 

 

Seungwan turned to the General Manager and noticed the sympathetic smile the latter was showing.

 

"Yes, bujangnim?"

 

"Uhh.." Seulgi rubs the back of her neck, trying to find the right words to say. "Well, I did say before that Joohyun eonnie is going through something right now, right?"

 

Seungwan nods. She remembers it.

 

"Right. So, I would have to ask you to be more understanding of her."

 

"You don't have to worry about it, bujangnim." Seungwan answered. Hearing Seulgi's words, she was getting worried about Joohyun. But she knows that the latter would not tell her anything. 

 

Seulgi took a deep breath. "What I meant, Seungwan, is that Joohyun eonnie might be back to her old self. The Joohyun you met when you first entered her office."

 

Oh.

 

"Oh." The cold and angry CEO. "I see."

 

"I'm sorry, Seungwan-ah. I can see that you're excited and I just don't want you to be disappointed."

 

Seungwan shakes her head. "I should thank you instead for the warning." She tried to laugh it off.

 

"And I'm sorry that I can't tell you anything, Seungwan."

 

Seungwan gives a kind smile. "You're a good friend, Seulgi." She grins as she calls the latter by her name to which Seulgi obviously doesn't mind. "Thank you."

 

Seulgi sighs. "Well, I know I'm Joohyun eonnie's friend first, but you know I'm also your friend now, right?"

 

Seungwan nods, grinning widely. "Thank you, bujangnim."

 

"Yah!" Seulgi laughs, hitting her shoulder.

 

**
 

Seungwan and Sooyoung arrived at the orphanage in the evening and to the former's amusement, all children ran to welcome Sooyoung instead, shouting "a celebrity, a celebrity!"

 

"Woah, I can't believe the kids just ignored me." Seungwan pouted, as she, Mother Superior and two other nuns watched Sooyoung playing with the kids.

 

"Well, I understand them. I will choose a celebrity too." Sister Maria , making Seungwan huff.

 

"It's the first time you brought someone here, Seungwan-ah." Another nun, Sister Anna, commented. "Are you dating a celebrity now?"

 

Seungwan laughs. "No, no, Sister Anna. Sooyoung is just a friend, like a younger sister."

 

Sister Maria bobs her head and turns to Sister Anna. "Seungwan was already out of the orphanage when you came here, Sister, so you don't know it yet. But this kid here-" she points to Seungwan, "-already promised herself to someone else a long, long time ago. She already got herself a fiance at the age of nine!"

 

Seungwan blushed as she recalled this memory.

--

Nine year old Seungwan and Sister Maria were walking home back to the orphanage when they passed by the nearby church where a wedding was being held. Curious, Seungwan stops on her tracks and looks up to the then young nun.

 

"Sister, what are they doing?"

 

"Ah, that. They are getting married, Seungwan-ah."

 

"Married?" Little Seungwan frowns. 

 

"Uhm.. It's like a union of two people who love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together."

 

"So if they get married, they will be together forever?"

 

"Yes." Sister Maria answered, patting Seungwan's head.

 

Seungwan thought for a while until her eyes lit up as an idea came to her young mind. "Oh! Then I want to get married to Hyunnie! Can we do that, Sister Maria?"

 

"Uhh.." Sister Maria scratches the back of her head. She was supposed to say that marriage is designed for the opposite gender, but Seungwan was looking at her with hopeful eyes that the nun didn't want to disappoint the little girl. Thinking that Seungwan will soon understand how things work when she grows up, Sister Maria thought it's okay to give what the child wanted for now. 

 

Sister Maria laughs and nods her head. "Yes. But you should propose to Joohyun first."

 

"Propose?" Seungwan furrows her eyebrows. "What's that?"

 

"Well, to put it simply, you have to ask Joohyun first if she wants to get married to you."

 

"And how do I say that, Sister?"

 

"Just ask if she will marry you."

 

"Ah!" Seungwan clicks her finger. "Okay, I understand!"

 

And so, little Seungwan drags Sister Maria back to the orphanage, searching for Joohyun. They found her in the kitchen with Mother Superior, who was teaching Joohyun how to cook.

 

"Hyunnie!"

 

Seungwan runs to Joohyun with a big grin.

 

"Oh, hi, Wannie." Joohyun smiles, seeing how excited looking Seungwan was. "You look happy."

 

Seungwan bobs her head excitedly. "I have to ask you something, Hyunnie!"

 

"O-kay? What is it, Wannie?"

 

"Hyunnie, will you marry me?"

 

Mother Superior, who was listening to the side, was obviously surprised. She squinted her eyes at Sister Maria, who just ducked her head down. Meanwhile, Joohyun was blushing. She was only twelve years old but she understands what marriage and wedding is. 

 

"W-what? Do you know what you're talking about, Wannie?"

 

"I want to be with you forever, Hyunnie." Seungwan answered. In her young mind, she surely wants to be with Joohyun forever and she was just told that marriage is about that. Oblivious that her words carry greater meanings than just mere words, Seungwan continued. "So, will you marry me, Hyunnie?"

