VI

 

When Joohyun arrived at the company building, she was surprised to see her secretary sitting in the lobby. Seungwan has a cap and mask on, and her eyes are mindlessly staring at the flower pot in front of her. Joohyun raised her brow at the casual sweatshirt and jeans that the latter is wearing. 

 

Joohyun cleared to get the secretary's attention. "Ms. Son?"

 

There was a weak gasp from Seungwan whose seemingly drowsy eyes widened a little. She stood and bowed. "Joohyun sajangnim."

 

Joohyun notes the hoarse voice. "What are you doing here in the lobby?" She eyes the casual clothing. "And are you not going to work?"

 

"Oh, uhm, I'm-" Seungwan lets out a short cough. "I'm sorry for the very late notice, sajangnim. But I think I caught the flu this morning and I don't want to inconvenience anyone or spread a virus by coming to work." And there was another bout of coughing. 

 

Joohyun frowns. "Are you okay?" 

 

Seungwan was quick to mask a smile. "Yes, sajangnim. I think I'll just have to take the day off. I'm really sorry for the short notice."

 

"You could have just messaged me or Yerim. You didn't need to come here."

 

"Uh, yes, but-" Seungwan gets the paper bag from beside her and hands it to Joohyun. "I need to give you this."

 

Joohyun eyes the familiar paper bag. She received it and sighed. "You really shouldn't have bothered over this, Ms. Son. You should have just taken a rest if you're feeling sick."

 

"I wanted to, sajangnim." Seungwan shyly grins. "Besides, I just felt unwell in the middle of my cooking, and since I've already started, I figured I should just finish it as well."

 

Joohyun nods in regard. "Fine. Thank you for this, Ms. Son. But I think you should go home now." She frowns and couldn't help but ask. "Are you sure you're okay? Cause your face is getting redder by the minute." 

 

"I think it's just the cold." Seungwan answered with a meek smile. "I'm fine, sajangnim. Thank you for asking."

 

Joohyun hums. "Go on, then. Take a rest."

 

Seungwan bobs her head. "I'll report back tomorrow, sajangnim. Once again, I'm sorry for the inconvenience." She bowed. "Oh and uhm, this is the first time that I cooked that dish, sajangnim. So please understand if it's lacking. But I had a few tastes and," She grins. "-I think it went well. And I really hope you like it, sajangnim."

 

Joohyun returned the smile. "Thank you, Seungwan." She knows they are still at the office but Joohyun thought it wouldn't hurt to call Seungwan casually like that. We're trying to rebuild our friendship after all.

 

Joohyun went to her office after that to place her things and proceeded to the conference room for a scheduled meeting with one investor. The meeting took more than an hour and that was only when she was able to get back to her office to have her breakfast, with Seulgi following her.

 

"Oh?" Joohyun heard Seulgi say. "I thought Seungwan took a day off? This is from her, right?" Joohyun turned to her and the latter was pointing at the paperbag on the center table.

 

"She dropped that here earlier."

 

"Ooh. I really applaud her effort." 

 

Joohyun ignored Seulgi's teasing grin. "I will just have to sign this document. You can start with it if you want." She says, as Joohyun would sometimes share her breakfast with Seulgi, especially when the younger girl hasn't had breakfast yet. 

 

"Sure. Don't mind if I do." Seulgi starts rummaging through the paperbag and opens the container. "Oh, it's your favorite, eonnie."

 

Joohyun looks up from the paper she's holding. "What?"

 

"Ah, now I feel bad to eat this first." Seulgi chuckles with a hint of teasing. "When it's obvious that Seungwan made this solely for you." She raised the container for Joohyun to see. "It's your favorite maeuntang, eonnie."

 

Joohyun dropped the pen she was holding, and she didn't miss how her heart seemed to stop beating for a second. "W-what?"

 

Seulgi frowns at the reaction. She noticed the sudden pale face. "Uhh, it's maeuntang, eonnie. Your favorite?"

 

Joohyun got up from her chair and went to where Seulgi was. Truth to be told, it's maeuntang. "Did- did she cook this?"

 

Seulgi's look was questioning. "Uhm, how should I know?" She shrugs her shoulders. "But considering how she would always be the one to cook your breakfast, then I guess, yes?"

 

Joohyun knows that too, but she hoped that Seulgi would answer differently. Her heart started racing.

 

"Eonnie? What's wrong?"

 

Joohyun held her forehead. No. She must have ordered this out instead. Then she remembered how Seungwan looked sick earlier. She shakes her head. It's just a coincidence that she's sick. 

 

"Eonnie?"

 

But Joohyun was busy with her own thoughts to hear the other girl. 

 

She couldn't have tasted and cooked this herself! She's not crazy.

 

She then recalled her conversation with her secretary about maeuntang at the cafeteria a month ago. Her eyes widened just as her heart kept thumping loudly against her rib cage. 

 

Could she have not known? B-but, that's impossible. Right?

 

Joohyun fumbled with her phone in her pocket. She scrolled through her contact list, and cursed when she realized she didn't have her secretary's number. 

 

"."

 

"Hey, eonnie." Seulgi noticed Joohyun's shaking fingers. She held the latter's arm. "What's wrong?"