 

"O-oh.. Well.." Joohyun stuttered as she felt her cheeks getting hotter. "Okay then."

 

"Alright!" Seungwan cheered, throwing a fist in the air. She then turned to the younger nun. "Sister Maria, now that Hyunnie said yes, can we get married now after those two people who are getting married right now at the church?"

 

"Uhh.. W-well, Seungwan.."

 

Saving Sister Maria from stuttering, Mother Superior kneeled down in front of Seungwan. "I'm afraid you can't yet, my dear."

 

Seungwan pouts. "Why not, halmeoni?"

 

"Because you two are too young yet." Mother Superior answered kindly. "You saw the two people getting married?"

 

Seungwan nods.

 

"They're already grown ups, right?"

 

Once again, Seungwan nods.

 

"Marriage is a sacred vow, Seungwan-ah. It's not for kids."

 

"Then, can Hyunnie and I get married when we're already grown ups?"

 

Mother Superior didn't answer at first. Instead, she stared at Seungwan's pure and sincere eyes. A while after, Mother Superior smiled to herself and ruffled Seungwan's hair. "Yes."

 

"Okay!" Seungwan cheered loudly once again. She turned to Joohyun and gave the latter a bright smile. "When we're already grown ups, I promise I'll ask you again and I will marry you, Hyunnie."

 

Still with blushing cheeks, Joohyun nods and smiles back.

--
 

"Oh wow, I didn't know little Seungwan is so cheeky." Sister Anna commented. "So, where's this girl you promised to marry?"

 

"Uhm, we- we broke up." Seungwan answered with a shy grin.

 

"Oh. I'm sorry, Seungwan."

 

Seungwan shakes her head. "It's fine, Sister Anna. I'm not giving up on her anyway."

 

Sister Maria ruffles Seungwan's hair. "Now, there's the little menace Seungwan I know!"

 

"What? I'm not a menace, Sister!"

 

"You were!" Sister Maria turned to Mother Superior. "Isn't she, Mother Superior?"

 

Mother Superior let out a weak laugh. "Well, you were quite a trouble maker, Seungwan-ah."

 

"Yah, halmeoni." Seungwan whines. "You're supposed to be on my side."

 

This made Mother Superior and the two nuns laugh even more. 

 

When Sooyoung's manager came to fetch the actress, Seungwan and the nuns thanked her for playing with the children and giving them gifts. Sooyoung promised to come back and bid them goodbye. Afterwhich, Sister Maria and Sister Anna get the children back inside the orphanage, leaving Seungwan alone with Mother Superior.

 

"Halmeoni, are you feeling sick?" Seungwan asked. "You look pale. Even your laugh earlier sounds weak."

 

Mother Superior dismissed her worry with a shake of her head. "I'm fine, Seungwan."

 

"Are you sure? Why don't we go to the doctor, halmeoni? Just to check." 

 

"I'm good, Seungwan-ah. No need for that."

 

"But halmeoni-"

 

"Seungwan. It's okay, hm? You don't have to worry about me. I want you to focus on yourself this time."

 

"Halmeoni-"

 

"You've done enough for me already." Mother Superior cuts her off again. 

 

"But I haven't done anything yet, halmeoni."

 

"You took good care of me when I was diagnosed with cancer a few years back." Mother Superior answered, a kind smile on her lips. "You were even supposed to be still in the US that time to look for Joohyun. You were planning to stay there until you found her. Yet you came back here when you learned I was sick, and took care of me."

 

"How can I not, halmeoni, when you were all that I had at that time?" Seungwan answered. "That time, I lost Joohyun eonnie, then I lost my ability to sing next. You're the only one that's left of me that time and I can't lose you too, halmeoni."

 

"And you didn't." Mother Superior said, patting Seungwan's head. "And look at you now. You didn't lose me, and you found your Hyunnie too."

 

"I'll be forever grateful for that, halmeoni." Seungwan smiled, albeit shyly. "Although, there's still a lot to fix between me and Joohyun eonnie."

 

Mother Superior nods. "Oh and speaking of, Joohyun visited here last week, before her flight."

 

Seungwan was surprised. "Really, halmeoni?"

 

"Yes." Mother Superior smiled. "We met again for the first time in a while when you were hospitalized. Then she went here a few days after to visit me. It was a good feeling when she came. I kind of missed her."

 

Seungwan understands. Joohyun was left at the orphanage when she was still a baby, and it was Mother Superior who practically raised her. 

 

"I'm sorry we couldn't visit together again, halmeoni. And I'm sorry that I'm the reason you haven't seen her for five years."

 

"Seungwan-ah, we've talked about this before. I told you to stop blaming yourself. And I just said that as it is, no other meaning behind it."

 

Seungwan didn't argue. She nodded instead.

 

"Seungwan-ah, I know things are far from getting better between the two of you, but I hope you don't give up on her."

 

"I won't, halmeoni." Seungwan answered in a beat. "I'm decided on fixing everything and I'm not planning to give up, especially not on her."

 

"Good." Mother Superior smiled. "I know I can worry not when you have each other."

 

"You don't have to worry, halmeoni. I promise I will take care of Joohyun eonnie, like how you and her took care of me."

 

"And how about you? I know things are not okay yet between the two of you so, who will take care of you?"

 

Seungwan dramatically gasps. "Halmeoni! Is that your way of saying that you don't want to take care of me anymore?"

 

Mother Superior playfully clicks her tongue. "Funny. You want me to take care of you when you said you love singing more than me?"

 

At this, Seungwan laughs out loud. "You're still not over that, halmeoni?"

 

"How can I not? I felt betrayed!"

 

Seungwan laughs more. "What?"

 

"I will forever hold it against you, Son Seungwan."

 

Seungwan faked a gasp. "It's a sin to hold grudges, halmeoni. Don't let the children and the Sisters hear you say that."

 

Mother Superior could only shake her head and laugh along with Seungwan. 

 

"But Seriously, Wan-ah." Mother Superior continued after their laughter. "I would be really happy if you could sing again."

 

"I will try my best, halmeoni." Seungwan gives a small smile. "But even if things went south with it, I still have you and Joohyun eonnie. And that's enough for me." 

 

Mother Superior opens her arms. "Come here."

 

Smiling widely, Seungwan moves towards the old nun and lets herself be engulfed in a tight hug. Just then, she heard Mother Superior sniffs. 

 

Seungwan released the hug to look at Mother Superior's face. "Omo, halmeoni! Are you crying?"

 

The old nun smiled and shook her head. "Until now, I just can't believe that you're already a grown up, Seungwan-ah."

 

Seungwan gave a cheeky grin. "Well, it's thanks to you, halmeoni, and to Joohyun eonnie." She hugs Mother Superior again. "So, I know it's selfish of me, halmeoni, but please continue to look after me?"

 

Mother Superior pats her back. Seungwan missed to notice though that the old nun didn't answer her request.

 

**

 

Seungwan is excited. Today, Joohyun will already be back to the office. Seungwan knows it has only been a week since she last saw Joohyun but she terribly misses the older girl already. But she reminded herself not to get her hopes up, especially after what Seulgi told her last week. 

 

Still, when Seungwan finally saw Joohyun walking towards the office, she couldn't help but smile. She is really beautiful.

 

"Good morning, sajangnim." Seungwan bows in 90 degrees. "Welcome ba-"

 

Seungwan wasn't able to finish her sentence when the CEO just passed by her without even giving her a glance, as if she wasn't there at all. So, Seulgi is right after all. 

 

Trying not to get disappointed, she went back to her desk to get the breakfast she prepared for Joohyun and went towards the CEO's office. Taking a deep breath, she knocks.

 

"Joohyun sajangnim?"

 

It was after a few seconds that Joohyun's cold voice was heard. "Come in."

 

Gulping nervously, Seungwan entered the office. She saw Joohyun already busying herself in front of her computer.

 

"Sajangnim, here's your breakfast-"

 

"Throw it out."

 

Seungwan stilled. It is indeed like the first time. Like she's back to zero. "S-sajangnim?"

 

"I said, throw it out." Joohyun answered, not even meeting her eyes.

 

"O-oh, uhm, okay." Seungwan was about to turn around when Joohyun's voice stopped her.

 

"Ms. Son."

 

"Yes, sajangnim?"

 

Joohyun slides the folder on her desk towards Seungwan. The secretary receives it in an instant.

 

"Those are Ms. Park's monthly schedule."

 

Seungwan opens the folder and indeed, it was a file for the upcoming schedules of Park Sooyoung.

 

"Do you want me to compile this, sajangnim?"

 

"No. Familiarize yourself with that."

 

"Oh, o-kay." Why though? Seungwan wanted to ask. Shouldn't she be aware of the CEO's schedule instead?

 

As if to answer Seungwan, Joohyun spoke again.

 

"You'll be Ms. Park's manager from now on."

 

"W-what?" Seungwan was frozen in place, her eyes widening. "Sajangnim, I don't- I don't understand."

 

"You don't have to understand anything. You're now Ms. Park's manager. That simple."

 

Joohyun's answer was so cold and so distant.

 

"B-but.. I- I applied here as your secretary, sajangnim."

 

"It was stated at the contract that the CEO can fire you anytime she deemed necessary."

 

This shocked Seungwan even more. "You- you're firing me?"

 

"Yes. Kim Yerim will be my secretary from now on." Joohyun answered, still not meeting Seungwan's eyes. "If you don't want to be Ms. Park's manager, then that's fine too. But you must leave the company."

 

Seungwan was too stunned to speak. What.. what's happening? Why are you suddenly being like this, Hyunnie?

 

"D-did.." Seungwan swallows a lump in . "Did I do something wrong, sajangnim? If this is about the maeuntang incident-" That's the only thing Seungwan could think of. They were fine before that.