 

Joohyun turned to her and Seulgi was surprised to see the teary eyes. "S-seungwan. Do you- do you have her number? Call her. Call her, please."

 

Without asking, Seulgi did as she was told. She rang Seungwan's phone and turned to Joohyun. "She's not answering, eonnie."

 

Almost two hours have passed since Joohyun saw her. It's already been a long time. Cursing once more, Joohyun gets Seulgi's phone and dialled Seungwan's number herself. 

 

"Damn it." Joohyun muttered under her breath. After a few more unanswered calls, Seulgi can feel Joohyun panicking. "Pick up the damn phone!"

 

"Eonnie," Seulgi held both of Joohyun's shoulders to stop the older girl from pacing frantically. "Did something happen? What's wrong?"

 

"She- she's not answering her phone." Joohyun's voice shakes as she answers. She turned her head left and right, as if looking for something. "Her- her resume. Do you- do you know where she lives?"

 

"Seungwan?"

 

Joohyun looked up, as if to prevent her tears from falling. Then, she managed a weak nod.

 

"I'll check on it." Seulgi answered. "But what's happening, eonnie?"

 

"I-" Joohyun took a deep breath, trying to control her panic. "I need to check on her."

 

"Did something happen?"

 

"She's not- she's not down with the flu. It's not flu." Joohyun clenches her fist but her voice still quivers. "It's- an allergic reaction."

 

"What-"

 

"She cooked maeuntang." Joohyun ruffles her hair in utter frustration. "Damn it. How could she have not known that she's allergic to seafood?" 

 

This shocked Seulgi. "W-what?"

 

"She got it down bad." At this, a distant memory flashed on Joohyun's mind and she couldn't help her falling tears. 

--

When Joohyun was ten years old, Mother Superior and the other nuns of the orphanage took them to the seaside. It was a yearly trip, where the nuns will treat all the children of the orphanage to a quick vacation down the beach. This had been their routine for three years now but Joohyun was more excited because that year, Seungwan was with them.

 

You're excited, Hyunnie. Seungwan writes on her pad. 

 

"I am." Joohyun's smile was wide. "I was always looking forward to this trip every time. But it's even more fun now because you're here."

 

Seungwan grins. Is it beautiful there?

 

"Yes, especially during the sunset. Oh! And they serve good food too! Their maeuntang is my favorite!"

 

Maeuntang?

 

Joohyun hums. "It's a seafood dish, but mainly with fish. You haven't tried that before?"

 

Seungwan frowns a little, thinking. She shakes her head and writes on her pad once more. I can't remember, Hyunnie. I don't think I have tried seafood before.

 

"What? Really?"

 

Seungwan nods a little.

 

"Why? Don't you like it?"

 

Seungwan purses her lips as she turns to her pad. Not really. I just can't remember my eomma cooking it back then. 

 

Joohyun nods at the information. "I see. And now that I think about it, all our meals at the orphanage were always veggies." She chuckles, making Seungwan laugh too. 

 

Can I have maeuntang then this time, Hyunnie?

 

Joohyun ruffles Seungwan's hair. "Of course. I'll bug Mother Superior to buy it for us."

 

Seungwan grins wider at that. 

 

The two, along with the other kids, played at the beach all afternoon. When evening came, they all went to a seafood restaurant to have their dinner. 

 

"This is the food I'm talking to you about, Wannie." Joohyun said as she scoops a spoonful of the meal onto the younger girl's plate. "Go on, try it."

 

Seungwan smiled widely as she took a sip of the soup first. Her eyes widened in delight, making Joohyun laugh.

 

"You like it?"

 

Seungwan bobs her head excitedly. She then tried the fish next and after swallowing it, she gave Joohyun a satisfied smile and a thumbs up.

 

"Glad you liked it." Joohyun grins. "Be careful of the fishbones, okay?" She adds, trying to debone the fish on Seungwan's plate. 

 

Seungwan stops eating to write something on her pad. She gets Joohyun's attention.

 

I'll do that, Hyunnie. You eat now too.

 

Joohyun smiled at the thoughtfulness. She nodded her head and started eating as well.

 

About thirty minutes into the dinner, Seungwan started to have a coughing fit. Joohyun instinctively ran her hand up and down on Seungwan's back. "You okay, Wannie?"

 

Seungwan managed a short nod though she was still coughing non-stop. Joohyun then noticed how flashed the latter's face was. 

 

"Wannie, are you okay?" Joohyun was beginning to worry now. "Do- do you want some water?"

 

Not waiting for Seungwan's response, Joohyun searched their table for a glass of water. Soojung, who was on the same table as them, offers her own glass. "Take this eonnie."

 

Joohyun managed a weak 'thanks' before helping Seungwan up to drink the water. 

 

Seungwan finished the whole glass hurriedly but her coughing fit continued on. This time, she was even rubbing her face and neck, making it redder.

 

"Seungwan, don't." Joohyun tried to stop the younger girl's hands. "It's getting redder. You'll wound yourself."

 

Seungwan grabs Joohyun's shirt tightly. A sob escaped her lips.

 

"Wannie?"

 

Then Seungwan's breathing came to a hitch. Joohyun panicked. It was obvious that Seungwan is having difficulty breathing now. Even Soojung and Jaewon, who were on the same table as them, stood to take a closer look at Seungwan, patting the latter's back.

 

"Jaewon-ah.." Joohyun called, her voice quivering. "Call Mother Superior, quick!"

 

Jaewon scurried inside the restaurant, calling Mother Superior. 

 

Joohyun held Seungwan tight into her shaky arms, rubbing her back. She can feel her own tears as she looks at Seungwan's condition. The latter's face was red and her breathing was uneven. Joohyun choked a sob. "You'll be okay, Wannie."

 

When Mother Superior came running towards them, that's the time Joohyun let out her cry. "Mother Superior, please, help Wannie."

 

Mother Superior, who saw the situation, quickly gets Seungwan from Joohyun and cradles her into her arms. She could feel Seungwan slowly losing her consciousness. She hurriedly but calmly instructed one of the nuns to call for an ambulance.

 

"Seungwan-ah, stay with me, alright?" Mother Superior whispered in the young girl's ear.

 

"It's my fault." Joohyun sobs as she grab Seungwan's hand. "I should have insisted on deboning the fish for her. I should-"

 

"Joohyun-ah," Mother Superior pats her head. "We don't know what's happening yet, okay? It's not your fault. It's no one's fault."

 

To everyone's relief, the ambulance came within minutes. Joohyun was instructed to go back to the orphanage with the rest of the kids but the latter won't leave Seungwan's side when the sick girl was rushed inside the ambulance. In addition to that, despite Seungwan's drifting consciousness, her hand was still clasping Joohyun's tight. Seeing this, Mother Superior had no choice but to bring Joohyun to the hospital as well. 

 

Joohyun sat on Seungwan's bed, caressing the sleeping girl's hand. To Joohyun's half relief, Seungwan's face was not so red now and her breathing was back to normal. 

 

Mother Superior entered the room after talking with the doctor. She smiled gently as she walked towards Joohyun. She pats the latter's head. "You should sleep now, Joohyun-ah. It's late."

 

Joohyun shakes her head, not taking her eyes off of Seungwan. "I'll wait till Seungwan wakes up."

 

Mother Superior gave an amused smile. "But I'm afraid Seungwan will only wake up by tomorrow. You see, she was given medication that will help her sleep well throughout the night."

 

Joohyun finally turns to the old nun and frowns. "What did the doctor say, Mother Superior?"

 

Mother Superior sat on the chair beside Seungwan's bed. "It seems that Seungwan is allergic to seafood, Joohyun-ah."

 

Joohyun gasped. She was allergic to chicken so she knew what allergy is.

 

"What happened earlier was like an allergy attack."

 

Joohyun's teary eyes widened. "I- I didn't know." She choked on her tears. "I was the one who told her to eat that. I didn't know, Mother Superior. I didn't know-"

 

"Hey," Mother Superior held Joohyun's free hand. She wipes the younger girl's tears. "It's not your fault, Joohyun-ah. None of us knew."

 

Joohyun sniffed. "Will Wannie be okay?"

 

"Of course, she is." Mother Superior answered without a doubt. "I told you the doctor gave her medicine, right? Look, she was sleeping so peacefully now and she was not in pain anymore. Right?"

 

Joohyun sniffed once more as she looked at Seungwan and nodded her head.

 

"She will be back to full health once she wakes up tomorrow. So you better sleep now too."

 

"Can.. Can I sleep beside her, Mother Superior?"

 

Mother Superior chuckles. "Of course. I'm sure Seungwan will be happy with that once she wakes up."

--
 

Truth to what Mother Superior told, Seungwan was totally fine the next morning. But that incident never left Joohyun's mind. Seungwan was too young to understand what an allergy meant so Joohyun takes it upon her own to make sure that Seungwan would never eat seafood again. Growing up, they won't have any seafood on their meal and Seungwan never asked about it. Joohyun thought that maybe the younger girl had already understood what happened to her when she was a child. But now, Joohyun knows it's the opposite. Judging by how Seungwan cooked a seafood dish, she came to a realization that maybe, Seungwan had forgotten that traumatizing event in her life.
 

"Ma'am, we're here." Joohyun heard the cab driver say, interrupting her thoughts.

 

Once Seulgi wrote down Seungwan's address, she volunteered to accompany Joohyun and decided to take the cab instead since it was obvious that the older girl was not capable of driving at the moment.

 

Joohyun immediately got off the cab but her steps halted when she saw what Seungwan's home looked like. 

 

She- was still staying here?

 

In front of Joohyun is an old house that is full of memories. It was actually the house of Mother Superior before the latter entered the convent and became a nun. When it was time for Joohyun to leave the orphanage, Seungwan insisted on coming along with her. Though Mother Superior was very much against it at first considering that Joohyun is still too young to care for another person aside from herself, the old nun relented in the end. Worried for the two girls whom she learned to love after all these years, Mother Superior gave them her old house for the two to use, saying that the house would go to waste anyway since she planned on staying and serving at the orphanage till her last breath. Since then, it became Joohyun and Seungwan's home, until they broke up and Joohyun left. She didn't know that Seungwan is still staying at the said house all these while.

 

Shaking her thoughts away, Joohyun ran towards the front door, with Seulgi in tow. She grabbed the handle and tried to push it open but it was locked.