 

"No." Joohyun cut her off. "I don't care what you decide to do, or what happens to you. But I care about this company."

 

"Did I fail you or the company at some point then, sajangnim?"

 

Joohyun finally looked at Seungwan with her eyebrow raised. "Are you questioning me, Ms. Son?"

 

Seungwan shakes her head. "I just want to understand, sajangnim. I refused to be fired without knowing what I did wrong."

 

Joohyun scoffs. "Fine. Then let me answer you. It's because you're so irresponsible. You know what happened that day you chose to be irresponsible of yourself? I missed two important meetings that I had to personally fly to the US to settle the problem. Otherwise, I would lose two important investors. Do you know how big of a problem that is?"

 

Seungwan lowers her head. Nobody told her. Back then, she was so preoccupied with the thought that Joohyun cared about her that she failed to think of the consequences of her actions, especially on Joohyun.

 

"You should be thankful that the company is still keeping you." Joohyun continued. "If not for Ms. Park's fondness of you, you won't be able to step inside this company ever again."

 

"I'm, I'm sorry, sajangnim. I'm really sorry." Seungwan bows her head. 

 

"Fix your things outside and clean the desk. I told Yerim to be here in an hour."

 

Seungwan nods in defeat. "Yes, sajangnim. I'm really sorry."

 

Seungwan felt like crap. After all the hard work Joohyun puts into her company, she almost lost two investors just because of Seungwan. If that happened, Seungwan won't be able to forgive herself.

 

"Eonnie, you don't really want to be my manager. Do you?" Sooyoung interrupted her thoughts with a playful smile. "You're frowning and keep on spacing out."

 

"What? No, Sooyoung-ah. I just have something in mind but I don't hate this job."

 

Sooyoung laughs. "You know, eonnie, I'm really close to thinking that you like Ms. Joohyun."

 

"W-what?"

 

"You look happier when you were working as her secretary."

 

"Sooyoung-ah, I feel comfortable to be your manager, okay?" Seungwan answered, not wanting to offend the younger girl. "Well, I know I still have to learn a lot about this manager thing but still, I'm glad that it's you."

 

Seungwan was relieved to hear Sooyoung laugh. "Eonnie, you know I'm not offended or anything like that, right? I am just genuinely curious if you like our CEO."

 

"Well.. and if I do?"

 

Sooyoung gasps. "I knew it, eonnie! Goodness, you're so obvious. Wait, would you pursue her then? Do you want me to help you?"

 

"No, no, no, Sooyoung-ah. It's fine. Let's not go there."

 

Sooyoung frowns. "Why, eonnie?"

 

Because I always give her a reason to hate me. Seungwan wanted to answer. But answering that would reveal too much and it might seem like Joohyun is a hateful person and Seungwan doesn't want that because Joohyun is anything but that.

 

"It's just a crush, anyway." Seungwan lied.

 

"It's usually the start of something, eonnie. Unless you won't do anything about it. Oh, and especially now! Have you heard? Minho-ssi, the COO of Sherlock's, is finally making a move on her!"

 

Seungwan knows. Ever since she was no longer the CEO's secretary, for a week now, Seungwan had not been able to enter Joohyun's office anymore. But everytime she would pass it, she would always see the flowers and gifts on Yerim's desk, waiting for its receiver to go out of her office and pick them. There were also a couple of times when she saw Joohyun getting picked up by her suitor as if they were going on a date.

 

To say that it didn't affect Seungwan would be a lie. She was jealous, and hurt. But all that she can give Joohyun right now is space. Joohyun wouldn't even let her enter her office or accept anything, not even food from her. During the first day of not being a secretary, Seungwan walks up to Yerim's desk, wanting to give Joohyun her breakfast. But Yerim was apologetic when the latter told her that it was the CEO's strict instruction not to receive anything from Seungwan nor let her inside the office. Sighing, Seungwan left in defeat. She tried again the next day, and the day after that, but the same thing happened. Now, it's already been a week and still, it was obvious that Joohyun wants to keep her distance. 

 

It frustrates Seungwan to no end, especially when she hears that someone is courting the CEO. But she thought that Joohyun might hate her even more if she keeps on pushing herself towards the older girl. 

 

"Eonnie, I'm telling you. You have to make a move."

 

Seungwan sighs. "It's not easy, Sooyoung-ah."

 

"Why don't you try first before saying that it's not easy?" 

 

Oh, if you only knew. Seungwan muttered to herself.

 

"Oh, I know!" Sooyoung clicks her finger. "There would be a company party this weekend, right?"

 

Seungwan nods. It's like a thanksgiving party which will be held annually at the start of Chuseok season. 

 

"Ask her to dance there, eonnie!"

 

"W-what?" Seungwan blushed. She got to admit, dancing with Joohyun under romantic music is something she would want to happen. "B-but how can I?"

 

Sooyoung rolls her eyes. "Just walk up to her, and ask her for a dance."