 

Joohyun clicked her tongue. She pounds on the door hard. "Yah! Open the door!"

 

Seulgi placed her ear closer to the door, trying to hear for any sounds coming from the inside. When there's nothing, she looks at Joohyun and shakes her head.

 

Joohyun cursed under her breath, panic slowly creeping in again. She holds the door handle tighter, trying to shake it open. "Damn it! Yah, Son Seungwan!"

 

"Eonnie, how about the passcode?" Seulgi asked, pointing towards the electronic keypad lock. "Do you know the passcode?"

 

"How the hell would I-"

 

"2-9-2-1."

 

A distant memory suddenly crossed her mind.

 

"Our birthdays?" Young Joohyun laughed as she watched Seungwan type in the number code.

 

Seungwan grins. "Let's make this our passcode, Hyunnie."

 

Joohyun hesitantly runs her fingers towards the keypad lock. "It has been five years. Surely she had changed it."

 

"Well, there's no harm in trying, eonnie."

 

Without putting too much thought, Joohyun immediately punched in the number. Then, a click was heard.

 

"Oh! You opened it, eonie!"

 

If this was any other time, Joohyun would surely stop to think why Seungwan never changed the code even after their break up, and how a nostalgic feeling came over her as she immediately went inside and saw that the house is still the same as she remembered it. In fact, nothing much has changed. 

 

But right now, Joohyun has more important matters to deal with. Joohyun runs towards the direction of the rooms, letting Seulgi check on the kitchen. She heads towards Seungwan's room and knocks. When no one answered, Joohyun opened the door harshly.

 

"Seungwan-"

 

But there was no one inside either. 

 

Frowning, Joohyun steps inside the room. Roaming her eyes around, she was sure she was in Seungwan's room. But where is the latter? Even her bed doesn't look like it has been used. 

 

Joohyun immediately went towards the bathroom, but again, Seungwan was not there.

 

"Eonnie! She's not in the kitchen!" Joohyun heard Seulgi from outside. "Not here in the backyard either."

 

Wait. Joohyun's heart beats loudly against her chest. Don't tell me she didn't manage to get home?

 

"S-seulgi!" 

 

There were fast footsteps from outside until Joohyun heard Seulgi coming in.

 

"Yes, eonnie? Where's Seungwan?"

 

"Not here." Joohyun managed to answer in a whisper. "Call her again."

 

Seulgi immediately did as she was told. A couple of seconds later, they heard something ringing on the far end of the house.

 

"Oh? I'm hearing something, eonnie. Could that be Seungwan's?"

 

Joohyun didn't answer. Instead, her feet were already moving towards the room where the sound was coming from, the only room in the house she deliberately skipped checking. In Joohyun's defense, why would Seungwan be in Joohyun's old room? But the sound grows louder as she approaches her old bedroom. 

 

With shaky hands, Joohyun pushed the door open and there she saw Seungwan lying sideways on the bed, with her legs dangling on the side. 

 

"Seungwan!"

 

She rushed towards the unconscious figure and gasped as she saw how red and bloated Seungwan's face was. 

 

"S-seungwan?" Joohyun cups the younger girl's cheek and feels how flashed it was. She taps the cheek gently. "Y-" Joohyun cleared . She could feel her voice shaking. "Yah, w-wake up."

 

But there was no movement from Seungwan, not even a stir.

 

Joohyun could feel the way her heart drums wildly against her chest. 

 

"Eonnie," came Seulgi's small voice. "Is she okay?"

 

"Am-" Joohyun swallowed a lump in , as she felt hot tears forming on her eyes. "Ambulance."

 

Seulgi understood right away and immediately went outside the room, handphone against her ear.

 

"Seungwan." Joohyun taps Seungwan's cheek harder this time. "Y-yah."

 

But Seungwan remained still.

 

No. No, please. Joohyun's hands shake as she holds the unconscious girl. Don't… Please.

 

Now her whole body is shaking with fear.

 

"Wan-" Joohyun choked, trying to control her tears. "Wannie, stay with me. Please."

 

**

 

"You brought her just in time. A few more minutes late and she won't be breathing already."  The doctor said after treating Seungwan.

 

"But is she okay now, doctor?" Seulgi was the one to ask, seeing that Joohyun is still too traumatized by the earlier event.  

 

"She's alright now. But we will still need for her to wake up and do some additional tests to be sure."

 

Seulgi nods. "Thank you, doctor."

 

The doctor bows her head before bidding them goodbye. 

 

"Eonnie, are you okay?" Seulgi sat beside the quiet Joohyun. "Do you need anything?"

 

Joohyun shakes her head. "I'm fine." She answered quietly. 

 

Seulgi knew better so she just nodded her head and accompanied Joohyun outside of Seungwan's hospital room.

 

They stayed quietly like that for a while until a voice called out to Joohyun.

 

"Joohyun-ah!"

 

The familiarity of the voice made Joohyun whip her head in a snap. Her eyes widened as she saw the owner of the voice.

 

"Halmeoni!"

 

Before Joohyun could move, she was already engulfed in a tight hug. 

 

Feeling the warmth and familiarity, tears started falling from Joohyun's eyes. "Halmeoni." She choked.

 

"It's alright, Joohyun-ah." Mother Superior whispered tenderly against her ears, rubbing Joohyun's back. "It's alright."

 

"S-Seungwan.. she.. she.."

 

"She's alright, Hyun-ah. Seungwan's okay." Mother Superior takes a look at Joohyun's tear-stricken face. She smiles and wipes the young girl's tears. "You saved her. She'll be fine."

 

And just like that, Joohyun couldn't control her tears anymore and she started crying in Mother Superior's arms. 

 

"Aigoo, my child." Mother Superior cooed, a gentle smile on her lips.

 

Once Joohyun had calmed down, Mother Superior accompanied her outside the hospital to get some fresh air. 

 

"Are you feeling better now, Hyun-ah?" Mother Superior asked, handing Joohyun a bottle of water.

 

Joohyun did her best to smile. "Yes. Thank you, halmeoni." She opens the water bottle and drinks from it. "By the way, how did you know we're here?"

 

Mother Superior grins. "Mrs. Lee. Who else?"

 

"Ah." Joohyun managed a dry chuckle. "Of course."

 

Mrs. Lee is Mother Superior's cousin whose house is just a few meters away from Mother Superior's. So when Joohyun and Seungwan left the orphanage and stayed at Mother Superior's house, the old nun asked her cousin to look after the girls once in a while if she had time.

 

"She called me in a hurry, telling me that she saw Seungwan being lifted inside an ambulance." Mother Superior explained. "And she told me that she thinks she saw you, but she's not so sure since, well, since it's been long."

 

"I know." Joohyun whispered. "I haven't dropped by her home since I came back. And I'm sorry too that I haven't found time to visit the orphanage yet again."

 

Mother Superior shakes her head and smiles kindly. "It's alright, Joohyun. We understand. Besides, Seungwan would visit every weekend and would always update me about you." Mother Superior playfully nudges Joohyun's shoulder. "It's hard being CEO of your own company, you know?"

 

Joohyun smiles shyly. 

 

"Like I told you last time, I'm proud of you, Joohyun-ah."

 

Joohyun felt touched at the old woman's words. Mother Superior has always been like a real grandmother to her ever since she was a kid, and to hear that from the latter, Joohyun felt happy.

 

"Thank you, halmeoni."

 

Mother Superior pats her head. "So, how are you? You're eating well, right?"

 

Joohyun nods. "How about you, halmeoni?" She realized how the old nun seemed to have aged and grew weak-looking from the last time she saw her when she visited the orphanage with Seungwan. She frowns. "I should be the one asking you that."

 

Mother Superior chuckles dryly. 

 

Now, Joohyun noticed that even the old nun's laugh was weak and hollow. She frowns. "Are you feeling unwell, halmeoni?"

 

"I'm fine, Hyun-ah."

 

"Halmeoni." Joohyun stared at the old nun. She knew something was up. "What is it?"

 

Mother Superior laughs, shaking her head. "I actually don't want you to know, but I know I can never lie to you."

 

"You're making me nervous, halmeoni. What is it?"

 

"Hyun-ah," Mother Superior takes Joohyun's hand. "I'm sick."

 

"S-sick? Do you feel unwell, halmeoni? Do you want to rest?"

 

Mother Superior shakes her head and smiles, albeit sadly. She paused for a good minute before answering. "I have cancer."

 

"What?!" Joohyun's eyes widened in horror. "No. No, wait. Wait. S-since when? Why.. why didn't you tell me?"

 

"I was diagnosed two years ago."

 

"Two years ago." Joohyun whispered. A feeling of guilt creeping into her. "And I was not here. You've been suffering for two years and I was not here." 

 

"Hyun.."

 

"I'm sorry, halmeoni." Tears fell from Joohyun's eyes again. "I'm sorry."

 

"Hey, there's nothing to apologize for, Hyun.."

 

"B-but.. I should have been here for you, halmeoni. I should-"

 

Mother Superior shakes her head. "You're here now. And that's what matters."

 

Joohyun nods, wiping her tears. "I'll make it up to you, halmeoni."

 

Mother Superior smiles kindly. "There's really no need for that, Hyun."

 

"I want to, halmeoni." Joohyun answered with determination. "What did the doctor say anyway? Do you need to go under chemotherapy? Surgery?"

 

"I already did chemotherapy before. But it recurred and now, it has spread."

 

"Then let's get another treatment, halmeoni. Or surgery. Maybe surgery can-"

 

"Hyun.." Once again, Mother Superior shakes her head. "I decided not to get any treatment now."

 

"What?! But why?! Halmeoni-"

 

"Joohyun-ah," Mother Superior cuts her off with a gentle smile. "I'm not getting any younger, and I think I have already lived my life fully enough. At this point in my life, I just want to rest."

 

"B-but.." Joohyun shakes her head stubbornly. "How about the orphanage?"

 

"Someone is taking care of it already."

 

"How- how about me then?" Joohyun's voice cracked. "I know I was gone for five years but, halmeoni, you have always been my guardian. You just can't-" She gripped her knuckles. "You just can't leave me."

 

"And yet you've managed to grow well and be where you are right now in the five years that I'm not there." Mother Superior pats her head. "I've always trusted you to do well and take care of yourself."