 

"What if- what if she rejects me?"

 

"Then, leave the rest to me, eonnie."

 

"What? What will you do?"

 

"Be the actress that I am." Sooyoung winks. 

 

**

 

Weekend came and the thanksgiving party happened. Joohyun gave the opening remarks, thanking everyone for working hard for the company and how she hopes that they would all continue to be together for a long time. She ended it with a toast, hoping for more success and happiness. Then there were games and special performances. 

 

After dinner, Seungwan was sitting with Sooyoung and with the other members of the actress's team when the actress pats Seungwan's shoulder. 

 

"Eonnie, remember what I told you, okay?" Sooyoung whispered. "Just walk up to her and ask her to dance with you."

 

"Wait, what-"

 

But Sooyoung was already walking towards the stage. Seungwan watched as the actress grabbed the mic and cleared .

 

"Good evening, everyone." Sooyoung addressed the crowd. "A lot of you may already know that I can act," she chuckles unabashedly. "But I think only a few know that I can sing too."

 

Cheers erupted from the crowd. 

 

"So, as a special number, let me sing to you, ladies and gentlemen. And oh, this is a soft song so those who want to grab a partner and dance may do so."

 

Sooyoung started singing and Seungwan got to admit, the actress has such a soft and clear voice. She was quietly listening to the song when she met Sooyoung's eyes. It was subtle, but the latter's eyes are telling her something- to do something. That was when Seungwan remembered what Sooyoung told her.

 

"Oh my gosh, I must be crazy." Seungwan whispered to herself. Nonetheless, she stood up and nervously walked towards the CEO's table.

 

"Joo- Joohyun sajangnim?"

 

Joohyun lightly jumps at the sudden call of her name and turns to the culprit.

 

Joohyun's eyes were judging her, Seungwan could tell. It almost made her back out but she heard Sooyoung's words at the back of her mind. "Why don't you try first before saying it's not easy?"

 

Taking a deep breath, Seungwan opens and offers a hand to Joohyun. "M-may I- May I have this dance?"

 

It was only a fraction of second but Seungwan didn't miss how Joohyun's eyes widened in surprise, before the CEO was back to her cold and intimidating aura. "I'm sorry, I don't-"

 

"Oh ho! What is that I'm seeing?" 

 

Sooyoung's singing suddenly stopped. When Seungwan turned to the actress, Sooyoung was grinning widely at them.

 

"Is my manager asking the CEO for a dance?" Sooyoung's voice was heard through the mic, and Seungwan couldn't be more embarrassed. "Hm, I think I should be offended that she wants to dance with the CEO instead of with me, but, if it's our pretty CEO, then I guess I could give way."

 

The crowd laughed at Sooyoung's witty comments. 

 

What the hell is she doing? Seungwan asked herself, getting embarrassed because of the attention that is now on them.

 

"Ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome our first couple to the dance floor!" Sooyoung cheered.

 

"Wait." Seungwan heard Joohyun whisper. "I don't-"

 

"Sajangnim! Sajangnim!" Sooyoung started chanting, and the rest of the audience followed.

 

"Sajangnim! Sajangnim! Sajangnim!"

 

Seungwan could feel Joohyun's discomfort and she was about to raise her hand to stop the crowd, when she heard Joohyun standing up. "Let's get this over with." She heard Joohyun whisper to her.

 

Seeing Joohyun and Seungwan going to the open space, the crowd cheered even more.

 

"Okay! I'll continue with the song now." Sooyoung announced. "Anyone who wants to dance can come up to the front too, okay?"

 

Sooyoung started singing again and soon, the dance floor was filled with dancing couples. In the middle of it was an awkward Joohyun and Seungwan. With both their hands on each other's waist, Seungwan was carefully looking at Joohyun, while the CEO had her head turned to the side, avoiding Seungwan's stare.

 

"Sajangnim, am I making you uncomfortable? Do you want to stop now?"

 

"Let's not attract unnecessary attention." Joohyun answered through gritted teeth. "Stop talking, and let's finish this one song."

 

"Okay." Seungwan nods. 

 

It was like time had slowed down for Seungwan. Especially after everything that happened, she didn't expect that she'll get to hold Joohyun this close again. Now, their atmosphere was very different from before but for Seungwan, holding Joohyun close has always made her feel good. It didn't change. It never changed. Like Joohyun's beauty. 

 

You have always been so beautiful, Hyunnie.

 

The way Joohyun suddenly stiffs in her hold made Seungwan realize that she had just said her thoughts out loud.

 

"I'm- I'm sorry, sajangnim." Seungwan blurts out fast. She remembers Joohyun telling her before to not call her that anymore. "I thought-"

 

"Stop." Joohyun clenched her teeth. "Just don't talk. And stop staring."

 

Sighing to herself, Seungwan kept mum. Before she turned her head away, she noticed a soft pink hue on Joohyun's cheek. Seungwan gulps. Is.. is she blushing?

 

"I said, stop staring." Joohyun's firm tone cut through her. 

 

Seungwan immediately turns her head to the opposite direction. But her mind was still on Joohyun's pink colored cheeks. Seungwan didn't know where she got the courage, if it's on the romantic atmosphere between them, on Joohyun's body close to her, or on the fact the she definitely saw Joohyun blushed at her words, but Seungwan took courage and looks at Joohyun once again.

 

"Joohyun eonnie."

 

Obviously taken aback, Joohyun turned to her in reflex, and Seungwan held her gaze.

 

"You said before that friendship is the only thing you could offer me. And I know that it might not even be the case anymore, seeing how you're keeping your distance. But it's okay, eonnie. I'll be here until you're ready to let me in again. I'll never give up on you."

 

The music stopped and loud cheers echoed through the hall. As if being pulled out of her trance, Joohyun immediately lets go of the hand on her waist and walks away from her without saying anything.

 

Seungwan wanted to slap herself. She let her emotions get the best of her and now, not only is Joohyun avoiding her like a plague, the CEO went back to her table and kept on drinking. Seungwan could only watch in distance as Joohyun drank shot after shot, laughing drunkenly with Seulgi and with an equally drunk Yerim. 

 

Seungwan never let Joohyun out of her sight, not even when Sooyoung went back to her table, asking her if her plan worked. Everytime Joohyun excuses herself to go to the comfort room, Seungwan will follow her quietly, maintaining a good amount of distance, just to make sure that Joohyun is safe and no one will take advantage of the drunk girl. Soon, the party ended and the employees left one by one. 

 

"Eonnie, I need to go now." Sooyoung called her attention.

 

"Oh." Seungwan was conflicted. She didn't want to leave Joohyun but it was her job as Sooyoung's manager to drive her home. 

 

"It's okay, eonnie." Sooyoung laughs, noticing Seungwan's conflict. "You don't have to drive me home."

 

"No. I'm your manager, Sooyoung-ah. If something happens to you-"

 

"Eonnie." Sooyoung leans in to whisper. "My boyfriend will take me home."

 

"What?! Since when did you have a boyfriend? If the media finds out-"

 

"Eonnie, relax." Sooyoung laughs. "I'm not an idol. The public has no problem with actors dating."

 

"Oh."

 

"Yes." Sooyoung chuckles. "I'll be fine, okay? Just focus on your crush. I can tell she's highly drunk."

 

"Fine. Take care, okay?"

 

"Hm. You too, eonnie. Update me on your progress with the CEO." Sooyoung sends her a wink before going out of the hall.

 

"Joohyun eonnie, come on. Let's get you home. I need to get Yerim home too." Seungwan heard Seulgi say, trying to support a giggling Yerim. "Yerim-ah, stay still, ugh!"

 

"Go ahead first, Seulgi-yah. I still want to drink!"

 

"Eonnie, there's not much people left. Come on."

 

"Ugh! Fine."

 

Joohyun stood up wobbly. In a flash, Seungwan was behind her, careful not to let her presence known. Seulgi, who was the only one sober, noticed Seungwan and gave her a thankful smile. 

 

"Wait, Seulgi."

 

"Eonnie, what-"

 

"I'm going to throw up!" 

 

With that, Joohyun rushed towards the comfort room. Seungwan was about to follow her when Seulgi stopped her. "I'll do it, Seungwan-ah." With how Seulgi smiled apologetically at her, Seungwan understood. She's the one who caused Joohyun to be like this. "Will you just look after Yerim?"

 

"Okay. I understand, Seulgi-yah."

 

Muttering a thanks, Seulgi ran after Joohyun.

 

"Oh my gosh, I'm feeling dizzy." Yerim said, her head resting on the table.

 

"Oh, do you want water, Yeri-ssi?"

 

Hearing a different voice, Yerim looked up to her. "Oh. Seungwan eonnie?"

 

Seungwan smiles and nods. "Water?"

 

Yerim shakes her head. "You know, eonnie, you shouldn't have not left your job as Joohyun eonnie's secretary. You were like, the perfect one for that job."

 

Seungwan smiled. This is the first time that she and Yeri had a long conversation, and the younger girl may be drunk right now but Seungwan appreciated her words. 

 

"Well, I don't want to. But I had no choice, Yeri-ssi." Seungwan answered her. "I made a mistake."

 

Yerim turned to her, frowning drunkenly. "What mistake?"

 

"I almost cost HW entertainment to lose two big investors."

 

"What? When?"

 

"Well.. when I had an allergic attack and the CEO had to check on me? She missed two meetings with the investors because of that."

 

"Ah, that." Yerim nods to herself, then frowns again. "But who said it's your fault?"

 

"Well-"

 

"Whoever said that to you has no right. Even Joohyun eonnie, the CEO, doesn't think that way."

 

"W-what?" 