 

"No. No, halmeoni." Joohyun refused to accept that the person who practically raised her, who gave her motherly love that even her own parents weren't able to do, is talking about dying. "How about Seungwan then?" If Joohyun can't convince her to get treatment, then she'll use Seungwan's name. "Does she even know about this?"

 

"She knew when I was first diagnosed. But I didn't tell her that it has recurred."

 

"Then how about her, halmeoni?"

 

"That kid." Mother Superior chuckles. "I know she's now a grown woman but whenever I see her, I can't help but think of her as that cute little kid from years back. I can still remember the day I brought her to the orphanage, how she was holding my dress tightly and crying in my arms."

 

"She needs you."

 

"I know." Mother Superior had a reminiscing smile as she answered. "In fact, I think I only held out for this long because I worry about how she will be once I'm gone."

 

"Then keep thinking about that, halmeoni." Joohyun's voice was stern, yet quivering. "Keep worrying about her, get that treatment, and live longer." 

 

"But you're here now, Joohyun-ah." The old nun answered kindly. "I can worry about Seungwan less now that you're here."

 

Joohyun clenched her fist. "You know things are different now, halmeoni. So no, you can't ask me to look after her. You can't do that to me."

 

As always, Mother Superior's voice was calm, her smile gentle. "And yet, here you are at the hospital with her."

 

Joohyun has no answer to that. She lowered her head.

 

"Thank you for staying true to your promise, Joohyun-ah."

 

Joohyun clenched her fist tighter on her lap, remembering that promise she made.

--

"Halmeoni, I decided to move out from the orphanage."

 

"What are you talking about, Hyun? You're only fifteen. You still have three years before that."

 

Under the law, once you've reached eighteen years old, you will move out of the orphanage and start fending for yourself. But Joohyun, even though she was only fifteen years old then, decided that it was time for her to leave. 

 

Joohyun was an independent kid. She was responsible and was always perceptive of her surroundings. When she was fifteen years old, she became aware of the growing number of the homeless children that were being sent to the orphanage. There was even a time where Mother Superior had to painfully refuse admitting one abandoned child because the orphanage is already full and has no more space for additional kids. It was also a time when the nuns were having a difficult time managing the orphanage and all its expenses. 

 

No one made her feel that way but Joohyun felt guilty. She was the oldest kid in the orphanage and the one who stayed there the longest, therefore she felt that obliged to help and moving out of the orphanage was the solution she came up with. 

 

"You know me, halmeoni. I'm independent and probably could live much on my own. Besides, I'm still under the scholarship until I finish highschool so I won't have to worry about my studies."

 

"Joohyun, no. You're too young to be wandering around."

 

"I can take care of myself, halmeoni, you know that."

 

"And how would you do that? How would you live out there?"

 

"I have saved some money from helping at the church."

 

Joohyun would always help during church events and activities. Feeling happy about the girl's kindness, the organizers will always give her some money in return. 

 

"That's not enough, Joohyun."

 

"Yes. But I can start with that, halmeoni."

 

Mother Superior sighs. "Hyun-ah, why do you suddenly want to leave?"

 

"Halmeoni, it's not that I want to. But this is something that will be done anyway."

 

"Yes, but it's still three years away. You're barely even an adult."

 

"I want to learn now, halmeoni. I want to learn about the world out here." Joohyun lied. In fact, she's scared. And if only she has a choice, she won't move out. But she doesn't want to be selfish and be unfair towards the younger kids who need a home. She decided to lie because she knows this is the only way to convince the old nun.

 

"Well, how about Seungwan then?" Mother Superior asked, still trying to convince the young girl. "So you're going to leave her?"

 

"I.." Joohyun gulps. "I will visit her everyday."

 

"You know she won't let you leave, Joohyun-ah."

 

Joohyun knows it too. But she will try. "I'll talk to her, halmeoni."

 

Seeing how determined Joohyun is, Mother Superior relented in the end. However, the old nun hasn't prepared herself for what Seungwan would tell her the next day.

 

"I'm coming with Joohyunnie, halmeoni."

 

Joohyun gasped. She too didn't see it coming. "Wannie."

 

"Seungwan-"

 

"No." Seungwan shakes her head, her eyes full of determination. "You both can't convince me otherwise. I'm coming with Hyunnie."

 

"Seungwan, this is not a joke." Mother Superior answered, a bit sternly.

 

"I never think of this as a joke, halmeoni."

 

"Do you even know what you're saying? You're just twelve!" Mother Superior raised her voice a little, but Seungwan didn't budge.

 

"I'm only three years younger than Hyunnie. I can make decisions on my own too."

 

"No, Seungwan. You will just make it hard for Joohyun."

 

"What?" Seungwan seemed to be offended by the statement. "I wouldn't do that, halmeoni."

 

Mother Superior shakes her head. "Letting Joohyun go is against my principles already. I won't break it twice by letting you go too."

 

"Then I'll just find my own way to sneak out from here."

 

"Yah, Wannie." Joohyun holds Seungwan's hand.

 

"If you won't let me go with Joohyunnie, I'll make sure to sneak out on my own."