 

"If you must know, eonnie. One of the board members got mad when they learned that Joohyun eonnie wasn't able to meet with the investors because she was with you at the hospital. They said Joohyun eonnie needs to set her priorities right. But you know what eonnie told them? She said that she doesn't regret anything and if the same thing were to happen again, she would still do the same thing and prioritize you, because you're her employee and every one of us is important to her."

 

"R-really?"

 

"I really don't know why she assigned you to be Sooyoung-ssi's manager instead, but Joohyun eonnie never once blamed you for what happened so who the hell thinks they are so almighty to blame it on you!" 

 

B-but.. Why would Joohyun eonnie tell me that like it's my fault? So that I'll let go of my job as her secretary? But if she doesn't want me to be her secretary anymore, then why? If she's not blaming me for what happened, then what could I possibly have done that made her want to keep her distance?

 

"Seungwan?" Seulgi called out, pulling Seungwan out of her thoughts. She turned towards Seulgi and saw her having a hard time assisting a passed out Joohyun. "Need a hand."

 

Seungwan rushed towards them and gently held Joohyun's waist. "Is she okay?"

 

"She's passed out." Seulgi shakes her head. "I need to bring Yerim home. You think you could drive Joohyun eonnie home? I'll give you her address."

 

"But.. would that be alright?" Seungwan whispered. It's pretty obvious now how Joohyun doesn't want to be near her.

 

"Well, she's passed out anyway. She wouldn't notice."

 

Nodding her head, she let Seulgi drape Joohyun's arm around her shoulder. 

 

The drive to Joohyun's apartment was rather peaceful. However, when they arrived and Seungwan opened the passenger seat to lift Joohyun up, the latter stirred, a hand clamped to . 

 

Joohyun rushed out of the car and threw up, crouching on the ground. Seungwan cautiously patted her back. However, even in her drunken state, Joohyun seemed to recognize the touch. Her body stilled as she looked over at Seungwan.

 

"What are you doing here?" Joohyun wipes with the back of her hand. She steps backwards, creating a distance with Seungwan. 

 

"Leave."

 

"Joohyun eo- sajangnim, let me just get you inside."

 

"I could go inside my apartment just fine. Leave!" Joohyun staggers as she tries to walk towards her apartment. Seeing that Joohyun was about to lose her balance, Seungwan was quick to catch her.

 

"I said, leave!" Joohyun pushed Seungwan's hands away from her. 

 

"What did I even do?" Seungwan muttered, finally losing her composure. She wants to understand why Joohyun is being distant again. "You said we could become friends, but why are you keeping your distance now?"

 

Joohyun scoffs. "Friends? Are you even hearing yourself? You think we could be friends? You think you could be friends with me?!"

 

Seungwan didn't answer. Because truth to be told, she knows she couldn't be friends with Joohyun when she's still in love with the older girl.

 

"And what did you say earlier?" Joohyun continued, her voice laced with anger. "That you'll never give up on me? That you'll always be here? Ha! It's always what you wanted, isn't it? It's always what you want!" Joohyun walks up to her and points a finger to Seungwan's chest. "You're so selfish." 

 

"Joohyun-"

 

"Have you ever thought of what I want? Have you ever asked me what I want?"

 

Seungwan wasn't able to answer. Joohyun was right. She just always thought of what she could do to never lose Joohyun again. She failed to see what Joohyun wanted and needed. Joohyun was right. She is selfish.

 

"I'm sorry." Seungwan gulps as she sees the hurt in Joohyun's eyes. 

 

"Tsk. You're always being sorry."

 

"What.. what do you want then, eonnie? Tell me and-"

 

"I want you to stay away from me!"

 

Seungwan stilled. She can feel the tears in her eyes. "Eonnie.." She wants to shake her head.

 

"Can't you see, Son Seungwan?" 

 

Seungwan heard a crack on Joohyun's voice and she looks up to see tears already streaming down Joohyun's face.

 

"I still haven't healed. I'm still hurting. I'm still not over everything when it comes to you! And then here you are, turning my world upside down again!" Joohyun sniffs. "Your smile, your loving gaze, your caring ways, your warm heart.. I see it, I feel it all and I realize that I'm still the same girl who's in love with you."

 

"Hyunnie-"

 

"But with that realization, it didn't lessen the pain. Instead, it doubles, triples, and I'm reminded of all the hurt I felt. Can't you understand, Seungwan? You're hurting me with your presence."

 

Seungwan's hand that was trying to reach Joohyun fell numbly to her side. It was like a bucket of ice was splashed through her. "You're hurting me with your presence."

 

Joohyun wipes her tears and immediately walks towards her apartment. She overestimated her body though and she got nauseous at her sudden speed walking. She fell to her knees, throwing up once more.

 

Seungwan rushed to kneel beside her. Joohyun's words are still lingering in her ear but she couldn't leave Joohyun alone like this. Not especially when Joohyun passed out after throwing up for the second time. 