 

"Wannie." Joohyun interrupts the younger girl. She doesn't want Seungwan to get scolded by Mother Superior. "Please don't do this."

 

"No, Hyunnie. I'm coming with you."

 

"Seungwan-ah, being out there is not easy. Aren't you even scared or worried?"

 

With sincere eyes, Seungwan shakes her head. "I'll be there with you, Hyunnie. What's there to be scared or worried about?"

 

"Wannie.."

 

"I won't be worried or scared as long as I'm with you."

 

"You trust me too much, Seungwan-ah."

 

"That I do, Hyunnie. So I know I won't have to worry. So please, please, take me with you? Please don't leave me, Hyunnie, please?"

 

Joohyun sees the pleading and tearful eyes. She took a deep breath and held Seungwan's hand tight. "Would you wait for me outside?"

 

"Why?" Seungwan's eyes became fearful. "You won't leave while I'm outside, will you?"

 

Joohyun managed a chuckle. "I won't, Seungwan-ah. I promise."

 

Seungwan nods and makes her way past Mother Superior. She hugged the teary nun. "I'm sorry for all the things I've said, halmeoni. I'm not mad at you. Please don't get mad at me too?"

 

Mother Superior laughs and pats the latter's head. "I'm not, Seungwan-ah. Now, wait for us outside, okay?"

 

Seungwan bobs her head and leaves the room.

 

After Seungwan leaves, Mother Superior settles on the couch, urging Joohyun to sit beside her. She held the latter's arm and sighs. 

 

"Hyun-ah, tell me that what I think you're about to tell me, is wrong."

 

"Halmeoni," Joohyun faltered. "Can.. Can I take Seungwan with me?"

 

"Hyun-ah.."

 

"I know. I know that you worry about Seungwan-"

 

"I worry about the both of you." Mother Superior held Joohyun's cheek. "Letting you go alone is already too much for me, how much more if it's the both of you. Besides, you're still young, Joohyun-ah. And yes, I know that you're independent and I trust that you can take care of yourself. But Hyun, taking care of another being, more so of someone younger than you, is too much of a responsibility. You're too young to have that responsibility. I won't do that to you."

 

"Seungwan..is not a responsibility to me, halmeoni. She never was." Joohyun answered quietly. "Seungwan is someone.. who became like a part of me that I just can't live without."

 

Joohyun faced Mother Superior and looked her in the eye. "I promise I'll take care of her, halmeoni."

 

Mother Superior sighs. "You know I'm not just worried about Seungwan, right?"

 

"I'm.. I'm scared, halmeoni." Joohyun finally confessed the truth. She gripped the old nun's hand. "The truth is, I'm really scared to leave. But.. but with Seungwan, it feels like I can do anything. Thinking that she's with me, I feel like everything will be okay." Joohyun wipes a tear that managed to escape her eyes. "So contrary to Seungwan being a responsibility or someone to just take care of, it's the other way around. Seungwan will be the reason for me to live well, halmeoni. And if you allow Seungwan to go with me, which I really hope you will, I promise I will take care of her. I promise."

 

"Joohyun-ah.."

 

Joohyun was readying herself for another statement that could convince Mother Superior. However, she was surprised when the latter teared up instead. "Are you sure you're only fifteen?" 

 

Before Joohyun could answer, Mother Superior engulfed her in a hug. "I can still remember the day I carried you in my arms when you were still a baby. When did you grow up so fast, Hyun-ah?"

 

Joohyun smiled despite her falling tears. She hugged Mother Superior just as tight. 

--
 

"I know things are different now but you're still here, taking care of her."

 

Joohyun clenched her fist. "This is just a one time thing, halmeoni."

 

"Joohyun-ah," Mother Superior held Joohyun's fist, caressing it. "I'm not asking you to go back the way you were before. I'm only asking you to look after her at least once in a while. Will you do that? For me?"

 

"If you're that worried about her, then get the treatment." Joohyun was once again on the verge of tears. "You just can't leave, halmeoni. You can't." 

 

When Mother Superior hugs her again, Joohyun breaks out in tears once more.

 

"Joohyun eonnie!"

 

Seulgi's voice echoed in the corridor. Joohyun released herself from Mother Superior's hug and Seulgi bowed towards the latter. 

 

"What's wrong, Seulgi-yah?" Joohyun stands abruptly and gulps. "Is Seungwan okay?"

 

Seulgi smiles widely. "She's awake, eonnie."

 

Joohyun breathes a sigh of relief she didn't even realize she's holding. She slumps back on her seat. 

 

"Aren't you going to see her, Hyun?" Mother Superior asked, a hand on Joohyun's shoulder.

 

"Later, halmeoni." Joohyun swallowed a lump in . "You go ahead with Seulgi, halmeoni. I'll be there in a while."

 

Joohyun stayed seated as she calmed her nerves. She didn't even realize that her heart was racing at the thought of Seungwan.

 

When she reached Seungwan's room, Joohyun heaved a deep breath before opening it. As soon as she opened the door, she was immediately greeted by a smiling Seungwan.

 

"Oh, you're here, Joohyun eonnie."

 

Joohyun doesn't know what came over her, but Seungwan was smiling at her as if nothing happened earlier, as if her life hadn't been in danger. This thought irks Joohyun. 