 

Seungwan drapes Joohyun's arm on her shoulder and holds the latter's waist. With much difficulty, she managed to punch in Joohyun's passcode like how Seulgi told her. After laying down Joohyun on her bed, Seungwan gets a basin of cold water and wipes the older girl's face and arms. Then, she went to the kitchen, looked for some ingredients and cooked a porridge so Joohyun would have something to eat when she wakes up.

 

After making sure she had done everything, Seungwan gets a glass of water and leaves it at Joohyun's bedside table. She then watched the older girl sleeping peacefully.

 

"You're hurting me with your presence."

 

Seungwan could still hear Joohyun's words, loud and clear. She wipes her tears as she kneeled beside Joohyun's bed.

 

"I didn't realize, Hyunnie. I'm sorry." Seungwan tried to control her sobs. "I hope I can erase all your pain. But if being with me pains you more, then I would gladly step back." She carefully kissed Joohyun's forehead. "I love you, Hyunnie. Always."

 

**

 

"Seungwan eonnie! What is happening?" Sooyoung came barging in at the managers' lounge, in time to see Seungwan cleaning her desk, putting her things on a large box. 

 

"I received a message from Seulgi bujangnim that I'll get a new manager from now on because you already resigned. Tell me it's not true, eonnie."

 

Seungwan lifts up the box. "Sorry, Sooyoung-ah."

 

"But why, eonnie? Did I get you into trouble last weekend at the thanksgiving party?"

 

Seungwan shakes her head.

 

"Then why are you resigning?" 

 

"I was already selfish for too long, Sooyoung-ah."

 

Sooyoung frowns. "What does it mean?"

 

"I've only thought of what I wanted, of how I think I can make this right again. But I failed to see what Hyunnie needs. And so, I ended up hurting her even more."

 

"Wait. Hyunnie?" Sooyoung's frown gets deeper. "I thought she's still in the US. What's she got to do with this? Are you going to follow her again?"

 

Smiling sadly, Seungwan shakes her head. 

 

"Eonnie, I don't understand."

 

"Sooyoung-ah, Hyunnie.. she's Joohyun sajangnim."

 

"What?!"

 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

 

"No, wait. You mean, the CEO.. Ms. Joohyun.. is your Hyunnie?"

 

Seungwan nods.

 

"Oh my goodness! Yah, eonnie! Why didn't you tell me sooner? I might have said some things to her, oh my God!"

 

Seungwan raised her brow. "Like what?"

 

Sooyoung sighs and shakes her head. "Nevermind that, eonnie. But the important thing is, your Hyunnie is here. So where are you going? Why are you leaving?"

 

"Like I've said, Sooyoung-ah, I just learned that I keep on hurting her."

 

"So you're just going to give up?"

 

"I will never give up on her." Seungwan answered. "But I guess it's time that I give her what she needs. She told me that already before, but I was too caught up in seeing her again and in my desire to be near her again that I failed to see that she needs space, that she needs time to heal. And now, I ended up hurting her even more." She gives a sad smile. "I lost her again."

 

Feeling sorry for the older girl, Sooyoung engulfs her in a hug. 

 

"I hope you can be happy too, eonnie."

 

Seungwan hugs her back and hums. 

 

*

 

Seungwan was lost. She felt lost. Still, she tried to go on with her life, hoping that one day, everything will be better, and will feel better. 

 

But it seemed like the universe really hates her. 

 

When she was nine, she was asked to list the things she loves the most in this world, and her pure and innocent mind only wrote down three. Just three. 

 

But now, they are slowly being taken away from her, one by one. 

 

Her ability to sing was the first one gone. And up until now, her therapies showed no progress, making her unable to find her singing voice back.

 

Then, just recently, for the second time, it felt like she already lost the only girl she ever loved. 

 

And now, the universe decided to take something away from her again- the only one that's remaining of her. 

 

Today, she decided to visit Mother Superior and to stay at the orphanage for a few days before she returned to Seoul and looked for another job. She was dumping her clothes into a duffel bag when her phone rang.

 

"Hello? Sister Maria?"

 

"Seungwan.. Seungwan-ah.."

 

Seungwan stopped on her track. The nun was obviously crying on the other line.

 

"Sister Maria? What- what's wrong?

 

"Seungwan-ah.. Mother Superior.."

 

At the mention of the old nun, Seungwan felt fear. Her heart started drumming wildly against her ribcage.

 

"She fainted and we brought her immediately to the hospital but-"

 

"W-which.." Seungwan felt a lump in that was too difficult to swallow. "Which hospital? I'll go there now."

 

"Seungwan-ah.."

 

"Which hospital, Sister Maria?!" Her voice raised as her heartbeat keeps getting faster. 

 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Seungwan.."

 

"Why are you saying sorry? I asked-" Seungwan chokes. She didn't even realize that she's already crying. "Which hospital, Sister Maria? Please!"

 

"She didn't make it, Seungwan-ah." And then, Sister Maria's cries echo through the other line. "Mother Superior, she's gone."

 

And just like that, Seungwan felt her whole world crumble down as she falls on her knees and cries.