 

"Are you crazy?!" 

 

Seungwan jumps a little at the raised voice.

 

"Joohyun eonnie-" Seulgi called out to the older girl, but Mother Superior stopped her. 

 

"Let her." Mother Superior said calmly. She smiled at Seulgi. "Would you accompany me outside for a while, Seulgi-ssi?"

 

"But.. Do you think it's wise to leave them alone, Mother Superior?" Seulgi whispered.

 

When Mother Superior answered with a confident nod, Seulgi willingly followed the old nun outside. 

 

"Joohyun eonnie.. Sajangnim.." Seungwan called out as Mother Superior and Seulgi left the room. 

 

"How can you still smile as if nothing happened?!" Joohyun grits her teeth. "Don't you know how serious it was? You could have died, Seungwan! You could have died!"

 

Fears started creeping inside Joohyun at the realization of her own words. 

 

She could have died. 

 

The image of an unconscious Seungwan flashed in her mind. 

 

I.. I almost lost her. 

 

Joohyun felt an uncomfortable prick on her chest. Tears unknowingly fell from her eyes.

 

"Eonnie."

 

A sudden warm hand on her cheek pulled Joohyun out of her thoughts. She focuses ahead and is met by Seungwan's worried eyes. 

 

"Eonnie, are you okay?" Then, Seungwan's brushed her tears aways.

 

It was the first time in five years that she has been this close to Seungwan again. 

 

Seungwan, whose warm hands will always warm her heart as well.

 

Seungwan, whose brown orbs would always convey what her heart feels.

 

Seungwan, and her sharp and pointed nose that would often scrunch up, making her expression bigger.

 

Seungwan, and her chubby cheeks that everyone wants to squish.

 

And her lips.. Her soft and plump lips that she wants to kiss-

 

Joohyun gasps at her own thoughts, her eyes widening.

 

. 

 

Realization hit her hard, and Joohyun ran away.

 

**

 

Joohyun is sitting in her living room, staring mindlessly at the television while drinking her bottle of beer when Seulgi entered her apartment and sat beside her.

 

"Eonnie, should I be worried that you're turning to be an alcoholic now? I will always find you here, drinking." Seulgi tried to joke, but when Joohyun didn't react, she heaved a sigh and patted Joohyun's shoulder.

 

"What happened, eonnie?" She carefully asked. "Seungwan said you just suddenly ran away. She was very worried. And Mother Superior too."

 

Instead of answering, Joohyun chugs down her beer. 

 

"Mother Superior is sick."

 

"W-what?"

 

" cancer."

 

Seulgi gasps. "Oh, eonnie.."

 

"And she doesn't even want to get treatment. She's sick, and she's leaving me." 

 

Unable to say anything, Seulgi settles by rubbing the older girl's back comfortingly. 

 

"And you know what's funny?" Joohyun wipes a tear. "She asks me to look after Seungwan once in a while." She scoffs. "How can I do that? How can I do that when I can't even be friends with her?"

 

"Why, eonnie? I thought you two are getting along as friends now?"

 

Joohyun shakes her head. "It's a mistake, Seulgi-yah. It's a big mistake to even think that I can be friends with her."

 

"What do you mean, eonnie?"

 

Joohyun heaved a deep breath. "Because it is too much for a friend to feel like dying at the thought of losing their friend. And friends definitely don't have the urge to.." Joohyun drinks from her beer bottle once more. "-to passionately kiss their friend."

 

"Oh." Seulgi bit her lip. She should have seen this coming already. Seulgi has always thought that Joohyun is still in love with Seungwan. To be honest, it is quite obvious, but the older girl was just too hurt to realize it herself. But now that Joohyun already did, Seulgi knows how confusing it must be for the latter.

 

Joohyun scoffs. "It's unfair, Seulgi-yah. Don't you think so?"

 

"What is, eonnie?"

 

"For five years, I've been trying so hard to forget her. I've been trying to move on, and bury all these pains away." Joohyun pauses to wipe the corner of her eyes. "I told myself that the next time I see her, I won't be affected by her anymore. I'll show her that I've already moved on from her, that I don't love her anymore."

 

Joohyun let out a bitter chuckle. "But it's crazy, isn't it? It just took one incident to turn it all around. It just took her accident for me to realize that after all this time, after all the pain I've gone through, that I.. that I can't lose her."

 

"Damn it, Seul." Joohyun's voice shakes as she can't control her tears anymore. "I still haven't moved on from all this pain and then I have to realize that I still love her. I'm.. still in love with her."

 

Seulgi doesn't know what to say to make the crying girl feel better so she just rubs the latter's back comfortingly, offering her silent support. 

 

"What do I do, Seulgi-yah?" Joohyun weeps. Her knuckles tightened as all these emotions consumed her being. 

 

Feeling sorry and worried for the older girl, Seulgi engulfs her in a tight hug and Joohyun's loud cry resonates inside the apartment. 

 

"I'm tired." Joohyun sobbed. "I don't want to go through all this pain again. I.. I don't think I'll be able to take it. I just can't. I just can't, Seulgi-yah."

 

"Sshh." Seulgi cooed, rubbing the older girl's back. "It's alright, eonnie. It's gonna be alright."